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Dealing with non-mahrems... |
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Anonymous |
09/18/02 at 09:12:11 |
[slm] What exactly is the ruling on how non-mahrem brothers and sisters should interact with each other? Forgive me,I do realise that this has probably been asked before on countless occasions, but my simple self has been unsuccessful in locating the relevant information, hence my bothering you with it now. In truth, the problem is this: I am relatively new to this deen, so a lot of bad habits from the past are making their painful consequences felt now that I have decided to give them up - and one of these is my "friendships" with non-mahrem brothers. I am naturally conservative, but nevertheless there is a marked difference in my manner of conduct with brothers before and now. There are the obvious rulings - eg not being alone with a non-mahrem, avoiding touch, talking in an honourable and unsuggestive way when conversing, etc. but there are other issues which I have enquired about and received no clear answer as yet - namely how far one is permitted to take a "friendship" - for instance, would one be allowed (as friends of the same sex do) to talk about simple things and laugh and joke together etc over the phone? (eg about some amusing incident at work) In fact is it permissible to talk to non mahrem brothers at all "just for a chat", or does there always have to be a purpose/need? Currently I am rather confused as to the best course of action to take concerning a particular brother. I stopped talking to him a while ago because of my growing discomfort with it all (we only ever chatted over the phone/texted). I stopped abruptly, giving him no explanation because I didnt have one, no daleel - just a troubled conscience. Judging by the gap in communication (just over two months) I thought perhaps he realised that I was uncomfortable with it (we had discussed it several times in the past - his reply then had been that I should not do many perfectly good brothers a disservice by distrusting them thus) but I recently received a text from him...a trivial message to which I have not yet replied and am unsure whether I should. So...what EXACTLY does Islam say about this? It is easy to argue about the pros and cons of "friendship" of this nature as he is inclined to do, and come to one's own conclusion, but in a potentially harmful situation such as this, surely there is some specific guidance that should be followed? Forgive me if I sound foolish or offensive, and also for troubling you all thus. [wlm] |
Re: Dealing with non-mahrems... |
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jannah |
09/18/02 at 09:28:07 |
[wlm] simple self ;) Islam's rulings in interactions with non mahrem is to limit them to only what is necessity.. ie business transactions, working on something, islamic knowledge, asking questions, for marriage etc -- some need has to be there. As for chatting esp PHONE chatting with no specific purpose, girl you have to be really careful with this. Islamic guidelines are there for a reason -- for your protection. Girls easily get attached to someone just through phone/chatting while to the guy it means nothing.. just a casual friendship. I've seen this happen lots of times. Too many times. btw if that "perfectly good brother' was actually good he would respect your need for privacy and modesty and he would know it wasn't right to keep chatting/talking to you excessively without any purpose --ie using you. disclaimer imho i don't see a problem with asking how a person is, their family, sharing a joke or two in the course of things... but there's a fine line between acquaintance and someone you depend on for emotional release, that's the line we have to look out for... |
Re: Dealing with non-mahrems... |
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Barr |
09/19/02 at 11:07:44 |
Assalamu'alaikum :-) Dear sister, A lot of issues that arise from the interaction between men and women may fall on a grey area. Some are not a simple clear cut thing - a simple demarcation of what is halal and what is haram. Even the scholars have differing views on some of these issues. What is important, is that we know the basic adab of Islam, and from your post, ukhti, it seems that you know and have your own standards with regards to male-female interaction. Hence, all I can say to you, is... to listen to your heart. Each of us have different standards of practising Islam, and if there is no clear cut daleel to say that something is clearly haram, then, who are we to say that something is? However, let us also bear in mind the need to save ourselves from fitnah as well, of which may arise due to this interaction and always be wary of our intentions and the consequences of our actions. Hence, we may find that some of us, may have a stricter view than others, and vice versa. So.. U may want to follow Sis Jannah's more practical advise, inshaAllah :) But ukhti, please remember... when we are faced with a dilemma or an uncertainty, let us listen to our hearts... and the heart will tell.... [color=blue] Rasullah when questioned about the nature of virtue and sin replied:"Virtue is to have good morals, sin is what pricks your heart and you dislike what people come to know about it" (Muslim) [/color] [color=purple] Seek a verdict from your heart. Virtue is that which your soul and heart feel satisfied with. Sin is that which troubles the soul and about which the heart is uneasy and confused, eventhough people may give their legal opinions in its favour. (Muslim) [/color] Allahua'lam, but with regards to the brother, you may want to tell him again, of your discomfort. InshaAllah, the least that he can do is to respect your wishes. Take care, ukhti:) Hope this helps, inshaAllah. Allahua'lam:-) In need of reminders :::Barr::: |
09/19/02 at 11:28:29 |
Barr |
Re: Dealing with non-mahrems... |
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Kashif |
09/19/02 at 11:34:17 |
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: "It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. The person who is sending these letters may think that there is no fitnah involved, but the Shaytaan will keep at him until he tempts the man by means of the woman and vice versa. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam commanded those who hear the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep at him until he tempts him and leads him astray. There is a great deal of temptation and danger in correspondence between young men and young women, so they must keep away from it, even though the questioner may say that there is no love involved." Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/578 * * * * * * * * * Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Jibreen said, when he was asked about corresponding with a non-mahram woman: "This action is not permissible, because it will provoke desire between them and will make them want to meet one another. This kind of correspondence often causes fitnah (temptation) and plants the seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to evil actions. So we advise those who are seeking that which is in their own best interests and who wish to protect themselves to avoid writing to or speaking with non-mahrams, etc., so as to protect their religious commitment and their honour, and Allaah is the Source of help." Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579 Just a comment from myself. Please note that while one may read this and say 'well, i don't need to worry, cos i'm certainly not going to be tempted by talking to this other guy/girl,' you may be correct. However, there is no guarantee that what this fatwa warns against won't come true on the side of the person who you are talking to. That is, he isn't a fitna for you, but you're a fitna for him. |
NS |
09/19/02 at 12:09:22 |
Kashif |
Re: Dealing with non-mahrems... |
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Abu_Hamza |
09/20/02 at 15:57:05 |
[slm] You can find a similar discussion about correspondance with non-mahrems [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=archives;action=display;num=1026894221;start=3]here[/url] |
09/20/02 at 16:12:59 |
Abu_Hamza |
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