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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| No excuse? |
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| Anonymous |
| 09/20/02 at 10:06:36 |
| assalam alaikum Two days ago my husband was expecting a few people from outside town that he's worked closely with but never met in person. While preparing our home he told me to take everything Islamic and hide them in a box in the closet, including prayer rugs, books and tapes. He forbid me to wear hijab and told me that if I did he would divorce me. :( Although it tore at my heart to do it, I removed it and compensated by wearing a loose fitting dress with a matching hat. I questioned my husbands decision on removing everything and he said that with the attitude of people now a days it is best to keep a low profile and it is sometimes necessary to say we aren't Muslim. Now, when I look at him, I feel disgust. I don't want to be in the same room with him. Is what he did correct or does it fall under Kufr? Please help me to find answers because I feel that my marriage is at stake. |
| Re: No excuse? |
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| Kathy |
| 09/22/02 at 12:15:02 |
| [slm] I am not a scholor so I am not going to respond to your Kuffar question. Last time I did a brother got pretty irritated with me on the subject and I conceeded because of my lack of knowledge. On the flip side I wanted to comment, because I feel your pain and angst over the situation. Every marriage has different levels of tolerance and I know that for some wives it is hard, if not impossible, to tell her husband that she refuses to do something that he asked. In my marriage my husband would ask me to remove certain objects from the livingroom when his guests would be visiting. Our viewpoints were different on the subject. I felt there was no Islmaic reason for his decision and would just say that he could remove them if he wanted. This way I was not involved in compromising my values in support of what I found to be a "cultural" issue. To the best of my knowledge there is no hadith on "advertising" our religion, in the way of room decorations, rugs, Qu'ran etc.... In the begginning of the Mecca period the sahabah did keep a low profile. Your husband may be overly concerned as a result of 9/11. Which he may rightfully be as he would know his guests intentions and reactions to him being Muslim. I find this distressing tho. We are Muslims and Islam is a great religion and a perfect way of life. We should be proud of it and not hide and this time...of all times. Our friends, workers and neighbors should find out that we are Muslims. Most likely the only Muslims they have had any contact or knowledge about are the ones from the media and entertainment industry. Perhaps if you spoke to your husband and explained to him that we are good examples and in my opinion it is so important know to deliver this message. I just got back form a vacation resort with my son. It would have been so easy to ditch the scarf and kufi while there and escape all the looks and comments. What i found tho, were people were truley interested in learning about Islam and what led to 9/11. Subhanallah we were able to clear up many misunderstandings and InshaAllah, they will go home and talk about meeting Ali and Kathy. |
| Re: No excuse? |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/22/02 at 12:54:22 |
| Asalaam alaikum, [quote author=Anonymous link=board=madrasa;num=1032530796;start=0#0 date=09/20/02 at 10:06:36]. Now, when I look at him, I feel disgust. I don't want to be in the same room with him. Is what he did correct or does it fall under Kufr? Please help me to find answers because I feel that my marriage is at stake. [/quote] What he asked you to do (remove hijab) was certainly wrong and is a sin and you should hasten to repent from this sin. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” It is very shocking to hear that this man has threatened you with divorce if you refuse to take off hijab in front of strange men. I think both of you should meet with the local imaam in your community and insha'Allah he can counsel you two and advise you both. May Allah (SWT) help you and guide you in this difficult matter. |
| Re: No excuse? |
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| theOriginal |
| 09/24/02 at 11:29:07 |
| [slm] He told you to take off the hijaab? :o I don't know about that one. Shouldn't he have rather told you to kinda just sorta stay away from his company when they arrived? I would have been okay with that. (He is perfectly capable of entertaining them on his own.) Has this ever happened before, where you felt you were compromising Islam over your husband's wishes? Because if the answer is no, then he is probably a reasonable man, and you should have a conversation with him. (Debate is good for the soul ;) ) If not, then do what "bhaloo" said. Best of luck. Wasalaam. SF. |
| Re: No excuse? |
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| Kathy |
| 09/24/02 at 21:47:12 |
| [slm] reality check: Married sisters, answers, only.... How many of you are able to get your hubby to speak with the Imam, especially when it is obvious that the husband is wrong? A show of hands please.... |
| Re: No excuse? |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/25/02 at 00:25:53 |
| [slm] Interesting, what do you think of this approach? ??? Wife addressing husband: Dear hubby (king of this house, head of the household, ruler of this palace, CEO of the family, boss-man, etc.), I fear I may have been disobedient to you, may we see the imaam so he can advise me on how I should behave? ;-------------------------- Sometimes one has to lose the battle to win the war. [quote author=Kathy link=board=madrasa;num=1032530796;start=0#4 date=09/24/02 at 21:47:12] [slm] reality check: Married sisters, answers, only.... How many of you are able to get your hubby to speak with the Imam, especially when it is obvious that the husband is wrong? A show of hands please....[/quote] |
| 09/25/02 at 00:27:17 |
| bhaloo |
| Re: No excuse? |
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| theOriginal |
| 09/25/02 at 13:23:01 |
| [quote] Wife addressing husband: Dear hubby (king of this house, head of the household, ruler of this palace, CEO of the family, boss-man, etc.), I fear I may have been disobedient to you, may we see the imaam so he can advise me on how I should behave? ;-------------------------- Sometimes one has to lose the battle to win the war. [/quote] :o :o :o uhh...bhaloo....uhh...i'm sorry, let me first try to regain my sense of articulation before I proceed. S A Y W H A A?? With all due respect, I missed your point. Perhaps you could elucidate it further. Wasalaam. SF. |
| Elucidating |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/25/02 at 23:51:00 |
| [slm] The point I was trying to convey was that the direct approach might not be the best way. As Kathy pointed out in her post, what man would want to go to the imaam , especially if he feels he is right and the woman is wrong. So I was suggesting perhaps the woman could be creative with her approach and say that perhaps she's erred and that perhaps they could see the imaam so he could advise her. |
| 09/25/02 at 23:51:50 |
| bhaloo |
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