Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

A R C H I V E S

A Chemical Analysis of Men

Madina Archives


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

A Chemical Analysis of Men
Talib_Talib
09/25/02 at 08:31:37
[slm],

Alright, just to be fair to the sisters... Take this one... (Sorry Brothers)


[size=3]A Chemical Analysis of Men.[/size]

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1) surface is often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2) boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts when treated properly.
3) can cause headaches.
4) tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Women.
5) gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature, as specimen ages.
6) Mens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
7) often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Women common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1- all forms desire reaction with Women, even when no further reaction is possible.
2- may react with several Women isotopes in a short period under extremly favorable conditions.
3- most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Women.
4- usually willing to react with whatever is available.
5- will be fairly inert and repellant to most other elements when saturated with alcohol.
6- is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers.
7- is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
8- is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

STORAGE:

1) best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

USES:

1) heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Women.
2) can be used in recreational activities.

TESTS:

1) pure men will rarely reveal purity.
2) reacted men broadcast information on many wavelengths.

CAUTION:

1) may react extremely violently when another Man interferes with reaction to a particular Women.

Have fun, and sorry If I mentioned any inapropriate terms.....

Wassalam,
Talib[sup]2[/sup]

Talib × Talib = Talib[sup]2[/sup]

Note: This was also posted as a reply for "A Chemical properties of Women"... But I thought is it better to post it as different topic... Enjoy
09/25/02 at 08:32:15
Talib_Talib
Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
jannah
09/25/02 at 09:08:21
[wlm]

Thanx Talib^2 I can see chemistry was your best subject :)

[quote]from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. [/quote]

soooooooo true ;)
Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
readagain
09/26/02 at 13:03:49
Dude, this guy was frustrated  :-/ !!!

"We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male  side. These are our rules ! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE !


1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.  :o

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.  ::)

 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their  hair.  :-)


 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.  >:(

1. Crying is blackmail.  :'(


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!  ???


1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.Remind us frequently beforehand.    ::)


 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at  choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?  >:(


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost everyquestion.  :P

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.   ;D

 1. Check your oil! Please.   :-[

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments  become null and void after 7 days.   ;)


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.  >:(

 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.  :( >:(

 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.  :o

 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If  you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.   >:(

 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.  :(

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.  >:(


1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.  8) <blind>

 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that..it's genetic.  ::)

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not  proof of how little we care about you.  :P

 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We  know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.  >:(

 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.  >:(

 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.  :-*

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics  as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.  :o

 1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.  :'(

1. No NO you really do have too many shoes.  :'(

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't  matter which quiz.  >:(

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.  8)

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.  >:(
Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
Chris
10/04/02 at 13:36:14
:D ;D :D ;D :D 8)

very funny indeed.

Chris
Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
sam
10/10/02 at 07:51:26
ok readagain now get this from a womens perspective.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.  
[color=Purple][/color]

and we don't always want to think about you either .

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  
Let it be.
 
 and singing and dancing is what comes naturally so let it be.

 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than  
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their  hair.  

 and don't get  big fat bellies. ever. slim bodies are far more attractive than fat ones. one of the big reasons why women fera marriage is that married men turn into big fat uncles with receding hairlines.
 
 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that  
way.  
 
and football holds no interest for us either so don't bother telling us the score..we don't care!!!! ::)

1. Crying is blackmail.  
 
shouting will get us to listen either
 
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not  
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!  
 
oh my..did i marry a high school drop out? can't you figure it out?
 
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.Remind us frequently beforehand.  

we don't remember every little thing you told us to buy at the grocery store for that week, remind us frequently.
 
 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at  choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?  

hey just trying to get you to look at us dressed up so you realise how lucky you are. we know you guys are no good at matching shoes to clothes!
 
 
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost everyquestion.

ok so expect the same if that's the case...jee life would be fun that way  ::)  
 
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what  
we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.  

ok so if you had a bad day at work or your oss was being an idiot would you not want sympathy ?
 
 1. Check your oil! Please.

check your temper please!!!!    
 
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,  
all comments  become null and void after 7 days.

hope it's vice versa mate  
 
 
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to  
answer.  

if you think you are losing hair, you probably are. don't ask us. we refuse to answer
 
 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.    

are you sure or are you avoiding an argument? ;)

 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.  

ok so if someone ogles at us then let them..it's in your nature right? leave the other guy alone coz you are probably ogling someone else's sister, wife etc..
 
 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  
Not both. If  you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

ok if you know how best to make a perfect omlette stop telling us and get in that kitchen!!!  
 
 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during  
commercials.  

yeah you too, it's annoying!!! >:(.
 
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.  

yeah his discover got him to america...your discovery will get us in the middle of no-where!!!! :P
 
 
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,  
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.   <blind>

maybe...i new we where given much more talent than you :D
 
 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that..it's genetic.  

yeah doing in public is animal behaviour..go do it somewhere private or discreetly
 
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading  
ability is not  proof of how little we care about you.  

that goes for us too....we don't know that you don't feel like chicken curry today! ::)
 
 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like  
nothing's wrong. We  know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.  

it's probably for the best as you know it's the best way to get out of soemthing that you have done anyway.
 
 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.  
 
ok...yes i did let a man in..happy!! >:(

 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  
Really.  

ok but please don't wear those jammy's to uncle sha's house!!!
 
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to  
discuss such topics  as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.  
 
is that all you have to talk about? ::)

 1. You have enough clothes.  

you have enough hair pruducts
 
1. You have too many shoes.  

you have too many computer games
 
1. No NO you really do have too many shoes.  

no no you really do have too many vidou games
 
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.  
No, it doesn't  matter which quiz.  

why afarid to lose to a girl ;)
 
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.  

beer only lasts 10 mins...handbags last year!!!
 
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.  

Noooo i'm in shape and you are fat!!!!
Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
ibnasabil
11/17/02 at 20:16:50
Bismillah 'ir Rahman 'ir Rahim

[slm]

I notice that "BEER" is mentioned in some of these posts regarding male chemical composition along with the inability to distinguish between colors.

Thank God, I'm a Muslim man and I can distinguish the shades between colors, and I don't drink, so there must be something wrong with the fellow who wrote that nonsense.

Sorry, but the Prophet (saw) told truthful jokes; so humor is appreciated, but confusion is not; and, Allah knows best.

Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
se7en
11/23/02 at 01:04:45
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

[quote]Thank God, I'm a Muslim man and I can distinguish the shades between colors [/quote]

Alhamdulillah.  You know, alcohol consumption and color identification are not necessarily related to each other though.. I know of quite a few sober Muslim brothers that have a hard time listing more than ten colors off hand..  :P

Re: A Chemical Analysis of Men
siddiqui
11/23/02 at 01:29:12
asak
1) red
2)turquoise
3)jade
4) beige
5) fuchia
6)crimson
7)magenta
8)mauve
9)aqua
10) red?  Ya Allah where was I ;) guess guys cant count ten colors sober ;)
11/25/02 at 14:51:56
siddiqui


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
A R C H I V E S

Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © Jannah.Org