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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Little Sister Woes? |
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| Anonymous |
| 09/26/02 at 13:10:11 |
| Assalamu Alaykum Sisters and Brothers, I am having a big sister delimma. My little sister is 12 years old..and is going through I guess the typical Preteen "melodrama". She goes to public school (unfortunately the only Islamic school around goes only up to fourth grade), and I can see the many influences of school on her. She is very lazy about acquiring Islamic knowledge and when I try to teach i get easily frustrated and mad at her. I expect more out of her and I seem to receive this nonchallant attitude that seems to permeate her whenever I start talking about deen, etc. I don't know what to do, to get her excited, inspired. Just today I found out that she chats with this "boy" and i don't know if there are more. I am really upset..and I just don't know how to handle her. I didn't grow up in this society so I feel there is more than a generations gap between us. So for those who grew up in this society as Muslims...Help me out. What kept you motivated? How should I handle her? What are the typical do's and don'ts with kids this age? etc etc. Please help. Jazakumu Allahu Khayran. |
| Oh. |
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| theOriginal |
| 09/26/02 at 14:02:20 |
| [slm] You sound like my older sister. I sympathize with your sis. Truly, I do. Even though I know YOU are in the right. My older brother and sister did not go through the public schooling system here in good ol' CanaDUH, and so throughout my highschool days, I felt that their advice was irrelevent, and their constant nagging annoying. It was always one thing or another. Clothes, friends, work around the house, the neatness of my homework <rolling my eyes>, the amount of time on the internet, the way I spoke (accent, slang, vocabulary, "hullo"), the way I spoke to my parents, the way I spoke to my parents' friends, and on and on and on. In hindsight, I'm glad they did nag me, but not because it changed my lifestyle -- it did not. I'm glad they nagged me for a different reason altogether, at least I know I can truly depend on my family. Now the funny thing is, my parents understood far better than my older siblings, that I had different needs than the two of them, simply BECAUSE of the fact that I was growing up slightly at odds with my surroundings. They understood, and it bugged my siblings that they actually encouraged me (not explicitly) to, for example, speak in front of all them uncles and aunties. :) I'm sure you can try to imagine a 14 year old telling a really old, balding man that what he was saying was absolute nonsense, and that big words make a poor substitute for 'aql. (Yeah I did say that, and I got into a lot of trouble.) Anyway, my advice for you (yeah you can ignore my gruelling autobiography) is that she's young. Very young. I understand your general concern, but she needs a little bit of personal space, and you need to keep open the line of communication between you two. If you say "don't", it'll just lead to her writing a huge expose titled "Rules and Regulations and why I barf at the word 'NO'." (Yeah I did that too. I actually surprise myself, it's quite an articulate piece of work.) Don't be patronizing. Just tell her how you feel, tell her when she's doing something wrong, but offer an explanation of WHY it is wrong. And encourage her to do things she enjoys. Do stuff with her. Take a silk painting class (my sis did that with me, and it serves as a topic of conversation to this day). As for keeping her motivated in the Deen, you must find out what she's interested in, and find a way to incorporate Islam into it. For example, I truly enjoyed to read, so my mother would buy me books galore on Islamic stuff, and that's how I retained my connection, even when I felt truly lost. I have a cousin who I am concerned about who has a passion for flash and graphics (very creative, mashaAllah). I encouraged him to make his own Islamic website using flash. It actually worked for him... Just stay "cool". 12 is a horrible age. (yeuckk! actually 12-16 was pretty much yucky.) Oh and....take what I say with MORE than just a grain of salt. I give horrid advice. Good luck. Wasalaam SF. |
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