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| Just Musin' Part Deux |
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| UmmWafi |
| 10/08/02 at 11:03:32 |
| [slm] Well okay, so its not 3am. Still, my hands itch to reach for Prozac. So in my quest for a pill-free society I click the mouse instead. Tadaa and there u have it. Another inconsequential but drug-free therapy-ish ramblings by yours truly. Naturally, in view of the fact my favourite Sesame Street character is Oscar the Grouch, I do have many grouses and complaints about the state of being. Despite the fact I know deep within me that I am unimportant and thus my complaints are well..basically...whinings, still I shall bravely forge ahead and uhhh..subject your eyes to some..ummm diabolical arrangement of words :-/ Have you ever felt as if u don't really know abt things that u do know ? Lately I have felt that way many times. Now, paranoia is of course an alternative explanation (hiding my psychologist's appointment card) but methinks there could be something else (Oh God please let there be something else cos if not it can only mean I AM paranoid). Sometimes, we feel that we have made sense of things that are important in our life. Things like what friendship means to you, things like what happiness really is, things like what u can and cannot do without in your life etc. Once upon a time, I was this dreamy gal who used to sit alone on the swings at the playground conjuring up a picture of a rosy full of green fields and wildflowers. That same girl grew up to be someone who believed that friendship is a sacred thing. That one should do everything and anything for friends. That to be or do otherwise would mean that one is not worth to be called a friend. She believed in that till she became an adult...till only recently actually. She thought she knew what friendship meant. Now, she wonders. She wonders whether she really know what friendship means. By the Grace of Allah, she begins to realise some very important things. Firstly, friendship is a definition human assigned to a relationship. Unfortunately for many of us, we tend to mix the definition of friendship with the English understanding of it and our subjective emotive realities. What we tend to forget is that Islaam has given us a beautiful definition of friendship in the form of traditions as practised by the Prophet [saw] and the sahabahs. If we examine the characteristics of all the sahabahs, we will realise that they are of varied personality, background and intelligence. Yet, what is common amongst them is the sincere love and deep respect they have for the Prophet [saw] and for each other. How many of us can claim that the collective group of people who surrounds us sincerely love and respect us ? How many of us can claim that we sincerely love and respect the people we surround ? I guess some may argue that this is not a fair question because during the time of the Prophet, there are so many tests to prove that love and respect. My response to that is, have we passed the many small tests that we face in our friendship let alone the big ones. I was brutally honest with myself yesterday night (circa 3am lol). I was thinking of all the friendships I have forged and ..sadly some I have lost. I realise that there are so much room for improvement for I know I lack in some areas. I also realise that there were many things I did wrong albeit in the name of friendship. One good thing came out of the reflection though. I felt the gentle Guide of Allah SWT. I suddenly realise how I should go about with regards to some of my friendships. I realise what I need to do. We are always so concerned when it comes to making decisions abt big things such that when it comes to so-called small things like friendship, we tend to be lackadaisical. I learnt an important lesson. I learnt to seek Allah's Wisdom, even to the point of knowing what friendship means. Even to the point of choosing who my friends should be. Even to the point of knowing how I should be as a friend. Wallahualam bissawab PS Pardon the drought of funnees. Ze brain aint workin'. As always lol |
| Re: Just Musin' Part Deux |
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| Maliha |
| 10/09/02 at 08:19:09 |
| [slm] This is kinda depressing :'( It makes me think of all the wonderful friendships I had growing up. And although i am in touch with some of my friends, its kinda like we all drifted into different corners of the earth and are struggling in our myriad of paths. Alhamdullillah there is a core group of sisters at the masjid that i am connected to...and I can truly say I love them for the sake of Allah for all the learning and struggling we go through together. Yet, its just not the same. There is a part of me since I came to the states that has truly connected with very few people, and the rest are like the breezes that blow in and out of our lives, some bringing fragrances, some leaving imprints of their coolness to our hearts, while others disturbing dust that lingers way after they are gone. Someone told me once the more you grow, the more you will realize there are very few true friends out there. I love my sisters in Islam, yet I sometimes feel that apart from my family, hubby, and a couple really dear sisters to me, i don't have many "soul" connections.... *sob* Exits. Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Just Musin' Part Deux |
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| UmmWafi |
| 10/10/02 at 07:51:47 |
| [slm] :-) Maliha Does this mean I wont get no [] from u ? Sighhhh Awww but I sooo understand what u mean. Well in part that is one of the impetus for my latest ramble. For me, growing up was made sane by the presence of wonderful friends in view of the fact I lacked a mother's love. Despite the pain I felt deep inside, my days are still filled with a couple of smile because of friends. In my teenhood I was blessed with a wonderful friend who was like a sister to me. We shared everything...laughters, tears, pain, happiness, clothes, money..everything. We shared a hope for a happier future too cos she was from a difficult family. She married 5 years ago and left Singapore. I mourned the day she left...and I am still mourning. Today, I know I do have friends. Good ones too, friends who remind me everyday how to make myself be a better Muslim, Insya'Allah. But..still..deep inside me I know, I don't have a friend who would believe in me no matter what, a friend who was willing to split her last dollar with me regardless what, a friend who was willing to stay up all night making paper flowers for me just cos she knows I would love em. I used to think I had one such a friend, but recently....I was proven wrong. The love that friend feel for me, well, it was temporary. But Alhamdulillah for that too for I learn. I learn an awful lot. As for me, I would spend my last dollar of savings for a friend, and I did. I would be there. I would. Sorry if this is more depressing still folks. Geez, ya think Prozac helped sheeshhh :( On a brighter note, someone once told me that if U have Allah then u have all u need. (Of course there was a discussion on that but for the time being, lets just take that as it is) Wassalam. |
| Re: Just Musin' Part Deux |
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| dirt |
| 10/18/02 at 19:13:57 |
| [slm] "There was truth and there was untruth. As long as you clung to truth, even against the entire world, you were not mad." - George Orwell, "1984" [wlm] |
| 10/18/02 at 19:15:19 |
| dirt |
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