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| Intelligence at its best |
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| gift |
| 10/14/02 at 04:31:52 |
| [slm] i thought this was funny - definitely worth sharing :-/ Frick and Frack >Intelligence at its best! > > >Attorney General John Ashcroft recently met with >President Bush to share details of his latest >anti-terrorism measures, designed to prevent attacks >on America while preserving freedom and human rights >for all law-abiding citizens and visitors who don't >look Arabic. > > ASHCROFT: "Mr. President, you'll be glad to know that >the FBI database has been improved. It now holds a >comprehensive list of groups and individuals that have >given us trouble of any sort, including Al Qaeda, Al >Jihad and Al Gore." > > BUSH: "Al Gore? He's not a terrorist, is he?" > > ASHCROFT: "Probably not, Mr. President. But the FBI >tapped his phone line and heard him say he's targeting >the White House. We've been spying on him ever since >he grew that beard." > > BUSH: "Good idea, John. The beard was mighty >suspicious. Make sure you let me know if you spot him >wearing a turban. That's usually the next step. It >would give us enough evidence to detain him." > > ASHCROFT: "Yes, Mr. President. We're also starting a >program to fingerprint and photograph visitors from >certain countries, particularly the Islamic >countries." > > BUSH: "Good idea, John. And let's not forget the >Muslim countries either." > > ASHCROFT: "Yes, Mr. President. We're trying to use a >variety of methods. That's why we're reorganizing the >CIA. It will now stand for Central Investigation of >Arabs. We don't want to put all our eggs in one >basket." > > BUSH: "That's good, John! Remember: money is no >object. We can always buy more baskets. We'll import >them if we need to." > > ASHCROFT: "Uh ... yes, sir, whatever you say. The >ACLU claims we're being discriminatory, but let's face >facts: One out of ten Arabs hates America. That >doesn't seem bad -- until you realize that only one >out of 50 hates Salman Rushdie. We need to look at the >big picture. If only one out of every 100,000 Arabs is >a terrorist, that doesn't seem like a problem. But if >we allow a million of them to enter the country, we're >admitting 10 terrorists!" > > BUSH: "That's scary, John. But I have a solution: >Let's allow only 999,990 to enter." > > ASHCROFT: "Yes, but how do we know which 10 to leave >out?" > > BUSH: "Well, we can start with Louis Farrakhan. I >never did like him." > > ASHCROFT: "Uh ... he's African-American, sir. Would >you like us to detain him?" > > BUSH: "Yes, John, for at least a few decades. I >noticed you've detained several other people who >aren't Arabs." > > ASHCROFT: "Yes, but they all have connections to the >Arab world. For example, we've detained a man named >Levi Bara. If you take the first letters of his names >and move them to the end, what do you get? Evil Arab. >Just a coincidence? I don't think so. We've also >detained a woman named Greta Baily. If you rearrange >the letters of her names, what do you get? Great >Libya." > > BUSH: "That's scary. But isn't it hard to keep track >of all these names?" > > ASHCROFT: "Well, we're analyzing names using computer >software created by an Indian programmer named Prash >Desai. We hired him because his name -- you'll be glad >to know -- can be rearranged to form Sharp Ideas." > > BUSH: "Wonderful! It's a good thing we grabbed him >before India did. Remind me to tell the Pakistani >president, Perverse Mushroom, that we did him a big >favor." > |
| Re: Intelligence at its best |
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| Kashif |
| 10/14/02 at 07:16:00 |
| hehe.. this is good. |
| NS |
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