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| How do you respond to praise? |
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| Anonymous |
| 10/29/02 at 16:17:36 |
| How do you respond when someone praises you? It can be uncomfortable. Is there any sunnah about what you should do or say when someone for example praises you for something or pays you a compliment? I know that there are things we are recommended to do within ourselves, but is there any external ettiquette we should have as in things we should say when we are praised. Does anyone know of any specific sayings, apart from the famous throwing dust hadith, or practices of the Prophet or companions about this? |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| dirt |
| 10/29/02 at 21:49:10 |
| [slm] I blush? Hmm, I have often wondered about this one too. I hope somebody gives some good advice. [wlm] |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Red |
| 10/29/02 at 22:58:06 |
| [slm], I have always, said, to the person, something like this: "thankyou, mashallah Allah has blessed me...." i don't know if this is the sort of thing you were talking about? But, i always try to mention that god, has blessed me, or something to that effect. red :) |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 10/30/02 at 01:19:05 |
| [slm] I've also wondered about this a bit. I think the best thing, and the thing that makes most sense to me, is to say ... Alhamdulillah! It sounds a little bit odd, I know. "Bro, you have an [i]amazing[/i] voice!" "Sis, you write [i]so[/i] well!" "ALHAMDULILLAH!" No thank you's. No jazak Allahu khairan's. Because both of these are acknowledging something that's not true - that somehow *you* are responsible for the trait for which you are being praised. But are you? No, it's a talent/bounty/gift from Allah (swt), and thus *He* is to be praised. All praise is indeed due to Allah. [i]Alhamdulillah[/i]! |
| 10/30/02 at 01:19:27 |
| Abu_Hamza |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| BrKhalid |
| 10/30/02 at 03:20:25 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Interesting question Anonymous. I know this doesn't directly answer your question but one of the things our Imam said a while back was that a Muslim should treat praise and criticism as the same. If one does an action purely for the sake of Allah, then it should not bother you if someone criticises you and similarly you should not be filled with pride if someone praises you. Hence a mark of your own sincerity is how you are affected by praise or criticism. |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Kashif |
| 10/30/02 at 05:59:33 |
| assalaamu alaikum If someoen praises you excessively, aren't you supposed to throw dust in their face? Has anyone ever done that? Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Fatimah |
| 10/30/02 at 06:46:19 |
| [slm] [quote]If someone praises you excessively, aren't you supposed to throw dust in their face? Has anyone ever done that?[/quote] Undesirability of Praising a Person in his Presence 1788. Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (PBUH) heard a person lauding another person or praising him too much. Thereupon he said, "You killed the man,'' or he said, "You ruined the man.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. 1789. Abu Bakrah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Mention of a man was made to the Prophet (PBUH) and someone praised him whereupon he (PBUH) said, "Woe be to you! You have broken the neck of your friend!'' He repeated this several times and added, "If one of you has to praise his friend at all, he should say: `I reckon him to be such and such and Allah knows him well', if you think him to be so-and-so, you will be accountable to Allah because no one can testify the purity of others against Allah.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Commentary: This Hadith prohibits us from praising anyone in his face. If at all one has to praise someone, he should say that "In my opinion he is such and such,'' provided he really thinks as he says. The reason for this is that it is Allah Alone Who knows him thoroughly and none can claim to be innocent before Him. 1790. Hammam bin Al- Harith (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person began to praise `Uthman (May Allah be pleased with him), and Al-Miqdad (May Allah be pleased with him) sat upon his knees and began to throw pebbles upon the flatterer's face. `Uthman (May Allah be pleased with him) said: "What is the matter with you?'' He said: "Verily, the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, `When you see those who shower undue praises upon others throw dust upon their faces.''' [Muslim]. Commentary: The purpose of this Hadith seems to be that one should neither pay serious attention to one who praises nor reward him for it. If one can throw grit in his face, that should also be done. One should at least avoid such persons who are in the habit of praising people unnecessarily. Imam An-Nawawi has stated that these Ahadith are in prohibition of praise while there are many in favour of it. `Ulama' are of the opinion that the two points of view can be reconciled. If the one who is praised has perfect Faith and confidence and is endowed with the gift of knowledge by Allah and has control over his self and thereby he is not likely to go astray by praise, then praising him is neither unlawful nor disgusting. But if he is vulnerable to praise then praising him in his presence is abhorred. Ahadith in prohibition of praise support this point of view. While one of the Ahadith, which are in favour of praise, relates to the occasion when the Prophet (May Allah be pleased with him) said to Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (May Allah be pleased with him): "I hope that you will also be among them,'' that is "You will be one of hose who will be called from every gate of Jannah.'' (See, Sahih Al-Bukhari, Kitab Fada'il As-Sahabah). Another Hadith on the issue relates to the event when the Prophet (PBUH) said to Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased with him): "You are not one of them.'' What it signified was that "You are not one of those who keep their trousers below their ankles out of sheer pride.'' (See, Sahih Al-Bukhari, Manaqib Abu Bakr). He said to `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him): "When Satan sees you going on some way, he leaves it and proceeds to some other direction.'' (Al-Bukhari, Manaqib `Umar) |
| 10/30/02 at 06:47:19 |
| Fatimah |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 10/30/02 at 12:06:37 |
Asalamu Alykum, I think saying Alhamdullilah is the best thing and just reminding yourself that Allah(swt) knows you best and that there are so many hidden flaws that you have and May Allah(swt) protect you from Riya.. etc. There is a specific hadith that is just about that if someone can help me out with this?? Insha'Allah will look it up. |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| theOriginal |
| 10/30/02 at 12:38:48 |
| [slm] "Your skirt is really nice." "Alhamdulillah." I'm guessing that's the course of dialogue that is being suggested. "Your skirt is really nice." "Alhamdulillah." (blush, get uncomfortable, mumble, look at feet, wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole, run like there's no tomorrow, and avoid that person for the next 2 weeks.) That's probably how it will end up coming from me. I usually tell people that compliments make me uneasy, and if I don't tell them, they find out instantly. A little off topic: What if someone compliments you, and it just feels like they are expecting a receipt. As in, "MashaAllah your skirt is nice too." (I know it sounds odd, I phrased it that way so that it would..) I've already said that I kind of runaway when someone compliments me, but should I stick around and offer them one too? (Something I hardly ever do.) Wasalaam. SF. |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Asim |
| 10/30/02 at 12:56:13 |
| Assalaamu alaikum, If you know what I know about myself you would throw dust on me. This is the response of a pious predecessor (don't remember the name, but I believe it is in Feat of Allah) when he was praised. Throwing dust on one who praises makes more sense now, no? Wasalaam. |
| 10/30/02 at 13:07:31 |
| Asim |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| AbdulBasir |
| 10/30/02 at 17:38:14 |
| [slm] Asim, your post reminds us of what Ali RA is reported to have said when he was praised: [i]"O Allah! Forgive me for what they do not know, and do not take me to account for what they say, and make me better than they think of me."[/i] Add this to something else attributed to him: "The one who praises you murders you" and it makes you really think, particularly when you reflect on the life (and death) of Ali RA. I think it should be remembered though that praising someone is permissible as long as it is like everything else in this deen, that it is done in moderation and in the proper way, namely that it is the actual truth, it is not done for some alterior motive (i.e like a sycophant) and with the proper adab and stated qualification enumerated in the last hadith mentioned in truthfinder's post. [slm]:) |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 10/30/02 at 20:22:38 |
| [quote author=AbdulBasir link=board=madrasa;num=1035926256;start=0#10 date=10/30/02 at 17:38:14] [slm] [i]"O Allah! Forgive me for what they do not know, and do not take me to account for what they say, and make me better than they think of me."[/i] [slm]:) [/quote] SubhanAllah.. |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Ameeraana |
| 10/30/02 at 23:10:42 |
| [color=Red]This reminds me of a friend of mine who is always saying "I am so ugly, my hair is so gross, I am so fat... etc" Well, she spends lots of time doing her make-up and hair and she always wears tight revealing clothing. She sits in obvious not-normal positions so that everyone can make out the shape of her rear-end. She does all these things for attention and only to get people to keep telling her how beautiful and slim she is. Then when you compliment her its always, "Oh, stop it, I am so disgusting, but you look so nice." This went on for several years of knowing her and now many of us have distanced ourselves away from her because it is so annoying. We have sat down and tried to discuss this issue with her several times but she does not acknowledge it. I have even told her to at least thank the people who give her compliments instead of contradicting them every time it happens. Some male friends of ours have gotten so annoyed with it that even though almost every male I have known has wanted to date her because of how beautiful she is, they have all backed off and started to even agree with her when she makes bad comments about herself. She gets in a very bad mood whenever someone agrees with what she says and all. I used to think it was her having low self-esteem but she really does know how beautiful she is because she plays so many mind games with men to make them buy her the things she wants. They spend money on her like crazy because she bats her eyes at them and sweet talk them and then in the end leaves them in the dirt only to find another man to play the same games with. Me, personally, whenever people compliment something about me I really appreciate it and thank them. And I always appreciate Allah for giving me what I have. [/color] |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| se7en |
| 10/31/02 at 09:46:16 |
| as salaamu alaykum, one suggestion I can give you is not to disagree with the person, because they'll just seek to reassure you with more praise :) Have that internal dialogue with your nafs, remind it of its true condition, but leave it light-hearted on the outside. example: Them: "mashaAllah you're such a good Muslim.. you're so involved in the community" You internally: yeah this person thinks I'm a great Muslim because they see me at all these events.. but how many times have I missed salah in its time this past week? they don't know about that do they? Allah knows about that though. You externally: "I just come for the food ;) did you try the baklava? it's awesome.." hehe.. hope this helps inshaAllah :) take care wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Nafisa |
| 10/31/02 at 12:46:45 |
| [slm] okay i have to confess i didnt know we couldn't accept compliments. :-[ i just knew that we shouldnt excessly praise. i always thanked someone for any compliments thrown my way becos i remember once my friends compliemnted me. i just got embarassed and denied it and then my friend said "if someone said that about me I'd be pleased". i felt just soooo bad that i didnt acknowledge the compliment. so then i thought i'd be thankful for any praise becos in this society it seems rude & socially awkard or even attention seeking as mentioned above, to do otherwise. but i can say Alhamdulillah now each time i recieve any praise. although among non-muslims is there any other way of acknowledging Allah? its just that if i said Alhamdulillah i'd be met with blank faces and a stoney silence. or wud an internal ackowledgement suffice? this praising thing is a minefield! |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Barr |
| 11/02/02 at 19:02:46 |
| Assalamu'alaikum, I used to deny compliments too, till someone told me to accept compliments given as it is... for there is recognition in something. At the end of the day, we don't know whether the person is just "saying it" or really means it... so, I'd drop having "bad thoughts" of the person, thinking, she/he doesn't mean wot they say. Besides, the more U deny, the more those compliments come.. so, it'll save you a more uncomfortable and embarrassing position, inshaAllah. I usually say alhamdulillah, thanks... to Muslims. Alhamdulillah, for acknowleding all of this belongs to Allah and Thanks for recognising Allah's beauty in His creations. As for non-Muslims, I'd just say Thanks, and alhamdulillah in my heart. And do throw some virtual dusts, if the compliments are getting excessive ;) Wassalam :-) |
| Re: How do you respond to praise? |
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| Kathy |
| 11/02/02 at 22:45:47 |
| [slm] While i was walking off 'stage', yesterday in the midst of the audiences' clapping, i was thinking of this topic and your comments. I remember the first time it happened I was flushed with excitement and could not believe it was happening. Although I had the urge to call all my friends to tell them, i didn't , al humdulillah. I really don't like it when they clap....it makes me nervous and i don't know why. I am thinking it is a inner fitra thingy! Anyone care to make an educated guess? But yesterday I began to look at it from a different light. They were not clapping for me, but for the product I was "selling"- Islam. Â I mean... how could I not give a successful speech...when all I am doing is relaying the message brought by our Prophets- tawheed. Tee hee.... they may think they were giving me applause, but you and I know that they realized a deep mind set and it was resonating in them. They were applauding for the truth, for Islam. |
| 11/02/02 at 22:47:05 |
| Kathy |
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