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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| new convert seeks advise!! |
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| kandahar |
| 11/06/02 at 11:00:56 |
hello, i am a 23 years old girl, university student, still living with my parents; i live in a catholic country but both my parents are atheists (their approach is liberal-communist-no global activist one). nearly two years ago i met some arabic friends and since then i have developed a passion for islam; at first it was just an intellectual curiosity, then i started to read the quran and to watch regularly islamic sites, i learned how to perform salat, and at the same time started learned arabic by myself. now after more than one year i have declared the shahadah in my heart, i pray 5 times a day, i started a school for learning arabic,i am starting ramadhan, but still i haven’t told it to my parents. they know that i am fond of islamic world, that i am learning arabic, that i have arabic-islamic friends, and they appreciate it like an intellectual interest, but they don’t kow about my faith and they would try hard to make me change my mind if they knew, cause they are strictky convinced that religion=oppression, ignorance, bigotry, superstition, and expecially they don’t like islam cause they share the common prejudice about women in islam. so i have decided that i keep it secret for the moment, so that i build my faith stronger and stronger and once i tell them i am ready spiritually and intellectually and i have gained a sufficient iman (knowledge) not to succomnb to their pressure on me. note that even my grandparents, my peers, my neighbors, my childhood friends, all of them would think that i have developed some psychological disorder and that i need to go to a therapist if they suddendly saw my with hijab. i also want to finish university, so that i can be economically indipendent and go living by myself, and THEN i will be free to live my faith openly. however this situation leads me to many problems: i can’t wear the hijab as i would like, i can’t go to masjid; and also my parents would like me to be more outgoing, to be like other girls with a boyfriend ecc, but i don’t like parties, alcohol, drugs, discoteque, and i don’t like casual relationships, i am single and waiting for the true love to start a muslim family insh’allah, so i stay mostly at home studying . when i read the quran and find all those example of couragious people who left all they had for islam, who went to martyrdom ecc i find myself very coward and hypocrite and i would like to be like them, but at the same time when i pray i know that Allah will soon help me with my conversion. i would like to know your opinion on my situation, and maybe there is some convert who had my same problem may Allah bless u all |
| 11/06/02 at 13:21:33 |
| kandahar |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| theOriginal |
| 11/06/02 at 11:56:34 |
| [slm] Glad to have you here. I am not a convert, and I only begin to understand how you feel, but inshaAllah, things will work out great for you. Sometimes people just need time to appreciate/accept things that are different. In the meantime, stay strong, keep fulfilling that intellectual curiosity...The Ummah needs people like you. And Ramadhan Mubarak. Wasalaam, SF. |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| dirt |
| 11/06/02 at 15:52:03 |
| [slm] Alhamdulillah and Ramadhan mubarak! I myself am a convert and have a few things to say. As a convert with non-muslim parents, family, and friends, one MUST have a lot of patience. Know that Allah SWT is guiding you, trust in Him, pray to Him, confide in Him and things will work out. Something I learned to be very important for muslims, especially new ones, is being around a good community. Make it a priority to strenghten existing ties to the muslim community in your area and foster new ones. I wish I had more time to say all the things I wanted to say but my time on this computer is up. Know that you have at least one person here making dua for you. No matter what happens....keep the faith. [wlm] |
| 11/07/02 at 03:33:43 |
| dirt |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| BroHanif |
| 11/06/02 at 17:19:45 |
| Salaams, Ramzan Mubarak, I'm not a convert but a simple advice would be take each day as it comes. Increase your faith and be around good Muslims who will help you towards learning Islam and practising the many essentials of the faith. May Allah make it easy for you and everyone who is learning the way of life. Always in my duas. Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| eleanor |
| 11/07/02 at 06:52:03 |
| [slm] Congratulations on finding Islam :-* Your parents sound like intelligent people. Have you tried discussing the logical side of Islam with them? Have you researched this area yourself yet? There are many things in Islam which point to the fact that it can only have derived from a power higher/greater than our own. Many verses in the Qur'an contain knowledge that Muhammad (saws) couldn't have known. (many people say Muhammad came up with the Qur'an on his own). I have found that discussing things with my mother has slowly changed her attitude towards Islam and Muslims. She now understands that many of the atrocities that occur are carried out by people who say they are Muslim yet are not practicing Islam correctly. I tell her "yes, women are oppressed in muslim countries, but nowhere is this condoned in Islam". Things like that. Make the difference between culture and islam very clear to them. I want to say more on the subject but later.. I have little time at the moment. By the way could you tell us what country you are in? Or private message me if you don't want to openly say. maybe we could help you more if we know your location/language (if not english). All the best!!! |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| UmmWafi |
| 11/07/02 at 08:41:16 |
| [slm] May Allah continue to shine His loving Light on you, Amin. First off, I would like to say that not many of us know what it truly means to be a martyr let alone be one. So, my advice to you is to proceed exactly like how the Prophet did, with hikmah. Wisdom. Remember, the Prophet practised Islaam in secrecy at first before going public so to say. Insya'Allah, u are doing fine by all accounts I have read. Proceed with what u have been doing thus far. Do not engage your parents in any kind of confrontations for that will only antagonise them. Discuss Islaam like any other intellectual topics u would. Make du'a that Allah will give them the hidayah so that when u explore Islaam with them, they will have the heart and the mind to accept them. Make major adjustments only when u are independent. Most of all, faith is a beautiful gift...don't waste it. Regardless of all the difficulties u may face, remember that life on earth is temporary. With struggles, with jihad comes the sweetness of blessings and Allah's Love. My sincerest du'a for u and may you continue tasting the sweetness of Iman and Islaam always, Amin. Wassalam. |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| kandahar |
| 11/07/02 at 10:45:40 |
| thank you all for your sympathetic messages!!! eleanor: i live in italy (land of pasta and pizza) but i can also speak spanish. you wrote: Your parents sound like intelligent people. Have you tried discussing the logical side of Islam with them? Have you researched this area yourself yet? There are many things in Islam which point to the fact that it can only have derived from a power higher/greater than our own. Many verses in the Qur'an contain knowledge that Muhammad (saws) couldn't have known. (many people say Muhammad came up with the Qur'an on his own). yes, i have read about the logical side of Islam, that’s amazing! yes, they are intelligent people, and also very educated; the problem is that they are atheist and proud of it, and they firmly believe that religions are an heritage of the past, and that they are very negative, because they subdue the freedom of expression and thought of the individual. they think that if u convert to a religion, expecially one such as islam, you are locking yourself into a cage which many people are fighting to go out of. the only muslim that my father respects and likes is malcolm x, but not for his being muslim, just for his being the leader of the black movement. you also say: Make the difference between culture and islam very clear to them. i very often do it, for instance the other day i was commenting about the victory of the islamist moderate party in turkey, saying: look, that's a good thing that these people are proud of their religion and they just want the RIGHT to use the hijab in public places: it is one more freedom, isn't it? they aren't obliging women to wear hijab, they are just ALLOWING some of them who want to do so. so my dad replied: why should we be happy of that? all these people should fight for more serious rights than that of putting a veil, why nowadays everybody is so weak and without ideas that they all turn to these stupid religions, to these ridiculous angels ... >:( so u see that's not easy; and there is also another problem: me and my family have helped two arabic immigrants who were in difficulties, hosting them for some time (that's how i started learning about islam) and now are still very good friend. i am sure that if i suddendly tell my parents that i want to convert, they will surely think that i have a crush on one of them and that they have brainwashed me, and will surely blame them. anyway, reading that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)himself practised Islaam in secrecy at first before going public gives me great strenght and hope that one day, not very far, things will adjust .insh'Allah. |
| 11/07/02 at 10:47:13 |
| kandahar |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| eleanor |
| 11/08/02 at 00:38:24 |
| [quote author=kandahar link=board=lighthouse;num=1036610610;start=0#6 date=11/07/02 at 10:45:40] i live in italy (land of pasta and pizza) but i can also speak spanish.[/quote] that's nice - our first member from Italy :) I'm just "up the road" from you in Germany :-* [quote]yes, they are intelligent people, and also very educated; the problem is that they are atheist and proud of it, and they firmly believe that religions are an heritage of the past, and that they are very negative, because they subdue the freedom of expression and thought of the individual. they think that if u convert to a religion, expecially one such as islam, you are locking yourself into a cage which many people are fighting to go out of. [/quote] Are your parents atheist or are they against organised religion? There is a big difference, because if they believe in the existence of God, they will be more open to accepting Islam as having come from God. If they don't believe in God, there are many books (eg from Harun Yahiya) that I could recommend, which may open their minds. The most important thing at the moment is to discuss Islam and Allah (God) with them as though it is just an intellectual topic for you. If they see too early that you have become Muslim then they may shut their eyes and ears to what you have to say and simply disagree with you on principle. It is very common for Catholics, or even just Christians, to become "atheist". These people are rebelling against the oppressiveness of the religion they grew up with. Mostly they are forced from childhood to go to Mass, say the Angelus, say the Rosary, learn the Catechism and obey the priest. So without really thinking about it, they become atheist because they haven't the will to carry on in this overbearing and oppressive religion. What you must also realise is that your parents have made their choice for themselves. The same way that you are trying to choose your path. They have to respect your decision to change, since you are really just following what they did. The sad thing is that it is more of a scandal to become a Muslim in a Catholic country than to become atheist. [quote]i very often do it, for instance the other day i was commenting about the victory of the islamist moderate party in turkey, saying: look, that's a good thing that these people are proud of their religion and they just want the RIGHT to use the hijab in public places: it is one more freedom, isn't it? they aren't obliging women to wear hijab, they are just ALLOWING some of them who want to do so. [/quote] you could have added for instance that since your parents had the right to become atheist if that's what they believed then these people should have the right to practice their religion if that's what they believe. Your parents seem to be very convinced that they are correct in their beliefs. Through discussion and some good books maybe this should be the first barrier to break down. Can your parents understand english? [quote] me and my family have helped two arabic immigrants who were in difficulties, hosting them for some time (that's how i started learning about islam) and now are still very good friend. i am sure that if i suddendly tell my parents that i want to convert, they will surely think that i have a crush on one of them and that they have brainwashed me, and will surely blame them. anyway, reading that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)himself practised Islaam in secrecy at first before going public gives me great strenght and hope that one day, not very far, things will adjust .insh'Allah.[/quote] this is true. Every woman who has converted after marrying a Muslim man has had to put up with this judgement. It is really an insult because it is an implication that you can't think for yourself. Just remember, it is early days yet. Don't try to do everything overnight. Take it slowly and when you are thoroughly convinced in one area (eg prayer) then move onto the next. Remember also that Islam was not revealed overnight to the first Muslims. They learned their religion over a period of more than 20 years. Take care and stay strong :) |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| kandahar |
| 11/08/02 at 04:45:21 |
| thank u for your comprehensive reply!! my father can speak english, my mum doesn't; he refuses any idea of God, she instead is interested in oriental phylosophies, like buddhism, lamaism, also practices yoga, and is interested in all the new age stuff. i think she may appreciate sufism, but sunna, not at all!! :) i am trying to be a good muslim and also a good daughter: i am brilliant at school, i make housework, i stay in their company instead of leaving my parents alone as most of youngsters do, i never cause problems...so that when i finally tell them that i am muslim, they will at least admit that being a muslim implies that u have an exemplar behaviour. they are good parents after all, they give me everything i want and their only aim is to see me happy: the problem is that they believe that happiness means to be free of doing what u want, when u want, with whom u want, so how could a muslim girl be happy when she can't drink alcoholics, can't eat half of italian old good recipies (that include pork meat, pork fat, wine, rhum...:( ), can't go to parties, can't date, is obliged to marry and to have many children.. (my parents didn't even marry cause they are against the institution of marriage ???) i also have a grandmother who comes to my house couple of days a week, and she is agnostic but i think she would have been a religious woman if not for her husband (my mum's father) who is an old communist (those of fidel castro, USSR, mao tze tung..) and hates everything relates to religion. i think she will be the first one to accept it and to understand, cause she is very nice and sympatethic. well now i have to go to the bookshop i want to buy a collection of the haadith of the prophet (pbuh) :) ; thank u again for your replies |
| 11/08/02 at 04:46:33 |
| kandahar |
| Re: new convert seeks advise!! |
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| eleanor |
| 11/08/02 at 05:58:04 |
| [quote author=kandahar link=board=lighthouse;num=1036610610;start=0#8 date=11/08/02 at 04:45:21]i am trying to be a good muslim and also a good daughter: i am brilliant at school, i make housework, i stay in their company instead of leaving my parents alone as most of youngsters do, i never cause problems...so that when i finally tell them that i am muslim, they will at least admit that being a muslim implies that u have an exemplar behaviour.[/quote] this is an excellent idea :) [quote]they are good parents after all, they give me everything i want and their only aim is to see me happy: the problem is that they believe that happiness means to be free of doing what u want, when u want, with whom u want, so how could a muslim girl be happy when she can't drink alcoholics, can't eat half of italian old good recipies (that include pork meat, pork fat, wine, rhum...:( ), can't go to parties, can't date, is obliged to marry and to have many children.. (my parents didn't even marry cause they are against the institution of marriage ???)[/quote] look, you have to take these issues one at a time. You need to inform yourself first and then you will be able to inform others. If they ask why you don't eat pork you don't have to say because I am Muslim, or because Allah forbids it in the Qur'an. You can say pork is an unhealthy meat. Pigs don't sweat so all their impurities remain in their bodies. We in turn are eating these impurities which do not have a brilliant effect on our health. They may tell you "well we have been eating it for years and nothing has happened". Tell them there are many many diseases which have no certain cause - eg cancer. Tell them many people who smoke don't necessarily die from lung cancer, but that does not make smoking unhealthy. And finally tell them that the idea of eating pork disgusts you and you'd rather stick needles in your eyes than eat that filthy meat. That should be enough. The same for alcohol, dating, sex before marriage... They can all be logically explained to an extent that no one can disagree with you. And if they STILL disagree with you then you know they are just being stubborn. [quote]i also have a grandmother who comes to my house couple of days a week, and she is agnostic but i think she would have been a religious woman if not for her husband (my mum's father) who is an old communist (those of fidel castro, USSR, mao tze tung..) and hates everything relates to religion. i think she will be the first one to accept it and to understand, cause she is very nice and sympatethic.[/quote] that is good :) Many people find support in their grandparents. take care |
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