A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How to advise an annoying friend? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 11/07/02 at 08:34:42 |
| What kind of criticism is allowed in Islam? I have a friend who I find to be very selfish, and it's getting very annoying. How would you advice a friend to change their ways without offending them? |
| Re: How to advise an annoying friend? |
|---|
| se7en |
| 11/07/02 at 12:27:03 |
| as salaamu alaykum, this is a little off topic, but you know how some scholars suggest that it's a good idea to sit with a friend and ask them to tell you what you need to improve on? my advice is DON'T DO IT unless you are an *extremely* strong person who can take criticism well. otherwise everytime you see that person you'll think of how they dislike this or that about you, and resentment will build up and it'll just mess up ur relationship :( so *don't* ask someone to do it for you unless you can handle it, and don't do this for another person unless you are certain they can handle it. okay sorry, just had to get that out. wasalaam :-) |
| 11/07/02 at 12:28:08 |
| se7en |
| Re: How to advise an annoying friend? |
|---|
| bhaloo |
| 11/07/02 at 20:35:13 |
| [slm] My recommendation is don't insult the person, there is a right and wrong way to advise them. You shouldn't go upto someone and say hey your selfish, or you have this fault. Be gentle with them and try and give them an alternative for the way they handled a situation. Suppose there was a hungry friend that came and sat with you guys for dinner, and your friend didn't share or offer to buy the person food. You could talk about the importance of sharing in Islam, and helping others and suggest maybe it would have been better to share the food. Be gentle in your approach., and insha'Allah that should work out. Se7en, that doesn't sound too good. |
| Re: How to advise an annoying friend? |
|---|
| rchater |
| 11/09/02 at 01:18:42 |
| [slm] I know I'm going to sound like a real bad person when I say this but I have a story that deals with the question you asked. I've always been known by family and friends to be a really shy person but things in life sometimes make you go crazy. Anyways, this family member (my age) - along with others from that family-- made (possibly unknowingly) a hurtful comment to me. Whenever we meet they ALWAYS say it. They say 'oh what's wrong? You've changed so much! You don't look right. Are you sick?!" So after hearing it from every single member for like the kazzillionth time I got fed up and said to her "Yeah and you look like you've gained some major weight" So she replied, appearing to be hurt, "Yeah I'm huge" (She's really not) Sooo I said "No you're not. I just said that because it's not nice to tell a person something that might hurt them even though it may be true. If you met a sick person in the hospital you wouldn't tell them they look like they're on the verge of dying, you'd say something that would bring their spirits up." Anyways, I'm sure she talked about me to everyone and how rude I was but I doubt that she'll ever say something like that to me again. Some people just don't get it when you give nice hints. You've got to be tough and straightforward and sometimes some people deserve to be told off. Sometimes they don't notice something about themselves that's bad. A good friend would tell them their faults so that they can realize it and try to change. If you feel the friendship is strong enough, a little criticism is not going to hurt. But if it's not, why waste time on someone that's annoying you? Maybe if you lay off awhile, they'll get the picture and ask you why. Then you've just got to be honest. Just an opinion. Hope it helps though. rchater :-) |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |