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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Protecting your Spouse |
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| Barr |
| 11/12/02 at 07:15:03 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) I received this today.. thought of sharing. :) P.S. This may not be from a Muslim source, but look how Islamicly inclined the guidelines are... [size=5]Rules for Avoiding Emotional Infidelity[/size] Keeping members of the opposite sex out of your intimate way is crucial to the success of marriage. In today's world, it takes focus and planning. Consider the following rules of avoiding potentially damaging relationships with members of the opposite sex. [u]Rule 1: Keep It All Business at the Office[/u] What's integral to your job and what's not? You certainly want cordial relationships with all your colleagues. However, being cordial means doesn't mean chatting for a half hour and laughing about his/her recent trip to. Keep conversations that aren't strictly related to business short and sweet. [u]Rule 2: Avoid Meetings with Members of the Opposite Sex Outside of the Workplace[/u] If you have to work together through lunch or dinner, order food into the office rather than go out. When you do have to meet outside the office, make the meeting in a public place that isn't conducive to intimacy. Avoid long car rides, as the close physical proximity and inability to leave one another begs for idle chatter and potential intimacy. [u]Rule 3: Meet in Groups[/u] When meeting with members of the opposite sex, try to avoid meeting alone. The addition of even one extra person greatly minimizes any potential for intimacy. People hold back from intimacy in a group both because they're naturally more cautious about sharing and because they're not sure if what they have to say will interest the whole group. [u]Rule 4: Find Polite Ways of Ending Personal Conversations[/u] Learn to bow out gracefully from conversations that you feel are too intimate for comfort. If you feel someone is sharing personal information that is likely to draw you into a more intimate relationship, end the conversation politely. [u]Rule 5: Avoid Consistency in the Relationship[/u] To tell a colleague about the great time you had on your vacation or to listen to her go on about hers for a while is fine, as long as it ends there. What you want to avoid are regular, ongoing personal conversations in which you're developing themes, favorite topics, or a continuing dialogue. Relationships need time and consistency to build. Having an occasional laugh is safe, as long as it stays rare. [u]Rule 6: Don't Share Your Personal Feelings[/u] When you do find yourself engaged in conversation with a member of the opposite sex, share little of your personal experience or feelings. This curtails the other person's ability to relate to you. This doesn't mean you can't be polite or helpful. If your colleague shares with you that he's learning to scuba dive, you could ask him how it's going and if he's enjoying it without sharing that it's been your personal dream to do the same for years. If you feel the need to share that feeling, tell your spouse that night instead about how you were talking to someone who's begun lessons and that you're frustrated that you haven't found the time to do it. [u]Rule 7: Be Unflinchingly Honest with Yourself[/u] Sometimes people convince themselves that it can even help their marriage to express some sexual energy through "innocent" flirtatious conversations: "Hey, I'm not going to do anything, so where's the harm?" However, ask yourself how uncomfortable you'd be if your spouse found a similar method of "improving" your marriage. Be aware of whether you are ever feeling the slightest twinge of intimacy or attraction, whether sexually or emotionally. Consider honestly why you're looking forward to the next time you meet up again with that person. Be truthful if you have a little bounce in your step as you walk away from a conversation with him or her, or you suddenly have a little more energy after it. Think your flirtation is so innocent? Test yourself: Would you tell your spouse? If you tell yourself that your interaction with a certain person of the opposite sex is fine, ask yourself if your spouse would agree. [u]Rule 10: Show Your Commitment to Your Spouse Daily[/u] Do something thoughtful for your spouse every single day. This could be a lovely note, a phone call, or a more elaborate effort to plan a getaway. Doing something for your spouse reminds you throughout the day how special this person is to you. Focus on the kind things your spouse has done for you, and remember that relationships take effort and time to grow. Have lots of photos of your spouse, kids, and pets around the office as a visual reminder to you and others of your priorities, |
| Re: Protecting your Spouse |
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| siddiqui |
| 11/12/02 at 16:12:15 |
[slm] BOY! Who said marrige is easy on us poor men ;) Jazakallah khair sister, it is a very informative and practical piece of advice [wlm] |
| Re: Protecting your Spouse |
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| Barr |
| 11/18/02 at 00:15:06 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) Wa iyaa ka (and to you too), akhi. I found out that the writer of the above tips is Gary Neuman. He wrote this book... click here ==> [url=http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0609608231/qid=1037592722/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-3609917-6187115?v=glance&s=books]Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid It and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Marriage[/url] Official website ===> [url=http://www.emotionalinfidelity.com/]Emotional Infidelity[/url] You may want to check it out, inshaAllah. Wassalam :-) |
| 11/18/02 at 00:22:09 |
| Barr |
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