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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Need Advice |
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| saleemah |
| 11/13/02 at 07:49:50 |
| As Salaamu 'Alaikum Sisters, :-) I need advice. I am having a problem with someone I have known for over 10 years who I will call Sister A. There have been things she has done and said about me in the past but I've overlooked them. For example: When I invited Sister B and her husband to our home for an iftar. The same night as the iftar Sister A saw them and told them that it was cancelled and proceeded to come with her husband. Needless to say Sister B was hurt as was I because I trusted the Sister A's word instead of confirming myself. I organized a sisters group that meets monthly. :'( I was feeling down and having second thoughts about continuing and I spoke to the group about my feelings. Sister A announced that she would be taking over leading the group and that she was changing the name, etc. The sisters voted that I stay in and that they would try harder to help me, so I stayed. Whenever there is an event going on at her home and I am invited I usually end up cooking, serving and cleaning up while Sister A sits around and socializes. When compliments are given to the cook she acts as though she is upset. While selling amusement park tickets, Sister A asked me if she could help me sell them and I agreed. I was later informed by Sister B that Sister A gave my tickets away to a Muslimah friend of theirs. Sister B knew that I had no knowledge of this. I had to ask Sister A for the tickets back or the money for the tickets. It turned out she had given the rest to her non-Muslim family. To me, even if you give something to another Muslim if you do that without persmission it's stealing. The final straw was the group wanted to have an iftar and was looking for a place to have it. We were having a difficult time finding a place. Sister A called me and told me that She and Sister B were signed up to have an iftar at a masjid. Mind you, both sisters belong to my group. I reminded both of them that at our last meeting we discussed finding somewhere for the group to have an iftar and why didn't they think of us? ??? After wrangling back and forth we ended up providing the food for the iftar which worked out well. Al-Hadullillah. Now I have been told by my spouse that he does not want me to deal with either one of these sisters. I am not a person to intentionally hurt other people's feelings. And I plan on honoring my husband's wishes, Insha-Allah. Sister A and I were very close at one time and continues to call me. How can I obey my huysband's wishes and avoid these sisters without hurting them? They belong to my group and I still love them as a Muslim sisters but as my husband reminds me "you are on the religion of your best friend." Please help!! This is my first post so I hope that I did not say anything that is against the rules. I know that this problem may seem small but sometimes the small things bother you the most. As Salaamu 'Alaikum |
| 11/13/02 at 08:12:48 |
| saleemah |
| Re: Need Advice |
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| theOriginal |
| 11/13/02 at 11:24:45 |
| [wlm] Woah. Sister A (and maybe even Sister B) need to learn that they can't push you, or anyone else for that matter, into such a state of frustration. I agree with your husband. I don't even know you, and I, also, am giving you an ultimatum. :D *jokes* I agree that you shouldn't hurt people....BUT when someone is hurting you, you have to create some distance so that they know where the line has been drawn. Having been hurt by their actions on more than one occasion allows me to think that you are sending the wrong message. Their behavior, especially when it occurs on such a regular basis, is in no way acceptable. And your allowance of this behavior is not acceptable, either. Create some distance...you need this more than they do. If and when they approach you to ask you what happened, you have to remain calm, collected, and factual. No emotion, sentiment, or even sarcasm. May Allah help you to do what's right. Oh and! Welcome to the board. Wasalaam. SF. |
| Re: Need Advice |
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| Sabr |
| 11/26/02 at 13:47:12 |
| [slm] Sis i agree wid ur hubby....keep some distance from them both A and B. It can be sad since they r ur friends but friends don't treat each other like that . Inshallah make dua and things will work out :-* Try not to let ppl affect u however as SF said "[glow=red,2,300]If and when they approach you to ask you what happened, you have to remain calm, collected, and factual. No emotion, sentiment, or even sarcasm"[/glow]. [wlm] |
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