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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/13/02 at 13:34:40 |
| Salamalakum I was wondering when is the right time to make istakhara for marriage to someone? Should you try to get to know the person well for several weeks/months first and then make istakhara or should you make it after first meeting them? If you get a clear sign in istakhara should you take this as the "final answer" inshahaallah? If the person you are considering for marriage informs you they have made istakhara and gotten a clear positive sign, should you still make istakhara too inshahallah? What if you get a different sign? Jazakumallahkhair |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Kashif |
| 11/14/02 at 04:57:48 |
| assalaamu alaikum Carry on doing istikhara up to the date of the marriage.. say once a week. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Mehak |
| 11/14/02 at 08:16:16 |
| [slm],  Allah!!!!!!I was about to post a thread on Istikhara and I saw this one  :). I did Istikhara last night, but I dont remember dreaming anything out of the ordinary. Is it normal??I mean should I keep doing it until I see a clear sign or wat??My mom says I am the kinda person, if I had a cow standing infront of me, I wouldnt see it  ;D, so I am not sure what to do. Any clues??  Also, is it true that after you read the 2 rakaat and the dua, you should go straigh to bed and not talk to anyone??JazakaAllahu khairan for any help. :-* [wlm] PS:Anon, i hope i dont look like trying to hijack your thread ;D. It is just that we have questions abt istikhara so didnt make any sense tome to start another thread :-). |
| 11/14/02 at 08:20:27 |
| Mehak |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Danyala |
| 11/14/02 at 13:08:58 |
| [slm] I came on today to ask a question about istikhara too strangely enough! :o I wanted to know that if you clearly have strong biased feelings for someone is it right then to do istikhara for a question on marriage? Because obviously you should be doing istikhara with an open heart...so in that situation should one do istikhara or not?? [wlm] :-* |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Duha |
| 11/14/02 at 14:02:34 |
| [slm] See if these help inshallah: http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=5882&dgn=3 http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=2217&dgn=3 Wassalam alaikum :-) |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Nazia |
| 11/14/02 at 16:01:35 |
| slm, I'm no expert on ishtikhara, but don't fret if you don't see a dream :) The way I look at it, and I could be wrong...is that you're putting your trust in Allah (SWT) and you're praying that if something is *good* for you/your family/deen etc, that He'll make it easy for you, Insha'Allah. And if its not, then He'll take you away from it. So here's my story :) A few months ago I was faced with a decision about changing jobs. I was fairly happy with where I was working, my husband worked down the hall, it was an easy commute from our apartment. But then I got an offer from a better company, slightly better salary, but not as easy of a commute, no husband down the hall etc. I was totally torn, and I prayed and prayed that Allah would help me make the decision that was best for me, my family, my future and my deen. And that ultimately, that He make my choice...the one that was for the best. So after much deliberation, dua, and talking to the family, I decided to take the new offer. At first I was miserable....I missed my old job terribly....But I kept thinking..." I made a lot of dua that this decision be the best..and I have total faith that Allah guided me to this point for a reason. Even if I never see/understand the reason, I know thats its there." And guess what? 3 weeks later, I got an IM from an old coworker informing me that my entire old team was being laid off! Alhamdulillah, Allah (SWT) saved me from losing my job, and oh! I also met a really cool Muslima who started the job with me...and so now we're really good buddies :) Anyways, my point is, make dua that Allah (SWT) guides you to the right decision Insha'Allah....even if its not blatantly obvious what that decision is :) Good luck!! Take Care, Salam, Nazia |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Barr |
| 11/16/02 at 10:58:42 |
| Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah, I think a lot has already been said in the links given by Sis Duha and Sis Nazia's post. Just some thoughts from me...I am no faqih or expert... but, hope this helps, inshaAllah. [quote]I was wondering when is the right time to make istakhara for marriage to someone? Should you try to get to know the person well for several weeks/months first and then make istakhara or should you make it after first meeting them? [/quote] There's no black and white answer to this. Its really up to you. However, I think its best to do istikharah before one makes *ANY* decision with regards to the above. You may even include doing istikharah even before knowing who you would be introduced to (if, someone is introducing U to a prospect), or even before you agree to meet him. For example, doing istikharah at each step of the taaruf session. Reason being is that I think its better that one asks for Allah's guidance in every step and before making any decision and have a perception on the person. Like.. do istikharah, before U see his picture, biodata etc etc etc so that when U've seen it, U know that what your heart feels is not solely by your own judgement and nafs, since u have asked for guidance earlier. And inshaALlah, whether you decide to proceed to the next step is by Allah's guidance. I'd recommend that u keep on doing it till you marry him or till you decided that he is not for you, or if things just don't work out. [quote]If you get a clear sign in istakhara should you take this as the "final answer" inshahaallah? [/quote] Yes... and do not doubt Allah's signs. Have trust in Him, and proceed with woteva He has guided you to, inshaALlah. Don't wait too long either, coz, shaitan is always there to tempt you from following guidance from Allah. "Then, when thou hast taken a decision put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him). " Surah Ali Imran:159 [quote]If the person you are considering for marriage informs you they have made istakhara and gotten a clear positive sign, should you still make istakhara too inshahallah? What if you get a different sign? [/quote] Yes, please make your own istikharah. Istikharah is about you seeking Allah's guidance. And ALlah will only give His answer to you. Its personal. [quote]What if you get a different sign?[/quote] Then follow the sign. Sometimes, propects may receive different answers for their istikharah. That is normal. One must remember that the du'a of the istikharah is for ALlah to make it easy if it is the best for them, and turn them away from each other if it is not for the best. To me, the final final final answer of the istikharah is the final outcome of the situation. One may feel positive throughout the process, but if Allah wills it not, then, something would surely happen that would turn each other away from one another - whether it be a negative answer from one of the prospects or smt else. Wot is important to remember is that we trust ALlah, with His guidance for our decision. Even if we felt positive and wot we hoped for didn't happen, then perhaps, ALlah wants us to go through it, for that is the best for us. There is always wisdom and things we can learn....why certain things happen, and why they do not. Nothing ihappens in a vacumm.. wot happens to us today, will effect us tommorrow - just like domino. Someone used to say this to me... "Sometimes, U gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince" :-/ I say.. why go to the swamps when the prince is in the palace? ;D But yes.. sometimes, Allah makes us go through and meet other people for a reason, before He finally crosses our paths with the one, inshaAllah. [quote] wanted to know that if you clearly have strong biased feelings for someone is it right then to do istikhara for a question on marriage? Because obviously you should be doing istikhara with an open heart...so in that situation should one do istikhara or not??[/quote] This is how I see it. Istikharah is about seeking Allah's guidance... on something in the futrue that we do not know. Personally, even if I already have an inclination to a decision, I would still do istikharah and tell myself, that noone knows wot is in the future. That usually sets my heart in a neutral position... coz, I really do not know wot the future is like and how things are gonna turn out, no matter how seemingly attractive or unattractive something is at that point of time. I just don't know. Only Allah knows.. and hence, lets just leave it to ALlah to show the way. The challenge comes, when the istikharah is contrary to your initial inclination. But I believe, that when one sacrifices something for Allah, He will replace it with the best... something that one can't even imagine... for there is barakah in every step towards Allah. [i][color=blue]...And unto everyone who is conscious of God (taqwa) He (always) grants a way out (of unhappiness), and provides for him in a manner that is beyond all expectations, and for everyone who one places his trust in God, He (alone) is enough. Verily, God always attains to His purpose (and) indeed, unto everything, has God appointed its (term and)measure. [/i][/color] Surah At-Talaq:2-3 All the best in your istikharah, sisters :) May your decisions be based solely on Allah's guidance. Allahumma ameen :-) Allahua'lam :-) |
| 11/16/02 at 11:16:46 |
| Barr |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| oneway2paradise |
| 11/17/02 at 14:55:28 |
| [slm] I would have to say that I really agree with Barr on this one. I love you, Barr!!! Just for a personal testimony, I married my husband a week after I met him and there was a lot of opposition around us as well as support. I made istikhara..although, now, I'm not sure if it was after the first or second time I met him. I think the second because he proposed marriage then. I made istikhara, and then you wouldn't believe that I felt as if there was a clear and easy path right to marrying him. I heard good things about him supporting that he is a good Muslim. I felt trust in him even though I didn't know him and I didn't trust anyone I knew. I had just moved to a new place. Subhanallah. Many people fought over this issue. But, it was destiny so it happened. And now, 10 months later, everything is good and everyone is happy. And I feel like I am really blessed. Alhamdulillah. [slm] |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Danyala |
| 11/19/02 at 03:13:53 |
| [slm] Does anyone know if its ok to make istikhara for two completely seperate matters at the same time? JazakAllah [wlm] :-* |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/19/02 at 05:23:43 |
| [slm] I'm not the anonymous that began the thread but, JazakumAllah kheir for your wisdoms. I have been wondering about this for a little while. So, everyone has been saying that its good to constantly make istikhara when your in marriage talks. Alhamdulillah I agree. But, how would you word your istikhara? Would it be if you should or should not marry the brother, or would it be for continuing to get to know the brother, and once you both feel satisfied with what you know about each other, then you make the isitikhara for marriage? I'm a little confused because if you make istikhara for whether you should marry the brother or not, say every week, wouldn't the answer you get from it the first time be your answer? AND, if you do make istikhara for marriage, and your answer is to go ahead with it, before you know much about the brother, do you still go through the taaruf process, or do you just get engaged and then use the engagement period to learn some more about each other? I'm mentionning this because I have heard from many people that if the prospective brother/sister is good in his/her deen and your istikhara is good, you should go ahead and get engaged and not let things drag. I've actually heard from many Imam's that this is the better thing to do. I heard that once at a lecture about marriage, the Imam made a point to mention how he only knew his wife 3 days before they got married and their relationship is beautiful soo many years later?. But then, you hear many people say that you have to be careful and not take the wrong direction and be too hasty because your dunya and akhira count on this decision. So, any givers of advice? I'm very confused about this. And not to go off topic but, I don't understand how a brother can meet a sister one day and then the next day make a serious proposal? *sigh* I'm so glad to get that out, its been on my mind for months! Please try and clear things up for me. [wlm] |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| oneway2paradise |
| 11/19/02 at 12:39:05 |
| Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem [slm] [quote]And not to go off topic but, I don't understand how a brother can meet a sister one day and then the next day make a serious proposal? [/quote] I don't know if you are indicating my situation or not. Anyway, We met the first time and spoke for two hours. Then, after finding out from the Imam if it was ok, we talked on the phone a few times(he said it was ok as long as it was a conversation to get to know one another without flirting or "soft talk"). When we met for the second time, we knew. I can't explain. The reason you marry someone is if they are a good Muslim. If you belong to a community, then people know who is around and praying in the masjid everyday, etc. You meet a couple of times to see if you are compatible. It shouldn't be dragged out because then you are opening the doors for haram things to happen. It doesn't mean they will, but you open the doors for it. There is no dating in Islam and we shouldn't try to find a loophole for that and drag out the "getting to know one another" or "engagement" for too long. If you marry for the right reasons, Allah will bless your marriage with love and happiness, insha Allah. Unless he wants to test you in another way. It is destiny no matter what and you can't change it. We are supposed to get married as soon as we are able. I hope this helps, insha Allah. [slm] Amber :-) :-* |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| se7en |
| 11/23/02 at 00:18:33 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah Anonymous #2, I think a really nice explanation of what a person is asking for in the duaa of istikhara is described in this song by [url=http://www.mynaraps.com]Myna Raps[/url]: [color=black] [i]Ya Allah, Ya Allah, I'm praying Istikhara to you.. Ya Allah I ask You for the guidance from Your knowledge And I ask You for Your help due to Your ability You are able, I am not, and You know what I don't know And You know the hidden things, that I could never see Oh Allah, if you know that what I'm asking for is good for my religion and the life I wish to live for the fate of my condition, in the short term and the long then let it be made easy, with the blessings that you give but if what I want is bad, for my faith and for my deen and my life and my future, in the short term and the long then keep it far from me, and whatever You decree make me happy with Your good, wherever it may be Ya Allah, Ya Allah, I'm praying Istikhara to you.. If You see that this idea, will increase my iman and now and even later, it will help help in my life plan then please make it so, make it easy just for me and from it give me blessings that only come from Thee but if You truly know that what I want is wrong for my life and for my deen, right now and after long then please keep me away from wanting any more and let me be content with the good You have in store Ya Allah, Ya Allah, I'm praying Istikhara to you.. [/color][/i] In the duaa of istikhara, you're asking Allah to guide you to what is best for you.. for Allah to make smooth for you a path to khayr, and to prevent you from pursuing a path of harm. Your duaa does *not* take the place of the process of inquiring about a person. It is simply a request for guidance *in* your process of inquiry and your pursuit of things. I think perhaps your imam meant that.. if the proper ta'aruf has already taken place, and y'all are compatable, and, after the duaa of istikhara both of you feel at ease with the decision.. then there is no need to delay things. I too have heard stories of people getting married in a matter of a few days.. and I honestly think that it depends on what type of person you are. Some people are able to handle going into a marriage without understanding fully (or at least mostly) a person's history, their manner, their character, their expectations in a spouse, their goals for the future, etc. And some people would like to have a good understanding of these things, in order to make informed and good decisions for themselves. Even in the time of Rasulullah [saw], we know of women who came to him and inquired about people.. ie they did their research, and they took their time with things :) It is not a lack of tawakkul for you to want to feel comfortable with your decision to marry a person. I think you should definitely go at your own pace, and not rush into anything.. and there's no need to feel guilty for needing time to think, consider, and weigh things. It is only when things are being dragged out extensively for no real legit reason that things become problematic. Another thing I want to mention is that, a postive istikhara does *not* necessarily guarantee you a happy marriage. A positive result is simply an indication that pursuing this path is one that is good for you.. perhaps the marriage will be successful and amazing.. or perhaps your struggle in a difficult marriage will be a means of elevation and purification for you.. or perhaps this marriage is a means to another marriage with a better person :P The istikhara duaa is, again, a request for guidance in what you choose to pursue.. it is not a yes/no answer on whether a marriage will be successful or not. w'Allahu a'lam. wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah :-) |
| 11/23/02 at 00:30:03 |
| se7en |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| jaihoon |
| 11/23/02 at 04:10:33 |
| [quote]: A positive result is simply an indication that pursuing this path is one that is good for you.. perhaps the marriage will be successful and amazing.. or perhaps your struggle in a difficult marriage will be a means of elevation and purification for you.. or perhaps this marriage is a means to another marriage with a better person The istikhara duaa is, again, a request for guidance in what you choose to pursue.. it is not a yes/no answer on whether a marriage will be successful or not. [/quote] Well said :) |
| Re: Right time for Istikhara? |
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| Barr |
| 11/23/02 at 04:23:52 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) For more info on istikharah prayers, just click * to our past discussions :-X [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=6488]* Solatul Istikhara[/url] [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=5319] *Specific questions? [/url] [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=3902] *Istikhaarah prayer[/url] Here's some more, it's not directly related to the post.. but well, it brought memories :-* How time flies.. and how thoughts have developed then, and now, mashaAllah. [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=4405]* Why are men like this? [/url] [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=3167] * Advice required: Reproposal[/url] [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=2745] * How would you look at the Signs?[/url] Hope this helps Wassalam :-) |
| 11/23/02 at 04:32:11 |
| Barr |
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