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| keeping unmarried daughter |
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| sunset |
| 11/26/02 at 02:14:51 |
| [slm] i wonder if anyone know any ayat or hadith regarding it is sinful for a father to keep/have unmarried daughter/s (normally refers to above 30's daughter) so its the father duty to find her a spouse in order to 'free' him from such sin. if i wasnt mistaken, when a father gave away his daughter for marriage, the daughter should not be force into the the marriage. my questions are:- 1) if the daughter is reluctant about marriage, can the father make her marry in order to free himself from sinning? 2) would he be sinful still for having an unmarried daughter/s if she does not involve herself with unislamic doings, continue being a practicing muslim, keeps her modesty but the only lacking is she is not married. 3) of course if the sisters wishes to be married its our duty to help find them a potential spouse....but if some of them has no interest yet (may Allah Subhanahu Wataala open up their hearts one day) cannot we just leave them alone as long they keep themselves as a good muslimah (practicing and believing) 4) if we keep bugging those who has no interest yet, would it sound like we are invading their privacies? dont these sisters have the right on their life, whether they wish to marry or not ? would islam comdemn those who chose to stay unmarried (for whatever reasons only Allah Subhanahu Wataala knows best) jazakallah khair for all responses [wlm] |
| Re: keeping unmarried daughter |
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| bismilla |
| 11/26/02 at 08:19:02 |
| [slm] as far as i understand it, there is no compulsion in terms marriage. Marriage is a Sunnat and encouraged practice but is not a Fardh (made compulsory in the Quran), so why will it be a sin on the father if his daughter does not wish to marry? [slm] |
| Re: keeping unmarried daughter |
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| Sabr |
| 11/26/02 at 12:35:16 |
| [slm] [color=Red][/color] This is an article i came across.....hope it helps inshallah ..see link below The Appropriate age for Marriage Question: What is the appropriate age for men and women to marry? Some of the young ladies of today do not accept to be married to men older than them and also some of the men do not get married from anyone older than them either. We hope for a response, may Allah reward you. Response: I advise the young ladies not to refuse a man because of his older age. Even if he be ten, twenty or thirty years older, this is not a valid excuse. The Prophet (peace be upon him) married Aisha when he was fifty-three years old and she was nine years old. Older age is not harmful. There is no problem if the woman is older than the man and there is no problem if the man is older than the woman. The Prophet (peace be upon him) married Khadijah when she was forty years old and he was twenty-five years old, before he received his first revelation. That is, she was fifteen years older than him (may Allah be pleased with her). And Aisha was married when she was a young lady of six or seven years and the Prophet (peace be upon him) consummated the marriage when she was nine years old and he was fifty-three years old. Many of those who talk on the radio or television and speak against having disparaging ages between husband and wife are wrong. It is not permissible for them to say such things. Instead, what must be done, is the woman must look at the prospective husband and, if he be pious and appropriate, she must agree to him even if he is older than her. Similarly, the man must try to marry a woman who is pious and virtuous, even if she is older than him, especially if she is still less than mid life. In any case, age should not be taken as an excuse. It should also not be considered a shortcoming, as long as the man is pious or the woman is pious. May Allah make the affairs good for everyone. Shaikh ibn Baz Marriage Comes First Question: A common custom among the people nowadays is for a woman or her father to refuse a man's proposal so that she may finish high school, college or some specific amount of studying. What is the ruling concerning that? What is your advice for those who fall into that trap? Sometimes, the woman reaches the age of thirty or more and she has yet to get married! Response: My advice to all young men and young women is to get married quickly if the means to it are made possible for you. This is because the Prophet (peace be upon him) has said, "O youthful people, if any of you have the means to, he should get married, as it lowers the eyesight and protects the private parts. Those who have not the ability to do so should fast, as it will be a shield for him." This was recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim. The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said, "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, them will be tribulations in the land and great evil." This was recorded by al-Tirmidhi with a hasan chain. The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said, "Marry the child-bearing, loving woman for I shall outnumber the peoples by you on the Day of Resurrection." This was recorded by Ahmad and graded sahih by ibn Hibban. Therefore, there are many benefits to marriage which the Prophet (peace be upon him) alluded to, including lowering the gaze, protecting the private parts, increasing the numbers of the Muslim Nation and being saved from great evil and misfortune. May Allah grant to all what is best for their religion and worldly lives. He is All-Hearing, Close. Shaikh ibn Baz The Young Lady is Not to be Forced to Marry a Man She Does Not Want to Marry Question: Is it allowed for a father to force his daughter to marry a specific man that she does not want to many? Response: Neither the father nor anyone other than the father may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not want to many. In fact, her permission must be sought. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "The non-virgin [without a husband] must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married until her permission is sought." They said, "O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) how is her permission given?" He said, "By her being silent." Another narration states, "Her silence is her permission." Yet a third narration states, "A virgin's father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent."1 The father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Similarly, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon all of them. If one is married without permission, then the marriage is not valid. This is because one of the conditions of the marriage is that both partners accept the marriage. If she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is not valid. The only exception is in the case of the father and his daughter who is less than nine years of age. There is no harm if he gets her married while she is less than nine years old, according to the correct opinion. This is based on the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) marrying Aisha without her consent when she was less than nine years old, as is stated in authentic Hadith. However, if she is nine years old or more, she cannot be married, even by her father, except with her consent. The husband should not approach the woman if he knows that she does not want him, even if the father approves of it. He must fear Allah and not approach any wife that did not want him even if her father claims that he did not coerce her. He must avoid what Allah has forbidden for him. This is because the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) ordered that her permission must be sought. We also advise the woman to fear Allah and to accept the man if her father finds that he is suitable to marry her, as long as the prospective groom is good in his religion and character. This is true even if the one who is doing the marrying is not the girl's father [but her legal guardian]. We make this advice because there is lots of good and lot of benefits in marriage. Also, there are lots of hazards in living as a maiden. I advise all young ladies to accept those men who come to them if they are qualified. They should not use schooling, teaching or other causes as an excuse to avoid marriage. Shaikh ibn Baz -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Footnote 1. These narrations are recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim and others.--JZ http://www.uh.edu/campus/msa/articles/fatawawom/marriage.html#first |
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