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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How to deal with difficult relatives??? |
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| Caraj |
| 11/26/02 at 21:27:02 |
| Was wondering if anyone is dealing with the same thing I am and how they deal with it. When my children were grown and married I moved far away (1,500 miles)as I have a family who is quite critical, judgemental and such. For two yrs I felt better about myself and my world and found healing in being away. I married a man whose job required me to move back to the same area as my family. (That or not get married) Now I have an aunt moving in with me and it was my offer but we have only spent a few days together and I wonder what in the world was I thinking. She is my mothers younger sister. We are only 15 yrs apart I being 41 and she 56. I still feel like a little kid around her and she does that "tskkkk" thing with her mouth, sometimes the "umffffffff" thing or rolls her eyes when I speak. I feel around her as if I can say nothing right, or what I say has no value or like I am dumb or stupid when in her presence. She is quite bossy in her manorism and I don't know how I am going to deal with her in my house. I feel disrespected, like a child, and I feel like she doesn't like me as a person just tollerates me. We have different political and religous views (hers is the right ones don't you know) I have resorted to not talking to her about anything except bacis communications, being poliet and respectful. But I am not a child in need of an authority figure any longer as adults I would think I am now her equal. Both needing to be respectful. Thank you for letting me share this with you. Suggestions and advice greatly appreciated. Not only does she eye roll and makes the mouth noises but she also walks away, or turns something up in the middle of my sentences. She is critical and rude of anything or anyone who does not think the way she does. |
| Re: How to deal with difficult relatives??? |
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| Chris |
| 11/27/02 at 12:53:32 |
| Well, you invited her and you are responsible for what you do... More seriouly, talk to your husband about it and see if he'll support you telling her to mend her ways or find her own place. She is not a child and therefore should behave like a guest when in your house. I know, relitives can be a problem, I don't get on very well with my sister, but we just have to endure them and not let them get us down. Chris |
| Re: How to deal with difficult relatives??? |
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| Caraj |
| 11/27/02 at 15:35:10 |
| Hi Chris, Yes I agree and am being responsable for her. I maintain respect when I want to speak my mind to her. As for my husband, he is my very best friend and a great husband, I have emailed him what is going on , on the road. He says I need to put her in her place or when he gets back he will cause he will not allow anyone to disrespect his wife or treat her like a kid. I need to get some strength and have a heart to heart talk with her. My heart and home are open for her, but she needs to respect me as an adult now, not as her little kid niece. Anyone else have suggestions? |
| Re: How to deal with difficult relatives??? |
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| M.F. |
| 11/28/02 at 05:04:53 |
| Cara, I think like you said the heart to heart talk is the best way, but try to time it well and it shouldn't just come out of the blue. Next time the disrespectful attitude shows up talk to her about it, maybe tell her that you feel she still thinks of you as a kid and it makes you uncomfortable and let her know that you can't relax around her when she rolls her eyes or walks out of the room when you try to talk to her, and so if she's going to live with you, you have to be able to relax in your own home.... Anyway, one thing the experts say is that when you're confronting someone use "I", like "I feel... when you..."or "when .... happens", "this makes me..." , and not "you're making me feel...." or "your attitude...." I think sometimes relatives are the hardest things in the world to deal with. Maybe that's why keeping good relations with them is so important in Islam, you probably get a lot of blessing out of the patience you have to have sometimes....? And you being the one who extended your generosity to her gives you more blessing hopefully :) And at least she's not an inlaw! That situation would have been so much worse! ;) |
| Re: How to deal with difficult relatives??? |
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| BroHanif |
| 11/30/02 at 03:12:58 |
| Salaams [quote]And at least she's not an inlaw[/quote] Hey what you saying Outlaws are wanted and In-Laws arn't ??? I think the best that you can do is have patience with her, I think you'll have to talk to her and lay it out in the open. Perhaps what you can do is mention to her in the third person what do yo think of people who roll their eyes or go tsssssk or etc etc, I think its rude don't you think. Hopefully she'll get the hint. Hope it helps Hanif |
| NS |
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