Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| A different... would you marry? |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/03/02 at 04:52:23 |
| I noticed in many threads and post brothers saying who they would and would not marry and what they look for in a wife. Many say, virgins, past or no past, hijab or no hijab, etc. What about someone who converted to Islam who is over 30 or 35 and married before with a past but who has changed. One who was very independant yet who liked being a wife. Would such a person even have any chance at an muslim husband, would you marry such a woman? Many of you sound like you are looking for close to perfection. ? |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| Kathy |
| 01/03/02 at 08:34:42 |
| slm I was over 30 for my second Muslim marriage- I am a revert with "the past." Hmmm - how much past? Everyones deffinition is different. I have known quiet a few Muslimahs my age marrying. |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| siddiqui |
| 01/03/02 at 10:30:34 |
| Assalam alikum Iam sure you will find your soul mate sister, there are Muslim men in this world who think in the trues islamic sense. The most important thing is Ask Allah swt for the spouse you want Tahajjud salath is a good place to start the search and why dont you pass the word around or look at local matrimonial sites like www.zawaj.com and www.al-usrah.net/.com |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| Caraj |
| 01/04/02 at 06:20:18 |
| ok I'll fess up since I want so badly to reply to siddiqui's reply. I did this thread. I'm not looking for a husband. I am already married to a wonderful man. In reading all the brothers requirements on a wife I felt bad for any single sisters out there and was afraid some of you may unintentionally be sending them a message if they had a past they were not worthy of marriage. I was not only hoping to get replies but hopefully make some think. I have an awful past May God/Allah fogive me as I have asked his forgiveness. I have changed so much, my ideas and opinions too and but was a slow learner. It would take me another 40 yrs on this earth to make everything I did up and then it would be a full time job. Nothing like drug, alchol or such but to me wrong is wrong no matter how big or little. But also my mistakes made me who I am today and I am stronger and wiser for them. I'm so very thankful I met a man who asked me to be his wife who saw the good in me now and not the past. I guess what I am saying bro's is don't pass up a diamond in the rough. Or worse yet a finished diamond with a little dust on it. How would you feel about a sister who had a past but who has over come it? We all talk about forgiveness. Sometimes it is easier to ask for it, than to give it when asked. Something to think about anyway. I think one of the biggest gift a human being can give another is forgiveness when it is not asked for. Another is seeing a person for who they 'are' not what they 'have been'. ok enough lecturing, ;-D for the moment :) |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| lightningatnite |
| 01/03/02 at 23:37:00 |
| Hey Cara that was tricky! ;) Just one thing, I think every guy in the world wants a perfect wife, not just Muslim ones. You telling me women are no different? I think the only difference is that a guy will say "I want a beautiful wife," while a girl would say "I look for an aesthetically pleasing husband", "she's got to know how to cook, "he should be well educated", "she's gotta want kids", "he should be family oriented", its a different language thats all :) About having a past, in the Islam we know that God forgives all the sins of one who accepts Islam, so Islamically speaking I don't think the past matters that much. I mean to me, a person who comes to Islam is that much more beautiful because of what she gave up from her previous life. We call in Nur, or a Divine Light that you can see in the faces of those who are pure. Most people that come to Islam have that aura, that is very attactive to someone who is sensitive to it. |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| M.F. |
| 01/04/02 at 05:59:14 |
| [i]Cara!!!!![/i] :) Insha Allah when (no more ifs :) ) you become a Muslim you won't have to worry about being forgiven for your past anymore... it'll be gone! :) I've always kind of envied my dad because he became Muslim and so all his past was erased (whatever sins he might made I mean) and he's such a wonderful person and a wonderful Muslim that I feel he can't have accumulated a lot of sins since. Plus, once he gets back from hajj insha Allah, all his sins will have been erased AGAIN! :) Now, back to your question: I know that a lot of men are very forgiving and willing to overlook a lot of things especially if the sisters are back on the straight path. I think this is especially true of older men who know for themselves that no one is perfect, including themselves. There are also men who have no problem marrying older women, or even women older than themselves. The Prophet's (S) first wife was 15 years older than he was!! Yet he loved her very very deeply. So deeply that after she died and he married Aisha, SHE, the most beloved person to him, was jealous of his first wife because he spoke so much good of her and was so nice to her friends!!! :) It's amazing to me to remember these things. Everyone around the Prophet (S) was SO human, and he was too! |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| BroHanif |
| 01/04/02 at 18:58:31 |
| [quote]I think one of the biggest gift a human being can give another is forgiveness when it is not asked for. Another is seeing a person for who they 'are' not what they 'have been'.[/quote] I agree Sis Caraj, the last prophet saws, was a mercy for all mankind, he just didn't worry about his companions, he worried about the whole ummah. That is every human being, till the day of judgement. Thats why we muslims, have been comanded to invite to good and forbid, evil. Thats why when we talk we should talk with wisdom and exhortion and argue with them with that which is the best. In the past history, you will find that there was a man named Abu safyan, his wife hind and their slave man(forgotten his name). These three people were staunch in against Islam, the slave man threw a spear at (Hamza, R,A,) the uncle of prophet saws, Hind she then ate the liver of Hamza R,A,. Abu safyan tortured numerous companions of the prophet saws and was a strong person against Islam, these people did acts that would make our hair stand on its end. However, Allah guides whom he wills and when they accepted Islam alll their deeds were forgiven. Sis Caraj we say the same to you about accepting Islam, for who knows what tomorrow may bring. It will hurt every single one of us on the board if we were to find that you passed away or something happened to you. May Allah guide me and everyone to success in this short life. Hanif |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| ABD |
| 01/04/02 at 22:42:21 |
| Assalamu Alaikum waRahmatullaHi waBarakatuHu, Cara: It doesn't matter how old u r b/c Allah (SWT) forgives all the sins of the person who becomes Muslim. I agree with every1 that the past shouldn't be looked at of the person if they've embraced Islam and are trying to live as a sincere obedient of Allah (SWT). MF: I agree with what u said but I have to point something about the hadith that u said. I have a book called "Muslim's Character" by Muhammad Al-Ghazali and in it talks about Hazrat Ayesha and what she thought of Hazrat Khadija. "Hazrat Ayesha says: "I was not jealous of any woman, nor did I feel any ill will towards Khadija, as I used to hear of her repeatedly from the Prophet. If any goat were slaughtered, he used to send it to her friends' houses as a present." She, herself, does not say that she was jealous of Hazrat Khadija (may Allah (SWT) be pleased with both of them). Just my two cents, i hope I have not offended anyone, if i have, plz forgive me. Jaza Kumullahu Khayran. Wassalamu Alaikum waRahmatullah, Betul |
| Re: A different... would you marry? |
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| M.F. |
| 01/07/02 at 06:57:45 |
| Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, just about the point about Aisha (RA) being jealous of Khadija, (RA) from Sahih Bukhari: Narrated 'Aisha: I never felt so jealous of any wife of Allah's Apostle as I did of Khadija because Allah's Apostle used to remember and praise her too often and because it was revealed to Allah's Apostle that he should give her (Khadija) the glad tidings of her having a palace of Qasab in Paradise . Narrated 'Aisha: I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet as much as I did of Khadija (although) she died before he married me, for I often heard him mentioning her, and Allah had told him to give her the good tidings that she would have a palace of Qasab (i.e. pipes of precious stones and pearls in Paradise), and whenever he slaughtered a sheep, he would send her women-friends a good share of it. |
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