Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Advice sought from sisters |
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| Abid |
| 01/13/02 at 19:58:16 |
| AoA respected sisters Just wondering if you could give me some advice regarding how can I convince my wife to wear hijab. We are a Pakistani family in a western land, came here not long ago. Though my wife is a house wife and still wears Pakistani women dresses most of the time but she has so far refused to wear hijab. I really dont care what else does she wear as long as she is covered modestly (that is I am not sort of a traditionally and culturally oriented husbands that we Pakistanis generally are) according to Islamic teachings. So now she has started wearing some modest western dresses sometimes (and she is quite happy about it) but she does not agree with wearing hijab. Sometimes she puts it around her shoulders but that is all. A year or so ago, when I tried that, she started wearing it in my company (that is when we went outside together) but would not do that when she went alone. When I found out, I just asked her not to do that. My other worry is my daughter, at the moment only ~3y/o but I am worried that if we are to live here and if she does not have a female role model in the family, will she do it? Dear respected sisters, apart from that my wife prays four if not five times a day, reads Quran, does not argue about the obligation to wear it, just keeps silent. Her response, if any, is "What will the people say?" I have tried to persuade her with all that I could think of but to no avail, can any one help me. Or do you think that I am wrong some say that "La Ikraaha fid-Din" so I can't really force her or should not persuade her, is it correct? but then a man is also declared a shepered over his wife and children so what are the limits? Thanks and wassalam a brother |
| Re: Advice sought from sisters |
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| Anik |
| 01/13/02 at 23:38:50 |
| asalamu alaikum, brother, sometimes I can see what you're saying... I've learned something... you really can't force her... you can't, or she'll be really upset or might never do it at all... and it just gives her more chances to defy you... I suggest making some heavy dua and refusing to go out with her f she wears somethign totally inappropriate. Another thing: do you wear topi? Wear a beard? Dress according to sunnah? although it is not fard to do this, perhaps your efforts will convince your wife... If she is worried about what peole say, you change first so she sees how to handle criticism from outsiders and even other comunity members... I realized that dua is the only thing. And the more you push, the more she gets further away from it. That's how many sisters are these days, and us brothers have stupid things about us as well. Don't forget the presure this society places on women to be an image; don't forget that its common for women to want to look pretty, and have others think she is as well even though she is married, and fit in, just like guys liek to appear strong, stereotypically. Take out your pride and she will see in comparision how worldly she may be. Be gentle with her brother! You are holding a rose bud in your hand, by the grace of Allah SWT! aslaamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Advice sought from sisters |
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| amal |
| 01/14/02 at 00:48:18 |
| slm, Brother Abid,I definitly don't think you should force your wife to wear the hijab. IMHO, any act of ibada to be worth something has to come from the person themselves. I know when i started wearing my hijab i did not do it until i knew for sure this was the right thing to do...Not for anybody else...but for me and as it concerns my relationship to Allah[swt]. In fact, i really don't like the argument that hijab is for modesty just because the definition for what's modest can change with time and from one society to another...instead i like to view it as an act of ibada like praying five times a day or fasting in ramadan...It's a special form of ibada that Allah[swt] willed for His female servants to get closer to Him...Sure it has all these wonderful consequences of modesty and protection of women but to me that's a secondary reason. Perhaps what you can do is encourage your wife to learn more about islam with you. When you're at home perform the obligatory and sunnah prayers together.Wake her up for qiyam al-layl; Read Qur'an together; Go to islamic lectures together if possible. Also try to find a circle of friends who are practicing muslims that can have a good influence on her. And *above* all make du'a for her for it is only Allah[swt] that guides. Insha'Allah your wife's views will change once she sees the beauty of the hijab and how it draws the muslim woman closer to her Lord. [quote] Her response, if any, is "What will the people say?" [/quote] One thing to keep in mind is how sometimes the hijab is viewed (or has been used) culturally might be diffrerent than how it's supposed to be islamically.Thus it will take some time before one can finally break free from all the cultural baggage. You're wife's response is also an indication of how much influence friends and family can have on one's life. So befriending people of taqwa is essential for providing a positive point of reference. Just my 2 cents :) Wallahu A'lam |
| Re: Advice sought from sisters |
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| eleanor |
| 01/14/02 at 06:46:31 |
| slm Good answers so far. You know, Brother, that you can't force her. Make dua to Allah. He will hear your call and Insha Allah give her the strength to put it on. The first thing that occurred to me when I read your post was to ask if there is any chance of her signing up here at the board? Maybe if she gets to know the sisters here and their feelings on hijab, or if she reads through some of the older threads on hijab, she may come to a realisation of her own. Apart from that, if you can take her to the Mosque, introduce her to other sisters, not necessarily Pakistani ones, but ones who wear hijab, maybe being in their positive company can help her. They could go for a walk together, wearing hijab, or go shopping etc. Without you, but not on her own either. I too am very nervous about wearing hijab. But Insha Allah, I will wear it soon, by the grace of Allah. wasalaam eleanor |
| Re: Advice sought from sisters |
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| Abid |
| 01/14/02 at 17:59:42 |
| Assalamoalaikum Thanks for all your replies, everyone. Just to make it clear, I don't want to force her inshallah, rather I wish Allah SWT makes her realise that on her own. I tried to convince her wearing beard myself, giving as much material on the subject of hijab as is possible, talking to her on the our kids' future and education in the west etc, giving her examples whenever I see a hijab wearing muslimah in the marketplace etc. I have also told her about this message board. I am not a very learned person in Islam and am trying to learn more about Islam myself and am trying that she also does that inshallah Allah SWT will show us the right path. Also trying to get us into the company of good Muslims as much as possible but where I live, they are few and far between. Thanks for your help once again, I would ask everyone on the board to please make dua for me and my family. Wassalam |
| Re: Advice sought from sisters |
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| BroHanif |
| 01/15/02 at 13:16:15 |
| AWW, Hmm, give her TLC man that usually does the trick. Tell her that your eyes are only set on her and your heart is only set on her, however, when it comes to the command of Allah, it must be obeyed and if she does not wear the hijaab not only will it affect you, but also the little babi as well. If the mom is a good role model then usually that will have a sound influence on the childs upbringing it can also work the opposite way as well. Also inform her that as she is a woman it is her right to cover herself and show the beauty only to your eyes and to your heart and not to any other man/woman when she steps outside the house. Above all make dua. Salaams Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: Advice sought from sisters |
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| Marcie |
| 01/16/02 at 09:10:25 |
| As salmu alaykum, I hope that I am not too late in responding, but I have been thinking about it for a few days. I thought that I should share my own experience with wearing hijab. I can understand that you wife is worried about what others will say. When I first started wearing the hijab I was living in Germany. I must admit that I feel more comfortable wearing the hijab in the States. If anyone tells me to go home then I can always tell them that I am home, in fact I am even in the State that I was raised in. I have been back in the States for three years and this issue has never come. I do have friends, who aren't from the States and this issue does worry them. They don't feel as comfortable as they do back home, but they still wear hijab. So my suggestion for you would be to work with your wife to think of ways for her to "defend" herself if people ask why she is wearing hijab. I don't mean be rude, but just so that she feels comfortable wearing hijab in the States. One sister on this board responds with faith has no borders. You wife could also say that religious freedom is allowed in this country or that we are all immigrants except for Native Americans. These are just my thoughts on the subject. As salamu alaykum Marcie |
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