Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Need help desperately |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/24/02 at 20:54:08 |
| Assalaamu Alaikum I need help please. My Iman has recently gotten so low that I have considered things like not wearing my hijab anymore. Just making excuses not to wear it...thoughts that throwing it off will make my life better. I am depressed all the time, problems in my life have me so depressed. My husband is a wonderful, kind brother.. but he used to be such a strong Muslim and now he is as weak as I am. I don't feel like I take his advice seriously since he has become like this. I used to be so eager for knowledge, always asking, and I felt like at first he was my best teacher. He was an Imam at one time. Now he shaved his beard, joined the military, ignores my requests for studies, etc. I know I am responsible, but I am in a community that I have no friends, no Muslim family, and I am so depressed and losing my Iman every day. Please someone help me. I love Allah and I love Islam, and I need to get back on track. I am not looking to blame anyone, I just want to get myself back together. We need help from Muslims...and support. Please email me at mailto:LuvsThaDeen@aol.com |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| Rehana |
| 01/25/02 at 11:07:49 |
| [slm] bsm The quickest way to get back on the track of deen is to see the pictures of those in the world that are losing ther life and being maimed because of their love of Allah swt. Bottom line is, it makes one's daily life seem so blessed, that you can break into tears to think, you have the freedom practice your religion and yet we take it for granted. Stories and pictures of the Brothers and Sisters in Turkey and Palestine that suffer everyday and still manage to maintain their faith in Allah, made me cry. It is enough to make you resolve to get back and staying on track. Sister, you have taken the first step in recognising that something needs to be done, Alhumdulilah. Insha Allah, the other memebers would be in a position to add suportive posts to help you on your way. There are lots of inspirational posts here that help people to stay focused. May Allah guide us, Ameen. [slm] [center][color=magenta][i]Faith gives us real eyes, to realize where the real lies - Unknown -[/center][/color][/i] |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| lightningatnite |
| 01/25/02 at 15:24:40 |
| Salam, On thing that will boost you Iman is a book called Faza'il 'Amaal, its in most mosques that have a lot of pakistanis or indians. Some of the stories told in the first few chapters will increase you Iman 1000 times. There's even a chapter on female sahabiat and the sacrifices they made to serve Islam. You need to spend time around other Muslims, which is extremely important. Avoid too much TV, and shopping malls. Spend time in nature. Contemplate the night sky. Be thankful for all that you have, you husband, kids, a house, food. Who makes you breath every second? Each breath you have is a gift. This could be your last one. Imagine that you were told right now that you have 2 hours left in your life, and then the Angel will come for you. What would you do? Just 1:59 left...times ticking...would you hug your kids, kiss them. Pray? This dunya is so short, don't get obsessed over it. This is the means to an end, don't get lost on the dirt path that leads to a fine palace. They tell a story of a farmer you used to buy a new plow every year, for 50 years. One year he'd get a bronze one, then silver, brass..everything. When he died, he had beautiful plows all over his farm, but he never plowed the field! Don't waste your time in this world in frivolity. Earn reward, every spare moment you have make remembrance of God, read the Qur'an with meaning and contemplation. Be thankful, you can see. Close you eyes for a moment... Try listening to Dawud Warnsby Ali, I love his songs. Stay in wudu all the time. Exercise, teach your children and your husband about Islam :) May Allah increase you in remembrance and thankfulness to Him. |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| humble_muslim |
| 01/25/02 at 18:13:25 |
| AA I would NOT recommend Faizal Amal because - and correct me if I am wrong - some of the hadiths given in that boook are not authentic. |
| NS |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| BroHanif |
| 01/25/02 at 19:24:30 |
| Aww, I bought the tape called 'faith' for bonnie Fatimah bint Hanif. Its beautiful by Zain Bhika, I love the dude and so does Fatimah and me bonnie wife. Heres the lyrics which I love thought I could share it with you... WHERE WE BELONG Once, I was drowning in my fears and the twinkle in my eye disappeared and I had no way to look on my horizon seemed to have gone and my whole life, seemed empty and bleak each day and night, the answers I seek But when, the darkness seemed so strong and I couldnt go on to the sky I raised my hands making right what was so wrong I found the strength to carry on up to heaven where I belong In life, there are lessons to be learned with steadfastness, paradise Is earned and if, all hope seems to be gone just hold on till after the storm and if you ask, what purpose have I why am I here, and why do I cry? And when, the darkness seems so strong and you just cant go on pray for your helping hand youll see the sun will rise again youll find the strength to carry on up to heaven where you belong Cos life is but a journey for us all we cry, we laugh, we run sometimes we fall but through it all, always recall God never gives, a burden too tall Lyrics and Melody: Zain Bhikha. Producer: Craig Marais In short we all have our rollercoasters in life. Sometimes we are in our highs, sometimes in our lows. Yet, if one has sabr(patience) and taqwa then insha-allah you will be okay. What we need to do is cultivate our iman day and night, if we do not ivite our soul to Allah, then the world will invite us to her filth. What we need to do, as many scholars have said that we need to grow Islam in the house. Have a small study circle in your house, read the stories of the sahabas. A kitab called companions of the prophet[saw] is very good. Read the Quran, when you get up in the morning perform wuzu and start your day in the rememberance of Allah. And as you go to sleep pray some Quran. Contemplate upon your life and where its going, by thinking about death and the after life you will remember Allah more, the aim of every one is to gain the love of Allah so we stay away from evil and do good actions. When you love someone truly, you don't want to hurt any of thier feelings. Nor cause them grief. I guess when one loves Allah, then the heart is freed from the shackles of the nafs. If there are no physical presence of muslims in your community then establish friendship over the phone, or any other medium of communication, the main thing is trying to stay in touch with others. If you find this difficult you could always talk to some sisters here. Keep your tongue moist in the rememberence of Allah, pray the kalimah, durood sharif or whatever form of zikr you like. Stay away from sins and if you do sin, since we are humans then make repentance and try not to do that action again. As for your husband, well be patient with him, talk to him softly and plan a course of action for success in this life and the nx according to the ways of Islam. say for example, you have a study circle in the house. every day you read something about Islam. Its effect can be seen as droplets of water falling on a stone. One day the stone will have a hole created by the droplets of water. What I'm trying to say is establish an act that you find interesting to do and maintain it every day. Perhaps your familys lifes may not change over night, or in the nx week but insha-allah you will change slowly towards the truth. Any mistakes in the above are mine and they are from the whisperings of Shaitan, all good is from Allah, most high, most merciful. May the words above have an effect on me as well. Salaams Hanif |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| Arsalan |
| 01/25/02 at 19:10:19 |
| [slm] My dear sister in Islam. I have to say, regretfully, that I cannot do justice to your appeal for help at this time. May Allah increase the barakah in my time to enable me in formulating better responses to such appeals from my fellow brothers and sisters. I ask for His forgiveness in not being able to respond to you as I should. Some of the advice that has been already given is really good, alhamdulillah. I would just like to stress on one thing. If you can, move to a place where there is a bigger and more vibrant Muslim community. If I understand your ordeal correctly, a big reason why you are going through all this is because you have no Muslims around you. This is not surprising, because the scholars of our Deen have said this over and over again in their books that the company of good people is an extremely important ingredient for staying on the Right Path. Think about it. Even in our prayers, during the Fatihah, we ask from Allah (swt) not just for ourselves, but also for the rest of the Muslims around us. "Guide us to the Straight Path." And then, we ask Allah (swt) not just to bestow His blessings upon us and protect us from His Wrath, but to make us among those upon whom He has bestowed His grace, and not among those with whom He was angry. The Qur'an consistently talks about the Muslims as a whole, emphasizing the imporance of staying together as a collective body. The Prophet (pbuh) also pointed to this important concept in many of his ahaadith. On one occasion, he told his companions to always stick with the group, and warned them that the sheep which is most likely to be devoured by the wolf is the one which is away from the rest of the flock. On another occasion, he told his companions that a man (or a human being) is on the "deen" (or lifestyle, way of life, etc) of his friend! It's difficult to make good Muslim friends when there are very few of them around you! To survive alone in a forest of temptations is a lot harder than to do so with a team of people who help each other with it. Think about it. Think about it hard! Is it really worth it for you and your husband to continue living at a place where there are no Muslims? Is it really that difficult to move to a better place? If the answer is no, then you know what to do! I ask Allah (swt) to help you in your Deen and dunyaa, to strengthen your imaan, and to include you among His righteous servants, and the dwellers of Paradise in the Hereafter. Take care. Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| humble_muslim |
| 01/26/02 at 12:42:14 |
| AA Praise to be Allah. My dear sister, first know that you are our sister in Islam, and we all love you from the bottom of our hearts for the sake of Allah. It is the duty of muslims to always help each other, and I will humbly try to do my duty. First and foremost, remember the major reason for being a practicing muslim : to attain Jannah, and save yourself from Jahannam. If you keep Jannah and Jahannam constantly in your mind (or at least Jannah), then you will find Inshallah that the present life and its problems are tiny by comparison. I urge you to read the meanings of Surah Ar Rahman and Surah Al Waqiah, and to always turn back to them when you need to. And remember, what would be the attraction of Jannah if this life was perfect ? Secondly, The Prophet (SAW) said to always look at those worse off than you. And it COULD be a lot worse. Just think, what if your husband : Drank Abused you Cheated on you Threw away all his money on gambling Na adhu billaah, ALL these things, and much more, happen with muslim husbands. Be thankful to Allah that your husband does not do this. Thirdly, be confident. Whenever you do a good deed, no matter how small it is, feel happy about it. Fourthly, read those things which are known to have an effect on the heart. I would REALLY recommend, out of personal experience, "Inner Dimensions of Islamic Worship", by Mukthar Holland. This is a translation of part of Ilhya Uloom Ad Deen by Al Gahzali. The chapter on Salat is especially poignant. Fifthly, welcome to the board! This place is a wonderful place to share your problems. You will always find a symphathetic ear, Inshallah. Register, and join in the fun! Please keep us informed of your situation. If there has been any good in what I hjave written it is only from the Grace of Allah SWT. I ask his forgivness if I have said anything wrong. Wa alaikum as salam, Your brother in Islam, Hamayoun |
| NS |
| aWay to go(?) |
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| AbuKhaled |
| 01/27/02 at 14:05:50 |
| Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem My Dear Sister in the Deen of Al-Habib Al-Mustafa ibn Abdullah, salallahu alayhi wassalam, Wa-alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah. I ask myself, how low can the iman be of one who opens her post by sending salaams upon the Ummah of which she is such an integral part? You sent your salaams upon me, why? Because your Lord (awj) gave you an opportunity to gain His (awj) Good Pleasure in doing so, and you took it, may Allah ta’ala reward you for it. If He (awj) hadn’t, you couldn’t have, so what does that tell you about your relationship with Him (awj)? What does that say about your iman? It says it is not as shaytaan wishes you to think it is, ma’adallah. So my dear Sister, smile, please. ;-) You are the wife of a man who submits to the Rabb al-‘Alamin [Lord of all the Worlds], and the daughter of an Ummah that has been raised to carry the message of the most beloved of creation, salallahu alayhi wassalam. By this, you have been honoured, chosen, guided, and privileged. So can it be that bad? Surely only if you are veiled from the realisation of such gifts that have been placed at the doorstep of your life, no? :) My dear Sister, I look to your words and you know what I see? I see one to whom Allah ta’ala has extended His (awj) Hidayah [Guidance]. Which is no small thing. Do you think you appreciate this, or just take it for granted? Because a lot of us often forget to give (regular and ongoing) thanks for this truly incomparable blessing. In you I further see one to whom Allah ta’ala has opened a door to receive His (awj) help through her realisation of her condition. Even greater than this – as if this wasn’t enough already! – she has been afforded the blessing of being desirous to redress her affair. Are you availing yourself of this hidayah? Or are you relying on other than this? Are you turning to Him (awj) or turning from Him (awj), despite His (awj) blessing you with the ennoblement of being a part of the Ummah who is linked to the one who is most dear to Him (awj), salallahu ta’ala alayhi wassalam. What else do I see in you? I see a Sister whom her Lord (awj) has raised by a degree above the one who would be unconcerned about her affair. Yet here *you* are - unlike the many others in your same situation with respect to their iman - bothered by your situation, troubled by the distance you feel from your iman. So how could it be that if you were so apart from Allah ta’ala, that He (awj) raised your rank by allowing you to be concerned, rather than permitting you to remain in a state of ghafla [heedlessness] to your matter? Is it not so that the step in the direction of anxiety and the realisation of a troubled self is in fact the first footfall on the road towards rectification? Imagine where you might be if He (awj) had not Guided you to be where you find yourself now? Instead you find yourself with an avenue to His (awj) Rahma, so who is preventing you from opening that door? Him (awj) or you? If it is Him (awj) then you have cause for concern. But it is not Him (awj), ma’adallah. Which leaves only you. Then who are you to oppose the One (awj) who brought you to this point of realisation? Does anything lie within you that could deny the truth of your being pestered by your conscience, into posting your plea? For she who finds herself fumbling in the darkness of that wilderness known as indifference and apathy, perhaps such a one could miss the ishara [sign] of Allah ta’ala bringing her towards that which is better. So, is that not an ishara [sign] for the one who walks with her eyes open then? ;) You love Allah and you love Islam, so what are you prepared to do for that which is beloved to you? What kind of a love could I claim to possess if I chose to remain afar from the object of my love? What possible obstacle could dare to exist between me and my beloved, that could distract me from pursuing my love? Such a barrier would have to have some serious audacity to imagine that it could wedge me apart from my beloved! And how would it be were I to permit such an upstart of an obstacle to think it could crash my party, and further, to remain there without being ejected! No way! When it comes to me and my beloved, three’s a crowd! :) So my dearest Sister in Islam, for you *are* in Islam, regardless of how far you think your iman has fallen. And what of that? Does that not suggest anything to you? That even if you are thinking about walking away from the commands of Allah ta’ala, you will be doing so whilst having the favour of Islam upon you. Subhan’Allah, such is the Glory of He (awj) whom you are contemplating to shrug your shoulders at. How does knowing that make you feel? Do you think on that? Do you dwell on the many and magnificent blessings He (awj) has bestowed upon your blessed self? He (awj) has granted you the status of ‘ird [honour], purely by the virtue of being a *Muslim* woman. You never had to earn that right, He (awj) *gave* it to you. He (awj) made it so that *you* are to be honoured by your menfolk, unconditionally, by the maqam [station] of Islam, for *no other* reason than your being one of the women of Islam. Is that not something completely overwhelming as a ni’ma [gift] from Him (awj)? Something which in it’s sheer tremendousness, *should* give rise to an unspeakable haybah [awe] concerning your Creator (awj), and an unparalleled veneration for the Habib [Beloved] of Allah ta’ala who delivered such a gift to *you*, salallahu alayhi wassalam. Do you *feel* that haybah, and reverence? If not, why not, ask yourself. Don't you *want* to? You can. And it is something which is nothing short of *incredible*. How *much* do you want it? In the same way, He (awj) favoured you with Al-Islam. So, tell me, what is this jewel you think you have found that could shine more brightly than the jewel of Islam? What is the lure that tempts you which is more tempting than the recompense He (awj) has prepared for His (awj) righteous servants? Tell me, share it with us, for we remain blind to any delight outside of the delight of having the sublime privilege of being able to call ourselves *Muslim*. Ssshhh…. Subhan’Allah, read it again, let it drip from your tongue slowly, deliberately, “I a m a M u s l i m”. Revel in it, think on it, ponder over it. What does it mean? It is a currency like no other, a favour like no other, a jewel so enchanting and bewitching that surely only one who allowed the whispering [waswasa] of shaytaan to make them *momentarily* forget its worth by preoccupying them with their problems, could fail to remain bedazzled by the cognisance of the fact that *Allah* (awj) brought them into it’s fold. Allowed them to be a part of it. How then could you even consider not pulling back on the rope of that iman- when it is the door to that Islam – which will allow you to demonstrate your shukr [gratitude] to the One (awj) who Guided you to it? I’m amazed. How could one even have time to wonder about turning away from Him (awj) when there seems not to be enough time to fill with acts of ta’at [obedience], uboodiyah [servitude], shukr, tawba [repentance], and the like, that could go just a *tiny* way to manifesting that indebtedness to Him (awj) that we have for not permitting us to drown in the sea of other than Islam? When there is not time enough to purify ourselves such that we might appear in some degree of finery when we finally reach the Day of Reckoning. When the clock ticks so fast that we fear that we might not be able to acquire that adab [etiquette?] which is so necessary in order to even conceive of being able to raise our heads in the hope of attaining jannah [paradise]. Subhan’Allah, so how could it be that you are dwelling on matters which can wait in line after addressing all this. Matters which will not have the opportunity to have their say within you once you start to work on that which is more befitting of your precious time. It is related that the blessed Sahaba [Companions] (radhiallahu ta’ala ajma’een) of our Elect Nabi (salallahu alayhi wassalam) used to – as it was related to us on the authority of our teachers – feel like hypocrites in the absence of his (sallalahu alayhi wassalam) suhba [accompaniment]. And they were the *best* of generations. So how then for the rest of us who are far far from that ennobled sanctuary? Is it any wonder we sometimes loosen our grip on our iman? No my dearest Sister in Islam, suhba of the People of Allah (awj) is one key to open the doors of righteousness, wallahu ta’ala a’lam. So find those of the People of Allah (awj) that remind you of Him (awj). If being distant from Islam is caused by being alone with yourselves (i.e. you and your husband), then seek proximity to those whom when you are amidst them draw you ever closer to the dhikr [remembrance] of your Lord (awj). It seems obvious to this faqir, but sometimes the most obvious things can become unobvious due to our closeness to a situation. :) One of our Mashayikh related that Sayyidina ‘Ali (karram’Allahu wajh] is reported to have said (and I paraphrase) that, “Know that of the affliction which afflicts you, in not being worse than it could have been is in fact a blessing, so be grateful for that blessing.” [aw qama qal]. Indeed a profound way of re-evaluating the situation one finds oneself in, to realise the immensity of the blessing that lies in our plight not being worse than what it could be. There are *never* grounds for ingratitude towards Allah ta’ala, there are only ingrates. Ingrates who neglect to show gratitude. Pray that we are not amongst them my dear Sister. Realise your faqr [neediness] of Allah ta’ala at this time, and turn to Him (awj). Just try it, even if you don’t feel like it. Renew your wudu, purify your niyyah, and strain with all your blessed heart to conjure forth an ikhlas [sincerity] the likes of which you’ve never mustered before, and then pray to Him (awj) to open a way for you. Empty yourself of any other concerns and focus totally on this prayer. And you will learn – bi’ithnillah ta’ala – that Allah ta’ala *never* abandons the mukhliseen [sincere ones] who turn toward Him (awj). It *will* come, some time. But sabr [patience] is another key, as is regularity. Even if you find yourself doing so with ghafla, that is better than not doing so at all, as Imam Ibn Ata’Allah Sakandari (raheemahullah) mentioned in his Hikam [Aphorisms]. And obtain some works on raqa’iq [softening the heart] that you can read, so you can melt back into the awakening which accompanies she who rejoices with the acknowledgment of what? Of being deserving of the title of *Muslim*. If all of this failed to touch you, then forgive me, for it lies with me. But if one iota landed and took a hold, then I ask for your du’a, and good thoughts always. Your undeserving brother, who asks Allah ta’ala to forgive his utter inability to be a vehicle to carry the torchlight of the Deen of Rasul’Allah (salallahu alayhi wassalam) in such a way as to affect his Sister in her hour of need, bi’ithnillah; a reflection of my own pitiful condition. May Allah ta'ala grant you both istiqama [steadfastness]. Hayak’Allah to you, and your husband, Abu Khaled |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/28/02 at 02:04:32 |
| slm, Sister anon, we all go through moments of weakness; this is the nature of iman that it never stays on one level; it's either rising or falling. The important thing is to realize when your iman is on a downward spiral and try to remedy the situation. Alhamdulillah you know your problem, that's the first step in the treatment. First of all, if you need muslim support you might want to consider registering on this board. Everyone here is nice and welcoming. There are mash'Allah wonderful brothers and sisters that will answer your questions. It's also a place to share ideas, laughs, poetry, recipes, movie reviews, you name it :) Besides, no matter what time of the day(or if you're really addicated... night :) there are people who are logged on and posting stuff so there's always some action going on :) With iman,i think people have different soft spots. Different things inspire different people. My biggest inspiration is doing charity. I don't know why but no other act of worship gives me this deep sense of humbleness and gratitude as lending a helping hand. We always think that charity is something one does to benefit others, but it's really the other way round. After all it’s Allah swt that is giving; we are merely a channel through which He extends His Rizq to whom He pleases. The real beneficiary of charity is us because it purifies the heart from arrogance,ingratitude,depression,selfishness… those causes of heedlessness that prevent us from acknowledging all the blessings that Allah swt has bestowed on us. And once you realize your blessings and start giving thanks for them then you know your iman is on the right track. Allah swt said in the Qur’an: [color=red] “And remember! when your Lord proclaimed: "If ye are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; But if ye show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed."” (14:7) [/color] Charity can be anything, feeding the poor or lonely elderly people, visiting the sick, helping someone with their grocery shopping, even a smile :) And if you can’t do anything of that nature, then at least think about all those who are less privileged than you and make du’a for them. It’s really simple. Although it’s good to read books and seek knowledge It’s little actions that make a world of difference to one’s spirituality. And remember Allah swt is merciful to those who are merciful to others as in the hadith : [color=blue] Book 41, Number 4923: Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: The Compassionate One has mercy on those who are merciful. If you show mercy to those who are on the earth, He Who is in the heaven will show mercy to you. (Sunan Abu Dawud)[/color] Ok..i’m done with my little lecture… to myself before anyone else. Also check out this [color=purple][url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=6660]thread[/url][/color]…it has some beautiful advice, Mash’Allah. Finally, the most important thing is to make du’a , du’a and then more du’a. For It’s Allah swt that guides. Salam :) |
| Re: Need help desperately |
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| alzinjibar |
| 01/29/02 at 15:08:06 |
| Bismillah Rahman Rahim, wa salatuhu wa salam ala'a Rasul Karim, Salam alaykum sister, Allah(SWT) says “Blessed be He in whose hand is the dominion, and He is able to do all things. Who has created death and life, that He may test which of you is best in deed, and He is the All Mighty, the Off Forgiving” Al Mulk S67, v 1-2 “ And seek help in patience and as salat and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al khashi’un (the true believers in Allah- those who obey Allah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His promise (Paradise. etcc.) and in His warnings( Hell etc..).” Al Baqarah S 2, v 45 Dear sister we all go through up’s and downs in life, and over time we adjust and regain our foothold, you have to realize that what you are feeling is a sickness in your heart, and as you said about the hijab is just a symptom among other symptoms you mentioned. For the symptoms of a cold virus, is fever, feeling miserable etcc.. And when it get tough, usually the doctor will prescribe you some antibiotic, maybe some rest, drink plenty to flush the toxins, change a bit your eating habits, and let the prescribed drugs do their effects. Here in your case dear it’s something similar but on another level. Allah (swt) says “. Isn’t in the remembrance of Allah that hearts find peace?” S 13 v28 Try to alter your habits dear sister; they are some pointers the brothers have so wonderfully put above and the link. So I’m not going to add to that. However you mentioned that you are alone in your area, a couple of suggestion come to mind, try to find some mosque in your area, or even a bit further, call them up and tell them that you are a sister, who is looking for other Muslims sisters in your area, they might be able to help. Also you might have some halal shops in your area, they might be able to direct you towards some mosque, or group studies for sisters. Also they might be some colleges and uni with local Msa’s, call them up. The reason being you need to get in touch with fellow sisters with whom you can share, support each other, and grow together despite the vicissitudes of life. Also since it might be hard for now to relocate, and it might take some time to meet fellow muslimah, you can bring Muslims in your home, by that I mean, you have the Internet, find some speakers or maybe you have some on your pc, go to this site www.jannah.com, register there so u can have a username/password, and go to the Audio section, they have an extensive collection of lectures, by Sh Hamza and Imam Siraj among others, and while you are doing your stuff at home, listen to some lectures, make it a habit, whenever you have some free time, instead of watching the TV, put in some lectures, any time, for example you could be doing some of your home chores while listening to some. Also find some sites with Quran, and literally immerse yourself in either some lectures and Quran, our scholars taught us that, on many occasions when things go bad for some reasons, try to blot it out of your mind and keep your tongue most with the Remembrance of Allah, Keep repeating “ Lailah ila anta sub’han’Anaka Ini kuntu minal dhalimin”, or keep on repeating, Astaghrfirullah, and don’t cease. When something comes to your mind other then something you have to do, or some whisperings of shaytan, try to memorize the verse of the Throne, Ayatal Kursi and repeat it. Talk to your heart, say it aloud , “No, I wont submit to your whimsical desires, for I’ll be questioned, and you shaytan wont be there for me” , if it comes down to that. Remember this is to try to remove the inner illness, which is affecting you. Also and this is the most important one, make some time for Allah, especially at night, try to pray before you go to bed, and in your prayer, in sujud (prostration), empty you hearts’ content to Him(SWT), beg Him(SWT) to remove those ill feelings you have, and to purify your heart, to strengthen your iman, this has to be done with sincerity dear sister, and try to keep it as a regular habit, like others have their yoga sessions, you have your remembrance sessions, this might also encourage your husband towards what was once there. Whatever happened don’t despair of Allah’s mercy, no long ago I was in a refugee camp, and I saw some kids maybe 5-8, orphans, all they had to eat was a mush of corn flower, and beans with a bit of oil in it. That was their normal staple food. And once awhile they’ll have some rice and meat but that was really like once a month type of thing. The nights in the dorms were cold; many of them will sleep in their clothes bundled in a little light blanket to try to preserve the heat. Think about them dear. Find what triggers you, for you have to realize that you have to sparkle that heart back to life and keep on blowing on it till the fire is really up and going. You said that your husband was the one who was encouraging you etc. but now both of you are in the same spiral, maybe by you rekindling that fire, you’ll affect him and both of you will be back were you were once. You have to realize that sometimes in life all of us hit to some degrees a brick wall, not knowing where to turn to, what to do, yes we can go to some friends or relatives, they’ll give us words of encouragements, appease us for sometimes, but when we’ll go back home, and we are all alone, the same thoughts will start popping up again, or maybe late at night, when all is quiet, when people are asleep, and the minds are falling into a tranquil sleepy mode, yet with your chick on your pillow, and maybe watered eyes, yours will be irritated, distressed, in turmoil, if you do reach that stage of anxiety, sorrow , please go make wuduh , recite The 3 Qu’l.. And then keep on repeating either Subhn’Allah, Al hamdulilah, la ilaha ila lah, Allah akbar. And realize that you can only complain to Allah (swt), and only Him can give you an opening to your situation. A request to the sisters, please take some of your time and get to know your sister who is in a delicate situation, for those who are not to far from where she’s, or those who can afford spend some time with her, get to know each other better and deeper. If you can call her, please do so; be there for her as you would like someone to be there for you if you were in these hard times. And above all make dua, with sincerity for her. Draw a plan of what you can do with all the suggestions you have received, and see how you can implement them, and try to stick to your plan. Remember nothing is permanent, what you are going through is a temporary moment, these are just moments of downturn, they have a cause, a beginning and an end insh’Allah. May He (swt) bless you heart, and purify it’s virtues, may He (swt) make it easy for you, heal you as only Him can heal, May He(swt) strengthen your iman, increase you in taqwa. May He (swt) bless your home, family, and protect you from all evil. Amin |
| Re: Need help desperately |
|---|
| isra |
| 01/29/02 at 15:31:01 |
| As Salamu Alaikum Sister. Some brothers and sisters here gave you advice. All what I can do now is dua for you. Wassalamu Alaikum. |
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