Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| Ruqqayah |
| 01/31/02 at 16:59:55 |
| Slm all, Brothers (married and single), would you say you are/were less likely to marry a woman who is 'westernised?' Meaning she prefers english clothes to traditional (not more revealing or anything like that), if she has diff way of looking at life than the traditional kind of girl who thinks (being kinda prejudiced here) of only making tea, dinner and clothes? I know a few women who are adamant to marry a man with religion in his heart but who can take a woman being equal (western sense) too. Looking forward to hearing your views. Answer honestly! wasalams |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| BroHanif |
| 01/31/02 at 17:32:22 |
| Aww, [quote]would you say you are/were less likely to marry a woman who is 'westernised[quote] What do you mean by the term 'Westernised' wearing of English clothes is a culture and not particularly one which is termed 'Western', if she covers herself I don't mind if she wears size 21 inch flares as long as its not figure hugging. [quote]of only making tea, dinner and clothes[/quote] For all my sisters out there who do this, this is not a term that is Western. Looking after ones husband/family reagrdles of whether you live in Africa, Far East or in America is simply a way of life but no way is it Western. [quote]a woman being equal (western sense) too[/quote] Yes there are women, in fact I spoke to one woman the other day, she was so many months pregnant, however she was gonna come back to work after 18 months and she ain't single or on family credit, her husband works as well. That in my case is simply pathetic. How can you leave a small child in a nursery, that is no justice. If you call this Western then I call it losing motherhood. The night and day are not the same, a woman needs to look after the house and the man brings in the money. There is nothing 'Western' about that, look at the examples of the Sahabas. The Sahabas men went for dawah to call people to Allah and to establish the deen, the women i.e. their wives looked after the young kids and brought em on deen. How can we do this today if both partners are going headlong after the dunya ? I'd also like to know what you mean by 'Western' salaams Hanif |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| Anik |
| 01/31/02 at 19:45:17 |
| asalamu alaikum i think there's a problem with some women and even men who want to follow islam AND this enigmatic Western ideology that surrounds us... It translates that Islamic law is an OPTION and its a matter of CHOICE when something is either right or wrong. There's no such thing as men being the boss, there's this new age thing that the husband has to "work and be nice to get his wife's obedience"' or that obedience to each other and to islam is more an option than an obligation. I guess it keeps spouses in check but it also gives some spouses liscences to act up when something comes up between them. Allah SWT save us and our marriages from that insha'\allah, be we brother or sister. One thing i absolutely can't stand is this Western "open-minded" thing where women assume that all men are "not animals" and "not dodgy" and women should be able to xpress themslevs however and its someone elses problem if they are attracted etc ect. lol this may sound surprising, but dang it, many of us are!!!! Or the one where the girl in the short skirt gets a cat call and its the man's fault... then again, Western ideals also have a plus side when they let a woman know her rights whereas in many muslim societies culture has so much enveloped clear islamic thought in the mainstream that many women's rights have been muffled and lost in the fabrics of past. Another one on the husbands i can't stand is the "we live with the kaffirs, gotta join 'em" kinda attitude a lot of us brothers have... anyways, these are just generalizations many of them. aslamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| Ruqqayah |
| 01/31/02 at 20:34:31 |
| slm ok maybe u misunderstood what i was trying to stay or i didnt express it well enough. 'What do you mean by the term 'Westernised' wearing of English clothes is a culture and not particularly one which is termed 'Western', if she covers herself I don't mind if she wears size 21 inch flares as long as its not figure hugging.' In the british pak culture i live in, a person is deemed to be 'westernised' if they prefer english clothes to shalwar kameez. Yeh we all know that it doesnt matter wot u wear, as long as ure covered, but the older generation generally still think its a 'hoo haa' if you wear yer 21 inch flares. Sooo. im talking about the concept 'westernised' according to the older generations way of thinking. The reason i brought this topic up is because i know of a girl whose parents have been trying to find a rishta for her. Now this girl is in no way comprimisng things like childcare, or Islamic values...she dresses modestly, prays etc. Religion aint the problem. Problem is culture. Its my thinking that most british pakistani guys tend to like the girl to be a bit more traditional, ya know wear the dress, speak the language to a T, know how to make all the dishes....so the question was would you as a second generation american/brit have a problem with your wife not adopting pakistani ideals (which can often differ with Islamic ones anyway) Hope that wasnt too confusing! wasalams |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| siddiqui |
| 01/31/02 at 23:50:37 |
| Ouch! :) wassalam |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| Ruqqayah |
| 02/04/02 at 18:22:47 |
| slm 'ouch'???? wslm |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| mujaahid |
| 02/05/02 at 14:20:08 |
| Assalaamu-aliakum Good Question. I personally think as long as her "western" dress is not against islaam, not copying men etc, then i see no harm in that. As long as she wears the hijab, i wouldnt mind. However her body should not be revealed. Also about attitudes, i think she should be islaamic minded. I would not wanna marry someone who was like "GIRL POWER", and such nonsense. I'm not much of a tea man, i'm not really a "clean up after me miss" type. But i would expect her to look after the kids once they were born. If she wanted to work, fine, as long as it was an islaamic, or islaamically acceptable job, i'm cool with it. But thats my veiws, other bros may not feel the same. |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| siddiqui |
| 02/07/02 at 13:34:02 |
| asslam alikum it was an Ouch :) and not an ouch:( have a nice day :) |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| flyboy_nz |
| 02/14/02 at 06:12:34 |
| Asalaamu alaikum, [quote]Brothers (married and single), would you say you are/were less likely to marry a woman who is 'westernised?'[/quote] okay being a Bro from a semi-'westernised' background, I'd say that like attracts like in this case. People with similar views and outlooks on life are more likely to get along with each other. I have pride in Islam and I guess I'd personally look for a woman whose pride in Islam far overshadows her 'westerness' and not the other way around. By Islamic pride, I mean being totally comfortable with her identity as a Muslim, but not being in any way arrogant. She can wear appropriate 'western' dress, however isn't afraid to wear the hijab with it. [quote]I know a few women who are adamant to marry a man with religion in his heart but who can take a woman being equal (western sense) too. [/quote] As I said, this is a two-way thing...many bros want to marry a woman with religion in her heart too.. but the woman has to understand true equality...it wouldn't be fair for the husband to work all day, while the wife is at home, then come home and contribute 50:50 in the cooking and cleaning. But if both work equal amounts, then the household duties should be equally shared. wasalaam, Ahmed |
| Re: Another marriage 'what if...' |
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| Kathy |
| 02/14/02 at 22:29:08 |
[quote]... but the woman has to understand true equality...it wouldn't be fair for the husband to work all day, while the wife is at home, then come home and contribute 50:50 in the cooking and cleaning. Ahmed[/quote] The average job for a man is eight hours, maybe 10... The average hours for a stay at home mom are from 6:30 am- 11:00pm. |
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