Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| advice? |
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| Anonymous |
| 02/02/02 at 16:57:59 |
| Asalam Alaykum I was wondering if I could get some advice if that's okay?My husband and I are togther now almost 2 years. We are born muslims but before never practiced so much. When we met before marriage, we would go to clubs sometimes, involved in social groups and organize pub events in our college. Now since 2 years of marriage, a lot has changed and we improved... we start to pray 5 times, go to mosque, stop clubs, no drinks, so on, but now my husband still insists he helps his social organization organize and arrange a pub night with music and alcohol. I know many people will be drunk, and doing haraam things, and even maybe think he does these things too. He doesn't see anything wrong and wants moderation it seems and will not sit down to discuss this. He will go and promote the pub and do "coat check" while i am waiting tonight at home for him. He says "what time to be home? 11:30?" and insists he will be doing coatcheck, but as well admits he wants to socialize. I try to make him promise this is the last one. I have no right to order himn not to go right? I ask him if i did the same, he says he has the right to tell me not to go, please tell me about that. he says I am not the same person as before... that he doesn't know me anymore because i am so strict. Advise pls how to solve this.. wait at home and be ready and nice? be angry\? insist? and we love each other very much and so anything separating is not in the question. I know he is a goo dmuslim by heart but i feel he is being swayed by cultural and social obligations. Advise please. aslamu alaykum. |
| Re: advice? |
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| Marcie |
| 02/02/02 at 17:13:22 |
| As salamu alaykum Sis, I think that the more that you pressure him the worse it will get. If you can just be asleep by the time he comes home so that there is no need for a discussion. Maybe tonight he will also realize that Islamically his actions are not okay. He has not made the changes that you have yet. Keep praying to Allah (swt) that he will fully accept Islam. Insha'Allah if you can try to find other Islamic couples, so that he has the chance to socialize and does not feel the need to go back to his old days. Sorry that I can't be a better help. As salamu alaykum Marcie |
| Re: advice? |
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| momineqbal |
| 02/02/02 at 17:24:18 |
| [slm], Maybe if he lestens to this lecture he might realise something and fight off his nafs. [url=http://www.islamway.com/eng/html/lessons.php?lesson_id=92&scholar_id=14"]Regret[/url] Wassalam Eqbal |
| Re: advice? |
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| MalikShabazz |
| 02/03/02 at 16:31:26 |
| salam first of all, you do have the right to advise him not to do actions that are forbidden and he shares the same right over you the way to approach this is to do it gradually -- even in islam, alcohol wasn't banned in a day you have to use wisdom and kind preaching (don't make it look like you're preaching) perhaps you can put the verse which completely bans alcohol and the saying of the Prophet (pbuh) about those who are cursed for their involvement in alcohol on the fridge door, so he has something to look at the next time he reaches for orange juice, inshaAllah using subtle techniques can work, just don't hit him with a baseball (figuratively) inshaAllah, since you guys are improving your deen (like all of us) Allah will help y'all out, inshaAllah take care all the best was salam |
| good luck |
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| hijabi101 |
| 02/03/02 at 16:48:47 |
| salaam, I agree with everyone's suggestions, they are all very good ideas and insha'allah will eventually help, but in my opinion, if a person has gone that far into doing these forbidden acts then it is quite hard for them to suddenly stop and turn back (AllahuAlam) so that gradual approach is good, once he notices that you have changed insha'llah so will he, but give him time and the best thing to do is pray to Allah (swt) for his guidance and mercy. And my last idea, which I think was already mentioned, show him verses from the quran as well as hadith that show prohibition and punishment from these shameful activities and if he has the least bit of taqwa in his heart he will resent doing what he does. May Allah help us all. Ma'salaama |
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