Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Strict? |
|---|
| proudtobemuslim |
| 02/07/02 at 07:29:07 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, I hope all my questions haven't annoyed you but I really need a bit of help right now. Al-Hamdulillah, a friend of mine has startd to pray Salah 5 times a day and seems to be coming closer and closer to the Deen of Allah. Please pray that he continues to do so and does not fall back. I myself have always tried to concentrate on getting him to do the very basic aspects of Islam and whatever I may feel would be generally easy for him. However, on his own accord he is beginning to ask about other aspects of Islam such as the beard, life's luxuries, music, girls, etc. etc. etc. As such I answer him while giving him whatever information I can with articles and fatwas. He accepts it, but here is where I feel there is a problem. I seem to be getting idea indirectly from him that he is finding Islam strict. I want to talk to him regarding this, but I thought that I really should start by seeking your worthy advice, Masha-Allah. One of the things that I want to emphasize is that he should concentrate on the reward that he is getting from Allah (AWJ) rather than the punishment that he is avoiding. But please help me as I feel I may not be able to keep him a growing a Muslim and he just may 'lose hope' or feel despair or something (May Allah (AWJ) protect us all from that). I have exams nowadays so please do not feel distressed if I don't reply for a couple of days. I will Insha-Allah be reading everything. Jazzakum ullahu Khair and keep praying. Wassalamu Alaikum, Uzer |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Mystic |
| 02/07/02 at 07:55:21 |
| [slm] I think its *awesome* that your friend is discovering the path of Allah again and that you are helping him out;-D May Allah bless and guide all of us, in this world and the Akhera (Amin) :) Its definitely a positive sign that he is inquiring about more and seems to want to develop more spiritually:) So as not to get overwhelmed with the many details of worship, why don't you give him an overall soul purification book? I know it helped me a lot in gladly giving up haram music etc, when i realized what an ugly effect it had on the heart...So if your friend is aware of the reasons beyond just pleasing Allah and avoiding His punishments (which are also great reasons), he will be more inclined to fortify himself and strengthen his spiritual base. I hope I am making sense...May Allah make his path easy (Amin). Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| momineqbal |
| 02/07/02 at 23:00:26 |
| [slm], Also to keep in mind is Islam's idea of moderation and going only as far as one's ability in whatever we do of worshipping Allah (swt). Wassalam Eqbal |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| MalikShabazz |
| 02/08/02 at 03:55:20 |
| salams focus more on spirituality than ritual what happens, and what's happened with me is that in my life ritual has been focused on more than spirituality, and it's left me feeling empty inside get some heart-warming passages from the Qur'an about how God's presence is everywhere, how He is closer to you than your jugular vein, etc. and get some GOOD rumi (cuz there's ... um ... odd rumi stuff, too) spirituality that the bro. is now starting to pray is alhamdulillah great concerning other things you have to get him to understand that islam is not a straitjacketed religion -- it's very moderate, it's only people who make it hard for themselves (okay... it's hard at times, but no pain no gain, ya know?) i listen to music -- i consider it aight as long as there's no vulgarity in it (read Yusuf Qaradawi, etc.) but others may not listen to it, considering virtually all music haram (read Salafiyyah, etc.) so you have to -- on such topics where there are such differences in the ummah -- let him know of the differing opinions, and let him choose what is easier concerning things such as girls (ay ay ay!) you have to put your foot down, but slowly (if he's already involved with them) or hard if he's not (prevention is the best form of abstention...) and it's tuff, you just have to be persistent, slow, steady don't use the baseball bat approach, i.e. giving him all of islam in one go it takes time to learn it and more time to practice it the first step being knowledge the second being action and if someone seeks Allah, Allah guides them, inshaAllah was salam |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Kathy |
| 02/08/02 at 09:17:50 |
| slm I completely understand! When you come from the typical American society like I did. Islam does seem very strict- even overwhelming. Every time you turn around you gotta give up something. From a new revert point of view: No more wine, pork chops, so much food. No more holidays, and celebrations. No more cigs and cigars. No more hanging out with your buddies at the local watering hole, no more dancing. No more flirting. No more Hair flying in the wind. No more swimming/and sunbathing. No more beautifying your nails and face. No more bingo and lottery. No more cars/homes- that riba! now- you gotta pray 5 times- and that Fajr prayer! you gotta fast- you gotta purify your wealth You are so aware of your sins and of judgement day. Then there is the social pressures that start because now you have to explain to family and friends why you aren't doing all the above! Generally- after you haveleft that life there is no support system- as most communities are so lacking in support for new Muslims. So this revert is having a tough time? Sure! We all go thru it. Islam does seem awfully strict when you are not used to it. What we don't see is that all of these rules are for our benefit. Allah swt is guiding us toward paradise, with these rules. My suggestion is- Tauheed. The more a person learns about Allah swt the easier it is to give up all these things- [i]Just to please Allah swt[/i] |
| NS |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Tasnim |
| 02/08/02 at 13:22:43 |
[quote]slm No more holidays, and celebrations. No more hanging out with your buddies at the local watering hole, no more dancing. No more Hair flying in the wind. No more swimming/and sunbathing. Then there is the social pressures that start because now you have to explain to family and friends why you aren't doing all the above! Generally- after you haveleft that life there is no support system- as most communities are so lacking in support for new Muslims. So this revert is having a tough time? Sure! We all go thru it. Islam does seem awfully strict when you are not used to it. What we don't see is that all of these rules are for our benefit. Allah swt is guiding us toward paradise, with these rules. My suggestion is- Tauheed. The more a person learns about Allah swt the easier it is to give up all these things- Just to please Allah swt [/quote] Salam, Kathy! As you said, becoming muslim makes life pretty joyless! Suddenly your friends leave you, you are alone and overwhelmed with the presure of you new community.... sometimes I regret that I became muslim! Wassalam Tasnim |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Mystic |
| 02/08/02 at 14:14:12 |
| [slm] [quote] As you said, becoming muslim makes life pretty joyless! Suddenly your friends leave you, you are alone and overwhelmed with the presure of you new community.... sometimes I regret that I became muslim! [/quote] Awwwwwwwww Tasnim, your post made me sooo sad:( Please fight those times you feel negative vibes cuz remember its shaytan trying to weaken you at times when you are vulnerable. Take it slow and really focus on building your spirituality and love for Allah thru' increased knowledge especially cuz that's the best way to armor ya self:) I trailed back in here to mention something else i thought about in this regard. Listening to Sheikh Hamza Yusuf the other day, he provided the analogy of Islam to the "Al Hambra" remains. He said from the outside the building looked like a fortress it was sooooo intimidating, lackluster...like a prison! but the minute you step into the gates, you are surrounded by luscious gardens, cascading fountains, and delicious fruits....the beauty and tranquility is the true taste of Islam that can't be described to someone who focuses on the outer fortress that is the sanctuary protecting our precious souls... He says it a lot more eloquently of course...but i thought i would add another two cents :) Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Hania |
| 02/08/02 at 14:29:41 |
| [quote] As you said, becoming muslim makes life pretty joyless! Suddenly your friends leave you, you are alone and overwhelmed with the presure of you new community.... sometimes I regret that I became muslim! [/quote] slm Sis Sorry to hear you are having a hard time :( But try and reflect on the positive things of becoming a Muslim. Certainly many Muslims here are here with open arms if you need anything, so please don't ever feel lonely. Try and remember why you became a Muslim in the first place. I am sure you wouldn't have made the decision unless it was something you truely believed in :) [quote] From a new revert point of view: No more wine, pork chops, so much food:[/quote] err pork is so fattening and diseases have been associated with pig meat, alchohol thats just bad for your health, drunk driving etc! [quote] No more holidays, and celebrations.[/quote] of course there are holidays and celebrations. We get TWO eids in one year :) [quote] No more cigs and cigars. [/quote] You wanna die of lung cancer? [quote] No more hanging out with your buddies at the local watering hole, no more dancing. [/quote] Half your buddies are drunk at the local watering hole, can you really say you can converse in meaningful conversations with a drunk? You can dance in private. Whats wrong with belly dancing with your female friends? [quote] No more flirting.[/quote] Please! Would you be happy if your hubby was off flirting? [quote] No more Hair flying in the wind. [/quote] And how much does it cost for all those hair conditoners, de-tanglers, appointments at the hairdressers? [quote] No more swimming/and sunbathing. [/quote] Sunbathing is associated to skin cancer. Of course you can still go swimming! [quote] No more beautifying your nails and face. [/quote] Why not? [quote] No more bingo and lottery. [/quote] Do you ever win anyway? How much money do you waste a week on games of chance? The money is better used in a charity box. Hania. |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Arsalan |
| 02/08/02 at 16:55:38 |
| [slm] Uzer, I hope your earlier question about enjoying the luxuries of life was not coming from your friend. Because the answers that we gave you are NOT the answers to be given to someone who has only recently become interested in Islam! We were talking to you, not your friend. (at least I was). Don't get me wrong. Islam is not different for different people. And we don't hide things from people because "they may not be ready for them." It's simply a matter of giving things to the people gradually, according to the level that they are at. You can't jump from point A to point Z. If you try to do that, you'll only fall flat on your face, and get frustrated and give up. But if you move up the stairs gradually, step by step, you'll realize that it's not as hard as it seems. And with every step, you'll learn more things insha Allah. Anyway, I digress. The first thing I want to stress is that when you talk to your friend and teach him the Deen, focus on the basics. At least for now. Don't get him bogged down with music and beard etc *yet.* These things, he will realize by himself later when he grows in his deen. If he himself asks you about these things, then answer him, but don't initiate these topics on your own. This is my advice, wallahu a'lam. Now, how to answer him! The best answer to your dilemma, I think, is embedded in Kathy and Hania's posts. The key is to tell the person the *hikmah* behind the rulings of Islam, and not just the rulings themselves. So why is it that we are not supposed to date? A simple, "because Allah has forbidden it" is not good enough for someone new to Islam. They need to be convinced that doing something like this really is bad for them in *this* life (as well as the Hereafter of course, but the stress for them, at least at this point, has to be about the short-term effects ... and those happen in *this* life). You have to convince the person that Islam is a *system* of life, designed to make a human being's life as perfect and peaceful as possible. And that it's designed to make all of us slaves of Allah (swt) who indulge in His worship and obedience with nothing to distract us away from it. So as Kathy said:[quote]What we don't see is that all of these rules are for our benefit[/quote]Make him see that they are! And some of those benefits were outlined by Hania, alhamdulillah. There are a LOT more, of course. May Allah reward you for your efforts, and guide those around you to the Right Path. Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Tasnim |
| 02/09/02 at 01:34:52 |
[quote] I trailed back in here to mention something else i thought about in this regard. Listening to Sheikh Hamza Yusuf the other day, he provided the analogy of Islam to the "Al Hambra" remains. He said from the outside the building looked like a fortress it was sooooo intimidating, lackluster...like a prison! but the minute you step into the gates, you are surrounded by luscious gardens, cascading fountains, and delicious fruits....the beauty and tranquility is the true taste of Islam that can't be described to someone who focuses on the outer fortress that is the sanctuary protecting our precious souls... [/quote] Salam Maliha, unfortunately I don't see the gardens right now. But after every night a new day will follow.... I remeber a time when I couldn't imagine to go to bed without having a glas of wine before. It is almost 2 years ago now... AND I sleep better without today.... Probably I was too pushy with myself, changed too much of my lifestyle in a too short time. Seems it is to my best when I go a step back and give it a new trial, without force... as far as I know the prophet(peace be upon him) took 20 years to establish the ummah... Wassalam Tasnim |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Marcie |
| 02/09/02 at 10:13:28 |
| As salamu alaykum I was just wondering if the brothers ever get together and do stuff like play soccer or basketball? Just things where Muslims are together and enjoying themselves. We sisters get together and have breakfast or lunch. I know that people think that Muslims don't have any "fun" or joke around. I always try to tell nonmuslims that we still have fun, but haram things don't have to be involved. Nonmuslims would be amazed at the sense of humour that muslims have. I also have to agree with Tasnim. Let him change at his own pace. Everything takes time. I had a friend, who just happened to be a perfectionist, convert to Islam. Of course she was not able to do evrything at once and perfectly. She ended up leaving Islam although we told her to slow down. [color=red][quote] No more Hair flying in the wind.[/quote][/color] That is the most wonderful feeling!;) As salamu alaykum Marcie |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Arsalan |
| 02/09/02 at 12:09:11 |
| [slm] [quote]I was just wondering if the brothers ever get together and do stuff like play soccer or basketball? [/quote]All the time! Sometimes too much probably :) Basketball, that is. Soccer?! Since this board has an international readership ... no comment :) |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| proudtobemuslim |
| 02/14/02 at 05:45:02 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, Thank you all for replying. Sis. Maliha, I thought your soul book was a good idea, but I know my friend will 'not have the time' to read it. Bro. Arsalan, regarding the question I posted that was originally from my friend but since I didn't understand the concept fully clearly myself, I thought it best to understand and then try to explain. Regarding getting the logic behind all actions that is, of course, good to do. But there are some things that one might not be able to justify logically like the beard, music, etc. If I say something like the logic of growing a beard is to be different from the kaffirs then I could get a response saying that saying the beard is sunnah is sufficient and that my beard doesn't grow well on my face and so I shave (this is a hypothetical but very likely example). If you have any other ideas please do post them. Wassalamu Alaikum, Uzer |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| Hania |
| 02/14/02 at 09:29:13 |
[quote] Soccer?! Since this board has an international readership ... no comment :)[/quote] Why do yanks call it soccer and us limies call it football? hmmm? |
| Re: Strict? |
|---|
| bhaloo |
| 02/14/02 at 10:05:01 |
| slm Has anyone ever wondered why the brits are called limies? It has to do with the trips that they took from the old world to the new world (america) in those big ships back in the 17th and 18th centuries. The sailors would come down with a disease called scurvy, due to not having any vitamin c. To combat this they would eat a bunch of limes, hence the name limies. As to soccer, we already have a real sport called football. ;) |
Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.The rest © Jannah.Org |