Need advice.... [wedding jitters!]

Madina Archives


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

Need advice.... [wedding jitters!]
Anonymous
02/07/02 at 15:29:03
[slm]
I need advice from my sisters...especially ones married. I agreed to be
married to this guy not too long ago and now I have *All* these doubts.
I had prayed Istikhara and was okay with it. Then, I panicked and broke
our communication saying abruptly "we are not compatible"..however,
after sometime, I felt stupid and after talking to my family, i apologized
to him and we reconvened our intentions.
I recently agreed to be married to him, the wedding date has been set
and invitations sent out. I am dying of the worst case of jitters again,
and I don't know if this is normal??? do people go thru this??? I keep
thinking of breaking it off, but its almost too late and my family
would literally kill me, let alone the repercussions of hurting the guy and
stuff...please help.
Re: Need advice.... [wedding jitters!]
Kathy
02/07/02 at 16:30:00

[quote]
I need advice from my sisters...especially ones married. I agreed to be married to this guy not too long ago and now I have *All* these doubts. ....I am dying of the worst case of jitters again,
and I don't know if this is normal??? do people go thru this??? [/quote]

Dear Sister,
slm

It is all going to work out. Take ten deep breaths and go get a paper and pencil.

You need to know why you are jittery about this marriage.

Are you scared of the wedding night?
Are you intimitaded by your appearance?
Are you concerned about where your new home will be?
Are you concerned about money?
Has the brother or his family said or done anything to send up "a red flag?"
Was/Is there someone else you may be more interested in?
Are you concerned about what kind of father/ husband he will be?
Are your levels of intest in Islam different?
Are you afraid of your marriage "failing"

Shoot- I could go on forever. By writing down what 'fears' you have you may be able to solve them.

Most of us do get jittery- it is normal. Even the second time....
Istikara was good- no problem in repeating it.

It really is best to solve your concerns before your marriage. Addressing the above ones are very hard after your married.

I remember being really jittery- I think most of us are.


NS
Re: Need advice.... [wedding jitters!]
Barr
02/09/02 at 00:41:26
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah :-)

I think Kathy's advice is good, mashaALlah. Do take time to think thoroughly. However, please bear in mind that Shaitan is always on his toes to break or prevent marriages and the formation of Muslim families.

Certain things may have changed that may require you to review things again. Allahu'alam.

However, your final decision must be something that your heart must feel at ease about. InshaAllah, it is guided from Allah, and not mere whispers of Shaitan.

Most importantly, put your utmost trust in Allah and don't let shaitan shake it.

[color=blue]"When thou hast Taken a decision put thy trust in God. For
God loves those who put their trust (in Him)." Surah Ali Imran: 159[/color]

Allahua'lam :-)
Re: Need advice.... [wedding jitters!]
M.F.
02/11/02 at 04:42:32
Assalamu alaikum,
Since you prayed Istikhara and were ok with it, then you know deep down inside that everything will be ok, and that if you don't go along with what Allah chose for you in the istikhara things will go very wrong.
Sister Kathy's idea is excellent.  Knowing exactly what's causing your jitters will help you deal with them.  Perhaps it's the idea that you're choosing this one person to spend the rest of your life with and you're not sure you know him well enough (for example).  Well, since your istikhara was positive, just know that Allah probably has some very good things in store for you in your life with this brother.
And everyone will tell you it's perfectly normal to have fears before you get married.  The day before I got married I panicked: what's the big rush to get married???  I have plenty of time.  I hardly even know this person (although I'd known him for years), I can still do so many things with my life etc etc.  I went to my dad and he helped me calm down, and sure enough, everything turned out wonderful al hamdu lillah!  Yes, I'd prayed Istikhara (more than once) and decided not to think about it anymore!


Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © Jannah.Org