Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| What do I tell my son? |
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| jaj |
| 02/09/02 at 00:48:42 |
| Salam alaikum, In a few years I will be facing a difficult situation: my son will ask me about his father. His father and I are no longer together for many different reasons. The biggest reason is he abused me physically and emotionally, and he married me with the intentions of the marriage being for him to not fall into the haram (this was without my knowledge...I was under the impression this man was going to be my husband for the rest of our lives inshallah). I'm really concerned about what I will tell my son. He is only 6 months right now, but in a few years I know he will be asking me about his father. I don't want to tell him the things that happened between us. I have thought about "we just weren't right for each other" but then I thought about Yousif asking me why we weren't right for each other and I can't find an answer that is suitable for a young child and also one that will not put bad thoughts about his father into his mind. I don't want Yousif to ever think his father doesn't love him, because I know he does even if he never writes to me to ask about him. wassalam, jaj |
| Re: What do I tell my son? |
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| Kathy |
| 02/10/02 at 17:26:37 |
| slm I am not a psychologist, a scholor or a learned one. You are asking a very difficult question- You don't want to lie but you don't want to hurt your son. If I was in your shoes I would tell my son all of the wonderful things about his dad. I would let go of the hatred, the hurt, the idiocies of his father. Tell him about the good stuff- when he is older - mature enough to handle it- if he asks- tell him why you left him. For now- let him grow up knowing that he is from "good seed." Every boy needs that confidence. The sure reality will hit him in his late teens, by then he will be able to handle it. My advice would be totally different if you were all living together- but that is a whole different topic! |
| NS |
| Re: What do I tell my son? |
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| bhaloo |
| 02/10/02 at 18:54:58 |
| slm I was asked to put this story up here that I sent to my list recently, in reply to this message. Two Wolves =========== An old Indian Grandfather said to his grandson who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice........ "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued...... "It is as if there are two wolves inside me; One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. He saves all his energy for the right fight. But the other wolf, ahhh! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked... "Which one wins, Grandfather?" The Grandfather smiled and quietly said...... "The one I feed." Indian Author Unknown |
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