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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Abd_al-Rashid |
| 09/17/02 at 22:05:44 |
| [slm] Take heed brothers: ;D Physical Properties: a) Surface usually covered with painted film. b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. c) Melts if given special treatment. d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care! Chemical Properties: a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones. b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates. d) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense. e) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man. Uses: a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. b) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances. c) Can cool things down when it's too hot. Tests: a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen. Caution: a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling. b) Illegal to possess more than Four. [wlm] |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| jannah |
| 09/18/02 at 06:50:22 |
| Ha! Very funny Rasheed.... Here's a joke for ya... Male-bashing Humor by Anonymous? John Ross shared this joke with me. I didn't get it, but my wife laughed her head off: One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength...and the tools to cross this river. Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge. |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Savaira |
| 09/18/02 at 09:53:09 |
| [slm] :D :-/ LOL, good one Jannah! [wlm] |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| WhatDFish |
| 09/18/02 at 22:10:01 |
| just got this yesterday . . . . but of course tis just a joke! A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon an unusual old lamp. She picked it up and cleaned it off, and suddenly a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's understanding and considerate and kind and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for... a good mate." The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that damn map!" |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Barr |
| 09/19/02 at 05:36:50 |
| Me thinks she needs a new lamp and another genie. ::) Women shouldn't settle for bad services :P [i](see chemical properties clause c) Repels cheap material) [/i] |
| 09/19/02 at 05:41:01 |
| Barr |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| WhatDFish |
| 09/19/02 at 11:57:11 |
| U dont need a lamp and a genie for that! lotsa good guys that fit that criteria and more :P right brothers? |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| sabri |
| 09/19/02 at 13:35:37 |
| [slm] [quote author=`Uthmaan link=board=bro;num=1032314744;start=0#5 date=09/19/02 at 11:57:11]U dont need a lamp and a genie for that! lotsa good guys that fit that criteria and more :P right brothers?[/quote] Absolutely!! You just gotta know where to look. ;) [wlm] |
| 09/19/02 at 13:36:45 |
| sabri |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| theOriginal |
| 09/19/02 at 15:35:27 |
| [slm] First, to the brother who pasted that joke, please add as a subscript, the male version of the joke..I looked but couldn't find it, although I know one exists. Okay I gotta joke. The thing is, this one bashes females. And when I first heard it I was like ??? ??? (I don't get it.) Anyway, as you can probably imagine, the male members of my extended family laughed so hard, especially since I proved their point. There are two men at the counter of a local auto parts store, one is a customer, and the other one works there. A lady walks into as the two men at the counter wonder what she is doing in there. She confidently tells them that she wants to buy a "710 cap". The guy behind the counter says, "A 710 cap, what's that?" The lady says "Look, I don't know. It's right there on the engine. I open the hood and it's usually right there in front of me and somehow I've lost mine." The guy behind the counter says, "Well, what does it do?" The lady says, "I don't know, look, every time I drive the car, before I get in, I have to open the hood and look around underneath to make sure everything looks like it did the day before, that the belts are OK, the fluids are full, the hoses look OK. You know, the whole routine. But I noticed that this 710 cap which has been there every day is missing, and I need a new one, and I need it fast." The guy behind the counter asks, 'Well, what kind of car is it?'" The men figure it's got to be like a Datsun 710. The lady says it's a Buick. The counter guy asks, "Well, what does the cap look like, how big is it?" Well, the lady makes a circle with his hands and he shows that it's about three inches in diameter. And the fellow says, "That doesn't help me, can you draw me a picture?" Hands the lady a piece of paper and the lady draws this cap, and she writes 710 on it. Well, while she was writing this, you have to remember that the men are standing on the other side of the counter, and they see the image turned 180 degrees. As she finishes her diagram, and says, "There!", the men fall on the floor laughing. (In order to get it, you must dumb yourselves down to the level of men...*pure jokes*) :-/ Wasalaam SF. |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| se7en |
| 09/19/02 at 18:07:31 |
| I don't get it ??? ??? ??? explanation please! |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Serena |
| 09/19/02 at 19:16:35 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, Just a guess...is it oil??? Serena |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/19/02 at 22:46:23 |
| [slm] [quote author=se7en link=board=bro;num=1032314744;start=0#8 date=09/19/02 at 18:07:31]I don't get it ??? ??? ??? explanation please![/quote] HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH. :D Its OIL. The lady lost her OIL cap. For some reason I thought there was a Men version of the elemnet thing that I saw before, but I can't find it. OIL on its side is 710 |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| gift |
| 09/20/02 at 06:26:22 |
| [slm] i know this one 'women bashes' as well, but i thought that poor bro rashid and the other bros might need some help :P A few words women like using, and their actual interpretation!!! FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING If you ask her what is wrong and she says "Nothing", this means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing." [wlm] |
| 09/20/02 at 06:27:22 |
| gift |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| theOriginal |
| 09/20/02 at 13:00:55 |
| [slm] For starters, yeah it's "OIL"....(I didn't think it was funny even after I found out what it was) But here's the subscript. I found it. (I love my l33t self sometimes...*jokes*) [center]" HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET" MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS[/center] ELEMENT: MAN ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs SYMBOL: EGO DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs. OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor) PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others. 2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense. 3) Melts if treated like a God. 4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. 5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. 6) Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1) Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element. 2) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened. 3) Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking. 4) When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements. 5) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers. 6) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. 7) Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6. 8 ) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness. 9) Is impervious to embarrassment. 10) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman. |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 09/20/02 at 16:07:35 |
| :-/ :-/ :-/ Thanks Original, that "OIL" joke was classic!!! Keep em coming ;) |
| oh dear.. |
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| princess |
| 09/20/02 at 19:33:21 |
| walikumas'salaam warahmatullah ;D [quote author=theOriginal link=board=bro;num=1032314744;start=0#12 date=09/20/02 at 13:00:55] DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.[/quote] hahahahah..:D that's just beautiful :-/ totally classic :::thumbs up::: good 1 theoriginial :-X |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Asifa |
| 09/23/02 at 12:37:20 |
[slm] 3) Melts if treated like a God. ) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened. hehehe :) Very true ;D :D. Thanks orignal for sharing such a true information. ;) |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| Aabidah |
| 09/23/02 at 23:46:54 |
| [slm] I'm not in the mind frame to read everyone's replies, but I'm sure they're very funny and just the thing to cheer anyone up, but..... I just read the post, Br. Rasheed, and.... :D :D :D :D :D Wait til I have more time and come up with something even better :-[ :-[ [wlm] Betul |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| hiJabeeThug |
| 12/01/02 at 01:37:23 |
| LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL WE-THEY ...... (am a female so i don't count as a we) ok ok only 2 percent :P 98% female happy ?? ;D 30 Reasons why Men Are Proud of Themselves!! 1. We know stuff about motors . 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase. 3. We can open all our own jars. 4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group. 5. We don't have to learn to spell a new last name. 6. We can leave a hotel bed unmade. 7. We can kill our own food. 8. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 9. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 10. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend. 11. Underwear is #10 a three-pack. 12. If you are 34 and single nobody notices. 13. Everything on our faces stays the original color. 14. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. 15. We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming. 16. Car mechanics tell us the truth. 17. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me." 18. Same work-more pay. 19. Grey hair and wrinkles only add character. 20. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 21. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 22. Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" 23. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colours. 24. We almost never have a "strap" or VPL problem in public. 25. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes. 26. The same hairstyle lasts for years - maybe decades. 27. A few belches are expected and tolerated. 28. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 29. We can do our nails with a pocketknife. 30. Eid shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Eid and in 45 minutes |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| medina |
| 01/30/03 at 07:13:29 |
| Very funny............I laughed my head off [].....especially to the last one At the very end of it.[glow=red,2,300]TEXT[/glow]........can't live with 'em.....can't live without 'em |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 01/30/03 at 18:11:41 |
| [slm] I got this in the mail...ouch! seems like the man won here >:( but I just think they put the worst woman and the ideal man ;D. Thats my sweet reasoning :P Anyhow enjoy! :-* Woman Vs Man W O M A N If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing If you don't, you are not understanding If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't, she thinks you don't love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you don't like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel If she is visited by another, 'Oh! it's natural, we are girls' If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring If she talks, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk In Short: So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable ...women! M E N If you kiss him, he kisses you back If you don't, he patiently waits If you praise him, he says thanks you If you don't, he feels secure in your love If you agree to all his likes, you have met your fantasy man If you don't, you still get along If you visit him often, he welcomes you every time If you don't, he'll visit you instead If you are well dressed, he says you are beautiful If you don't, you are still beautiful If you are jealous, he reassures you and holds you If you're not, he gives you no reason to be If you are a minute late, he is grateful for your arrival If he is late, he apologizes and makes it up to you If you visit another man, he is secure that you love only him If he is visited by another woman, you are secure that he loves only you If you kiss him once in a while, he's appreciative of your affection If you kiss him often, he will always have you on his mind If you stare at another man, he knows that you're only admiring If he is stared at by other women, you know why-he's one hot babe If you talk, he'll always listen If you listen, he'll tell you anything you want to know In short: So complex, yet so direct So strong, yet so supportive So dazzling, yet so humble So passionate, yet so marvelous ....MEN! |
| Re: Chemical Properties of Women |
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| sister2sister |
| 01/30/03 at 22:12:44 |
Had to have been a man who wrote that!! They can get so stuck on themselves. YSIS :-) |
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