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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/26/02 at 23:40:59 |
| [slm] brother and sisters in islam mashaalah, i just came across this site, u seem 2 b doing a real good job of it, just shame i didnt come across it before! brothers i need sum serious advice and maybe sisters if u think u can help. I'm gettting married next week insha'Allah, my fiance is mashaalah very ggood and practising just she has 1 problem and that is she gets extremly nervous. My fiance has always been nervous around guys and wen i call her she doesnt know wat 2 say though i've seen her around women and mashaalah she is very nice and talkitive. Wen i ask her y she gets nervous on the fone she says im not her mahram and its not right 2 talk so I am in touch with her via emails and i hav the consent of her parents. i am just a bit worried about her as she has been writing 2 me 4 the last few days saying she likes me and want things 2 go ahead as her istikhara was positive but then she emails me back the next min saying she cant go through with it as she is far 2 nervous. Brothers, is this something all women do? How can i help her? Is there anything i can do on the wedding night 2 make her feel comfortable? I really like her and want 2 always keep her happy plz brothers and sisters, help me, my fiances nerves are makeing me nervous but i dont wanna show it cuz it wil make matter worse any tips will b appreciated [wlm] A brother |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| SisterHania |
| 11/27/02 at 12:50:04 |
| [quote]How can i help her? Is there anything i can do on the wedding night 2 make her feel comfortable? I [wlm] A brother [/quote] [slm] Mabrook dear brother. It is wonderful news to hear you are getting married! I'd also like to say its so nice to read that you are caring enough to take your fiancees feelings into account. Insh'Allah you will be a wonderful husband. On the wedding night my advice would be don't touch her. She sounds really nervous and one thing that aggravates nerves for new brides is usually what happens on the wedding night. I think you should talk to each other and let her become comfortable with you as a person. I think the main reason she is so nervous is because she has only communicated with you through mails and not spoken to face to face or through the phone, basically she doesn't know what to expect, she is afraid of the unknown. On the night try and become a friend, open up to each other and pehaps if you let her know that you are also feeling nervous, she would not feel alone and feel it was a new experience you were both going through together. |
| 11/27/02 at 12:51:48 |
| SisterHania |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Maliha |
| 11/27/02 at 15:06:19 |
| [slm] Mabrook! And Mashaallah like SisterHania said it's awesome that you are caring enough to take her feelings into consideration. Don't worry bro, all women go through a nervous period before their wedding. Man!!! you shouldda seen me, I was literally dying ::) I kept going back and forth, even after knowing my istikhara is positive and everything "checked out", i was just soooooooooo nervous! Alhamdullillah, me hubby was extra patient with me, and was really sweet and understanding throughout the ordeal ;D It helped a whole lot Alhamdullillah. Don't pressure her, it's understandable what she is going through. Be gentle with her, and slowly she will open up like a blooming blushing rose :-* May Allah put barakah in your wedding and May you two have a happy, blessed life on your journey to the Akhira :) Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| SisterHania |
| 11/27/02 at 15:22:13 |
| [quote author=Maliha link=board=bro;num=1038372059;start=0#2 date=11/27/02 at 15:06:19] [slm] Man!!! you shouldda seen me, I was literally dying ::) I kept going back and forth, even after knowing my istikhara is positive and everything "checked out", i was just soooooooooo nervous! Maliha :-) [wlm][/quote] Oh I can vouch for that! :) Maliha was so nervous, I became nervous and I'm thousands of miles away. Allhamdulliah a few months later...... and Maliha is a very happy, loving and wonderful wife MashAllah. :-) :-* |
| 11/27/02 at 15:23:24 |
| SisterHania |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Kathy |
| 11/27/02 at 18:35:27 |
| [slm] I was soooo nervous. As we headed back to our apartment after the wedding.... I must have made him make a dozen stops! Watch her and take cues from her. If you choose not to 'touch' her on your wedding night, make sure you tell her! You don't want her to feel even worse for not 'wanting' her. |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Anonymous |
| 12/04/02 at 12:49:40 |
| JAZAKALLAH KHAIROM SISTERS i shud have posted in the sisters instead:) Just a few days to go, im getting married On Sunday insallah. IF anyone has any more tips please feel free to post, and if bros are embarassed then please use the anomonous posting btw, im using anomous not because i fear, but becasue im lazy. |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Nazia |
| 12/04/02 at 13:03:17 |
| slm, Mabrook!! Insha'Allah I pray Allah (SWT) blesses your marriage, and brings nothing but good from it. Ameen. Yes, all girls (and probably most guys!) will be nervous before they get married. But, I swear, Subhan'Allah, the minute you two become man and wife, Allah comforts you, and puts peace and love in your hearts---just like the Quran says, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21). Seriously, I read this verse many times before I was married...but it literally came alive the day I had my nikah. This mercy from Allah was absolutely incredible, and absolutely indescribable, and I pray that He makes your marriage easy for you, and easy for your wife, Insha'Allah. And may you always be garments to one another, and may you each be the reason the other attains Jannah. Good luck! :) Take Care, Wassalam, Nazia |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| abubakr |
| 12/29/02 at 09:45:12 |
| [quote author=Kathy link=board=bro;num=1038372059;start=0#4 date=11/27/02 at 18:35:27] [slm] I was soooo nervous. As we headed back to our apartment after the wedding.... I must have made him make a dozen stops! Watch her and take cues from her. If you choose not to 'touch' her on your wedding night, make sure you tell her! You don't want her to feel even worse for not 'wanting' her. [/quote] [slm] hmmmm sorry for bringing up this old thread but i have a question that always comes to my mind i mean i don't know how to start.. . but my question is : is the man who must start *touching* her and she refuse or accept or they should start to *touch* each others together or something sorry i dunno if my question is clear jazakum Allah khairan for your replys in advance |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Kathy |
| 12/29/02 at 10:17:38 |
| [slm] Being the moderator of the sister's section, am chuckling, thinking of Br. Khalid and his nervousness of where this thread is going.....and how far! ;) |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| BroHanif |
| 12/30/02 at 18:50:33 |
| Salaams, Be soft and gentle. Get some chocolates or something sweet some mints perhaps and keep talking. Listen to her and take it from there. If shes there crying about how she misses her sister and mom back at home, then talk to her life from now will inshaa-allah improve. Pray some nafl and some Quran and ask her to pray seek Allahs help in your marrige. Keep the light on if you have to. [quote]is the man who must start *touching* her and she refuse or accept or they should start to *touch* each others together or something [/quote] Comes with experience and thats the best part to know when to and when not to touch, but talking helps a lot. Salaams Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| Mujahideen |
| 01/07/03 at 16:11:15 |
| [slm] I would suggest not having intimate relations with her until you are both comfortable with each other. My understanding is that this is a frequent cultural practice for many Muslims. I know of one Brother who married a Sister and had relations with her the first night and this ended up causing some problems for them in the future she was a little traumatized by the experience¡.taking your time can¡¯t hurt. [wlm] |
| Re: Getting married, i need serious advice! |
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| jaihoon |
| 01/07/03 at 23:20:56 |
| [quote author=Kathy link=board=bro;num=1038372059;start=0#4 date=11/27/02 at 18:35:27] [slm] .... I must have made him make a dozen stops! [/quote] :D lol Poor hubby |
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