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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| trusts her, but not others |
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| Anonymous |
| 12/30/02 at 23:05:02 |
| [slm] It is very common for girls to go to work nowadays. :) That is not the problem. And it has become common for today's boys to accept it as natural and very practical. But what if the girl whom one wish to setttle with is engaged in social work too and the boy's family culture does not encourage this. Obviuosly, social work means interaction with strange men. This maybe in the form of meetings, talking etc in PUBLIC that is. She might have to share the same discussion table or converse in a friendly manner with strangers, call up a lot of people fir arranging events etc. The boy does not doubt the intentions of the girl. He is equally convinced as her that she is doing for the sake of Allah's deen. BUT, the problem is that he does not trust the intentions of the others (based on real-life experience). The girl has been brought up in such a lifestyle, her whole family is engaged in social work. Therefore it is natural for her to thnk in this way. The boy too is a very social person, enthusiaistically engaged in different activities. But he fears in the bottom of heart that the girl's involvement in social activities (in the same way as now after marriage) will create a crack in their relationship and steal the privacy of their life. He practically doubts that her socialising will give a chance for others to make rumors. The boy does not wish to see the girl get hurt by stopping her from something which, as per her belief, she is doing for Allah's sake. He also spends his time and energy for the spread of Allah's message, but in a different way. Both the parties are finally aiming at the pleasure of Allah, but in different ways. The girls is God-fearing and better than the boy in certain matters of deen. However, they like each other very much and wants to come together in life. Each respects the other for their own qualities. Do you think the boy is being irrational? Is he being selfish and narrow-minded? OR should the girl give up A PART of her social life in return for the peace in the family? Is this diffrence of opinion going to create a drift between them in their married life? pls reply and i'll appreciate ur sincere advice. with gratitude and duas |
| 12/30/02 at 23:05:50 |
| Anonymous |
| Re: trusts her, but not others |
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| jannah |
| 12/30/02 at 23:27:43 |
| [wlm] hmmm what i don't understand is why he can be "enthusiaistically engaged in different activities" and she can't? You say you trust her yet you don't trust others?? what kind of excuse is that... if you trust her and what she is doing is in your own words "for the sake of Allah's deen" what's the problem? If her interactions are halal, she's doing something for her community whatever why be afraid that it will "steal privacy"? If you ask me it sounds like you're insecure about your relationship and think that after marriage she will neglect you for whatever else she's doing... hence the excuses of "people starting rumours", etc. I guess your fears are understandable, though not your reasoning. I think you should talk to her about what you fear will happen in the future and let her reassure you about it. Yes both people have to make sacrifices after marriage and yes both will have to curtail certain activities to make their marriage work and fulfill their priorities but I think it's sad that alot of brothers curtail their wives from their full potential because of their own insecurities. and if you still feel strongly about not letting her do any social activities or whatever i think you should tell her before marriage and make sure you both agree on how you think married life should be. |
| 01/13/03 at 09:18:54 |
| jannah |
| Re: trusts her, but not others |
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| Emerald |
| 12/30/02 at 23:38:57 |
| [slm] I think he is being a bit irrational because women feel the same way when their spouse is at work. There is the possibility for them to be in such social situations as well and it causes women to worry. So it goes both ways. But both should remember their intentions for being in those situations and fear Allah (swt). For them to remind each other of that is crucial. When you think about it, even if someone was isolated in the home and their heart was impure, the shaitan will allow that person to find the ways to haram. We cannot hide from our humanity. He is just going to have to put his faith in Allah and trust her faith as well. Emerald |
| Re: trusts her, but not others |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/13/03 at 08:12:41 |
| assalamu alaikum Thank you for your views. The Most Merciful has now instilled peace at heart in understanding the issue. jazakum Allah khair |
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