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| Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| Savaira |
| 01/08/03 at 10:35:18 |
| [slm] I have been married for 5 years now. I live in USA and for marriage I went to Pakistan, got married there, lived there for about a year, and then came back to USA. While I was in Pakistan, I noticed several things about my in laws. My mom in law lied to my older brother in law about his wife and he would get angry and beat her over little things. My brother in laws wife was forbidden to go to her parents house or even call her parents over the phone. She was caught once calling her parents on the phone and a huge issue was made out of it and she was called deceiving. After a couple of months after marriage I found out that my brother in law mixes with wrong people and drinks alcohol also. I was very upset to find out about all this but I didn;t say anything to my husband, because he can't bear to hear anything against his family, but he knows about his brother's drinking and he knows that i know. About 3 years ago my father in law died. He was a very nice person Alhamdulillah. After his death it seemed like my brother in law had stopped drinking. He lost his job right after his father's death. Then he started some car business. He seemed to be doing good. My mom in law has been visiting me here in USA for a couple of months. We call back to talk to my brother in law and his family often, he has 2 kids now Alhamdulillah. Today I called them again, my brother in law was not home, and his wife seemed very upset. He has started drinking again, beats her and the kids too, and she doesn't know what to do, she can't leave him, and she can't go to her parent's house. She wants to stay with him, but she wants him to stop the beating, drinking and the women. I have been very upset after hearing this, and I don;t know what to do. Please, please, give some advice and give me some solution to this. She is like a sister to me. I have seen what she goes through in that house and I really admire her strength, but it hurts me to see her go through all this. Please, I don't know what to do, someone help. JazakAllah |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| jannah |
| 01/08/03 at 12:39:42 |
| [wlm] wow. don't know what else to say to that :( i don't know how much you can do so far away...what about the rest of the extended family there? maybe they can help... or maybe your husband can call and put pressure on him or something... ?? |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 01/08/03 at 18:03:02 |
| [wlm] Sister I want to tell you that noooo dont get your husband to call him and pressure him because then he will just get mad at his wife and beat her and the kids more... soo dont do nething like that ... PLEASE Sister maybe you can slowly get your husband to convince them to come to the US...and that way you can be closer to her....and over here they can slowly get counceling through a masjid. Many mosques are starting this here... But sister we have an obligation to do somethng.. Dont let it go! because in Quran it sais we are to stop the oppression very clearly... I learned about all this... just couple days ago.. Maybe your husband can talk to him about how alcohol is haram in Islam and one has a very severe punishment for it... Also if your husband can continually persuade him to read Qur'an and understand it... Also tell your sister in law to do this. When he is sober tell her to tell him gently of how this is affecting the family and to start reading Qur'an and fear Allah (swt) I can give you more information soon Insh'Allah... but sister remember many timz husbands in rage kill their wives/children .. number one thing this can deeply , and imean deeply affect the children's future. your sister |
| 03/31/03 at 15:55:40 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 01/08/03 at 20:44:50 |
| [slm] Please read these articles so you can understand the issue more. wife abuse in Muslim communities http://www.zawaj.com/articles/abuse_memon.html Authority and abuse of power in Muslim marriages http://www.zawaj.com/articles/abuse_memon.html I just wanted to say that coming to the US is just an idea ...(that wont necessarily make it stop) but the big point that you have to tell her is that it is understandable that she doesnt want to leave but she has to know that its her duty if he isnt willing to cooperate because it can completely ruin the child's future ... |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| theOriginal |
| 01/08/03 at 21:48:58 |
| [slm] How can violence of any sort be forgotten. I think you should contact the girl's family. Because, in such a situation, especially since you are so far away, she needs support....and maybe a little break from her husband.... May Allah help her through this difficult time. Ameen. SF. |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| Savaira |
| 01/09/03 at 10:57:15 |
| [slm] JazakAllah for you advice, I did read that article. My sis in law doesn't want to leave him, she just wants things to be better. I haven't told my husband because whenever I try to discuss with him he just gets very defensive and pointing out the wrong in my family, which just leads to more problems. So I can't discuss with him, you were right silver rose, if my bro in law finds out that his wife has been telling me all this he will get very very angry. He isn't really a bad person, just has a very bad temper, and because of the drinking it doesn't help much. Normally he is very caring with his kids, he just doesn't care much for his wife. THem coming to USA is impossible these days because of all the trouble going on here and US blaming muslims. I doubt if they will be able to come. My husband has mentioned a couple of times that he wants to move to Pakistan and live together with his family. But I get really scared about living in that same house with all of that going on. Plus I have 2 kids of my own, I don't want them growing up in that environment, but I am unable to discuss this with my husband because right when I start explaining to him why I don't want to move there he just starts getting defensive again and it starts the whole thing again. If my husband would support me a little and say he will try to stop all that, then it could help a lot, but he never says anything like that. Also about my sis in law's family, she wasn't allowed to see them for a long time after she got married, and now, finally she is able to see them, so she doesn't want to risk getting them involved because she doesn't want her husband to stop seeing her again. It is such a helpless situation, and I really wish I could do something, but I don't know what to do. Thier 2 kids, I feel so sorry for them, they have to go through all that and they are so little, one is 6 years old and one is 5. I will so helpless, and I cannot even imagine how she must be feeling. [wlm] |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 01/09/03 at 17:12:15 |
| [slm] Sister I understand completely...she just wants things better, but trust me if she doesnt do anything then things are not going to get better if not worse... There are many cases here like this.. and things just get worse because the wife doesnt want to leave.. I am sure hes a caring person but trust me it is going to affect the kids.. specially more in a young age. she has to be strong for her kids and realize that this will effect them tremendously..(if he hurts the kids then she needs to do something!) even if he doesnt this hurts the kids mentally and may affect their future relationships!. please read these articles I give you... and for you I recommend that you read and understand Qur'an and constantly advise your husband to when he is in a good mood. Also if you can encourage him to go to the mosque and read about how the prophet treated his wives, ect. Just pray to Allah to guide you and insh'Allah everything will be okay.. 8tips for domestic violence if you are in nonwestern country http://soundvision.com/Info/socialservice/violencevictimnonwest.asp 7tips for imams in nonwestern country http://soundvision.com/Info/socialservice/violenceimamnonwest.asp 9tips for friend of victim in nonwestern country (thats you!)(please read this!) http://soundvision.com/Info/socialservice/violencefriendnonwest.asp this is soundvisions page for domestic violence.. I gave you most of the links... but you can check it out...http://soundvision.com/Info/domesticviolence/ This is the marriage page in soundvision...its very nice and may help you to know how to deal with your husband. http://soundvision.com/info/marriage/ Take Care sister and dont forget the powerful help, the du'a! May Allah (swt) make things easier for you and your sister in law. Am'een. The best thing is that you are there for her and she has someone to talk to and trust me she really needs you. You are doing alot just by listening to her... your sister ps also make du'a for me |
| Re: Alcohol and beating... plz help |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 01/09/03 at 20:03:13 |
| [slm] My sister this was the actual site I was looking for that I had come across before... I finally found it again. Please look through this site Its very informational, Alhumdulilah http://www.themodernreligion.com/index2.html (well i cheked it and they dont give you the exact link, so for this go to the violence section on left please. this is another section on woman in the same site if you are interested (by the way its very interesting .. Alhumdulilah http://www.themodernreligion.com/index2.html (for this go to the women section in the left side plz (if u scroll down u will c it insh'Allah) Alllah Hafiz |
| 01/09/03 at 20:05:00 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
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