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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Advice for a friend |
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| Serena |
| 01/24/03 at 01:27:14 |
| Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Raheem Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. I pray you are all in the best of health and iman. :-* (Gee, it's been a long time and so many new faces!) A while back we moved out of Sacramento (Alhamdulillah :D) and I became friends with a Muslim woman in my new locale. Her husband and mine are very close and it’s hard for me to bring up this subject with him. This woman recently confided to me that her husband is very verbally and sometimes physically abusive to their kids. She told me that he will curse them and tell them how “stupid” they are. She has a son similar in age to my son (8 years) and she said that he is becoming very depressed to the point that he won’t eat and whenever they go out in public he literally makes himself sick. Today my husband and I were at their home and my son was playing with hers and he was happy and running around playing basketball. As soon as his father came home from work her sons face drained of color. He went inside to his room, saying that his stomach hurt him and he didn’t want to eat dinner. She said that he’s been that way for almost 2 weeks now. :( I know I cannot talk to my husband about this because he prefers to keep personal issues “within the family”. My friend will not talk to anyone about it because she fears the repercussions from her husband. She said that she spoke to her husband on one occasion and he said that their son was only trying to control her and that if he “wanted to starve himself to death then go ahead.” :o Let me just add - Her husband is usually polite and friendly (80% of the time) but he has these *huge* outbursts of anger that cause these attacks. One word can light him up like a match. Also, it's not just the son that he yells at and hits, he does it to his other kids as well. But it's the son who is suffering the most. Please, my dearest Brothers and Sisters, if you can assist me by giving me advice on how to handle this situation I would greatly appreciate it. And please make dua for this family, insha’Allah. Take care, Serena :-) |
| 01/24/03 at 02:04:28 |
| Serena |
| Re: Advice for a friend |
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| UmmWafi |
| 01/24/03 at 10:51:43 |
| [wlm] Sr Serena How have you been ? I pray that all is well with you and your family, Amin. With regards to your friend, right now what is most important is the mental and emotional health of her son. She should actually take her son to a therapist and discover the impact of his father's anger on him. Maybe even start the healing process if there should be negative impact. This is important because when a child makes consistent and constant excuses to avoid a certain situation, usually something is wrong. She should then share the findings with her husband. When the son is coping better, it is also good if she can talk with her husband about getting help for anger management. Sporadic anger outbursts can be rather volatile and ugly. She must be tactful though because most men, according to stats, are not really receptive to anger management therapy. Well, that is all I can say for now. My du'a for her and her family. Tell her she is in my thoughts. Wassalam. |
| 01/24/03 at 10:52:29 |
| UmmWafi |
| Re: Advice for a friend |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 01/27/03 at 14:16:41 |
| [slm] My sister please continue listening to your friend and do what you can as it is every Muslims duty to prevent unjustice. This is clear in Qur'an. Also this will deeply affect her childs future. Please check out my replies on this post and please read through the sites I gave her: http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=sis;action=display;num=1042040118 Jazak Allahu Kairon Your Sister |
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