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| When a parent must not be obeyed |
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| Abu_Atheek |
| 01/28/03 at 01:20:33 |
| [slm] [center]When a parent must not be obeyed [i]By Adil Salahi[/i][/center] We have been discussing kindness to parents as a personal duty imposed by God on every son and daughter. We have explained that to be a dutiful child is to ensure that one is closer to God. It makes it easier to win God's pleasure and be eventually admitted into heaven. We have also explained that parents must be obeyed unless they order us to commit a sin. This is based on the Prophet's Hadith that "no creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the creator." All this assumes that the parents are Muslims. It may happen, however, that a Muslim child has non-Muslim parents. What should his attitude be toward them? Asmaa' bint Abu Bakr was the Prophet's sister-in-law. She was the daughter of his closest companion and the sister of Aisha, his wife. Her mother, however, did not become a Muslim for quite a long time. Asmaa' states: "My mother came to me during the time of the Prophet, hoping to get something from me. I asked the Prophet whether I should be kind to her. He answered: "Yes." (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others.) The way this Hadith is phrased suggests that her mother had not yet become a Muslim when she came to her. Another version of this Hadith states clearly that the mother was hostile to Islam. Had she shown any inclination to become a Muslim, Asmaa' would not have needed to ask for the Prophet's permission to be kind to her. Many Muslims at that time were extra kind to their parents and relatives who were not Muslims, hoping to win them over to Islam. The significance of this particular Hadith is that even when a parent is determined not to become a Muslim, we still should treat him or her kindly. God later revealed in the Qur' an: [color=Green]"As for such of the unbelievers as do not fight against you on account of your faith, and neither drive you forth from your homelands, God does not forbid you to show them kindness and to behave toward them with full equity. Indeed, God loves those who act equitably." ( 60:8 )[/color] It is clear from this Qur'anic verse and the Hadith quoted above that to show kindness to parents who are non-Muslims is also a duty on children, provided that such parent$ do not fight against Muslims and do not chase them out of their land. This is further supported by a Hadith which mentions that Umar saw a silk suit being sold in the market place. He suggested to the Prophet to buy it in order to wear it on Fridays and when he received delegations from other tribes. The Prophet said: "Only a person deprived of goodness wears such a suit." Sometime later, the Prophet received a number of similar suits. He sent one to Umar. Umar asked: "How can I wear it when you have said about it what you have said?" The Prophet answered: "I have not given it you to wear, but to either sell it or give it as a present." Umar sent it to a friend of his in Makkah who was not a Muslim. This Hadith suggests that kindness to unbelievers is also recommended if they do not take an attitude of active hostility toward Islam. Kindness to non-Muslim parents does not depend on what religion they follow. Even if they worship idols, we are supposed to be kind to them. It is true that such kindness may help win them over to Islam. This is, however, not the only reason. The parent-child relationship transcends matters of personal inclinations, desires, habits, creeds and faith. It is well known that a parent tries hard to overcome his prejudice against something if he feels that his son or daughter likes it. Islam does not like to stir trouble in every family where the parents are not Muslims. It recognizes that the parent-child tie need not be broken on account of faith. It, therefore, instructs its followers to be kind to their non-Muslim parents. Only when such parents try to persuade their Muslim son or daughter to turn away from Islam that God commands us not to listen to them or obey them. God states in the Qur'an: [color=Blue]"We have enjoined upon man goodness toward his parents: His mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain, and his weaning is within two years. Be grateful toward Me and toward your parents, with Me all journeys end. Yet should they (your parents) endeavor to make you ascribe divinity, side by side with Me, to something of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. But even then bear them company with kindness in the life of this world and follow the path of those who turn toward Me." (31:14-15)[/color] It is reported that these verses were revealed when the mother of Sa'ad ibn Abu Waqqas, who was a companion of the Prophet, was so upset when she learned that he had embraced Islam. She tried to persuade him to revert to his old faith. Realizing that he was determined to follow the Prophet, she tried to increase the pressure on him. She knew that he was a most dutiful child and he loved her dearly. She thought that if she brought hardship on herself, he would feel sorry for her and might listen to her. She swore that she would not taste any food or drink until he had left the Prophet. The judgment in his case was given by God in the above quoted verses. Sa'ad did not listen to his mother and continued to be one of the best companions of the Prophet. He was later given the happy news by the Prophet that he was certain to be admitted into heaven. It is clear from this story and the verses revealed by God concerning it that when it comes to matters of faith, a non-Muslim parent may not be obeyed. That, however, does not mean to be unkind to such a parent. We are required to still be kind to him or her, hoping always that they may recognize the truth of Islam. We do good if we pray God to enlighten our non-Muslim parents and guide them to accept Islam. We cannot, however, pray God to forgive them. God forgives all sins with the exception of associating partners with him. All non-believers do associate partners with God in one form or another. It is, therefore, futile to pray Him to forgive what He has told us He would not forgive. Moreover, it is an affront to God. It may be hard for a Muslim child to be unable to pray for the forgiveness of his non-Muslim parents. Let us remember that the Prophet's own parents were non-Muslims. He tells us that he asked God's permission to pray Him to forgive his mother. His request was declined. We know that God granted every prayer the Prophet made either for himself or his companions or, indeed, Muslims generally. The fact that God did not permit the Prophet to pray for the forgiveness of his own mother suggests that this is not a trifling matter at all. It is indeed much more beneficial to one's non-Muslim parents who are alive that he prays God to guide them to Islam. [i]Islam in Perspective - Arab News - 06 February 1998[/i] |
| 01/28/03 at 01:24:22 |
| Abu_Atheek |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |