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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Running Away |
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| Emerald |
| 01/30/03 at 20:20:23 |
| [slm] Have any of you felt like running away (especially the sisters)? I've been going through some strange phase for the past few months that I can't quite understand. I've been having alot of ups and downs -- mostly downs and have the urge to spontaneously run away. Well just for a little while. The problem is, even though I'm a grown woman, my father wouldn't allow it because "it's not right". I'm thinking because there's no muhram and also because people would get the wrong ideas. (I'm one of the goody goody types who listens to Papa for Allah's blessings) I dunno. Anyways...I need to get the heck away REAL bad -- to be alone...no husband...no kid...no family...no school...just me and I feel if I don't, I might do something not right. My tension is really building up and a good cry isn't going to do it this time. What can or should I do?????? :( Emerald |
| Re: Running Away |
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| sister2sister |
| 01/30/03 at 22:33:13 |
| Salaam Yea, I've had that feeling before, and the only reason i didn't was because I had no where to go. However, when my mother needed a break, she use to leave us at home and go to the coffee shop and stay all day (she loves coffee), or else she go off on walks or shopping sprees. Now, when I get like that, I turn into a big bear and hibernate until the season blows over. Lots of praying and reading Qur'an and Seerah helps also. I hope you get through whatever is eating at you. May Allah guide and protect you. YSII :-) |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Kathy |
| 01/31/03 at 08:46:33 |
| [slm] What are you running from?.... or to?? |
| 01/31/03 at 08:47:16 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Running Away |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 01/31/03 at 09:42:04 |
| [slm] sis, I so kw what u mean, I'm kind of experiencing it myself at the moment, due to numerous things. I don't feel like running away though, I jus feel like getting up and getting away from things, like go on a break somewhere. The main thing that's stopping me at the mo is finance and few responsibilities, but hey they don't really matter!! Lol, no it's mainly finance. I've been trying to organise a trip away but have had to put on things on hold due to lack of money! There's a discussion topic on the bros section where one of them mentioned he wants to go visit 'muslim' countries, which I've wanted to do for ages, and am bugging my dad to take us away in the summer. Last yr I was in my final yr of my degree. Most of my friends who went to different universities to me had already got their degree result. The pressure was really getting to me and I was really despairing. One evening I was so upset I burst into tears because I couldn't take the tension and pressure for much longer. I texted one of my friends and told her I really needed to get away. Mash'Allaah she texted me bk and asked me 'where'? Thus she organised a trip and we were in Prague 2 days later!! Subhan'Allaah that was soo good and it was exactly what I needed. And by the way, alhumdulilah my degree result turned out fine!! Mash'Allaah all that stressing, worrying and crying for nothing! Lol. I kw this is quite long, sorry. Anyway I knew what was bugging me bk then and I kinda kw what is bothering me now. Why don't u tell us why u feel like this and maybe we can help insh'Allaah? Or maybe you could organise a trip somewhere or even go stay with a sister who you're really close to and won't mind having u with her? Insh'Allaah u'll be ok xx |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Kareema_Abdul-Khab |
| 01/31/03 at 13:38:50 |
| I intensely had that feeling of just dying to get away and do something new. I went away to college and now feel generally better(though I get homesick sometimes!!) and have to adjust to my environment. I too was getting pretty fustrated with school, the feeling of going nowhere, being bored with nothing to do. I was feeling so hopeless and despairing, as if my life was going nowhere. Now, the reality of the $ it takes is also setting in, so I advise you to PLAN if you are planning anything permanent, get a temporary/summer job now for funds in the future. You sound like you need a camping trip? It might be really relaxing to just go alone and commune with nature, I want to try that, but have neither the funds nor knowlege to do so. |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Emerald |
| 02/01/03 at 11:27:14 |
| Thanks guys for your responses. I think that I've always been "a grown up" all my life ( I'm 26 ) that I never had the chance to be young, you know? I hear other people/ sisters saying how they've done this and that and have gone here and there and it REALLY gets to me that I never NEVER had that. It just kicked in in my mid 20's. What if I never get a chance to be young again. Things happen like having more kids! :P I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. Then I get these thoughts of actually leaving for a couple of weeks without anyone knowing and doing something absolutely crazy. Something SOOO unlike the kind of person I am --- like bunji jumping! :D What gets to me the most is the circumstances I'm in. My father forbidding it, my kid, my school, ...life basically. So in a way I tried talking about it to my mother and she says well sometimes life just deals you a bad deck of cards. It's just the way it is. Arghh It helps to talk to people I don't know cause I know you don't know who I am and you're not going to judge me -- cause if you did you would. This is just my moment of temporary insanity. Maybe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder! hehehe..........You guys could help me though, if any of you are in the Albany, New York area, --- where the heck can a Muslimah go for fun!?!?!?! |
| Re: Running Away |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 02/01/03 at 14:34:32 |
| come and visit me in the UK, and we can go insane together!!!!!!!!!! That's a free invitation to all!! I amy be running away soon anyway!! |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Danyala |
| 02/01/03 at 16:25:32 |
| [slm] hmmm....okay trying to give some constructive advice...think about what you are happy with in your life at the mo', write a list of what you WOULD have done when you were teen/early twenties (chances are you can still do em. 26 is NOT OLD!), think about the last time you felt unbelievably happy and try to that something again...sometimes it can be as simple as being surrounded by family and friends laughing and joking, or sometimes it can be just being on your own with your thoughts and doing an activity that makes you happy (within limits of course!) Try to do something for yourself; we all reach a point at some time, when we just feel stagnant and in need of self-development...enrol in a course, go back to education part time, find a job, make new friends...but dont lose anything good you DO have going by runnin' away! Take care, [wlm] :-* ps. playing pool works therapy for me ;) |
| 02/01/03 at 16:27:29 |
| Danyala |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Caraj |
| 02/01/03 at 21:38:58 |
| Salaam Hello Emerald, I wanted to reply to this for many reasons. 1) I would like you to know what you are going through is quite normal of someone married and with children especially if you (like myself) married young. I tell you this so you don't feel bad for feeling this way and from what you described it is like being sick and having symptoms, your stress ( feelings of wanting to run away) is just your body's way of saying... Hey time to do something a little different. 2) I would like to offer some ideas if I may. Why not write a list (short or long) of things you have always wanted to do but didn't have the time or resources. I would assume it is your husband not your dad you need to please if you are married but I understand and respect your trying to abide by your fathers wishes also. Why not make a list and go to your husband (and if you desire also your father.) Explain you realize Allah, your husband and your children are priority, and that you are thankful for your family. And even though thankful sometimes you feel stressed. :( Like you have no time for yourself. If you could arrange a day or an evening a week or every two weeks or even once a month to work on something for YOU. Explain that if you had this set aside time for yourself that this would relieve stress and therefore making you more at ease with your spousal, motherly and household responsabilities. Ask which of the things on your list would be acceptable to them. Being married at a very young age and now 41 with sons 23 and one soon to be 25, there were lots of things I wish I could of done but couldn't. But I am thankful and blessed that I had my sons. But there are still things I wish I would had done. But I warn you now that they are gone I miss having children at home and sometimes think I now have too much time on my hands. it goes fast believe me... even though on those day you feel like running away it seems like foooooooooorever. Are you active in a Mosque? If so there may be other sisters feel as you do and maybe you can arrange to have a room for sisters one night a month. Or at someones home. If you have a kitchen facility make it a sisters once a month slumber party, sleeping bags and all!!!!!!!! do a craft thing, do some baking for the elderly in the Mosque. One month it could be a slumber party and another month it could be a day trip to somewhere. Ask a local horse place if they would respect your beliefs and have a womens only afternoon for the sisters and go on a ride. A county fair trip, is river rafting allowed as long as you're in proper dress? :-/ Who knows you might just start a monthly sisters thing that will help a lot of others in your boat. Make your list with a few things you can do for you (ie a college course) and a few things one could do with a group of sisters. Hope this helps, been there ...done that hang in there |
| 02/01/03 at 21:43:53 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Running Away |
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| siddiqui |
| 02/01/03 at 22:38:11 |
| [slm] Places to run away in Albany ;) Price chopper madison ave ;D Out door pier (fish store in east green bush) ;D cross gates mall ??? Seriously there are a lot of places you can go for a vacataion and u dont have to run away for that just tell your folks and leave The catskill mountains to ski amestredam to fly , paraglide or jump lake george to freeze but enjoy the natural beauty montreal to chill out (right time to go for people would still have there clothes on since its chilly there ) :D binghampton if u like a quaint town north hamton if u like a quaint town and a coffee shop utica if u like a quaint railway station and shrimp :-/ saratoga, glenns falls, ballston spa............ herkimer if u want to sit next to a frozen mowhak pittsburgh if u like bridges rivers and a quiet holiday and NYC if you like kebabes :-/ May allah swt ease your pains and give you peace of mind ameen [wlm] |
| 02/03/03 at 16:07:03 |
| siddiqui |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Caraj |
| 02/02/03 at 02:31:59 |
| [quote author=Emerald link=board=madrasa;num=1043976023;start=0#5 date=02/01/03 at 11:27:14] What if I never get a chance to be young again. Things happen like having more kids! What gets to me the most is the circumstances I'm in. My father forbidding it, my kid, my school, ...life basically. [/quote] I was reading your posts and my reply, I did read it right didn't I? I was assuming you have children? If not sorry I miss read this and will alter my post. |
| Re: Running Away |
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| jannah |
| 02/02/03 at 03:49:30 |
| [quote].You guys could help me though, if any of you are in the Albany, New York area, --- where the heck can a Muslimah go for fun! !?![/quote] [slm] We manage to have alot of fun -- doing quite a variety of things. Unfortunately it seems that no one knows you nor do you know us. Maybe you can attend the Eid gala festivities for sisters coming up inshaAllah. |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Kathy |
| 02/02/03 at 12:31:23 |
| [slm] Ahh... where to go to have fun? An age old question. It doesn't take money to have fun. :PThe rich can tell you this. At one time I was "well to do" and even tho I was able to travel, I wasn't always happy. It wasn't the money that facilitated my happiness, but the company I was keeping. :-[What really matters is not what you are doing... but who you are with. The experiences of fun places are not because of the place...but because of sharing them with someone while there. ;)Binghamton is not so quaint... we are a simple small city.. but I have never been bored here. There are so many great people that even if we go to the park to let our children play, whomever I am with makes it a fun time. :-*Even for a child... if they are at the park with no buddy, they get bored quickly...but if they have a friend, they play for hours. ;DSo if you aren't having fun, re-evaluate your friendships... search out a suitable friend..one that can make just being with them...a good time. :-/ |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Rameeza |
| 02/05/03 at 13:39:05 |
| [slm] If you can find a Six Flags or some theme park, when its a bit warmer, and take as many thrill rides as possible, you might get your adrenalin boosting and this might help as a short term solution. Long term might require you to do something often to put you at peace. Long walks etc. For now, have a couple of these [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] ;D :) |
| Re: Running Away |
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| paula |
| 02/06/03 at 00:16:43 |
| :-) Emerald [slm] I think your feelings are really so normal..... I don't think you are alone at all ...... and don't ever second guess anything too much. The part about other sisters doing this or that......... Allahu Alam ......... I try to remind myself of this when I start doubting my destiny. And you know for all other purposes, I guess I would say I am really content and happy inside..... thankful and appreciative.... enjoying...and I still get similar feelings that you have sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what causes that to happen really. I sometimes ask myself if it is a test or something ? I've felt something similar lately too....... of course my age and situation is a little different but the same principle or element would apply here. And when I opened another site and read the hadith the other day....... it referred to the ""if"" ........ I took it as a nice reminder......... Alhamdu lillah ..... I'll find it here and post it: (well the page would not let me go back that many days to get the Arabic..... I would rather post that.... but I'll post the English Translation here...........Bi'itnillah) [quote]Hadith: Abu Hurairah ( Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) Said: Cherish that which gives you benefit (in the Hereafter). Seek help from Allah and do not feel disabled. If anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you , do not say: If I had done that, it would have happened so and so. But say: Allah so determined and He executes what He had ordained. The word "if" opens the gates for the Satan. (Reported by Muslim) ________________ Lessons Deduced -A Muslim should busy himself with observing things that benefit him in the religious and worldly matters. He should also preserve his religion, honor and dignity. -Whenever met with any distress, a Muslim should submit to Allah and accept His destiny.[/quote] Allahu Akbar........ Jazak Allahu Khairan............... and it sounds like there is some nice advice here of some other options that might be fun or a change of pace for you, that might not compromise your beliefs or respect or a need to run away :-* I really enjoy this community and the great support everyone offers. Hey reading your posts again here........ I had thought about asking your family and you addressed that issue........... "A bad deck of cards"........ Have you heard the expression "A blessing in disguise"...... Be patient .... if you haven't "Lived your Day" yet ......... it's still "To come" ;) [wlm] |
| Re: Running Away |
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| Emerald |
| 02/08/03 at 13:40:52 |
| Wow! You guys are great! I really appreciate all the advice you've given me. Thanks alot......... Maybe I will go to the Eid Gala, who knows! :-) |
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