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| How to find a wife..... |
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| jannah |
| 02/07/03 at 04:45:36 |
| Finding a wife what to look for: QUALITIES OF THE PIOUS WOMAN Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman. The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. "And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"[s.24;v.26] "Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard"[s.4;v.34] "It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..."[s.66;v.5]. And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes: -a Muslim woman -a believing woman -a devout woman -a true woman -a woman who is patient and constant -a woman who humbles herself -a woman who gives charity -a woman who fasts and denies herself -a woman who guards her chastity -a woman who engages much in Allah's praise. Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: "O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down"[s.3;v.43]. Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden' "[s.66;v.11]. The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her." Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good"[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not perfect either. Knowing who she is To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that firstone relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends". Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones. Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah. Trust in Allah We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge. Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah. It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: "When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)." I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him. Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat. The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly. The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an. The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out' ". Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children. Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent. When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: "For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them"[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: "Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous"[al-Furqan,74]. I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says: "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him"[s.3;v.159]. May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves. "When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way"[al-Baqarah,v.186]. |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 02/07/03 at 20:13:30 |
| [slm] Who's the author of this piece? |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| jannah |
| 02/07/03 at 23:54:27 |
| U know I have no idea.. but it's very similar to some stuff in Hedeya Hartford's book on marriage. In fact I thought that was an excerpt but I just checked in the book and it's a little different. The stuff in the book is more points and less paragraph style in this section. So maybe someone took it and expanded on it? |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 02/10/03 at 12:22:24 |
How to find a wife ...? Is that anything like that 'Who wants to be a Mu'min?' game played here a while ago? Halal Life-Partner Pick-Up Lines: Brother standing by the shoe racks at the local masjid. Sister comes to pick up her shoes. Brother sez, '[i] So Sister, come here often?[/i] Rich Lazy Son of a Muslim OPEC Oil Baron: He spots the sister at a reception and sez, ' [i]Can my daddy buy you a Ferrari? [/i]' Same Brother gets into Harvard so he can spend four years hanging around Wellesley College looking for a wife. Why? Because Wife Number One was smart enuff to marry the dude and then drive off in her brand new crimson red Ferrari.... [i] vrrrrrmmmm[/i] ! |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| sister2sister |
| 02/12/03 at 06:57:31 |
| > Halal Life-Partner Pick-Up Lines: :-/ :-/ :-/ ROTFL :-/ :-/ :-/ YSII :-) |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| jannah |
| 02/15/03 at 02:52:17 |
| here's a good one: I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes. haha jowk jowk |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| Laboogie |
| 02/18/03 at 22:52:03 |
| Salaams Nah check this out "Sister, who is your wali" ummm can I get a salaams and how you doing...dag---- btw that was done during taraweeh---the sister was TRYING to run back and start praying when she was STOP---- **** but i heard thats a good way of asking...mmmm??? i dont know nah BUT this one is the one "Sister do you want me to commit HARAM? so then marry me.....(oh so its MY FAULT you are going to commit haram??) UMMM can I say LOSER, thanks the things MEN say :o all I can do is laugh :-/ peace L |
| 02/18/03 at 22:52:48 |
| Laboogie |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| sister2sister |
| 02/19/03 at 01:57:22 |
| someone actually asked that :o :o :o YSII :-) |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| jannah |
| 02/19/03 at 03:34:00 |
| [wlm] sister sadly, i totally believe it :) the thing is u gotta be like laboogie and shoot them down.. the best one is this guy trying to mack and pretend like he's Muslim and tries to say bismillah or fatiha or something and laboogie goes "Just because u been in prison doesn't mean ur Muslim." OMG shot him down cold!!!! haha We all take lessons from the mamacita of the mafia here hehe :-/ |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| dirt |
| 03/06/03 at 06:37:33 |
| [slm] The things MEN say? Pleeeease. [wlm] |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 03/12/03 at 07:09:07 |
| :D he he the taraweeh wali one is very common!!! or whooose daatar( daughter) are you?? usually an older "auntie" asks you that!! so beware or sitti ;) ohh this one is a classic on campus!! umm sister do u know where Jummah is at? ha ha right across the hall!!!! The jumah sign was not big enough and not to mention all the bros with kuffis :) |
| 03/12/03 at 07:13:54 |
| AyeshaZ |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| Kathy |
| 03/12/03 at 09:19:59 |
| [slm] [quote]this guy trying to mack [/quote] translation please? |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| jannah |
| 03/12/03 at 13:08:59 |
| mack = 'to hit on' 'make a pass' etc |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| chokoz |
| 07/03/03 at 11:13:13 |
| [quote]Who's the author of this piece?[/quote] The complete article can be found at: http://www.quraan.com/Sisters/ChoosingTheDesiredWife.asp |
| 07/03/03 at 11:16:36 |
| chokoz |
| Re: How to find a wife..... |
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| Potato |
| 07/03/03 at 13:34:41 |
| assalamu alaikum I would rate this as the all-time worst pick-up line ever: I just divorced my wife this morning. Are you available? >:( |
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