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Unwanted attention?

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Unwanted attention?
Anonymous
02/15/03 at 10:22:04
Assalamu alaikum sisters,

I have a problem that I am somewhat embarrased to reveal.  I come from a partly Eastern
European background, and I do not look like a 'native' muslimah.  This was not really a
problem before I started to wear hijab -- my conservative clothes and modest conduct were
enough to convince most non-Muslim men that I wasn't worth pursuing.  Since I started
wearing hijab about a year and a half ago, I have been approached numerous times (always when
I am alone)by 'muslim' men who believe that since I do not look like a native muslim
(whatever that is supposed to be)it is okay to try to make passes at me, as though having
fairer skin somehow means that my morals and committment to Islam are somehow less that that
of other hijab wearing sisters.  I find this kind of attention extremely unnerving, and
usually I remain silent, stunned by the audacity of these men, while I plan my escape.  On
one occasion, one man made a hasty retreat as one of my friends approached, which shows
me that he knows he isn't abiding by proper adab.

I have been trying to figure out how to deal with this problem, but the only solution
that I imagine will work is to take off my hijab, and return to the relative invisibility of
being a plain, modest woman in the Western world. (I live in North America.)  Since I
refuse to disobey Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) in this matter and not cover myself properly,
how do you guys suggest I handle this?  What do I say to these men that will make them
leave me alone?  This has happened far too many times for me to take them as isolated
incidents.

Jazak allahu khairan in advance.

wassalam,
your sis in Islam.
Re: Unwanted attention?
jannah
02/15/03 at 18:46:18
[wlm] sister,

if you were in a muslim society, i would suggest niqab for you.. but in any case , i wouldn't recommend taking off your hijab.. i think that would make you more of a target for greasy guys and who wants that!!  in fact, there are always going to be those types that are looking for fair skin/looks/some kind of ideaology of beauty in their minds and don't think about anything else.. whether muslim or not. so i'd suggest just keep on going, wear your hijab and ignore the freaks. eventually they'll get the message and there will be one that respects you for you and your modesty inshaAllah.

Re: Unwanted attention?
zomorrud
02/16/03 at 13:00:04
[color=blue]
bismillah..
assalamu alaikum:

to the anonymous sister and every sister who finds herself
in a similar situation, build up your self-confidence and
and don't be afraid to reply with "Ittaqi Allah" or  "Fear
Allah", then walk away .  that should wake up the idiot
who tries to stalk you.  

also, try not to be found alone -tag along other sisters.  
if this ever happens in an Islamic centre, REPORT it to the
imam/president and insist that he brings it up in the next
community meeting or Jummaa khutba. make sure you go
to the imam/president as part of a group of women and
not alone.

take care
wassalam
[/color]

Re: Unwanted attention?
theOriginal
02/16/03 at 13:07:50
[slm]

Yes..imagine my anger when I started hijaab and some brother called me at midnight to tell me that I looked really nice in it.  I was really furious.  I felt it defeated the whole purpose...and that perhaps it was the wrong step to take.

Oh well....may Allah always keep us on the Straight Path, Ameen.

Wasalaam.
Re: Unwanted attention?
Alkhansaa
02/16/03 at 17:13:46
Salam Alaykum,
yes sis Zomorrod is right. Also read all you can on lowering the gaze(ghadd Albassar)
And give anyone who starts annoying you a lecture-that puts a stop to annoyance immediately!!!

I remember once walking with a friend of mine and we both wear the Hijab alhamdulillah but we were forced to stop by a few freaks (Muslim but def. unIslamic) who were bent on annoying us, the street was dead and I can tell you we were scared stiff then Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala made me for the first time (and last) eloquent and I gave them one heck of a lecture about how they were a disgrace to the Muslim Ummah and how did they think their prayers were going to be accepted by God or didn't they pray and so on and so on. They didn't hear the end of the lecture, unfortuately and I remember my friend staring at me with her mouth open and asking how on earth I'd managed to say all this stuff!!
Re: Unwanted attention?
Leslie
02/17/03 at 01:05:14
[slm]

Sis anonymous,

    I sympathise wholeheartedly with your predicament.  The same thing happens, not unfrequently, to me too.  
    The first time, I had been Muslim for just over a month when I went to the mosque for Eid prayers.  Somehow, I ended up alone in the women's section, when a man comes in and tries to strike up a conversation with me.  He told me that he was looking for a wife, and that he was extremely committed to Islam (Yeah right, I thought, like most good muslim men would go into the women's section and just strike up a conversation with women they had never met before.  ::) ).  

    I do wish I had sis Zomorrud's advice then (shukran, ya ukhti  :-*): it would have done me a lot of good.  My strategy, however, was just to avoid going to that mosque ever again.  

    I don't think that there's anything we can do in these situations, except try to keep our behaviour within the limits set by Allah (swt).  

[wlm]
Re: Unwanted attention?
se7en
02/17/03 at 03:05:20
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

Sis it may not necessarily be because people consider you 'loose', but  because fair skin is considered beautiful in a lot of Asian cultures.  so guyz may see you in hijab and think "wow she's beautiful *and* she's muslim.. let me try to pursue things with her".  It's something I've seen happen with my fair-skinned algerian, kashmiri, and bosnian friends  ::)

the only thing I can suggest is what I've seen them do, which is to shut the brother down *real quick*; no smile, no joking, short/curt responses.  it may be considered rude, but it gets your message across, that you're not interested in being dealt with in this way.

w'Allahu a'lam.

wasalaamu alaykum :-)
Re: Unwanted attention?
sister2sister
02/18/03 at 07:59:07
Salaam to all

Se7en is right, nothing gets a geek running like a good swift and confident kick of truth.  Keep the hijab sis.

YSII :-)


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