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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| What's holding me back? |
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| Caraj |
| 02/15/03 at 01:49:53 |
| All of you have been so kind here in Medina as I have been trying to learn and am seeking the truth. :-* Part of me is soooo ready to convert and part of me is just not convinced. I see such good in Islam, I specifically like the modesty, the reverance (praying daily) the respect and the cleanliness and I like the sister and brotherhood. I like the dietary stuff and more. What has a hold on me is Heaven (Jannah) Paradise is Perfect, God/Allah is perfect, I could never be good enough to go, I can never make up for all I did wrong or not right. On my own I could never make it, thus I am wanting the scarifice Jesus made on my behalf (and everyone elses who believe this way) If the wages of sin is death and God/Allah is perfect How could I ever go to Heaven (Paradise) My works can never over pass my sins on a scale. I almost wish I could take what is in my heart to believe from each beliefs and practice as such. But I believe I need to make a choice some day. Any suggestions? Any advice? Seems like God/Allah has been having Muslims cross my path quite frequently these days. One wonderful sister teaches Arabic locally and has invited me on many occations to her classes. She accepts me already even though I do not claim to be Muslim at this time. This touches my heart. We keep bumping into each other. Is this coinceidance or God/Allahs doings? By the way, why do people ask me, Are you sure you're not Muslim yet? Is it my heart and ideas that make some think I may be there even though I won't claim it? I'm serious several over the last year have asked this ??? |
| 02/15/03 at 02:01:06 |
| Caraj |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| al-tawbah |
| 02/15/03 at 09:57:47 |
| asalamu alaikum my sister. i am a revert to the truth that is islam. i too was scared and had the same feelings that you did when i saw where i was being lad. it is not easy to change one's faith. i came to see however, that it was not really a change. the difference is in semantics for the vast majority of the differences, so it was not change, but rather spiritual growth. i had numerous friends that thought that i was muslim when they met me. i am caucasian, so after a 5 minute conversation, if they already thought this, then it had to be my heart that led them to believe this. this is why your friends ask if you are not sure that you are already muslim. you apparently have a muslim heart. you just don't know it. in retrospect, this was the case with me as well. i have come to see that this is the case with many people. the one thing that held me back was the crucifixion. i had always wondered why jesus*pbuh* ask, "oh my god, why have you forsaken me?" he is the messiah. why on earth would he ask such a thing when he knew it was not true. i already had a nontrinitarin belief. as a matter of fact, i jad never believed in trinity. the bible does not mention trinity and jesus*pbuh* gave ALL glory to god. he even said that he came not to teach his own doctrine but that of who sent him. when he was called good master, he asked "why do you call me good? there is none that is good, but god. john 3:16 says that god so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son. i have come to see that this is a mistranslation. son is not the proper word, and begotten is not either. unique creation would be a far better translation, although it is somewhat vague. but the way that it is worded even indicated that it was not the sacrifice of jesus*pbuh*, but rather of god. god did the giving. this was after all, a man that he so loved that he drew him directly to jannah to be with him. to believe that deeds alone would grant one paradise is incorrect. it takes faith as well. but to believe that grace alone will do it may not be correct either. it takes a combination of both. the bible says that faith without works is dead faith. one cannot simply believe and leave it at that. the works are how the faith is expressed. this is one of the misconceptions that many muslims and christians have about one another. none of us are worthy of paradise by our acts. but salvation is not for us to just take. it is up to allah*swt* to give to us, and it is his choice who to give it to. hence, we are still saved by grace. he does as he wills, and sooner or later all creatures, great and small will subit, either willingly or unwilling to his will. it is our faith and the way that we applied them that he will base his decision on. when i took shahada, i offred a prayer. i asked the lord to forgive me if i was doing wrong by taking shahada when i believed in the crucifixion. at the moment that i took it, a spiritual realization came over me. jesus*pbuh* would not say that to god. he did not say that. at that moment, if it was said, it was becazuse it was somebody else saying it. islam did not erase my christian beliefs. but it perfected them. it finetuned them and made the small inconsistencies go away. one of the best things to happen to christianity is the saying w.w.j.d.? what would jesus do? he would give all glory to god. he would offer prayers, in the prescribed manner that he did ( look in matthew. he prayed as muslims pray) he would teach the doctrine of the one that sent him. that doctrine, i have found, is islam. qur'an teaches us that christians will be among muslims in jannah. it says that they are the closest in faith to us. i have heard some say that this means those that were christian before islam. to them, i reply, that qur'an does not specifically say this. qur'an says that allah*swt* alone says who is and isn't muslim. it doesn't say that they will all know that they are muslim. taking shahada does not make one muslim, just as not taking it does not prevent one from being muslim. perhaps these people who do not carry a muslim label have simply not come to the spiritual realization of what is in their hearts. after all, when men try to say some things in words, it will not come out right. just as qur'an cannot be translated word for word into english, so too, some things cannot be translated word for word from the heart and be 100% accurate. they can only be spoken in the heart and be totally accurate. something else to consider as well, is his omnipresence. he knows our hearts. he knows us better than we know ourselves. subhanallah! do not fret innecessarily. simply let him guide you. no good muslim will ever try to push you in this. it is haram for us tyo do this. there is no compulsion in religion. this must be where allah*swt* guides you. when he has decided that you are ready, he will bring you to total truth. until he does. just let him guide you there. he is with you my sister. if you would like to talk more about what i hjave found, please do not hesistate to let me know. he has taken me from a terrible life of debauchery and lies to where i am now. ultimately it is all glorification of him. i am so unworthy, but alhamdulillah, he chose me anyway. words cannot express my gratitude for his grace ( notice how the grace is still there?) in bringing me here. wasalaam roger |
| 04/12/03 at 00:35:49 |
| al-tawbah |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| Kathy |
| 02/15/03 at 10:07:09 |
| [slm] Doing the Hajj presentation for the kids led me to some passages from a book by Ali Shariati and Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son, by Allah's command. Shariati often uses the phrase: "Who is your Ishmael?" Meaning in a different plane of thought- what or who is keeping you from God. What is stopping you from coming closer and in worship of Allah? [code]BUT when "truth clashes with one's daily life", then the supporter of the truth and justice is going to be in trouble and in danger ... He has to shoulder a very heavy responsibility, find his way through the dark and stormy night and face all the hazards and pitfalls. The farther he goes in this way, the fewer his companions become until he is left with a few friends or none at all! He has to leave behind whatever and whoever is an obstacle in his way, especially those who live in thF darkness of oppression and are used to it. Almighty Allah is ordering you to sacrifice your life and your love and to go on; but evil temptations force you to stay and follow them How? - By the explanations! That is, by making alterations In your faith in order to cope with worldly demands. As such you will not be accused of being an unbeliever or rebellious against God and disloyal to people! Here "explanation" means "to certify the false as truth". You may call it whatever you want - a social, moral, scientific, psychological, dialectical or intellectual explanation. What difference does it make? But in Hajj and in the biography of Ibrahim the great who was victorious in all his trials honest, righteous, sincere and struggled in Jihad to defend the "absolute truth", Allah called it - "the evil explanation"! Ibrahim s clear and strong wisdom was weakened by these questions - How do I know? How can it be? I only heard this message in my "dream", he said. Satan strengthened the "love for his son" in his heart and made him rationalize a means of "escape"! Like Ibrahim, you should select and bring your Ismail to Mina Who is your Ismail? You should know; there is no need for others to know! May be your wife, job, talent, sex, power, rank, position ... etc. I don't know which one it is, but it should be whatever is so dear as Ismail was to Ibrahim! Some of the signs of your Ismail are whatever takes away your freedom and stops you from performing your duties, whatever joy entertains you, whatever keeps you from hearing and knowing the truth, whatever persuades you to rabonalize rather than accept responsibility and whoever supports you only to receive your support in the future. You must search and find it in your life. [/code] |
| NS |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| muslimah853 |
| 02/15/03 at 14:33:17 |
| Salaam Caraj Hmm. I converted many years ago and can somewhat relate to your experiences, though my hesitations were for different reasons. I didn't really have an issue giving up the Christian belief in the sacrifice of Isa (peace be upon him) and what not because it was something that troubled my heart for as long as I could remember. I found in Islam the answers to those questions. So dropping that belief, or more accurately, the semblance of that belief, was not a problem for me. In fact Islam was a relief to me on that front. But nonetheless, resolving the issue took some deep soul searching and some willingness on my part to let go of certain things which I cherished, but I have never regretted that decision. Al hamdulillah. I would say that maybe for your particular dilemma, familiarize yourself as much as possible with the Qur'anic verses and hadith which speak of Allah's Mercy and Forgiveness, whereas yes, we can never earn paradise, but Allah's Mercy is so great that His forgiveness extends to us even without the necessity of having Isa die on the cross--it's there for anyone who turns to Him and asks. I don't have anything in front of me, but I can try, and others can too, maybe to post some relevant things here. In addition to that, my suggestion is to turn to God, and honestly and sincerely ask Him to give you the clarity that you seek. You are probably already doing this, in that case, continue. Eventually you will receive what you ask for, for Allah never denies any sincere seeker. Continue reading, spending time with Muslims, asking questions, praying, and things will work out the way they are supposed to. You will be in my prayers. :-* |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| sofia |
| 02/16/03 at 09:49:06 |
| Peace, Cara Yeah, so what *is* holding you back? :) Only you can answer that one. As sister muslimah853 mentioned, try to read as much of the Qur'aan as you can, especially if you have an interest in Islaamic teachings or in becoming a Muslim, God-willing. That's the main advice I'd give. Otherwise, there is no set "qualification" for becoming a Muslim, except these 2 main beliefs: 1) That there is only one God, and 2) That His final messenger was Muhammad, peace be upon him. Anyone who sincerely believes in these, is a Muslim. The best way to truly believe in these concepts, is to learn about them (ie, what we're taught about God and about Prophet Muhammad's life/message from authentic sources, like the Qur'aan and authentic sayings of the Prophet). But know that belief does not guarantee a "good end" (ie, Paradise), without righteous actions and the correct intentions. Not to mention, ultimately, the Grace of God (to allow us into His Paradise). Allahu A'lim, God knows best. By believing in the first tenet mentioned above, one would need to know about the concept of "tawheed," which roughly translates into, making (our concept of God) one (with or without our understanding of this, God *is* One). So, the trinity and what not - is out. That God is a man - out. That God has a son/daughter/mother - out. One of the shortest chapters in the Qur'aan gives us a glimpse of this concept. However, that does not mean that we reject Jesus, pbuh. More on that below. "Say: He is God, One. God, the Self-Sufficient. He begets not, nor was He begotten. And there is none comparable to Him." [Translation of the Qur'aan. Chapter 112, Sincerity] By believing in the second concept, one would not only accept Muhammad (S) as the last messenger (and he was only a messenger, nothing more or less), but would also accept all of the other divinely-inspired Prophets that came before him. These include Adam, Noah, Abraham, David, Moses, Jesus, John, amongst others, peace be upon them all (the Qu'raan mentions 25 prophets, and hints that there were many more, sent to all nations with the same message from the One, True God). Their (actual) teachings are also considered to be "Islaam." So basically, someone who converts to Islaam after having believed in the message of Jesus (as Christians) or David (as Jews), would get two rewards (See the Qur'aan 28:53-54). One for believing in the first message, and another for believing in the last and the completion of the message (by believing in the Prophethood of Muhammad, pbuh). The Prophet (S) said: "Whoever among the people of the books becomes Muslim, he will have his reward twice, and he has the same rights and duties as we do." [Hadith collected by Ahmad 5:259] Those who convert to Islaam also have their previous sins forgiven by God and keep all of their good deeds on their "scale." Even better than a newborn baby. :) If you're not ready for these concepts, no one can force you. As you know, there is no compulsion in religion. But if you already believe these concepts in your heart (and truth stands clear from error to those who seek it), declaring it (to all or to a select few) is an important step in becoming part of an ummah/community of believers who share your beliefs and can help you along the way (actually, you'll probably help them out even more). It's much easier to recognize and uphold truth where that truth is recognized and upheld (that goes for born-Muslims, as well). By the same token, it's much easier to waver between faith and disbelief when there is no formal "declaration" of our faith (again, this goes for born-Muslims as well. Usually, those of us that are not around other Muslims, can weaken in our faith to some extent, at least compared to those who get to interact with/learn from/teach other Muslims. Allahu Alim, God knows best). You mentioned something about your sins. Cara, that is the best thing a Muslim can do, to recognize our sins and be God-fearing. No one (except God) is perfect, nor did God create us to be perfect. The Prophet (S) said: "All of mankind sins, but the best of them are those that repent to God often." [hadith collected by at-Tirmidhee]. He also said: "There are one hundred (parts of) mercy of God and He has sent down out of these one part of mercy upon His creation, and it is because of this (one part) that they love one another, show kindness to one another and even the beast treats its young one with affection. God has reserved ninety-nine parts of mercy with which He would treat His servants on the Day of Resurrection. (Collected by Bukhari). Although a Muslim should always be in a state between fear (of disappointing God/earning His wrath) and hope (in His forgiveness and mercy), the best believer is the one who is most God-conscious and has the best disposition towards God ("I am as My slave believes Me to be"). :) I was at a gathering recently where a sister pointed out that although God calls Himself by many unique names (for ex/, the Merciful, the Forgiver, the Eternal, the Powerful, the Just, the Reckoner, etc), He calls Himself most often (in the Qur'aan) by these two names: The Most-Gracious, the Most-Merciful (ar-RaHmaan, ar-RaHeem). Subhan'Allah (God is above all imperfections), now that's something to think about. A good prayer to know (that a Muslim says during the 5 daily prayers): "In the name of God, Most-Gracious, Most-Merciful. All praise is due to God, the Lord of the Worlds. The Most-Gracious, Most-Merciful. Master of the Day of Judgement. To You alone do we worship, and to You alone do we seek help. Guide us to the straight way. The way of those on whom You have bestowed your Grace, and not of those who have earned Your wrath or have gone astray." [Translation of the Qur'aan. Chapter 1, The Opening] Aameen. |
| 02/16/03 at 10:03:12 |
| sofia |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| BrKhalid |
| 02/17/03 at 09:57:13 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote] On my own I could never make it, thus I am wanting the scarifice Jesus made on my behalf…….My works can never over pass my sins on a scale.[/quote] The truth is Cara none of our works or good deeds can over pass our sins. Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: There is none whose deeds alone would entitle him to get into Paradise. It was said to him: And, Allah's Messenger, not even you? Thereupon he said: Not even I, but that my Lord wraps me in Mercy.[Muslim] The real reason we go to Paradise is that Allah forgives us our sins such that they are not recorded in our books and then (and only then) do our good deeds overtake our bad deeds. But in order for Him to forgive your sins you have to ask Him and only Him. |
| 02/17/03 at 09:58:02 |
| BrKhalid |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| M.F. |
| 02/17/03 at 10:34:47 |
| Dear Cara :) That's a really deep question, and I think only you know the answer. I can only try to help you answer your worries: You're worried that your sins surpass your good deeds and thus you could never get into heaven. Who of us doesn't have that worry. There's two things that could make you feel more confident that Jannah really is for believers, and that anyone can get there: 1- As soon as you take Shahada, all your past is completely erased. ALL of it, can you imagine!!!! 2- the first thing that Allah wrote, ever, before creating any of this creation was: "My mercy preceeds my wrath".... think about it.... Allah is more merciful than we know. I can say without a doubt that NONE of us would get into Jannah just by our deeds. (Besides the fact that the Prophet (S) said so) If Allah wasn't merciful with us and gave us what we really deserved, we'd all be in a lot of trouble. But He IS merciful. None of us is perfect. Allah created us this way. But he gave us the option of asking Him for forgiveness, and He is very generous in giving it. You only have one step to go to believe all this. You believe that Allah sacrificed Jesus (Peace be upon him) for the sins of mankind. First of all, well, that wouldn't have been very fair to Jesus would it? And Allah is Fair. Second, if you can believe that out of love (mercy?) for mankind Allah sacrificed Jesus, then it's not hard to believe that Allah could directly forgive mankind just out of mercy, without sacrificing anyone. Isn't that more fair? And wouldn't that show that Allah can do what He wants without going through anyone else? Jesus, Mohammed, and all the other Prophets, Peace and Blessings be upon them, made HUGE sacrifices for us, to bring us Faith and a way of life, but not sacrifices in that they died for our sins... they were persecuted, tortured, mocked.... to bring us God's word. It's up to us to show appreciation for their sacrifices and follow God's word. I hope I made some sense insha Allah :) I'm a bit... fuzzy brained today..:D |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| eleanor |
| 02/17/03 at 13:09:53 |
| [slm] Cara, I am happy that you have reached this stage. Masha Allah you have come so far :) Firstly let me tell you that the feeling you get after you revert is the most happy intense feeling ever. It's like the burden of the past just slips away and the future is so exciting! As others have previously mentioned, when you become Muslim, all your old sins are forgiven, so you can start afresh. Also something that may be holding you back is a little fear of the future. Small questions (posed by Shaytan - devil) will always be "Can I do this.." "Am I ready for this.." and an answer (also deviously coming from the Shaytan) will be "oh I can't - it's too much..". What always helps me is to know that Islam was not produced overnight. The Qur'an was not revealed all at once, but rather over a period of 20 years! So the very first Muslims had plenty of time to adjust to all the new stuff coming their way. Nobody expects you to be a perfect Muslim from day one. Don't expect it from yourself either. Take things slowly, Insha Allah, start with your prayer and relationship with Allah and take it from there. You are blessed :) Allah has chosen you to know the truth :) Welcome to the family :) |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| Halima |
| 02/19/03 at 00:38:22 |
| I also believe that at heart, your are a Muslim. The sisters and brothers above have given you their insights and knowledge of what you are going through. And they have done it with so much wisdom and understanding. INSHA-ALLAH, you will find your way. We will keep you in our prayers. [slm] Halima |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| Abdullah |
| 02/19/03 at 23:08:06 |
| asalamu alaikum, If you think you've had too much sin to be accepted by Allah SWT, think again. As reverts, many of us feel like this... I know I did. There were Sahaba who were out to kill the Prophet SAW... there have been rapists, murderers, prostitutues everything.... They have all accepted Islam and Allah SWT forgives them *snap!* just like that. We are often tempted to believe in that which is most comforting to us. Thus, perhaps you want to feel that Jesus died for your sins to expiate yourself from them, But truth is truth no matter what the belief, even if we close our eyes to it. You have to ask yourself, what do I really believe? I have always called Islam, to be very truthful, to be the bitter pill of reality... its hard to swallow when you're outside and ignorant of it, but as soon as you do, this tranqulity and cure of all diseases washes over you and bathes you like something out of the description of paradise.... this kind of happiness, the happiness at my reversion time, was not a fluctuating emotion but a sense of peace and enlightenment that I know is only a fraction of what I will be enveloped in when and if I meet my Lord with Him being pleased with me. It opens your eyes to such vast truths, not just by research, but by belief; after researching and even believing in other religions before, Islam, after two years, continues to blow my mind every time I hear Allah's name, and every time I wake up or go to sleep or see the face of my muslim brothers and sisters. I am continiuously and without fail swept off my feet by His Greatness, sometimes over and over and over and I wonder if it will ever stop, but judging from the pious elders I have seen who love Allah, it never really ends. Many of us had the feelings you do now... I suggest you pray, and cry... open up to Him, don't be shy or hard-hearted, ask earnestly for the truth. The wages of sin are not death, as muslims believe, Allah forgive me if I'm wrong, but rather, death is a means of reuniting with Allah for those who love Him. And He will accept you if you earnestly turn to Him, because His mercy is endless, all of you have to do is... ask of it. With anything in this world, you have to have the desire, the will, to run to Allah SWT, and He will fly to you INSHA'ALLAH. If there are any technical questions, put them out, ask, let them out, and let it be set straight. Satan very very frequently plays on our hearts, muslim or non-muslim, on these things, which can easily be explained once they are asked to knowledgeable people. And Islam has no such thing as aplogetics- what was right yesterday, will be right today, will be right tomorrow. Any doubts, let them be plain and make sure you don't stand in your own way to guidance and salvation. God is only One; only He can be attributed any glimmer of Mercy and Greatness. The prophets, not only in our belief, but many others, have been repeating this since time immemorial. Just cry in the night... and ask to be shown the way and Allah SWT will not misguide you if you earnestly seek Him. I will make dua' for you Insha'Allah, Insha'Allah make dua to Him for my forgiveness as well, because I suspect that perhaps you are closer to Allah SWT then you even realize- I hope so Insha'Allah. Allahu Alam- Allah knows Best. Abdullah |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| Ameeraana |
| 03/09/03 at 23:11:43 |
| Salaam Aleikum, [color=Red]Sounds like you are a Muslim in you heart already!!! But a fear is holding you back:[/color] [quote]I can never make up for all I did wrong or not right. On my own I could never make it, thus I am wanting the scarifice Jesus made on my behalf (and everyone elses who believe this way) If the wages of sin is death and God/Allah is perfect How could I ever go to Heaven (Paradise) My works can never over pass my sins on a scale[/quote] [color=Green]So, if you believe that Jesus died for our sins then you are believing that it is ok to just sin because we will have already been forgiven for them because of what Jesus did? Whatever happened to repentance?[/color] [color=Purple]Allah is oft-forgiving, most merciful to those who truly repent. And remember when you take your shahada all your past sins are gone, and you start new like a newborn baby!![/color] [color=Teal]Sister, most of us whom have reverted and even those whom were born into Islamic families are not perfect and have committed sins. The more we read and study the more we learn what is wrong and right. We learn to be better Muslims as our faith gets stronger and stronger. The most important though, is that you fight the jihad within yourself to strive to stay on the right path and to truly and sincerely repent your sins.[/color] [color=Blue]Do you believe in Islam? Do you believe in the Qur'an? Do you believe there is no God but Allah? Do you believe that the Prophet Mohammed (sallalahu aleyhi wa salaam) was His slave and messenger? If the answers are yes, yes, yes and yes!! You know shahada is your path, right?[/color] Ameera :) |
| 03/09/03 at 23:17:07 |
| Ameeraana |
| Re: What's holding me back? |
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| IbnTurab |
| 03/21/03 at 22:35:48 |
| Do not feel alone in this regard as many have passed through this stage and It is Allah's tawfiq, that He is showing you the Path to His guidance. I will only add that you Read, reflect and ask with an open mind. When things are investigated, as confucius tells us, true knowledge is achieved. I would really advice you to Read the Qran and try to find answers to questions you might have. I am reminded of Jeffrey Lang, and he writes in this regard: “Painters can make the eyes of a portrait appear to be following you from one place to another, but which author can write a scripture that anticipates your daily vicissitudes?... Each night I would formulate questions and objections and somehow discover the answer the next day (by reading the Quran). It seemed that the author was reading my ideas and writing in the appropriate lines in time for my next reading. I have met myself in its pages...” And Pray to God to show you the right path. And all of us here, I ask pray for you. |
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