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| My Big Sin |
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| theOriginal |
| 02/20/03 at 08:26:41 |
| [slm] So we all commit sins in our daily lives. I mean sometimes I'll catch myself lying for no apparent reason, just for the mere sake of making my life more interesting. (No joke.) Then I have to backtrack, and really remind myself that even though the lie effects NO ONE, it's still wrong. At some point I was really conscious of this realization...but lately it has worn off... Anyway...the small sins...that's a continual process. Recently I did something REALLY BAD. And when I was doing this REALLY BAD thing, even then I knew it was really bad. I didn't make an honest effort not to do it. And I guess, it has kind of been thrown in my face. The other thing is, it's not over...I know the time will come again, very shortly, when I have to make this choice of doing this REALLY BAD thing again. Okay I know I'm confusing you. Let me break it down: I knew I will be put in the position of committing sin A. But I thought to myself, without really taking it seriously, "There's no way I would do something like that, I'm not stupid." Few days later, I commit sin A. Actually this happened on Tuesday. All depression aside, it's Thursday now, and I know...i KNOW that Sin A is going to come knocking on my door again, and I will have to make that choice. I really am quite sure it's not going to happen again, and that I can overcome it...but then again, that's what I thought last time. And if I commit sin A, it might transpire into Sin AA, or Sin AAA, which are like more intense forms of the same sin. The thing is...this is the kind of "sin" that is easily visible, and EVERYONE has a different input on it. I mean I get some people saying stuff like "Oh come on, you're only human." Or better still, someone said to me "What's wrong with it?" Then there are those people, who dismissed what I did, and told me I was a hypocrite. I guess I am one, kind of. And I shouldn't have done what I did. Now, there's a lot of noise in my nafs, that gets LOUDER with each passing comment....and it's getting harder and harder to hear the voice of my conscience. I'm like STRUGGLING! I need some sincere advice from MUSLIMS....because I can't take it anymore. The thing that bugs me the most is that I did this thing, and then like 12 hours later, it all came back to me. The one other person who was involved bailed like a feather in the wind. And I'm kinda out here alone. For the short term, the best thing for me to do would be to do this thing AGAIN. Because in order for me NOT to perpetuate this mess I have to be really really MEAN to a certain few someones. But I can't not do that, because it's really a BIG deal. (Too many negatives make my head spin) I think I should lock myself up in the basement for the next few weeks, wait for things to dissolve on their own. Any input much appreciated. Please please help, like ASAP...I really am in a fix. Wasalaam. |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| BroHanif |
| 02/20/03 at 14:50:47 |
| Salaams, At least you have the concious that you commited a sin, there are some who commit a sin and think nothing of it. Make thanks to Allah that his even given you the ability to think its a sin. Whatever it is Allah will forgive as long as its not shirk, so seek Allahs mercy before you die. If we could all stop sinning this very nx second, then our status would be much different. Dosen't Allah love a person who sins and then sheds tears seeeking Allahs forgiveness ?. I'll make dua for you so Allah eases your burden. Ameen Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| zomorrud |
| 02/20/03 at 19:20:02 |
| [color=blue] bismillah.. assalamu alaikum i am in a hurry now - got to catch the GO train. i'll try to write a more detailed post later on. for now, try not to think about what you going or not going to do. try to talk to Allah (i.e. pray) or listen to Him talk to you (read qur'an) as much as you can. take care wassalam [/color] |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| bhaloo |
| 02/21/03 at 00:02:22 |
| [slm] Your situation reminds me of someone I advised a year ago, here's some of the things I said: Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The punishment for sin is lifted from a person by means of ten things: 1 – Repentance; this is agreed upon among the Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): “Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful’” [al-Zumar 39:53] “Know they not that Allaah accepts repentance from His slaves and takes the Sadaqaat (alms, charity), and that Allaah Alone is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful?” [al-Tawbah 9:104] “And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins”[al-Shoora 42:25] 2 – Praying for forgiveness. It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person commits a sin, then says, ‘O Lord, I have committed a sin so forgive me,’ He says, ‘My slave knows that he has a Lord Who may forgive sins or punish for it; I have forgiven My slave…’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6953; Muslim, 4953) In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you did not commit sin, Allaah would do away with you and bring people who would commit sins then ask Him to forgive them, so He would forgive them.” (al-Tawbah, 4936) 3 – Doing good deeds which wipe out sins. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform As‑Salaah (Iqaamat‑as‑ Salaah), at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night [i.e. the five compulsory Salaah (prayers)]. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins)”[Hood 11:114] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The five daily prayers and Jumu’ah (Friday prayers) and Ramadaan take away the bad deeds between one and the next, if you avoid major sins.” (Narrated by Muslim, 344). And he said: “Whoever fasts Ramadaan out of faith and the hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 37; Muslim, 1268). And he said: “Whoever spends the night of Laylat al-Qadr in prayer out of faith and the hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1768). And he said: “Whoever performs Pilgrimage to this House, and does not behave in an obscene or immoral manner, he will go back free of sin like the day his mother gave birth to him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1690). And he said: “The expiation for the fitnah caused to a man by his family, wealth and children is prayer, fasting, enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 494, Muslim, 5150). And he said: “Whoever frees a believing slave, for each of (the slave’s) limbs Allaah will free one of his limbs from the Fire…” (Narrated by Muslim, 2777). These and similar ahaadeeth are narrated in the books of Saheeh. And he said: “Charity extinguishes sin as water extinguishes fire, but hasad (malicious envy) consumes good deeds as fire consumes wood.” 4 – The du’aa’ of the believers for the believer, such as when they pray the funeral prayer for him. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah and Anas ibn Maalik that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no Muslim who dies, and a group of Muslims numbering one hundred pray for him, all of them interceding for him, but their intercession for him will be accepted.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1576). It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘There is no Muslim man who dies, and forty men pray the funeral prayer for him, not associating anything with Allaah, but Allaah will accept their intercession for him.’” (Narrated by Muslim, 1577). This refers to praying for him after he has died. 5 – Good deeds which can be done for the deceased, such as giving in charity (on his behalf), etc. This will benefit him, according to the clear, saheeh texts of the Sunnah and the consensus of the Imams. The same applies to freeing slaves and Hajj (on his behalf), indeed it was proven in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever dies owing any (obligatory) fasts, his heir should fast them on his behalf.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5210; Muslim, 4670). 6 – The intercession of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and others on the Day of Resurrection for those who have committed sins. This is narrated in the mutawaatir ahaadeeth about intercession, such as the hadeeth in which he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “My intercession will be for those among my ummah who have committed major sins.” (Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 3965). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I was given the choice between admitting half of my ummah to Paradise and intercession, and I chose intercession.” (See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3335). 7 – Calamities by means of which Allaah expiates sins in this world. It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, distress or harm befalls a believer in this world, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah expiates some of his sins thereby.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5210; Muslim, 4670). 8 – The torment, squeezing and terror that happens in the grave. These are also things by means of which sins are expiated. 9 – The horrors, distress and hardship of the Day of Resurrection. 10 – The mercy and forgiveness of Allaah, with no cause on the part of His slaves. See: Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn Taymiyah, vol. 7, p. 487-501. One thing I don't get is that you are saying you HAVE TO DO this SIN again? WHY? ??? it doesn't make any sense, how can any good come from doing sins? if you have to be mean to someone by not doing the sin, isn't that better, that you will not be dong something haraam? To relieve worries and distress recite the du’aa’s narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), for example, the saheeh hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him): “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana al-‘Azeema rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Holy Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief.” This is one of the remedies prescribed in sharee’ah. One may also say: “Laa ilaaha illa anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (There is no god but You, glorified (and exalted) are You, truly I have been of the wrongdoers).” [cf. al-Anbiya’ 21:87] |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| sofia |
| 02/21/03 at 13:22:59 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah, sis Not to make light of sins *at all*, but didn't the Prophet (S) say: "All of the mankind sins, and the best of them are those that repent often?" And that Allaah is more happy to hear his slave repent than someone in the desert is happy to find his lost camel/goods/water? [About the issue of lying, thought I'd bring this up, as a reminder to myself first. Lying is one of the major sins, and the spiritual repercussions are huge. Hardly any one of us is innocent of it. The Prophet (S) was once asked something like: Can a believer be a miser? The Prophet (S) replied, Yes. He was then asked, Can a believer be a coward? He (S) said, Yes. Then he was asked if a believer can be a liar, and he (S) said No.] As far as "repeated sins" go, I dunno, that's where the tricky part comes in. Here's my (somewhat naive) take on it (Allaahu A'lim): If I *know* I'm about to sin, the best thing to do is to avoid whatever surrounds that sin. Let's say for example, that whenever I'm with person A, chances are, I'll commit sin A. And let's say if I'm at location B, chances are, I'll commit sin B. So pretty much, person A and/or location B should be looked at as a "means" to a haraam and be treated as "haraam" itself (although at face-value, person A or location B may not be haraam). I know that's easier said than done, since this is much more subjective than say, an actual "means" that will definitely lead to a sin (which would definitely become haraam itself), but it's a good, general guide to use. And if certain "friends" can easily lead us to haraam, know that whenever we give up something *for Allaah* - He will always replace it with something that is better for us. SubhanAllah, I can't emphasize phat enough. Anyhow, Allaah knows what level of ability and knowledge we have, and everything is judged by our intentions (there are times, for ex/, when something that is normally haraam is 'OK', like eating just enough pork to survive if we have no other means, but even that is regulated and to be used judiciously). Besides the shari'ah, we should use our hearts as an indicator of whether or not something is "shady," and use it. It's from Allaah. Continuing to ignore that feeling may lead to, and may Allaah prevent us from reaching this point, that black spot on our heart (our sins) to become bigger and/or eventually cover and veil our hearts completely. Then it will be of no use in recognizing what's shady, and unfortunately, we see this condition in the majority of people today. Anyhow, another thing that helps me is this hadith, that's usually used to explain "gray area" fiqh issues (but gives a lot of insight, in general). The Prophet (S) was reported to have said: "Halaal is clear and Haraam is clear; in between these two are certain things that are suspect, that many people do not understand. Whosoever leaves them, he has protected his deen and his conscience. He who approaches them, is similar to the shephard that lets his flock wander too close to a restricted/forbidden area, so that the animals may step into that forbidden area. Indeed, every sovereign has a forbidden area, and Allaah's protected area is what He has declared forbidden. Surely, in the body there is a morsel of flesh, and if it is wholesome, the entire body is wholesome. If it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Surely, it is the heart." (Bukhaari, Muslim, Abu Dawud) There an indication here that the best part of the flock is the part that's furthest from the "forbidden area" (like in the middle or at the other end). We all have to think about how we view our sins and how best to avoid them and how to purify the heart, so I remind myself first, and jazaaki Allahu khair for bringing this up. May Allaah forgive us and continue to guide us all, aameen. One more thing - from the Qur'aan: 65:2 ...And for those who fear/keep their duty to Allaah, He prepares a way out, 65:3 And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allaah) for him. For Allaah will surely accomplish his purpose. Verily, for all things has Allaah appointed a due proportion. 65:4...and for those who fear/keep their duty to Allaah, He will make their path easy. |
| NS |
| 02/21/03 at 14:09:34 |
| sofia |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| theOriginal |
| 02/21/03 at 14:20:32 |
| [slm] Thank you guys for offerring such sincere advice. I'm still highly confused, and I'm kind of lost, as it stands. Even though, like someone suggested, I violently jerked myself free. To clarify, it's like sis sofia said, I got rid of person A's company, and am staying away from location B, so that I don't feel the impulse for it to happen again. The thing is, in the process, it's gotten harder. I think that the 2 other people involved have been really hurt in the process. I'm angry because the first person did not warn me, and I'm angry because the second person took advantage of my lack of knowledge. However, when it boils down to it, it was my fault. Bro bhaloo, the last duaa you mentioned was actually the duaa I kept reciting immediately after the incident. I didn't quite know what the last bit meant, but my heart was beating so hard, I felt as if I was going to have a massive heart attack. Anyway, I had to clarify the situation yesterday, and it was so hard. SO HARD, because when you hear the other person's point of view, you understand that what you did was truly the worst thing, since everyone is at a different level of faith, and their reasoning usually holds no meaning for you. Any further explanation will say too much. And I learned a lesson, Alhumdulillah. I can't trust anybody, not even myself. Jazak Allah Khair, all of you...I truly appreciate your advice. Wasalaam. SF. |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| BrKhalid |
| 02/22/03 at 13:41:12 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) InshaAllah Sister, Allah will make it easy for you to overcome your difficulties. [quote]I can't trust anybody, not even myself[/quote] Indeed sometimes it's better to avoid a situation rather than put our Iman to the test. No matter what we think our level of faith may be, there is no guarantee that we will be able to pass a test if it comes our way. May Allah protect us always. |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| Abdullah |
| 02/24/03 at 23:05:57 |
| asalamu alaikum Never forget that you can trust Allah SWT... Sometimes, having conversations with Him, yes really talking to Him knowing He is listening, is good |
| Re: My Big Sin |
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| Dude |
| 03/03/03 at 05:47:43 |
| Lot’s of advice going around, so here is mine: stop doing it, and if necessary, stop seeing the person (if the person is a bad influence). Hypothetically, if your problem is a drug or alcohol problem, you may or may not need to seek help (counseling). The first rule of trying to sober up, for example, is to go cold turkey and never touch the stuff again. Some drug users / alcoholics find this to be impossible, and need to get medical help. In this case, it is also advisable to 100% cut off any contact with the enabler(s) (i.e.: drinking buddies). That said, it doesn’t sound like this is your problem. Hypothetically, you may have found yourself in a relationship that is carrying on beyond your moral boundaries. If you don’t see this relationship as feasible in the future, you need to go “cold turkey” and cut off the “relations”. This may mean not seeing the person at all anymore. This may be extremely difficult, but it will be easier now than in the future. Kind of like setting a broken bone. Now, if the relationship is feasible in the future (prospective husband, for example), maybe setting some boundaries (kept boundaries), and introducing the lad to your parents are in order. This is, of course, hypothetically speaking. ;) If you need any more advise, please tune in to my show, daily at 4:00 PST. Dr. Phil. (P.S.: Good luck with it!) :) |
| 03/03/03 at 05:50:38 |
| Dude |
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