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Should you Marry Him?

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Should you Marry Him?
Kathy
02/23/03 at 00:33:50
... if you are still hung up on another Brother who isn't interested in marrying you?
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Danyala
02/23/03 at 11:36:11
[slm]

Hmmm. An interesting question. My opinion would be no. You need to get over it on your own terms, not through marrying a susbtitute.

But maybe someone else can prove me wrong...

:-*

[wlm]
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Barr
02/23/03 at 20:32:21
[slm] warahmatullah :-)

Why do U ask?
02/23/03 at 20:33:24
Barr
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Kathy
02/23/03 at 22:48:30
[wlm]

Sometimes people ask me for advice. Kind of a Dear Abby thing...
 except it is Dear Kathy!

A sister had wrote in great deep despair that her beloved was marrying someone else.  

I gave her what advice I thought was right.

A month later she was courting (in an Islamic sense) perspective husbands.
I wrote her, asking how she was and how did she finally got over her love sickness?.

She replied that she hadn't and was still hopeful that he would change his mind and marry her.

Which got me to thinking and led me to the question:  Should you marry a man, while still in love with an unreachable another?
02/23/03 at 22:50:24
Kathy
Re: Should you Marry Him?
onemuslimgirl
02/23/03 at 22:54:18
asalam alakum,
You should make an istikhara prayer for the brother who proposed to you, and inshAllah if he is the right person for you the prayer will show you the way. There is no need to sit and wait around for someone who is not even interested in you because most likely he already has someone in mind and you would be shocked how many people are "secretly engaged". I have seen this many times in my community.

Many people will be engaged for a long time and will not tell anyone. We have one couple in our community that have been secertly engaged for almost 2 years and only a few people (their parents included) know about this. They have a reason as to why they are waiting to anounce their intentions to marry, but non the less there was another sister interested in this brother who is secretly engaged, and she would try to talk to him in public and get his attention, but he always would respond in a way so she would get the point that he was not interested. Finally, someone had to tell her that he was not interested, and that he was interested in someone else. She was really embarrased, and now she is very uncomfortable when they are in the same place.

Moral of the story is; MOVE ON! if he doesn't care, you shouldn't either. And who knows, maybe the guy who is proposing is 100X better for you. And the best thing is that he is the one who approached you for marriage, not the other way around (not that there is anything wrong with a sister seeking a brother for marriage, but atleast you know that he was definetly interested in you before he even knew if you are interested).

sorry for writing so much...............
Re: Should you Marry Him?
se7en
02/24/03 at 04:21:05
as salaamu alaykum,

I think it's a matter of acceptance.  If a sister has accepted that things will not work out with a brother, and she is really struggling with the residual feelings of frustration, anger, attachment, etc she has.. and another brother proposes, I don't think it's wrong for her to consider him.  

I think it would definitely pose some challenges.. the sis really has to consider whether she has a genuine interest in this bro, of if she is rebounding from the initial experience.. she has to consider whether these residual feelings will hinder a healthy relationship in the future.. and she still has to go through the process of remedying those feelings, which requires a lot of sabr, time, and duaa..

I think it would be ideal in this circumstance to ask for some more time, until emotions are in less turbulence, and also to let him know at least in vague terms about the situation, but again, I don't think it's *wrong*.


If, on the other hand, the sisters still harbors *hope* that things will work out with a brother, and has not accepted the fact that he is unavailable to her, then I don't think it's right for her to consider someone else.  She is already 'taken' - her emotions are absorbed by someone, and they will not be released until she has come to terms with reality.  She is complicating things for herself, and also doing injustice to the brother who has proposed.  

I can tell you from personal experience that unless a person has *accepted* inside themselves that a situation will not work out, they will not be able to move on, spiritually and emotionally.  Only when this acceptance has taken place can they engage in a healthy relationship with someone else.

Allahu a'lam.

wasalaamu alaykum.
02/24/03 at 04:49:59
se7en
Re: Should you Marry Him?
M.F.
02/25/03 at 06:53:06
I think the sister that asked you the question in the first place has to understand something:  Once someone has decided not to marry you, there's very little you can do to get them to change their minds, so her hope that he'll change his mind is kind of irrational... even if he did, you'll always wonder, and perhaps always feel that something isn't right, that he did it to do you a favor, that he's not totally in love with you... always doubts.  Once you understand that and accept it, then perhaps you can move on, emotionally.  I definitely think one should consider other proposals after having moved on.
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Barr
02/25/03 at 08:48:44
Assalamu'alaikum :-)

Se7en, girl.. how do U know wot I wanna say? ;)
This telepathic thing is scaring me :)

Anywho... just wanna share some stuff from jolly 'ol Barr...  somehow, I
remembered a conversation I had with UmmWafi about this, over ice-blended coffee and cheesecake :)

[u]Feelings Displacement Process [/u]
I know of a sister who was (or maybe still is?) in "love" with a married
man. Its a crazy rollercoaster thing, but she gathered strength to break it
all off, alhamdulillah. And though I know she still has some residual
feelings for him, but alhamdulillah, she's moving on... considering other
(single) brothers. And I think she needs to do so, coz, she's the kind who
cannot have her "heart empty". Its like... to get over a brother, she has
to displace that feeling by having her heart opened and have a feeling from
another brother.  And in time, inshaALlah, she would have her heart only
for the latter brother, with no more feelings for the former brother.
Allahua'lam.

Hope that makes sense :)

[u]Direct Purification Method[/u]
Then, there's another sister who would not consider anyone, until and
unless, her heart is purified of all feelings for the brother, till she
knows she is ready to move on. She may sometimes occasionally or rarely
think of the brother, but she knows, that the *feeling* is no longer
there... the emotional attachment... the inclination to that brother. So,
depending on the depth of such inclination and attachment... that would
influence, the time, she would need to purify her heart of that brother first,
before considering another. Longest time period for this "purification
process" for her is... about 1.5 years.

And some people go in extremes.. and in between these 2 processes.
But wot is important, is that both these sisters know what they want and
know when and why they are ready move on.


[quote]If, on the other hand, the sisters still harbors *hope* that things
will work out with a brother, and has not accepted the fact that he is
unavailable to her[/quote]

Sometimes, even after acceptance, there's this glimmer of hope. I guess that's alright, if the sister is sure on her acceptance that some things just couldn't work out.

We know our hearts best. The challenge to some sisters is that they've yet
to know that... of which, time for some soul searching, rest and peace from
the upheaval is required.

[quote]you would be shocked how many people are "secretly engaged". I have seen this many times in my community.[/quote]

I dunno... to me, engagements, unlike marriages, are best
kept confidential, rather than disclosed for public knowledge. This is to
maintain the honour of both, especially the sister, should the engagement
is broken.

[quote]Finally, someone had to tell her that he was not interested, and
that he was interested in someone else. She was really embarrased, [/quote]
I'm so sorry to hear that. :(


Just my thoughts...
Allahua'lam

02/25/03 at 08:52:49
Barr
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Ruqayyah
03/10/03 at 16:50:44
[slm]

[quote]Once someone has decided not to marry you, there's very little you can do to get them to change their minds, so her hope that he'll change his mind is kind of irrational[/quote]

This is true...if the guy is wish washy about the whole situation now, what would happen to suddenly make him be totally committed to you? I mean, miracles can happen, but maybe *this* is the miracle that you've been waiting for. the very fact that you don't end up w/ this guy could be the best thing for you. it's just hard to see it when you're right in the midst of things. I think the thing that comforts me the most is that Allah swt has always provided for me in the past w/ anything i needed, why would He stop doing that now?

Now what do you think about getting to know another perspective to *help* you get over whoever it is you have residual feelings for? It might help you to realize that there are all sorts of different people out there who might be more suited for you.

[wlm]
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Tesseract
03/11/03 at 00:23:55
Assalamu 'alaikum wa Rahmatullah,

                 [quote]I think the thing that comforts me the most is that Allah SubHana Wa Ta`ala has always provided for me in the past w/ anything i needed, why would He stop doing that now? [/quote]

              Hmmm...........this is exactly not the way we Muslims are supposed to be thinking, are we? No doubt we might have always been provided with anything we wanted and no matter how much one may thank Allah (swt), it'll never be enough, but to think "WHY" would he stop doing that further, is the part that I disagree with. Allah can test us anyway, anytime He(awj) wills. So, instead of being confident that since we have been provided in the past, we'll be provided in future as well, we should be HOPEFUL of His mercy and provision all the time but simultaneously fear that we can be tested by temporary/permanent halting of Allah's provision either completely or partially. And who knows whether its always a test. It can be a punishment too. Reminds me of an ayah from Qur'an that says something like "Do u think u'll not be tested after u have believed in Allah......................" Please, correct me if I am wrong.

Wassalam.
Re: Should you Marry Him?
AyeshaZ
03/12/03 at 06:51:32


I think as time progresses you tend to move on. Even if you are hung up for a while!! And as sister Ruqayyah wrote that there maybe someone better for you.. There are also times when u feel this brother is it but in reality he is not meant for you.  :-[
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Barr
04/13/03 at 11:33:45
[slm] warahmatullah

[quote]this is exactly not the way we Muslims are supposed to be thinking, are we? No doubt we might have always been provided with anything we wanted and no matter how much one may thank Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala), it'll never be enough, but to think "WHY" would he stop doing that further, is the part that I disagree with.[/quote]

After re-reading the sister's post, I think she did say that Allah swt, would always provide with things that we need. while wot you are saying is abt Allah providing us with what we want.

I think those vary in meanings greatly... though I agree with both of you.

I do believe that Allah would always provide us with everything that we need, for He knows wot is the best for us.

But He may not provide everything that we want.. for we don't really know wot is the best for us.

Hence, sometimes, Allah takes away people whom we love, coz... its not their presence that we need.. its wot we have experienced thus far, when they're in our lives... and whej they r not.

Allahua'lam :-)
04/13/03 at 19:26:32
Barr
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Anonymous
04/14/03 at 08:45:03
This situation with this sister is sad.
Two thoughts.
1) Sometimes people meaning well say.... "Get over it."

I am here to tell you, one needs time to grieve and move on.
For some it is days or weeks. For others it may take months
even a year or two. One must thank others for their advice
then do what they need to do to heal their heart and spirit.

2) NEVER "Settle" When the time is right it is right
and both will know.
Never settle for something or someone.
Be patient for what you need and want and for what God/Allah
has waiting for you.
This I know from personal experience and years of settling
and not waiting.

Grieve and be upset
heal and grow
move on
But do it in your own time.
Re: Should you Marry Him?
a_Silver_Rose
04/14/03 at 19:03:10
[slm]
[quote]Sometimes, even after acceptance, there's this glimmer of hope. I guess that's alright, if the sister is sure on her acceptance that some things just couldn't work out.

We know our hearts best. The challenge to some sisters is that they've yet
to know that... of which, time for some soul searching, rest and peace from
the upheaval is required. [/quote]

I couldnt agree with you more. somtimz you can not helping having hope knowing that Allah (swt) has the willpower to do anything and to change our situation, but that doesnt mean we cant move on at the same time. By the way your whole post was excellent . Alhumdulilah.

your sis
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Ruqayyah
04/17/03 at 22:41:09
[slm]

Jazakallah Bulwark of Islam and Barr for posting your posts. Bulwark, yours made me think a little deeper about what i said and what i meant. I think Barr, you got the essence of what i was trying so ineloquently to say  ;D
But it is a good reminder that we shouldn't think, "i'll end up w/ a husband" b/c maybe we might not. that possibility is out there and it happens for people out there. sometimes i tend to not consider those possibilities b/c it would make me sad. which then makes me even sadder b/c it would make it seem like marriage is life's purpose, which it isn't.  hmm something to think about for the ride home tonite  ;D

[wlm]
ruqayyah
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Tesseract
04/18/03 at 04:16:42
Wa'alaikum Assalam,

         [quote]I do believe that Allah would always provide us with everything that we need, for He knows wot is the best for us. [/quote]

                  Food and clothes are need as well, but in poverty u may not be able to have both, and poverty can be a test from Allah (awj).

                You shall certainly be tried and tested in your wealth and properties and in your personal selves, and you shall certainly hear much that will grieve you from those who received the Scripture before you (Jews and Christians) and from those who ascribe partners to Allah, but if you persevere patiently, and become Al-Muttaqun (the pious - see V.2:2) then verily, that will be a determining factor in all affairs, and that is from the great matters, [which you must hold on with all your efforts].  3:186

          The part in bold makes me think that u can be tested anyway Allah (awj) wills. Allah knows the best.

Wassalam.
     

Re: Should you Marry Him?
Barr
04/18/03 at 04:23:36
[quote] Food and clothes are need as well, but in poverty u may not be able to have both, and poverty can be a test from Allah (awj).  [/quote]

That's wot I'm saying, bro... see, we think we need our sight.. but if ALlah is to take it away.. then, perhaps.. it is the loss of sight that we need to know His signs.

Allahua'lam
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Emerald
04/20/03 at 00:52:26
::)Ugh! :P Love is sooo overrated!

    Kathy, just tell her there are alot of other fish in the sea and even if she got the best one, sooner or later she will realize that all fish start to smell after awhile! ;)

(Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, let me clarify {lol}. Love and infatuation are only illusions that only survive during engagements. After marraige all that mushy mushy stuff disappears and all the little things that annoy us about our mates come to light. For me personally-- I wish I didn't rush into it cause it aint what it's hyped up to be!)
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Rameeza
04/28/03 at 14:50:45
[slm]
Suppose you loved someone and will always love that person and have not gotten over it for many many years. ..
Suppose you can never marry that person and have accepted that you will not marry that person very well but, you still can't stop loviong that person. ..
Suppose you are happy with Allah's choices for you and are not distructive in any way due to the love in your heart. ..
Can you marry someone else ???
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Tesseract
05/04/03 at 19:09:49
Wa'alaikum Assalam wa rahmatullah,

        [quote]Suppose you loved someone and will always love that person and have not gotten over it for many many years. ..
Suppose you can never marry that person and have accepted that you will not marry that person very well but, you still can't stop loviong that person. ..
Suppose you are happy with Allah's choices for you and are not distructive in any way due to the love in your heart. ..
Can you marry someone else[/quote]

             I can assume of such a situation where one wont be able to stop loving a person only when his/her love would be based on anything else but for the sake of Allah. Love a person for his/her deen and nothing else. 3 ( should I say easy?  :)) steps of managing ur emotion of love:

1- Know a person well.
2- Get married.
3- Fall in love.

(Warning: There are chances that u'll screw up big time (deen wise and dunya wise both) if u don't follow the chronology of the 3 steps).
 
            And Yes, u definitely can marry someone else. Allahu A'lam.

Wassalam.
Re: Should you Marry Him?
paula
05/04/03 at 20:26:14
[slm][size=2][font=Book Anitqua][color=Navy]
What I have come to believe.... Humanistically:  If you love anything more than Allah(swt) himself.  There is a very large chance Allah(swt) will take that very thing you love away, so that you may learn the lesson of loving no one aside to Him.... Allahu Alam. Love should always be for the sake of Allah(swt), and emotions are truly an open area for the enemy.  If someone falls into a love/lust for someone there is such a large area to fall short to submission to Allah(swt). It’s very easy to put the priorities of the spouse over the priorities of Allah(swt) for love/or even fear of rejection from the spouse, rather than love/or even fear of rejection from Allah(swt) & his command.  ""Because that humanistic love is so tangible"" . Our love for Allah(swt) should always stay greater. Our love for anything/one on this land should be for the sake of Allah(swt) alone.

[quote] 1- Know a person well.
2- Get married.
3- Fall in love.

(Warning: There are chances that u'll screw up big time (deen wise and dunya wise both) if u don't follow the chronology of the 3 steps).
[/quote]

1,2,3: It can happen, & it does happen, and it is the most beautiful of love…..Not only Beautiful, ultimately it is the marriage that has the support of Allah(swt) in all it’s realms….Subhan Allah  :-*

--------

btw: on a lighter note, are those really your flowers Sister Kathy? .... Nice idea you had  to share them..... really enjoying !!

[/color][/font][/size]
[wlm]
05/04/03 at 20:34:17
paula
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Rameeza
05/04/03 at 20:38:06
[slm]
So are you'll saying that a person who has given up the person they love for Allah's sake can marry someone else even if they still love the first person in their heart????
Is it not a form of betrayal to marry one person but subconsciousely never stop loving [not lusting] another??? Even if you don't ever see the person for the rest of your life. Is it better then for the person to remain single until they get over it or if they don't to remain single for life???
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Nomi
05/04/03 at 21:29:58
assalamo alaikum all

[quote]
Is it better then for the person to remain single until they get over it or if they don't to remain single for life
[/quote]

You know what i always wonder about and keep asking myself !! why can't i instantly leave something thats making me violate any commandment of Allah !!

Marriage is undoubtably an important obligation so i think one must rise above the love on "had" for someone and get married inshAllah because what good that love is if its making us deviate (in a mild way even) from the right path?

Has someone heard of the "angelic" ways that the devil uses to make us go stray ?? i've heard that the number of satan's angelic ways are in hundreds? we feel like we are doing something good but infact its making us fail in deen sometimes in a minor way sometimes major !!

so i think we should love for Allah and that means get over with those feelings that one had for someone and if these feelings are still there in any form (not lust) even then i think one should get married because this world isn't perfect is it ?? no, its not neither are we so this is how things are gonna be...

Love for Allah and for the future follow steps 1, 2, 3 .. it'll help most definitly

[quote]
1- Know a person well.
2- Get married.
3- Fall in love.
[/quote]

and get married :)

assalamo alaikum
Asim Zafar
NS
05/04/03 at 21:40:44
Nomi
Re: Should you Marry Him?
a_Silver_Rose
05/04/03 at 21:53:24
[slm]
anddd....... who knows you might fall in love with the person you marry?

its fine if you still love someone. thats a good thing. we should all try to love each other.  :-*
05/04/03 at 21:54:56
a_Silver_Rose
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Sima
05/04/03 at 22:52:44
Asalaam Alykum Ya'll :-)

I am getting engaged later this month Inshallah, my to be fiance is a wonderful person Alhumdulillah. But I had some similar questions recently and they were bothering me.
I liked this one guy I used to go to school with. He asked to have coffee a few times but I didnt feel comfortable. He knew I liked him because someone told him. We talked on and off through email because he had graduated. I stopped talking to him after graduation because I had feelings for him but wasnt sure where he stood. Recently there was a tragedy in his family so I checked up on him. Then I was all confused and fell some of those old feelings coming back.
I tried coming to the conclusion that it is possible to like someone but realize that maybe Allah had not willed it. I will continue to respect and admire him.
Inshallah he will find someone better than me and I someone better than him.
I wish all the happiness in the world for him because he was always kind and caring.
Inshallah things will work out for the best.
I am doing the right thing right?



Re: Should you Marry Him?
Nomi
05/04/03 at 22:58:44
and its a different topic that how well should we know a person b4 getting married to him/her, just to give you my opinion on the matter....

Divorce rate is so high in the west, right? and their culture/norm is that they spend months (to get to know each other) with the person they intend to get married to but still all those divorces take place!!!..  

i'm not generalizing but the things are different for muslims so the three STEPS inshAllah :)

sis sima i think you are doing the right thing, let me give you an example, suppose there is a proposal for me and i like the girl too but for some reason things dont work out but the intention is halaal i.e. to get married and no dating and stuff like "jahool" , and after some time there is another proposal and again i like the girl but again things dont work out for us and the third time everything goes just find and bingo i get married....... so? did i do something wrong?? so sir i dont think so.. and Allah knows best

but "neeyah" should be perfectly islamic i.e.

[quote]
no dating and stuff like "jahool"
[/quote]

meet in presence of a "wali" and if internet is invovled get the "wali" involved right from the beginning coz i've came across many incidences where internet has hurt ppl a lot and its continuing to hurt ppl coz they dont involve their "walis" but its a different topic that is also being discussed in the "akhwaat cafe" i guess

the 3 STEPS then :) :)
05/04/03 at 23:14:54
Nomi
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Kathy
05/05/03 at 08:51:14
[slm]

What is jahool?

[quote]btw: on a lighter note, are those really your flowers Sister Kathy? .... Nice idea you had  to share them..... really enjoying !!
[/quote]

:-* I am posting the flower pictures as they bloom in my flower beds. For a month I only had a picture of dirt there and only 1 person asked me why!
[i]the pictures are from the net...but exactly what is in my garden.[/i]


05/05/03 at 08:52:52
Kathy
Re: Should you Marry Him?
a_Silver_Rose
05/05/03 at 16:15:36
[slm]

[quote]the pictures are from the net...but exactly what is in my garden.

[/quote]

Wow they are truly beautiful, Mash'Allah. Definatley May Allah (swt) reward you for sharing. If you dont mind can you tell me how to put them in the picture place like you did?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[quote]Inshallah things will work out for the best.
I am doing the right thing right? [/quote]

Insh'Allah sister Sima. You can always make du'a for him. Im sure you are doing the right thing sister but if you are feeling unsure then do Istikhara and Go with God...
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Kathy
05/06/03 at 08:33:05
[slm]
Slect a picture from the web. I go to goggle and do an image search. Right click the picture and copy its properties.
Go to your profile. Click -use your own picture, than copy in the link (properties) of the picture you want to use.
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Shakira
05/07/03 at 12:06:14
[slm]sisters. :)
I was in the very same situation and i promise you that Allah swt has set out someone for you ,so its kinda useless procrastinating .Do salatul istikharah and this will clear your confusions and will show you where your takdeer(fate /destiny)lies.If you are hesitant then ask someone who is very closely related to you eg. a parent  to do the salaah for you. ;)
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Nomi
05/07/03 at 13:05:37
jahool = ignorant ppl (a lighter word)

its a plural of "jahil"... erm may be the right plural of jahil is "juhla!!", anyways.... jahool = ignorant ppl
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Maliha
05/07/03 at 14:17:06
[slm]
It's totally possible to marry someone while you "love" someone else. Note: I didn't say "In LOVE", which is totally different. People love others for many reasons, the best of course is the Love solely for Allah (SWT)...Now lets say you went thru a jahili period, fell in love with someone, then left them purely for the sake of Allah. You still love them, you didn't leave them cuz they betrayed you, hurt you, or whatever other reasons people break up. You left the person because you wanted to repent and come back to Allah
You love that person, but you can't be together.
Now what happens here?
You move on. You repent sincerely to Allah. You get married on the basis of Allah's commandment...
You fall in love on a pure canvas...
And Allah will guide you (Amin)....
As for the &qqot;other" person, they'll alwayz remain a shadow in your subconscious... nothing that Audhubillahi Minal Shaytani Rajeem can't take care of of course  ;)

Sis,
Maliha
[wlm]
05/07/03 at 14:18:09
Maliha
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Rameeza
05/08/03 at 14:12:18
Jazaka Allahu khair mystic, [] []
I am glad that you understand that its not easy to 'get over' feelings that have not been hurt by a betrayal or  let down etc. You can move on and get on with life but as you say sometimes when the feelings have been so strong, they remain there on a subconsciouse level.

Plus, I feel that your actions are under your control with Allah's help but your feelings are not as easy to control. But, if you don't act on your feelings, there is no harm done.  And maybe you can pray to Allah for help to keep you guided.

Nevertheless, I hope that the man who is getting a woman like that does not think too badly of her. This is my concern, since its he who decides if she is betraying him subconsciously or not.  

Re: Should you Marry Him?
Maliha
05/08/03 at 14:38:20
[quote author=Rameeza link=board=sis;num=1045978430;start=30#32 date=05/08/03 at 14:12:18]
Nevertheless, I hope that the man who is getting a woman like that does not think too badly of her. This is my concern, since its he who decides if she is betraying him subconsciously or not.  

[/quote]
[slm]
I hope i don't sound too shady for saying this ( 8) ) but why does your husband need to know? I mean what's in the past is *dead* and there's nothing you or anyone can do to change it. So rehashing the past is *not* going to do anything but create schisms between you and your hubby.
Of course he will "think badly" of you! What do you expect?
Wife: "Hi sweety, I happen to have another guy (ex) in my subconscious.  But please understand I love you :-*"

Husband: "errrr ???"

So anywayz, my personal philosophy (*not* a fatwa, scholarly opinion, etc) is if you have cleaned your heart of the taints of your past, let it be between you and Allah. Let Him be your ultimate Judge, Guide, and Source of Blessings and Forgiveness Inshaallah.
The whole fallacy of sharing *every single little thing in your past* with your hubby is simply that...a fallacy.
Your misdeeds are between you and Allah, and that's why we make duah for forgiveness and covering of our faults, don't we? Why would we expose that when its been blanketted through the Mercy of Allah?

So, anywayz, yeah...
Maybe some more experienced ladies in the area of Marriage theories *cough* Barr *cough* Kathy * can offer their expertise here :P
Sis,
Maliha :-)
[wlm]
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Kathy
05/08/03 at 16:33:30
Hey! I started this topic.... I was wondering myself....
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Nomi
05/14/03 at 20:56:42
[quote]
The whole fallacy of sharing *every single little thing in your past* with your hubby is simply that...a fallacy.
Your misdeeds are between you and Allah, and that's why we make duah for forgiveness and covering of our faults, don't we? Why would we expose that when its been blanketted through the Mercy of Allah?
[/quote]

i agree to that, thats what i'm trying to explain to a friend of mine but the whole idea of being *honest* is clouding my friend's vision, i see no reason in speaking everything out if not being asked

Why would we expose that when its been blanketted through the Mercy of Allah?

exactly, but i think if asked, somehow, then one should be honest.
Re: Should you Marry Him?
Kathy
05/14/03 at 21:03:06
[wlm]

Nah... trust me you really don't want to know. In this case ignorance is bliss....

An imagination can take you everywhere and nowhere. You don't want any images in your head about a hubby's ex. infatuation.

And even worse...don't tell your hubby.... men are very passionate and possessive. He doesn't need any images either.


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