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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Lack of parental support |
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| Ankabut |
| 03/02/03 at 13:32:49 |
| [slm] I hope I can get some advice here for a very dear sister. My fountain of wisdom is kinda dry on this one ;D okay, I'm just getting 2nd/3rd/4th opinions ;) cos I don't wanna give bad advice :-* Anyway, the sis has communicated to her parents her interest in marrying. She is a shy person and has always told me that she wants her parents support when she marries e.g. introducing her to a brother, speaking to his parents and finding out about his background. Anyway, so she spoke to her parents about 3 years back and then one good bro. approached her father but he never got back to the bro., who had probably presumed that the sis was not interested. She had expressed her interest :( but her mom reassured her that it was not meant to be and that she should not be upset at her father's lack of response. So alhamdulillah, the sis accepted it. Anyway, since then she met another bro. through work but he was not deen-inclined which is really important to this sis. Well, that was about two yrs back. Well, recently she has been approached by a foreign bro. and her parents set up a meeting. She asked her father to first speak to the bro just to check that there is some compatibility as this bro. has no family here at all. However, he said that she should speak to the person and make up her own mind. When she met the bro. at her home for the first time her parents actually left her alone with this bro. ( a total stranger to her) and were not supportive at all. The bro. was nice she says but he had very different outlook on life to her e.g. she wears niqab and he does not like it ::). Well, my friend is confused and says when she tried to broach the subject with her parents and asked that they should establish whether there is some compatibility with a bro. before letting her meet him, they said that she should make up her mind :-[ She is very confused cos she thought that parental support involved them also speaking to the bro and assessing how well he is suited to her. She is really shy but is now worried that her marriage is really not a priority for her family. So, the sis is feeling a little sad and is not sure how to react to her parents non-committal and disinterest in this matter. Sisters, inshaa-Allaah I would appreciate some advice cos I reckon here are some pretty wise souls hanging around here. ;) [wlm] |
| Re: Lack of parental support |
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| paula |
| 03/05/03 at 21:21:27 |
| [slm] [size=3][font=Book Antiqua][color=Navy] Hmmm....... I've been anxiously waiting for some kind of response on this one here too...... many views showing up but no responses yet.... This is a sensitive one when we talk about parents/children .... respect / responsibilities. What happens with this one here ?? ..... What happens in this senerio when someone is really desiring the parental support and it isn't there. We know the purity of the sister inside and the true desire for what is right I don't know..... I feel a compassion for her and her inner intension and yet she's finding a difference in her parents approach. I think this scenerio plays out in other situations besides marriage as well, and I think it becomes a hard one... I also believe it is for a reason..... that trust in Allah that he ordaines what is right for each of us and we should follow, accept and learn from what he has ordained. He's the one that knows the true purpose for our situations. Hmmmm....... is there any wisdom around here..... any help ?? What is written for the parents responsibilities? What steps should she take if she's not feeling the support? What a load for a sister to carry.... I don't think it was written that way?? Many sisters maybe would be happy to have a parent with this kind of approach...... and yet the one that feels she truly wants it(respects it)..... doesn't have it??..... It's got to be for a reason ??....... Allahu Alam I think it is a big one when you feel you want your parents support, you feel it has been written that way, and yet you are finding something contrary...... for a couple reasons...... 1. the sister carries more weight inside herself by not having or feeling assistance/support 2. A critical or damaging thing can start to happen where she can easily start to feel resentment to her parents for not being supportive..... a very dangerous thing... that I'm sure we all want to support for that to not happen because of the weight of respect to our parents as Allah has commanded it. (even through their weakness, faults or shortcomings)(and we want to really try to stay away from judgement of them)....... hmmm am I able to express it right here..... the sensitivity of the matter...... hopefully this sister can have support and strength to help her from falling into a bad cycle here. I don't know...... I've thought about this scenerio of the lack of support before...... I believe it gets personal...... anyone in the world to face..... is an easy one........ prayers and support from Allah...... and it's not so hard.... but when you speak of parents (especially a sister in the terms that she is truly sincere inside herself as this one) it's not an easy one... because there is a different connection with parents/children. Personally I pray this sister can seek submission with Allah and he may help to guide her to the strength and understanding she needs. Allah Akbar..... he has ordained what is best for her, we know that without a doubt... "wondering why" might not be the way to the answer.... but respect to Allah and strength to face what he has ordained may be..... while still keeping sincere compassion inside to her parents. ((by compassion I mean in terms of respect for their decisions and actions/ avoiding judgement that they are right or wrong )) Well..... I'm not getting to deep on this one...I'm sure I haven't considered all angles ..... and it's just thoughts..... not solid supportive advice..... just brainstorming quickly here....... wondering if anyone might have some good ideas. Many prayers for this sister.... and Jazak Allahu Khairan Sister Ankabut for seeking to help and support a sister in need. [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
| Re: Lack of parental support |
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| Ankabut |
| 03/16/03 at 05:13:40 |
| [slm] Shukran Sister, I am trying hard to help the sis. but as you said it's not an easy situation and ahe is a real softie so she's sort of between a rock and a hard place. In shaa Allaah, I also received some excellent advice from another sis to pass on - she suggested that the sis commence tahajjud prayers, so in shaa Allaah, the situation will be made easier for her. [wlm] Ankabut |
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