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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Lending Money? |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/03/03 at 12:16:54 |
| slm A brother who I spend a lot of time with for academic purposes has expressed interest in me. His definition of interest: I like you, I want us to be together, I canNOT marry you. So, ever since this disclosure, I have distanced myself from him. It's been about a week since I have talked to him, seen him, etc. And thankfully, he has been understanding enough to "respect my decision". Anyway, last night he called and told me that he is in GREAT financial difficulty. (I was aware of this from before, I don't think he's making it up.) He asked me if I could lend him some money that would cover his rent payment until the end of the semester. Now, I have the money. If he was anyone else, I would not hesitate to lend it to him. It isn't my parents money. It's something I earned and have been saving, so it's not like it concerns my parents. He has promised to pay me back, I don't doubt that he will. I just don't want him to get the wrong idea. But at the same time, this is so urgent for him that he doesn't really have time to get the wrong idea. What should I do? |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Dude |
| 03/03/03 at 13:21:11 |
| He should be going to his parents and family to borrow before calling on you. After that, a bank. After that, possible financial aid through the school (I had to when I was a student, too). Tell him that you can't afford it. You don't have to tell him why you can't afford it, with the possible exception that you need your money for your personal expenses and it needs to last the full school year. It sounds to me like he's trying to take advantage of you. Brother or not, be careful. Your well being and security should be your first and only priority. He should have other sources to call upon for money. |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Abdul-Majeed |
| 03/04/03 at 05:47:46 |
| as-salaamu alaikum Do istikhara over it, and if you do in the end lend the money to him, get him to sign a contract agreeing to a re-payment. Take a friend along to be witness to the signing (and get them to sign it too). He shouldn't really be offended by this, and if he is, then don't fret - you are the one doing him a favour. ----------- "O you who believe! When you contract a debt for a fixed period, write it down. Let a scribe write it down in justice between you. Let not the scribe refuse to write as Allâh has taught him, so let him write. "Let him (the debtor) who incurs the liability dictate, and he must fear Allâh, his Lord, and diminish not anything of what he owes. But if the debtor is of poor understanding, or weak, or is unable himself to dictate, then let his guardian dictate in justice. "And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her. And the witnesses should not refuse when they are called on (for evidence). You should not become weary to write it (your contract), whether it be small or big, for its fixed term, that is more just with Allâh; more solid as evidence, and more convenient to prevent doubts among yourselves, save when it is a present trade which you carry out on the spot among yourselves, then there is no sin on you if you do not write it down. But take witnesses whenever you make a commercial contract. "Let neither scribe nor witness suffer any harm, but if you do (such harm), it would be wickedness in you. So be afraid of Allâh; and Allâh teaches you. And Allâh is the All-Knower of each and everything." Qur'an 2:282 |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Kathy |
| 03/04/03 at 07:55:32 |
| [quote]"What actions are most excellent? To gladden the heart of human beings, to feed the hungry, to help the afflicted, to lighten the sorrow of the sorrowful, and to remove the sufferings of the injured." (Bukhari) [/quote] [quote]"The best of alms is that, which the right hand gives and the left hand knows not of." (Bukhari) [/quote] [quote] "The perfect Muslim is not a perfect Muslim, who eats till he is full and leaves his neighbors hungry." (Ibn Abbas: Baihaqi) [/quote] [slm] If you got it to give and help a Muslim, might as well. Especially to save him from borrowing from an institution where he would pay that dreaded interest. [quote]"Whoever is kind, Allah will be kind to him; therefore be kind to man on the earth. He Who is in heaven will show mercy on you."(Abu Daud: Tirmidhi) [/quote] |
| 03/04/03 at 07:59:06 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| bhaloo |
| 03/04/03 at 09:42:16 |
| [slm] Hmmm, you don't think that he might have some alternate motive behind this? Afterall he said he was interested in you, and now he's asking to borrow money from you. Why doesn't he ask his parents, relatives, then some brothers in the community? |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Maliha |
| 03/04/03 at 10:36:56 |
| [slm] If the guy hadn't expressed his interest in you and you hadn't distanced yourself from him, I would have told you by all means, Help him out! It is our responsibility to help out our fellow brothers/sisters when they are in distress. But I feel hesitant about it, because of the history involved. It may be a ploy to get close to you again..and have some connection going on. I would just be careful if I were you. Sis, Maliha. :-) |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Tesseract |
| 03/04/03 at 13:21:52 |
| Wa'alaikum Assalam wa Rahmatullah, No matter what ur history is with that guy, he is still ur brother in Islam. I would have suggested the same as sis. Maliha but there are 2 reasons due to which I am suggesting u differently. Reasons: 1. U are sure that the brother does need help and he is not telling lies regarding that ( irrespective of his intention which we are only doubtful about, and not sure). 2. U are in a position to help him i-e u have money (Walhamdulillah). If u don't lend him money, there are chances that he might go for university financial aid which involves interest, and we as Muslims never want our fellow Muslims to fall into haraam, or least it may affect his studies etc. What u can do is, get a third person involved, give him/her the money and ask the brother to pick money from him/her, and also ask him to return money to the same person. Don't let him know whose money is it ( I mean to say that try ur best to avoid letting him know that its ur money, because that way he'll try to get in touch with u for several reasons, if that really is his intention, Wallahu A'lam). Keep it very simple, be polite to him and let him know that u have made arrangements to help him and he can pick money from that third person, and also clarify it and tell him that he has to return money to the same person and not u, so he doesn't need to contact u for that except to make sure that u got ur money back if need be. If u want to avoid him completely, then ask the third person to call him and tell him that he/she came to know from u that he (the brother) needs help and he/she (the third person) has money and can help him. This way u'll fulfil ur responsibility and will be safe from any fitnah as well InshaAllah. I usually deal with such problems this way that I go by my intentions and not others, for ur intention is to please Allah, and not anybody else, and u have an opportunity here. However, I don't feel shy to talk openly if there is need to let the other person know 'why' I am doing that, so that he/she should not misinterpret my helping him/her. Wallahu A'lam. Wassalam. |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| lightningatnite |
| 03/06/03 at 19:34:05 |
| [wlm] You may want to check with your local Imam, as there is potential for fitna. Also, if you do lend him the money, write it down. Allah tells us this is better for us in Surah Baqara. If you choose to give him the money, you may want to do so through a third party, especially since emotions are involved here. You mentioned you consider him a friend, and it seems that your relationship is beyond that of simple colleague at school. Remember that mixed environments such as those to which we are accustomed to in the West can cause a great deal of fitna and sorrow in the akhira. Because of his romantic interest, your help may also be a further fitna to him, who is overstepping his bounds already. He says "I like you, I want us to be together, I canNOT marry you." These are words typical of a player. |
| 03/06/03 at 19:40:14 |
| lightningatnite |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Dude |
| 03/07/03 at 00:40:09 |
| Well said. I’ve never had a problem with lending money to a friend of family member in need, if: 1. Our relationship is close. 2. I can 100% trust what the person is telling me is the truth. If a close friend comes to you, and asks you for a short-term loan, and that person’s reasoning is sound, why not help that person out (so long as it doesn’t pull away from your living expenses)? In this particular case, the first question that came to mind was, “Why is this guy asking this young lady for money? Shouldn’t he have other sources he can exhaust first?” This person, if truly in need, needs to go to close family or friends, not a young lady whom he seems to be trying to “play”, as the last poster put it. Yeah, sounds a little like a player, and also sounds to me like the person is taking advantage of a young lady’s strong ethics, knowing her first inclination will be to help out a fellow Muslim. It could perhaps also be a way of trying to keep the young lady close to him, even though she is uncomfortable with the situation. Sounds fishy. |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| se7en |
| 03/07/03 at 02:39:38 |
| as salaamu alaykum, *definitely* sounds shady to me. if the bro is not able to pursue a halal relationship with you, there was absolutely no reason for him to tell you he liked you last week -- except to soften you up to to lending him some cash *this* week. I agree with bro bulwark, if you really have the desire to help the bro out, find someone else -- preferably a brother or a family - that can lend him money in a discreet manner. wasalaam, cynic se7en |
| 03/07/03 at 02:40:36 |
| se7en |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/11/03 at 01:58:41 |
| Salams, Things just get worse. I dont get it. Anyway, I did end up lending him the money through my brother, to help him get the right idea. I also only lent him an amount I thought I could do without, should he default on his repayment. I wrote out a cheque, which means I have a written record for it. And yet, things get worse. I do not understand why it is so hard for me to tell him to stay away from me...and then having told him to stay away from, why it is so hard for him to follow through with our agreement. He knows my intentions, but I have become unsure of mine. And yes, like you have mentioned, he is a player. And yes, like sis se7en said, I had this strange feeling that he told me he like me in order to get the money. But now he HAS the money, so he should leave me alone, right? I understand this is just a test, but it's a hard one. Namely because of my obvious attraction to him. And because of the adverse effect all of this having on a) my health, b) my academics, and c) my imaan. Which is that much more scary, since his health, imaan, and academics are doing better than before. I guess I am just scared. jazakallah for everything. |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| BrKhalid |
| 03/11/03 at 04:29:46 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]I understand this is just a test, but it's a hard one. Namely because of my obvious attraction to him[/quote] Matters of the heart are never easy especially when someone says “I like you” and then has no intention of following it up in a Halal way. Look at the story of Yusuf(as) and how he needed to spend some time in jail because even he wasn’t sure he could avoid the temptation. Also look at the hadith stating the reward for those who fear Allah and avoid illicit relations: Abu Huraira reported that the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) had said: Seven are (the persons) whom Allah would give protection with His Shade on the Day when there would be no shade but that of Him (i. e. on the Day of Judgment, and they are): a just ruler, a youth who grew up with the worship of Allah; a person whose heart is attached to the mosques; two persons who love and meet each other and depart from each other for the sake of Allah; [color=Red]a man whom a beautiful woman of high rank seduces (for illicit relation), but he (rejects this offer by saying):" I fear Allah" ;[/color] a person who gives charity and conceals it (to such an extent) that the right hand does not know what the left has given: and a person who remembered Allah in privacy and his eyes shed tears[Muslim] Sister like you said, it’s a test and a hard one but the reward is also reflective of the difficulty of the test. May Allah grant you patience and perseverance. |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| lala |
| 03/11/03 at 10:19:57 |
| Salaam, I lent money about 3 months ago to a coworker- she said she would lose her house so I felt bad and all. I still haven't gotten anything back- she hasnt even mentioned it- until I reluctantly asked her about it. I'm supposed to get back half this week. Anyhow moral of the story: lend out what you can afford to lose. Peace and God Bless :P |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Kareema_Abdul-Khab |
| 03/11/03 at 15:53:04 |
| Maybe he's keeping the tap open and hoping for more later? Sorry for my cynicism, maybe he does like you in his player sort of one notch kinda of 'conquest' way, but it doesn't seem like he's after anything permanent, since he ruled out marriage. Also, he sounds like a charmer, which is especially dangerous. What is the reason behind the financial difficulty? Any sort of mismanagement or parasitism, sorry there the cynicism goes again. |
| Re: Lending Money? |
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| Dude |
| 03/12/03 at 20:10:12 |
| It sucks when good people get taken advantage of. Try and wash your hands of this guy, unless he wants to get serious with a relationship. That, and send your brother after him to collect. Tell him to wear his best hairy eyeball. Brothers love their sisters, and don't take to kindly to guys who take advantage of their sis. ;) |
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