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| What to Tell Your Children About the War |
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| Kathy |
| 03/20/03 at 07:53:13 |
| What to Tell Your Children About the War By Cathryn Conroy It doesn't matter how old you are. War is scary. This can be an especially frightening time for a child. Parents, it's time for some serious cuddling and talking and listening. The national children's crisis charity KidsPeace and ARA Content have compiled tips for talking to children about the war and possible terrorist reprisals: Expert advice: Calming your child's fears about war. --Listen to your children. Allow them to express their concerns and fears. --Reassure children they are safe and secure. Tell them they will be protected by those around them, including you, their friends, schools, and communities. Discuss the roles of police and firefighters. --If your children are young, there is no need to go into great detail about what is happening. A few basic facts will be fine. Use words that are meaningful to them, while avoiding words that are not. For example, use "bad people" instead of "terrorists." --Tell young children that some bad people have used violence to hurt innocent people in the United States. Tell them that we don't know exactly who has done this. Do not go into specific details about the violence. --School-aged children will ask, "Can bad things happen here or to me?" Do not lie to children. Share that it is highly unlikely that anything like this will happen to them or in their community. Then reiterate how safe and protected they are by all those around them. --Be cautious about letting young children watch or listen to the news. It's too difficult for them to understand. --Ongoing reassurance is critical to young children. --For preteens and teens, more detail is appropriate, but try not to focus on graphic details. Instead, discuss their feelings and concerns and do reassure them they are safe and will be protected. |
| Re: What to Tell Your Children About the War |
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| Barr |
| 03/20/03 at 09:35:32 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :) Yesterday, and today, we had a camp for girls aged about 7 to 14. Most of them are primary school age, though. In one of the activity of the camp, we had a reflection abt the war. Each group were given a picture... nothing gory.. but basically, family, children and other pictures depicting some sort of a communal activity - from Afghan, Palestine, and other war torn areas. We ask the chidlren, wot they see in the picture, and how they feel about it. We brought in the topic of war, and how it effects people. Here are some points that we brought forth and wot the children say. - how war hurts people - but sometimes, we do need to fight to defend ourselves - how sad we feel that others had to have a harder life and do not enjoy many things that we have, like basic nesseceties as well as peace - Gratitude that we are safe and are enjoying many ni'mah of ALlah - helping others who are in need - making du'a for those who are oppressed, particularly, those who are in Iraq right now. After that, the children, in their groups, are told to make their own du'a for those in Iraq, to be read aloud after Fajr. Just sharing Wassalam |
| Re: What to Tell Your Children About the War |
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| amatullah |
| 03/22/03 at 12:35:03 |
| http://www.msnbc.com/news/887207.asp#BODY [code]KIDS ASK a lot of tough questions, but questions about war are some of the hardest to answer. When newscasts are filled with immediate and graphic details parents wonder if they should protect their children from the grim reality, explore the topic, and/or share their personal beliefs. Following are some answers to common questions and concerns that parents have about talking to children about war. Tailor your responses to the individual child. Keep in mind the child’s age, individual personality, general tendency to be fearful and to worry, and general level of interest. The most important thing is to be honest. Talking about something doesn’t automatically make it worse. However, not saying anything can make it worse. Not knowing can lead to your child worrying about the war. Children look to their parents for honest information. Parents have an important role in discussing issues with their kids. HOW HONEST IS TOO HONEST? It depends on the age of the child. For younger kids, you can start off by telling them, “There’s someone who is angry with us, and our president is making sure that we stay safe.” Tell small children it is happening far, far away from us. Tell them: “Your mom and dad are here to keep you safe. We will do everything to keep you safe.” Young children are concerned with their immediate world. For school-age kids (older kids) you can mention the person who is threatening us: Tell them the name Saddam Hussein. They probably will have heard the name anyway. You can tell them that Saddam has weapons and could use them against us and hurt people, but our president was elected to make decisions to protect us and he’s met with people from all over the world and he will do everything he can to keep us safe. LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS Parents often ask what they should say, but you need to know exactly how to listen. It’s more important to listen. What worries one four-year-old may not affect another four-year-old. Each child is different and you have to listen to what they are asking you. Parents must learn how to talk with their kids, and not talk at them. For school-age kids (older kids), you can tell them there are no guarantees — a person can fall down playing basketball and get hurt. Nothing is 100 percent safe and predictable, but we will do everything we can to stay safe. SHOULD YOU DISCUSS IT WITH YOUR FOUR-YEAR-OLD IF HE DOESN’T ASK ABOUT IT? Remember there isn’t just one time to talk. You can talk about it every day because things will change. If an older child at school says something alarming to your child you can ask them, “What did you hear?” “What are you worried about?” or “I have been hearing a lot of stuff. I wonder if you have too?” “You know that you can talk to me anytime you have a question.” It’s important to let them know that you will always be available for them, you will be honest, you can handle whatever they ask you and they should come to you if they are worried. WHAT NOT TO DISCUSS: Do not give them chapter and verse about how many people got killed or how long the war will last. Base your answers on what they are asking you, and try to understand what’s behind their questions. HOW TO KEEP YOUR CHILDREN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY: Be available for your kids Don’t dismiss their concerns Monitor what they watch on tv Monitor your own emotions around your kids. Maintain their routine Tell them where to reach you at all times Look for signs of stress: anger and irritability -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D., is associate professor, NYU School of Medicine, director of Bereavement Services and www.AboutOurKids.org. Her book publications include “The Day Our World Changed,” “Children’s Art of 9/11,” and “Childhood Revealed: Art Expressing Pain, Discovery and Hope.” She also contributes to national television and print media. To read her full report on talking to children about war, you can visit her Web site at: www.aboutourkids.org. [/code] |
| 03/22/03 at 18:20:26 |
| Kathy |
| Re: What to Tell Your Children About the War |
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| zomorrud |
| 03/24/03 at 16:04:08 |
| [color=blue] bismillah.. assalamu alaikum, i appreciate that posts of srs. kathy and amatullah, in that the articles have the general advice that children should be looked after emotionally at this time. but be careful . the 2nd article has a pre-formed opinion about who is right and who is not in this war. [quote] HOW HONEST IS TOO HONEST? It depends on the age of the child. For younger kids, you can start off by telling them, “There’s someone who is angry with us, and our president is making sure that we stay safe.” Tell small children it is happening far, far away from us. Tell them: “Your mom and dad are here to keep you safe. We will do everything to keep you safe.” Young children are concerned with their immediate world. For school-age kids (older kids) you can mention the person who is threatening us: Tell them the name Saddam Hussein. They probably will have heard the name anyway. You can tell them that Saddam has weapons and could use them against us and hurt people, but our president was elected to make decisions to protect us and he’s met with people from all over the world and he will do everything he can to keep us safe. [/quote] take care [/color] |
| Re: What to Tell Your Children About the War |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/01/03 at 05:30:07 |
| [slm] One good way to help kids deal with their worries and anxieties about this war i think is to let them feel of use by contributing something to the relief effort. It also teaches them about having compassion for and helping fellow muslims and other human beings in need. We're doing this insh'Allah with our girls scouts. There's this american friends committee organization that is collecting hygiene kits for the iraqi refugees, little things like soaps, shampoos,toothbrushes and toothpaste, adhesive bandages, finger nail clippers,etc.. you have to package them and send them over to the org. and they'll take care of delivering them in iraq. You can get the parents to donate the money and then let the kids do the shopping and packaging. Here's their website: http://www.afsc.org/iraq/relief/default.shtm |
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