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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Anger Management... |
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| Rameeza |
| 03/27/03 at 18:04:08 |
| [slm] I have worked on controling my temper most of my life. I have even tried Zikr and avoiding people who trigger it etc. Yet, I fail pretty often. Just wanted to know if any of you knew any funky tricks that you do to calm your self down? I have noticed that totally venting to a close friend helps to lessen the effects that can be displayed to the person who has triggered it. Is this bad? Is it concidered 'talking ill of someone'? It is usually done in confidence and sometimes even to one of my parents [who will not repeat it]. I am blessed/cursed with a very witty and razor sharp tongue. This is more trouble than good when you have a temper. Thus, venting seems to be a step towards damage control when it comes to this. I think that venting is almost like a way to get your thoughts together and do a trial run on what you are going to say to some one so that on the real run you don't become too harsh. What do you think? For now, let me relax with a few [] [] [] [] [] |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| humble_muslim |
| 03/28/03 at 11:19:29 |
| AA Best way to control your anger if you are a woman ... don't get married!!! |
| NS |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| Emerald |
| 03/29/03 at 18:28:02 |
| As-salaam Aleikum sis Rameeza I know exactly what you mean. I too have a bit of a temper. According to my family when I'm upset, even if I don't tell anyone, the whole world knows it! :D They also say I look pretty frightening when I am even though I generally look helpless, lol. Well anyway, my parents once told me that when I get upset to say this supplication : [i]Allahuma barid khul3y kama baridet al naaar 3la Ibrahim[/i]. BUT an even better one, which has worked for me, was one that I heard from a sheikh. It's [i] La hawla wa la kuwata illa billah. [/i] What I do is go out, take a long drive in my car, and say it about a kazillion times but subhan-Allah it really does work ! |
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| momineqbal |
| 03/29/03 at 20:46:43 |
| [slm], Drink water. I don't exactly remember the Hadith reference, maybe someone can post it, but it was something that Prophet (saw) said about anger being from the Shaitan and since shaitan is made from fire, and water cools down the fire. |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| theOriginal |
| 03/30/03 at 03:11:03 |
| [slm] Do wudu, read the durood sharif... Punch a wall. Wasalaam. |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| Tesseract |
| 03/30/03 at 04:58:20 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, [quote]Best way to control your anger if you are a woman ... don't get married!!! [/quote] This passed way over my head. What has anger control got to do with marriage, first thing, and secondly, how is that applicable for a woman, but not for a man? [quote]Do wudu, read the durood sharif... Punch a wall. [/quote] Why do wudu and read the durood sharif to punch a wall? Just punch it, if u think that'll vent ur anger. ::) Wassalam. |
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| hayal |
| 03/30/03 at 17:33:13 |
| [quote author=The humble muslim link=board=sis;num=1048806248;start=0#1 date=03/28/03 at 11:19:29]AA Best way to control your anger if you are a woman ... don't get married!!![/quote] That was quite mean! I also would like to know, what this has to do with marriage and of being a woman. Rameeza I was glad reading your message. I think we have much in common, especially concerning the part with the witty and razor sharp tongue ;) For me I realized that the best way to calm down is, venting to a close friend of mine. She helps me to rethink steps I wanted to do b4 I talked to her. But mostly the more I talk with her about "the incident" the more I calm down and realize how to "react" in a calm and reasonable manner. I cannot imagine this as being backbiting, because it helps me to clear up, to admit my own faults and last but not least to learn by my faults! |
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| Kathy |
| 03/30/03 at 20:54:40 |
| [slm] [quote]What has anger control got to do with marriage[/quote] :-/ :-) ;-) I take it you are not married.... ;) [i]if you are...ask your wife this question... then get back to us![/i] The Messenger of Allah [saw]said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down." |
| 03/30/03 at 20:56:04 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| humble_muslim |
| 03/30/03 at 20:58:37 |
| AA Apologies if my comment offended anyone. It was meant to be a joke on marriage. Don't get married and ... if your husband is anything like me, you won't get angry! But I guess the best thing to do is to read from the Quran and Sunnah about the virtues of sabr and not getting angry, such as this gem : The Prophet (SAW) said "He who gives up arguing, even when he is correct, for the sake of Allah, Allah will build for him a house in Paradise". |
| NS |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| Tesseract |
| 03/31/03 at 00:19:15 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, [quote] I take it you are not married.... if you are...ask your wife this question... then get back to us! [/quote] Yes, un/fortunately (whichever way u wanna put it :)) I am still unmarried :(. I am a short-tempered guy, and I have my fears of ruining my married life due to that, so that's why I was interested. But whatever, so it was a joke from bro. Humayoun. Now, I see another one coming from u :). Go ahead, say it out........ [quote]But I guess the best thing to do is to read from the Quran and Sunnah about the virtues of sabr and not getting angry,[/quote] I am not sure but I think getting angry itself is not that much of a big problem, it is the way u react when ur angry that matters. U know like some people start yelling or use foul language or even get physical, that's what I don't like. When I am angry, I just wanna be alone for a while and most importantly I want the other person to understand that, but there are people who think its not a good idea to leave u alone and they'll come and try to talk to u and cheer u up, but that really makes me more angry. I think diving in the swimming pool is really a good idea to vent ur anger, although I haven't tried that ever :). Wassalam. |
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| Halima |
| 03/31/03 at 04:21:42 |
| I like Sis Kathy's suggestion on Rasulullah's [saw] way of contrilling anger. It might really work for me since I am really terrifying when I am angry. I have also used the sleeping mode and it did work. [saw] Halima |
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| Barr |
| 03/31/03 at 04:55:53 |
| Salam :) How abt taking wudhu.. and if U have the time, do sunnah prayers? Tell him of your anguish, and ask for His guidance, in your sujood, inshaAllah. If I do get really upset, and feel like complaining to someone at that spur of the moment, I'll send an sms(text) to myself but its addressed to Allah instead. It helps me.. and I find that I don't need to burden my friends with too much of my problems. Or at least.. they won't be my punching bag ;) Maybe, it might work with your anger, too? I guess, these are just short term methods.. but dealing with one's anger in the long run goes hand in hand with building patience and the wisdom handling it. And that takes iman. Then, we'd be able to filter the things that warrants us to be angry.. and those that.. well.. not. Sometimes, things are not really such a big deal. So, I guess.. continue the good that U have been doing. [quote]I am not sure but I think getting angry itself is not that much of a big problem, it is the way u react when ur angry that matters. [/quote] Totally agree. We need anger to move us. Trigger us to tell that something is wrong. Otherwise.. well.. we'd be like vegetables. But a person of iman is one who controls his anger. Not one who is totally void of anger... especially in the midst of oppresion. Oh yeah.. I know I've asked this before.. but wot is Durood Sharif again? Thanks. Wassalam |
| 03/31/03 at 05:45:39 |
| Barr |
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| Barr |
| 03/31/03 at 05:39:17 |
| Oh yeah.. U may want to try saying istighfar many times to yourself first. I learnt this from Ummwafi. Check out her posts, and U'll know why ;) |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| Nafisa |
| 03/31/03 at 08:26:49 |
| [slm] Ooh, interesting topic. I have pondered this issue a lot and I'll try some of the suggestions here. I find that when I'm angry i reveal all my worst traits as a human being and I dont like that lack of self control so I usually don't get angry in front of others. And also, that hadith about not losing it makes you a better person motivates me too. But the anger doesn't go away but just boils away inside. it's as if the anger is literally pulsing through my veins. A recent incident that occured left me completely and utterly livid with anger and I was crying and angry at the same time. I was practically talking to the walls and ranted and raved in the house alone. Okay, i sound like a lunatic who should be avoided but some things make me so mad that I can't help but loudly exclaim "Aargh!". I have a journal where I can write stuff down which helps me as it's quite therapeutic. i do my prayers where I vent but I feel bad cos it just seems inappropiate to get all angry when praying to Allah. I just sound like a bitter twisted old hag having a moan! Thankfully, I dont get wound up easily and can shrug things off. Also, just waiting to cool down and knowing I feel better in a while helps me to calm down. |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| theOriginal |
| 03/31/03 at 10:24:36 |
| [slm] Bro bullwark... That was not a chronology, it was a list of alternatives :) 1) Wudu 2) the Durood 3) Punch a wall (when all else fails) (lemme add...) 4) eat Peanut Butter/grilled cheese 5) weed the garden/shovel snow 6) polish hardwood floors with handcloth/mop ceramic tiles with toothbrush 7) read the dictionary backwards, upside down on the sofa. 8) hide in the cold storage room for about an hour (winter temps) in the dark until the heat wears off. 9) drag racing at 3:00 am. (considering my driving skills) okay now before i get out of control....i should stop. Wasalaam. |
| NS |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| BrKhalid |
| 03/31/03 at 10:44:00 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) If someone tries to make me >:( I just try and be like this: [url=http://www.northrup.org/photos/ducks/crop0025.htm]Anger Management Solution[/url] ;-) |
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| Danyala |
| 03/31/03 at 13:32:56 |
| [slm] He he...bro Khalid is that meant to water off a duck's back or just a very still duck? ;D The worst thing about my anger is yet another woman blessed with a witty/razor sharp tongue...strange that isnt it ;) I guess what you have to do is get yourself out of the situation first and foremost rather than continuing to argue with whoever is making you mad. Wuzu, reading nafl, oh and ive heard that reading a book or something is meant to work, because you have to concentrate on the words it distracts you from the anger. Sitting down and writing about it to yourself works wonders whenever upset or angry, because you can vent, rant or rave as much as you want and by the end of it you're true feelings will come out sooner or later and you'll either see that what a fool you have been or not... ::) The Messenger of Allah pbuh said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down." The best advice from the best of men. Wasalams :-* |
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| sofia |
| 03/31/03 at 16:33:46 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaah, I have a friend who was put in a situation where normally, someone would be really really mad. I mean, you'd wonder what the offender was thinking, if they were in their "right mind," etc. But how she managed the situation was something to see, mashaa'Allaah. She made wudu', did 2 nafl raka'aat of prayer, and came back to reason with the person who had wronged her. She didn't argue, just wanted to clear things up after having worshipped and made du'aa to Allaah. Mashaa'Allaah, wish we all had the strength to do what she did. The "offender" and she eventually became good friends after that, walhamdulillaah. Was at a khutbah not long ago, where the khateeb pointed out that anger is like a fire inside of someone. When something is on fire and you want to put it out, we would either douse it with water (ie, make wudu') or roll it on the ground (ie, if you're standing, then sit. If you're sitting, then lie down, and preferably on the earth, itself). I never really thought about those ahaadith it that way. Might also be a hadith on drinking water, wAllaahu A'lim. One thing I wanted to mention was the issue of the tongue. Something we all have to work on, and it's very much related to anger. Please read this excerpt from an-Nawawi's book of Adhkaar (see below-the site that had the whole chapter online is not currently working for some reason). Helps put things in perspective, as well as the ahaadith that have already been mentioned in this thread. One thing I want to remind myself about is the hadith about the woman at the cemetary, who was wailing/mourning over someone's grave. The Prophet (S) passed by her and told her to fear Allaah and be patient. She shouted back something like: Get away from me, you don't know my pain! He just walked on, without arguing or telling her, "Look, I'm the Prophet." When someone told her who he was, she realized her mistake and went to apologize to him. He told her (after forgiving her), "Patience is at the first stroke of calamity." (Reported by Muslim) So we should be particularly keen on realizing what we do at the 1st moment of adversity/calamity (ie, do we get mad? do we yell? do we curse? do we backbite? slander?), since that is our "default" response. We may get angry or sad or whatever, but what manifests itself on the tongue is what matters and will be judged, ultimately. With some work on correcting our tongue, it will eventually take a lot to make you mad, and that's a sign of a Qalb Saleem (sound/peaceful heart). One good weapon is dhikr (ie, remembrance of God with words that the Prophets taught us). Not only when you're mad, but regular morning and evening dhikr. We should also make du'aa that we don't upset/offend others, since things that we don't like can manifest itself in our own personality without us even realizing it, if we aren't careful. From the Qur'aan, Chapter of The Poets, Prophet Abraham mentioned the sound heart. In The Chapter of Mumtahinah, he makes another particularly beautiful du'aa [supplication], 'alayhis salaam [upon him be peace]: Chapter of The Poets 026.077 "...the Lord and Cherisher of the Worlds; 026.078 "Who created me, and it is He Who guides me; 026.079 "Who gives me food and drink, 026.080 "And when I am ill, it is He Who cures me; 026.081 "Who will cause me to die, and then to life (again); 026.082 "And who, I hope, will forgive me my faults on the Day of Judgment... 026.083 "O my Lord! Bestow wisdom on me, and join me with the righteous; 026.084 "Grant me honourable mention on the tongue of truth among the latest (generations); 026.085 "Make me one of the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss; 026.086 "Forgive my father, for he is among those astray; 026.087 "And let me not be in disgrace on the Day when (men) will be raised up;- 026.088 "The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail, [color=green]026.089 "But only he (will prosper) that brings to God a sound heart; [/color] 026.090 "To the righteous, the Garden will be brought near." Chapter of Al-MumtaHinah 060.004 There is for you an excellent example (to follow) in Abraham and those with him, when they said to their people: "We are clear of you and of whatever ye worship besides God: we have rejected you, and there has arisen, between us and you, enmity and hatred forever,- unless ye believe in God and Him alone": But not when Abraham said to his father: "I will pray for forgiveness for you, though I have no power (to get) aught on your behalf from God." (They prayed): [color=green]"Our Lord! in You do we trust, and to You do we turn in repentance: to You is (our) Final Goal. 060.005 "Our Lord! Make us not a trial for the Unbelievers, forgive us, our Lord, for You are the Exalted in Might, the Wise." [/color] 060.006 There was indeed in them an excellent example for you to follow, for those whose hope is in God and in the Last Day. But if any turn away, truly God is Free of all Wants, Worthy of all Praise. 060.007 It may be that God will grant love (and friendship) between you and those whom ye (now) hold as enemies. For God has power (over all things); And God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. -------------------------------------- Guarding the Tongue Excerpt from Al-Adhkaar of Imam An-Nawawi © Al-Muntaqaa Newsletter Volume1 Issue 1 January 2000 Allaah the Most High says: “Not a word does one utter, except that there is an (angel) Watching, Ready to record it.” [Surah Qaaf: 18] Know that every individual who falls under the category of being responsible for his actions (mukallaf) must safeguard his tongue from all types of speech , except for that speech which consists primarily of some benefit. So when speaking and refraining from speech are both found to contain the same amount of benefit within them, then the Sunnah is to refrain from it, altogether. This is because the allowable speech (equal in benefit and harm) paves the way towards that which is forbidden as well as disliked. Rather, in most cases, this will be the outcome and applying safety, at that point, will not be able to soothe it in the least. Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet said: "Whosoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, then let him speak good or remain silent." [Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree] This hadeeth, of which the scholars have agreed upon its authenticity, is a clear proof that one should not talk, unless his speech is good—and that is the speech that consists primarily of benefit. So if one has doubt as to whether or not his speech consists of benefit, then he should not speak. Imaam Ash-Shaafi'ee (rahimahullaah) said: "When one desires to talk, then it is upon him to think before he speaks. If there is beneficial good in what he will say, then he should speak. And if he has doubt about that, then he must not speak until he clears that doubt (by making his speech good)." Abu Moosaa Al-Ash'aree said: "I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah Which of the Muslims is best?' He said: 'He whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe from.'" [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim] Sahl Ibn Sa'ad reported that the Messenger of Allaah said: "Whosoever can guarantee for me (that he will safeguard) what is between his jaws (tongue) and what is between his legs (private parts), I will guarantee for him Paradise." [Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree] Abu Hurairah reported that he heard the Prophet say: "Indeed, the servant will speak a word, while being unaware of (its consequences), and due to it, he will be cast into the Hellfire, farther than the distance between the east and the west." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim] The meaning of "while being unaware" is that he does not stop to consider whether his speech is good or not. Sufyaan Ibn 'Abdillaah reported that he said: "O Messenger of Allaah , tell me of a matter that I may cling tightly onto.' He said: 'Say: I believe in Allaah and then remain steadfast (upon that).’ I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah , what is the most serious thing that I should fear for myself?' So he took a hold of his tongue and said: 'This.'" [An authentic hadeeth reported by At-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah and others] 'Uqbah Ibn 'Aamir reported: "I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah , how does one attain salvation?' He r said: 'Restrain your tongue, remain in your home and weep over your sins.'" [An authentic hadeeth reported by Ibn Al-Mubaarak in Az-Zuhd and it has support in Ahmad] Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudree reported that the Prophet said: “When the Son of Aadam wakes from his sleep, all of his body parts seek refuge from his tongue, saying: ‘Fear Allaah with regard to us, for indeed we are part of you. So if you are correct, then we will be correct and if you are corrupted, then we shall be corrupted.” [A hasan hadeeth reported by At-Tirmidhee and others] |
| NS |
| 03/31/03 at 16:38:31 |
| sofia |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| paula |
| 03/31/03 at 23:15:42 |
| [slm] [size=2][font=Verdana][color=Navy]Bi'ithnillah You [u]ALL[/u] make my heart smile soooooo much..... Jazak Allahu Khairan. I was intent on seeing if I could check in sometime today to ask some advice from everyone, because I got to thinking again?? (smile).... and look what I found.... a link already formed on the issue. You see.... on a general circumstance I wake up.... and the first thing I feel & think is: "" A large smile in my heart""/ ""La Ilaha Illa Allah""(bliss) :-*.....This morning was quite the contrary... I woke up with the largest rage in my heart >:( .... the true feeling of anger.... you know.... not the physical anger... but rather, the anger deep inside the heart..... so strong and so intense .... like I could strike a point with my finger and the heat/energy from my heart would split anything in sight. Because it wasn't any so-called situation that caused my anger... and because it wasn't the typical feeling of anger through the body... but more a very controlled sensation... just the anger inside my heart like that(but so strong).... it was a sensation that got me thinking :-[ . Islam... generally leads me always to the peace option.... the love... kindness... forgiveness... mercy....patience.... prayer.... all the truth... all the positives...so it never lead me to thinking much about the issue of anger itself... but moreso as has been stated here.... the avoidance/coping skills of it. See my thought was..... :-[ are we allowed Anger under Islam... well after this morning... I'm sure... surely we are ... but under what terms are we allowed to feel anger ?? ... I've never explored or been interested in this idea before so thought for some help in what Islam advises us.... ? Can anyone help me to understand (trying to increase my knowledge here.... Insha Allah).... "what are we allowed to feel anger for"... "under what circumstances may we be told it is okay to be [u]MAD[/u]"... Hope the question makes sense here ??..... and thank-you all in advance for the additions. Well a little clarification... I say what are we allowed to "feel" anger for... because I understood we have been advised that Allah(SWT) will judge us based on what we carry in our hearts... so, under what terms may we be allowed to "feel" anger/madness. _____________ btw: a couple of hadiths here ..... May this one be the one of water ??: “Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.” [Abu Daud; Book 41, No. 4766] "Advise me! "The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious." [Al-Bukhari; Vol. 8 No. 137] "A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry." [Al-Bukhari; Book 47, No. 47.3.12] The Prophet(saw) said, "I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: 'I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan' then all his anger will go away." [Al-Bukhari; Vol. 4, No. 502] Abu Dharr narrated: The Apostle of Allah(saw), said to us: "When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down." [Abu Daud; Book 41, No. 4764] [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
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| jaihoon |
| 04/01/03 at 02:40:58 |
| A poem I had written earler on this subject. Your Adorable Anger! --------------------------- http://www.jaihoon.com/egoptics/anger.htm When out of anger your fiery cheeks shiver In much wonder will I further adore (you) As much as your eyes burn in fury Your heart knows well I'm terribly sorry ... But, remain not for long in this stubborn state, For it will stain your Him-loving heart. Just as the bitter juice of plant, Cause the sweet honey to become taint. - Jaihoon :) Notes juice of plant... : based on the saying of Holy Prophet "Verily, anger corrupts faith like as the juice of bitter plants corrupt honey". |
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| Rameeza |
| 04/02/03 at 14:30:12 |
| [slm] Masha Allah I am impressed. I was under the impression that no one here felt this was an issue except for me. Cause I came here after I posted it and not a single person had replied. Jazaka Allah for your help. Insha ALlah I am going to try the 'La Hawla Wala kuwwatha illa billah' a kzillion times while driving. Jazaka Allah HUMBLE MUSLIM for your thoughts on talking to some one. I agree, cause it usually keeps me from blowing up on the person who has caused the anger. I usually don't immediately talk to the person who has angered me, so the talk with a friend usually lessens the effect of my rage on the one who has warranted it. As for punching the wall... I have tried it when I was younger but this violent release does not make me less angry afterwards. I will have to try the drag racing at 3am though ... As for not getting married.. ha ha ha ha I have heard that one from every married woman I know! ;D Sorry sisters. Insha Allah, you will be rewarded very highly for putting up with our brothers. heh heh heh heh [] I know that this does not sound good but I am glad to see that I am not the only one who suffers the damage caused by her tongue. Insha Allah, I hope and pray that Allah will give all of us the sabr and wisdome to control it. Jazaka Allah, again. -R |
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| Dude |
| 04/04/03 at 15:20:59 |
| There’s some great stuff here! I’ve been afraid to venture into the domain of the ladies, but this is fun. As most of you who’ve read my posts so far know, I don’t have a temper at all. ::) (Note the ::) ) Funny story I’ll share: when my wife and I got married, it wasn’t a terribly popular even amongst some in the Fijian Muslim community (imagine being the first family to accept a white guy into the mix), outside her immediate family. She has two sets of family: her half brothers and sisters from her first Dad’s first marriage, and her younger, full blooded brother and sister from her Dad’s second marriage (the first wife passed away). Naturally, this led to a bit of gossip and back-biting. One of the rumors was presented to me one week after the wedding: her older half-brother’s wife (sister in law), had started a false rumor about my wife’s virginity before marriage…i.e.: she wasn’t one! Well, I snapped. It was at about 10:00 at night, and I phoned up my new father in law, and very calmly asked for my brother-in-law’s address. “Why?” he asks. Very calmly I said to him, “Because I’m going over there to break his nose.” (I’m Irish decent, and grew up in an Irish household…right or wrong, this is how we solve problems sometimes…) “Interesting. Want to tell me why?” I told him about the rumor, and explained that since I couldn’t very well hit a woman, I’ll just beat up her husband, because he can’t control his wife’s actions…specifically when it came to starting false rumors about his own sister! He said, “OK, I’ll give you his address. I don’t agree with what she did either. It is wrong to back-bite and lie. But, you should sleep on it first, and if you’re still mad in the morning, go deal with it. I can't stop you from doing what you think is right.” He went on to explain to me that this particular woman has been causing these types of problems in the family for some time, and that his son had trouble standing up to her and putting an end to this type of false rumor mongering. So, I slept on it. In the morning, I had calmed down. Instead of going over and breaking his nose, I phoned him, and told him of the rumor she started, and that the next time it happens, I’m coming over to break his nose. Anyhow, to make a long story longer, Abba taught me a lesson…always “sleep on it” before acting. It gives one time to both calm down, and to think of a better solution. I now practice the same principle in my personal life as well as business. Very wise old man…somehow I think he knew exactly how I’d deal with the problem after a night’s slumber! Good thing I didn’t call my Dad, eh? ;D |
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| Dude |
| 04/04/03 at 15:25:43 |
| Oh...another good practice between my wife and I: never go to sleep angry with each other. Even if we both feel wronged in a particular argument, we try to make sure the other knows we love them before falling asleep. |
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| jaihoon |
| 04/05/03 at 00:08:33 |
| [quote author=Dude link=board=sis;num=1048806248;start=15#21 date=04/04/03 at 15:20:59] Anyhow, to make a long story longer, Abba taught me a lesson…always “sleep on it” before acting. It gives one time to both calm down, and to think of a better solution. I now practice the same principle in my personal life as well as business. Very wise old man…somehow I think he knew exactly how I’d deal with the problem after a night’s slumber! [/quote] Seeping is one of my fav techniques also. I would add to it having a glass of water, or a burger too |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| Rameeza |
| 04/06/03 at 16:16:42 |
| [slm] Ya, sleeping on it helps. I like the Burger idea even better! ;D Does it really help? heh heh heh well it still sounds good. Right now, I can't try it since I am TRYING to be healthy. [] [] [] [] [] |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| se7en |
| 04/09/03 at 17:30:53 |
| as salaamu alaykum, okay maybe you guys can help me.. I have a really messed up way of dealing with my anger. I'm such a cry baby :'( and I just start getting really agitated and tearing up when something happens, or when I'm in a confrontation with someone.. and I am not able to express my thoughts or feelings. And then, because I'm too chicken to confront a person and let them know how I'm feeling, my interaction with that person is messed up from then on.. I keep an emotional distance from them out of fear of being hurt again, and I make assumptions about why they treated me a certain way or did a certain thing, instead of asking for an explanation and discussing it. It's just a really dysfunctional way of dealing with things and I don't know why I am this way. *sigh* .. any suggestions on how to change this? [] on the house for any psycho-analyses anyone can throw my way :) Jazakam Allahu khayran. wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| Kathy |
| 04/10/03 at 06:35:48 |
| [wlm] [quote]And then, because I'm too chicken to confront a person and let them know how I'm feeling, my interaction with that person is messed up from then on.. I keep an emotional distance from them out of fear of being hurt again, and I make assumptions about why they treated me a certain way or did a certain thing, instead of asking for an explanation and discussing it. [/quote] For the betterment of the community "YA GOTTA LEARN TO DEAL" There are so many problems going on in my life/ community... because sisters do not want to confront ( in a positive way) the white elephant in the room. It is a loose loose situation. The person who is hurt... may be for no good reason... or may need to learn to correct something she really did do wrong. The same for the offender. She may not even realize that she did something wrong or needs to be corrected. So dinners, gatherings are strained, people are talking,confiding behind others backs. The whole thing gets blown out of porportion as people start to take sides! I think it is a sigh of maturity when you can handle things head on. So many of us are afraid of confrontation. But if you look at it as mending the ties instead of confrontation and handle yourself in that matter... it will be better for you. Prophet Muhammad said: "Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind." (Muslims & Bukhari) Believe me.. I can use this advice myself! |
| 04/10/03 at 06:37:06 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Anger Management... |
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| jaihoon |
| 04/12/03 at 01:20:42 |
| [quote author=se7en link=board=sis;num=1048806248;start=15#25 date=04/09/03 at 17:30:53] I have a really messed up way of dealing with my anger. I'm such a cry baby :'( and I just start getting really agitated and tearing up when something happens, or when I'm in a confrontation with someone.. and I am not able to express my thoughts or feelings. [/quote] boy! I thought i was the only one with such *cool* modes of behaviour. ;) |
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