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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| I like him, but... |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/05/03 at 02:23:31 |
| Assalamo alaikom, well; I'm fond of this guy, and I made istikhara about whether I should care for him at all or not, and I think it turned out well. But the thing is, I don't know how he feels about me. We hardly ever talk, I sometimes say assalamo alaikom when I see him at college, but then when he answers back he just stares fixedly at some point on the floor, which puts an end to my attempt to get a conversation going. I know for a fact it's not because he's shy: I'd known him for a while from high school (I'm a freshman in college, he's a sophomore) and he was very outgoing, but I didn't have any serious fondness of him back then because I thought he wasn't religious enough. But subhanallah on coming to college he seems to have grown very religious and he's always with the good crowd. Is it a sort of hi'aa that he doesn't look at me if I try to talk to him? Other times, like if he'd get on the same elevator he almost makes a point to avoid looking my way. He doesn't sound or look like he hates me or something, but it doesn't say anything really. Should I try to get to know him better? And there's a bigger issue. Even if he does like me there is no way we're getting married until I finish college, which is three/ 3 and a half years from now, or at least until he's finished with college, which isn't much sooner, and I don't believe in long engagements. I don't know: should I try to get to know him better, or should I put it off for a couple of years? I don't know if I can be patient that long. Stuck and emotionally exhausted |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| Danyala |
| 04/05/03 at 13:32:13 |
| [slm] Advice for someone whos been there and done that - DO NOT TRY TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER - unless both sets of parents are involved to protect your own interests. Otherwise, attachment for those 3 and half years will only lead to heartache. Whatever good intention you begin with regards to marriage, you are only human and can easily be tempted by shaitan who will try to lead you down a path where there is no good for you. If you are serious about the brother sis, get your parents involved and think about it in real terms. You say you are stuck and emotionally exhausted now, but there is a very big IF after those years, difficulties arise (with family etc) and you or him are unable to fulfil any promises of marriage, THEN the pain will be far more real than what you feel now. Take care, and keep us posted. [wlm] :-* |
| 04/05/03 at 13:32:58 |
| Danyala |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| theOriginal |
| 04/05/03 at 14:08:53 |
| [slm] Just be patient, sister. Insha Allah things will work out in the best way possible for you (regardless of whether you are destined to marry him.) There is no point of emotionally exhausting yourself now, if there is a probability of it not working out. Plus, it's a good thing he doesn't look at you, or try to small talk. Hayaa is such a sacred quality, in my opinion. And think of it this way, if you do end up marrying him, you'll cherish this quality of his that much more. And if it is NOT hayaa, and he is just avoiding you, and you don't get married, then you'll cherish the fact that Allah swt saved you from getting emotionally attached to some guy who you weren't supposed to marry. Make sense? Don't worry about what happens if he proposes...leave the details to Allah swt. If things are meant to work out, they will...just don't stress out about it in the meantime. Freshman, eh? Concentrate on the books, you'll appreciate it in your Junior year, when you stare at your transcript saying "Mayan!!! I could have gotten an A+ in Intro Micro" :D Amd make lots of du'aa. Ask Allah for evey little thing you want in a husband....down to what color eyes you want him to have ;) Don't pray to get married to anyone in particular, just ask for what you want. And Allah will listen... May Allah make it easy on you....the heart is so delicate, make sure it doesn't break over useless things. Lots of love (hugglez) Wasalaam. |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/07/03 at 23:50:41 |
| Assalamo Alaikom, Jazakom allahu khairan to all who answered! :) I got lost for a while because i posted this to another string, and now I'm having trouble replying to the same one. You're probably right. I (kinda) talked to my mom about this, but i figure if our parents get involved and this turns serious, it's just going to complicate my life at the moment. I want to live a few more years in peace, working on my charachter and my own problems, and then i can think about handling someone else's problems as well. ;) So i suppose I'll to try to keep it buried in some corner until the time comes so that i can focus on other matters. It's at those times that I run in to him more often than i should that make me loose that conviction; i think it's actually best that i avoid him (what do you think i should do?)... if he does like me; then he's the wiser one. ;) Jazzakom allahu khairan to all again, PS: Why can't I register? [Admin Note: Registration is closed at this time.] |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| Mohja |
| 04/08/03 at 00:31:35 |
| [slm] sr anon :) The much esteemed brother Amr Khalid related this beautiful true story once: There was this brother and sister who cared for each other very deeply. Unfortunately because of circumstances not unlike yours (i.e college, no work,etc..) they could not get married at the time. So they decided to severe all relations with each other to please Allah[swt] and the brother promised the sister that once he graduate he would come ask for her hand in marriage. Years passed and not a word transpired between the two eventhough they still had feeling for one another. And then the day came when he was to able to get his degree and find a job and immediately after that he sought her parents for a marriage proposal. The parents agreed and they married. Years into the marriage and after 5 kids, brother amr asked his friend if he still felt the same youthfully ardent love for the sister that he did before marrying her. And you know what he said? He said that he loved her the same and even more than the way he did on their wedding day, and the same on her part. He then said that this was Allah's[swt] gift to them that He rewarded them with enduring bliss for putting His satisfaction before theirs. The moral of the story? Always put Allah first and watch as He provides for you beyond your wildest dreams :) May the Most-Merciful guide you sister to take the best course of action that will please Him and you consequently. And Allah knows best. Wassalam Mufti Al-Quloob, Mohja ps- Great advice Original, but how did you know about the micro econ class? :o :D |
| 04/08/03 at 00:45:55 |
| Mohja |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| Mohja |
| 04/08/03 at 02:33:34 |
| I just wanted to clarify something that has been brought to my attention :) In my previous post i was replying to a particular point, mainly : [quote] And there's a bigger issue. Even if he does like me there is no way we're getting married until I finish college, which is three/ 3 and a half years from now, or at least until he's finished with college, which isn't much sooner [/quote] There are a myriad of other questions and considerations that others might address insh'Allah. And Allah knows best. |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| humble_muslim |
| 04/08/03 at 12:59:23 |
| AA I beg to differ with you Mohja, but I think the best way of "putting Allah first" is by getting married. The Prophet SAW said soemthing to the effect of "If two people fall in love, they should be married to each other". |
| NS |
| Re: I like him, but... |
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| Danyala |
| 04/08/03 at 16:28:22 |
| [slm] what should u do? get yourself into the company of some good sisters...then if you do run into him he'll be too intimidated to stop and chat to a bunch of hijabis! :D I see it this way - if you think u run into him more when you try to concentrate on other things and not think of him, then rather than thinkin 'ahhh its fate we're meant to be', look at each encounter as a test from Allah swt. if u wanna chat, then you can email me on ruqayyah80@hotmail.com...no bogus emails all you other pple out there! ;) [wlm] :-* |
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