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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/15/03 at 18:20:51 |
| I am writing this in regard to one of my best friends. The question is: how is a convert supposed to find a wife? My best friend has been muslim for nearly 10 years. But, he hasn't been able to get married. Although he very good looking, a very active and good muslim, and graduated from a blue chip university and is relatively young, he keeps being told that because he is not Egyptian or from Uttar Pradesh or from wherever that the parents of so and so are not interested in him. A guy like this cannot get a muslim woman. However, if he were not muslim, he'd be surrounded by lots of women -- the kind of which some of our more eligible born muslim bachelors only dream of. How ironic. The poor guy has no ethnicity, and so he has no no wife. A related question is: what are tall guys like him (6'2) supposed to do? American muslim guys it seems are in a real fix because most muslim women (even convert women) don't want to marry them, and because they have their own special problems (like being very tall and need relatively tall wives, etc.) |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| panjul |
| 04/15/03 at 20:17:24 |
| [slm] Yeah, isn't that the case? Convert muslim women get married very easily. Convert muslim men have a hard time. I don't know how your friend could be helped.... let's see. Well, if all else has failed. how abour trying the muslim mantrmonials. I heard ISNA has a good one. I hope your friend finds a kind, beautiful and loving wife soon. :) By the way, what's wrong with marrying a short woman? I mean, 5 feet is an average height for women and i think that's good enough. plus, wether yu are short or tall, most women want to marry tall guys. So i'm sure there's a shorty out there that wants to marry a 6 feet tall guy. If you tell us where your friend lives, the sisters on this board will consult their women's network. ;) Anyway, maybe you live in a small community and there aren't many muslim women? So maybe you should look into a larger muslim community, so there will be more chance? All right, i'm out of ideas |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| theOriginal |
| 04/15/03 at 21:06:10 |
| [slm] Sorry, I don't really have any advice to give but... [quote]he keeps being told that because he is not Egyptian or from Uttar Pradesh or from wherever that the parents of so and so are not interested in him. [/quote] hahahahaha. I'm sorry that was too funny. As a native UP-ite, I hear the man's pains...And trust me, we on the other end, hear it a lot too: "You can't marry him, he's not a UP-ite" (heh)...Not to mention that it is generally OK if the boys in the family want to marry a non-UP-ite. Oh well... Oh and there are plenty of tall women out there who don't want to marry short men...and trust me, they're asking the same questions "what are we supposed to do?!!?!!" So you know what...it all comes down to du'aa. Seriously, can't stress that enough....it'll happen when it's meant to happen. You can't rush it in anyway. Good luck to the friend. Wasalaam. |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| se7en |
| 04/16/03 at 01:56:44 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, There are many families that have restrictions on who their children can marry based on ethnicity.. but there are also families who are more open when it comes to such things and would welcome a convert bro. I think it's a case by case thing, and I'd venture to say that the more religious the family is, and the longer they have been in the United States, the more open they would be to accepting someone from a different ethnicity. [quote]The poor guy has no ethnicity, and so he has no no wife. [/quote] Just because the bro is not Indo/Pak or Arab does not mean he is *devoid* of ethnicity :P He just has one that's maybe a bit different than what many of us may be accustomed to. And there are sisters who appreciate that.. especially those who grew up in the U.S. and are not comfortable with a lot of the cultural baggage that comes with marrying into "ethnic" families. So tell your friend to keep the faith.. insha'Allah he'll find someone good :) [quote]A related question is: what are tall guys like him (6'2) supposed to do? [/quote] Umm... not all sisters are short. sheesh. *sensitive topic* The question is.. if she's a good sister who has all the qualities you need, why do you mind if you have to look a little further down (or up, as the case may be) when looking at her? :P I think there's a lot of other stuff to worry about when considering someone for marriage, before whipping out the measuring tape :P May Allah make things easy for your friend :) take care and take it easy, wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| 04/16/03 at 02:07:12 |
| se7en |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Dawn |
| 04/16/03 at 07:49:39 |
| [slm] [quote author=Anonymous link=board=bro;num=1050445251;start=0#0 date=04/15/03 at 18:20:51]A related question is: what are tall guys like him (6'2) supposed to do? [/quote] Erm, there are some of us women in this world who would not consider 6'2" to be all that tall ... (for me, "tall" starts somewhere around 6'5" or 6'6".) And as se7en said -- this can be a sensitive topic, though I have never been able to find a rational reason for that sensitivity. |
| 04/16/03 at 14:53:02 |
| Dawn |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Maliha |
| 04/16/03 at 08:51:32 |
| [slm] I know many tall beautiful, religious women who would love to find a *good*, *decent* religious bro ;) Where does your friend live? Sis, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Dude |
| 04/16/03 at 10:58:18 |
| My sister-in-law is a drop dead gorgeous Fijian Muslim girl, 25, and so single it's frightening. Send me the lad's resume. 8) |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 04/16/03 at 12:21:16 |
| A related question is: what are tall guys like him (6'2) supposed to do? Tall? I am taller than that and I thought I was short. I guess if you are in Japan that is tall. If you are in Lithuania that is short. For some reason though I thought woman liked their men taller, but i guess i just learned something new. I think my kids are going to be tall though, my 1st son is 3 1/2 and he is almost 45 inches tall. Doc said somewhere bettween 6'7: |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 04/16/03 at 18:30:58 |
| [slm] Well I will tell you in my masjid there is a white man revert who is extremely tall married to a extremely short indo/pak woman. I think its kind of cute when i see that. so like seven said 'keep the faith!" yah and i agree that many woman like tall guys...that should be a plus! You can try talking to the imam in your local masjid and/or the people that are head their. They can help him find someone that is compatiable insh'Allah. your sista |
| 04/22/03 at 23:29:01 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| bhaloo |
| 04/16/03 at 23:08:14 |
| [slm] I don't think 6'2" is tall, I would consider 6' to 6'2" to be average height. I think if we did a survey of brothers on the board, we'd find that they average around that height. |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| theOriginal |
| 04/17/03 at 17:22:40 |
| [slm] [quote]I think if we did a survey of brothers on the board, we'd find that they average around that height. [/quote] Alright, I challenge you...coz I seriously doubt it.... And bros, no cheating :) Wasalaam. |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| BroHanif |
| 04/17/03 at 19:28:15 |
| Salaams [quote]I think if we did a survey of brothers on the board, we'd find that they average around that height. [/quote] I'm 1m 73 I think thats either 5' 8 or 7. Salaams Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 04/17/03 at 19:53:01 |
| i hear somewhere the average height is around 5'8". But then again there are a lot of chinese in the world |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| bhaloo |
| 04/17/03 at 23:06:00 |
| [slm] [quote author=theOriginal link=board=bro;num=1050445251;start=0#10 date=04/17/03 at 17:22:40] Alright, I challenge you...coz I seriously doubt it.... And bros, no cheating :) [/quote] Oh oh. :o The results might not be completely accurate as more then likely not all guys will respond to this, so the standard deviation has to be applied as well. [quote] I'm 1m 73 [/quote] Uncle Hanif, the question wasn't about age but height. So we got Mike at 6'7", we got me at somewhere between 6'0" and 6'1". |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| se7en |
| 04/18/03 at 02:25:03 |
| as salaamu alaykum, [quote] And as se7en said -- this can be a sensitive topic, though I have never been able to find a rational reason for that sensitivity. [/quote] sensitive because a lot of ppl think for sisters being feminine and attractive means you have to be like 5'2" and cute and petite and stuff. and if that's what everyone thinks, and you're *not* that, it kinda sucks. wasalaamu alaykum |
| 04/18/03 at 02:41:17 |
| se7en |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Tesseract |
| 04/18/03 at 03:09:10 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, [quote]A related question is: what are tall guys like him (6'2) supposed to do? [/quote] Play basketball :). [quote]I'm 1m 73 I think thats either 5' 8 or 7. [/quote] So, that's One metre and 73 something. First time I read it like "Im 73". I was like Uncle Hanif is 73 years old :o :o, surprise of the day. [quote]So we got Mike at 6'7", we got me at somewhere between 6'0" and 6'1". [/quote] My height is same as bhaloo's. Wassalam. |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Barr |
| 04/18/03 at 04:30:52 |
| [slm] [quote]1m 73 I think thats either 5' 8 or 7. [/quote] Hmmm.. Ok, I know U don't ask for directions...especially from a woman... but I think this would help for metric conversion ;D http://www.convert-me.com/en/convert/length You're welcome :-) |
| 04/18/03 at 04:32:18 |
| Barr |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Dude |
| 04/18/03 at 09:47:02 |
| 6', 5", 255 lbs, and 2% body fat. I also have some nice swamp land in Florida to sell- IM me. ;) (5'11") Also, 1m & 73cm = 5'7". |
| 04/18/03 at 09:49:21 |
| Dude |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| theOriginal |
| 04/18/03 at 12:02:07 |
| [slm] Uh oh guys....you're not supposed to tell all of us...just tell bhaloo...and I think we trust him enough not to be applying biased statistical methods to compensate for his standard deviation theory ;) And I think we trust you guys to be telling the truth... See, because only the taller guys are going to be willing to publicly post their height. After bhaloo has the respective heights..he can post just the numbers (JUST THE NUMBERS)...to have a nice ranging anonymous poll. As for sis se7en's theory of short, petite, cute girls. Man, I don't know where you are going with that one. All the tall women say that, and they slouch most of the time...but all the short women wear 6 inch heels to compensate for their lack of height, and they complain too. Where be da logic in dat!!! (I slouch AND I wear 6 inch heels...where be da logic in DAT?? lol) Wasalaam. |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Dawn |
| 04/18/03 at 15:24:37 |
| [slm] [quote author=se7en link=board=bro;num=1050445251;start=0#14 date=04/18/03 at 02:25:03]sensitive because a lot of ppl think for sisters being feminine and attractive means you have to be like 5'2" and cute and petite and stuff. [/quote] That's exactly what I mean. I think that's the reason as well, but it's not exactly rational, at least in my opinion. [quote] and if that's what everyone thinks, and you're *not* that, it kinda sucks.[/quote] And being one of those who grew up solidly positioned in the *not* category, I can sure relate. |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 04/18/03 at 15:56:36 |
| [slm] [quote]sensitive because a lot of ppl think for sisters being feminine and attractive means you have to be like 5'2" and cute and petite and stuff. and if that's what everyone thinks, and you're *not* that, it kinda sucks. [/quote] Hmm thats about my height, but trust me I wouldnt mind being atleast 5'4 hehe im one of those w/ the 6' heels :-/ Hmm i thought it was sensitive cause guys want tall girls like 5'6 like the models ::) |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| tq |
| 04/18/03 at 15:58:21 |
| Assalamo elikuim "sensitive because a lot of ppl think for sisters being feminine and attractive means you have to be like 5'2" and cute and petite and stuff. and if that's what everyone thinks, and you're *not* that, it kinda sucks. " Seven. are you sure? I dont know any brother (even the brothers who are not very tall) who are not looking for tall,gracefull sisters. As a side question, how would brothers feel if the sister's family wants to see their proof of education i.e. degree/certificate ( if the brother said that he has a degree.) and also w-2s(tax returns). Recently I introduced a brother to a sister's family and they wanted to see these things and asked me to ask the brother. I think now both the parties are angry with me :) Wasalam tq Wasalam tq |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| panjul |
| 04/18/03 at 23:44:20 |
| [slm] and also w-2s(tax returns). Recently I introduced a brother to a sister's family and they wanted to see these things and asked me to ask the brother. I think now both the parties are angry with me LOL :-/ But lauging aside, i think that is wrong. for someone to ask for such things. Especially the W-2s. In my eyes, people like that are cheap.... I know of a family, the guy's side, showed the W-2 forms without being asked, and the girl's family was like :o ??? ::) :-[ :( :D Yep--all those expressions. Then they told the guy to take a hike along with his w-2s. [] |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/22/03 at 23:02:09 |
| Subhan Allah! Your friend sounds like a person I want to marry -someone who doesn't perceive a nationality/ethnicity to be more important than islam, a convert and tall :) Unfortunately, I am not very tall. your sister in islam |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Egyptian_beauty |
| 05/24/03 at 04:45:47 |
| Salamualiakum wa Rahmutallah Anonymous, I think your concern for your friend is very sweet, and Inshaallah he will find a nice Muslim wife and live a wonderful life. What I recommend that you do is contact a Sheik, Imam or any Ameer (either in your community or outside). My father is a Sheik and the Imam at the local Mosque. It is not unusual at all for men to come to him and simply say "I am looking for a wife"... since my father knows many families, he has gotten many parents talking to each other concerning their sons and daughters, and he married many couples, that he had “hooked up”. The parents talk to each other very discreetly as they get to know the other family and then begin to talk about a possible meeting between the guy and girl. And the many women converts that don’t have Muslim parents especially need the help of the community because her parents don’t have any Muslim friends. So talk to an Ameer and he will act to speak to the parents of a nice young lady, or he will speak to women who have also converted to Islam. I hope I have been a help and may Allah be with you and bless you and your future wife…and don’t forget to make istikhar:)! Your sister in Islam, Omniah |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Nomi |
| 05/25/03 at 16:38:04 |
| [slm] were we talking about height :) ... Me is 6'1 :P ... damn.... My bro is just 1 inch taller than me otherwise i would haved loved to tease him by calling him a shorty :) :) Asim Zafar PS: Uncle Hanif: i wish we were of same height as well :P bro Arshad: your are my new tag team partner :P |
| 05/25/03 at 16:51:18 |
| Nomi |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Yasmeena |
| 05/26/03 at 00:34:33 |
| [slm] It sounds like your friend would make a good husband. I am 5'7" and have no problem with my husband being 6"3-1/2"! What is wrong with some sisters? If your friend has all the qualities you mentioned, he would make a good catch for a sister. Are the women intimidated by a little height in a prospective husband? ??? ??? I would think the reverse would be a bigger problem (height wise). Two of my four sisters are 5"11 and 5"11-1/2. They had problems finding men over 6"! :o Yasmeena [wlm] |
| Re: How is a convert supposed to find a wife? |
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| Lil_Sista |
| 05/26/03 at 04:15:41 |
| [slm] ;D well,well...it comes to height.it's kinda funny to see bros talkin about height stuff.u know what,i'm kinda shorty sis(but i feel fine)...about 5'2 or 5'3.i dont mind if my future husband is much taller(as long as he isn't shorter....dunno just sometimes look weird) ;) hmm....hopin u'll find the righteous spouse,bros! insha Allah. :-) peace out! Yu~Ki |
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