A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Me in the Grave |
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| Kathy |
| 04/24/03 at 22:07:15 |
| [slm] I guess as one gets older, these ideas loom in the mind. Being a revert and for those that have been in America for along time.... we most probably have many friends, teachers, relatives, neighbors-people who are not Muslim, those who love or wish to "show their last respects." For many of these non Muslims going to the Masjid, funeral, grave will be their first personal interaction with Islam and it's rituals in death. Our ways are very different than their ways and I can and have seen much confusion, hurt, and just plain bewilderment happening at this time. So I am thinking of doing a brochure for my hubby to hand out to them... so they will know what to expect, what they are allowed to do and what we as Muslims do. Has anyone ever done this? or can they point me to a good web site? Bhaloo... your article on Janazah's was very informative... |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| bhaloo |
| 04/24/03 at 22:23:48 |
| [slm] Thanks Kathy, you mean this article? ??? http://members.cox.net/arshad/funeral.html That's about the only written guide I've seen. But I don't think the burials are that much different with non-Muslims. Essentially, there's prayers offered, and condolences offered to the families. |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Kathy |
| 04/27/03 at 10:53:38 |
| [wlm] A Catholic/ Babtist wake and funeral are very different than a Muslim one. I would like to address the issues of: 1. No Flower arangements 2. No Wakes 3. No Mass Cards 4. The seperation of men and women at the funeral 5. No mixed post funeral dinner especially with alcohol 6. Women not going to the Grave 7. Muslim Donations to Charities 8. The actual ceremony.. give a guide to the Arabic words. 9. No Wailing 10. No Testemonial Speeches 11. The simplicity of the casket... don't want peole dissing my Hubby because he didn't spring for a mahagony, silk lined one! 12. same goes for a head stone. 13. Pallbearers... want Muslim ones! 14. Why no open casket. 15. Deeds that follow me after death. 16. Flowers on the Grave. 17. No Music Hymns I am sure there are other issues... can anyone think of any? |
| 04/27/03 at 11:00:50 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Barr |
| 04/27/03 at 11:21:42 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) Kathy, I think U covered pretty much of it, though some can be grouped to broad catagories. Like ettiquettes during the funeral, during burial, after burial, etc. I can't think of any additions. I've been to a Bangledeshi-Brit Muslim funeral before. Before going, I asked if its OK, to give cash in kind to the family, coz, that's wot we do during Malay funerals. Its just a gesture to help the family out. I was advised against it as it is not the practice, and they may be offended ??? Also, the family would receive help from their own clan.. or smt like that. Wot are the cultural norms for funerals where U're from? For the Malays, its in the culture to wear something white, though this is not widely practice.. but certainly, people dont' come with bright coloured outfits. Money is usually given to the family from those who come to the funeral. Otherwise, things are as per the Islamic guidelines above. Thanks :) |
| 04/27/03 at 12:08:39 |
| Barr |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Kathy |
| 05/06/03 at 09:20:10 |
| [slm] I am almost done and need your help with two things. I need a short one line sentence to say... Please no hugging, kissing and holding memebers of the opposite sex while comforting them. the other is... some nice ayats/hadiths about death. |
| 05/06/03 at 09:20:54 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| bhaloo |
| 05/06/03 at 20:44:25 |
| [slm] [quote author=Kathy link=board=madrasa;num=1051232835;start=0#4 date=05/06/03 at 09:20:10] [slm] I am almost done and need your help with two things. I need a short one line sentence to say... Please no hugging, kissing and holding memebers of the opposite sex while comforting them. the other is... some nice ayats/hadiths about death.[/quote] What if its a father and daughter, or brother and sister, or mom and son ? ??? as for sayings: "Inna lillahi wa ina illahi rajioon." From Allah we come, and to Allah we return," |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Kathy |
| 05/06/03 at 23:27:11 |
| [wlm] Good point! I think I have been thinking too hard. wow... how am I going to explain mahram, non-mahram. The flyer is written for non-muslims.. however I can see muslims checking it out...because I have the salatul Janazah in it. Many Muslims have not been to a funeral in our area. ok... can you do it in 2 short sentances? |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/07/03 at 22:02:23 |
| Bhaloo or Kathy can you explain Kathy's #15 deeds that foolow. What does that mean? Sorry about the Anon Post but I can log in but can't post or get my messages on this library pc. Just wanted to know what #15 on Kathy's list was all about. Salaam Caraj |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Kathy |
| 05/08/03 at 08:58:32 |
| Hi Cara! I was refering to the below: I would rather get donations to charities, than flowers... or mass cards. This article was from the site Bhaloo posted above [code] REWARDS AFTER DEATH While the life span of a Muslim is short, and deeds and actions stop after death, a Muslim may continue to earn rewards for certain things even after his death. Good deeds, such as perpetual charity, are the ones that follow him a Muslim (Get the rewards), even while the person is in the grave, such deeds like: useful knowledge, a good child that prays for him, a Mosque that he built, teaching Quran to another person, a house he built for public use, a water fountain or a river that he rented and made it free for people, or a charity that he gave during his life while he was in good health; all are rewardable even after death. In this respect the Prophet (P.B.U.H) said : "After the death of a person his actions stop, except three things that he leaves behind : First continuos charity, Second a knowledge from which some benefit may be obtained, Third a virtuous son who makes Dua’’ (Pray, supplicate) on his behalf " (Muslim). Charity will benefit the deceased, as the following Hadiths show : " A man came to the Prophet (P.B.U.H) and asked him : " My father died leaving wealth but no will, would he be pardoned if a charity is given on his behalf ?", the Prophet (P.B.U.H) answered:"Yes" (Muslim). ....there are generally three things that benefit the dead: 1) Charity; Continuos Charity ; 2) A knowledge left by the deceased from which some benefit may be obtained; 3) A virtuous son or daughter who makes Dua’’ (Pray, supplicate) on the deceased’’s behalf, or perform duties that the deceased did not do during his lifetime such as fasting missed days or Hajj, or pay his debts. People put flowers, candles, food, perfume, on the grave all of this will not benefit the deceased. [/code] |
| 05/08/03 at 08:59:27 |
| Kathy |
| Kathy RoX |
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| Maliha |
| 05/08/03 at 09:06:34 |
| [slm] Subhana Allah Kathy you are awesome :) Mashaallah, just thinking about death (as inevitable as it is ::) ) makes me scared.... I think it's really cool that although we all are planning for it, in the abstract way, you are actually taking very specific measures with gathering info etc. When are you Publishing A BOOK "About Being a Muslim in America"? Subhana Allah, I think I for one (*read: FOB*), will have *alot* to gain from it! Inshaallah... Patiently waiting, Sis, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| theOriginal |
| 05/08/03 at 09:38:51 |
| [slm] My uncle died last year. His wife of 40 years, who is Roman Catholic, was extremely confused at the funeral. Given her hysteria at his sudden death, it was very hard to explain things to her in order to calm her down. Sooo, sis Kathy, I think it's a wonderful idea, and maybe you can put up a copy here. I think all masjids should have one. Wasalaam. |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| Maliha |
| 05/08/03 at 09:51:23 |
| [slm] Here's a little something on Mahram: [i] There are certain etiquettes (sp) governing the relationship of men and women in Islam. If you are not closely related (brother, sister, daughter, wife) then physical distance is mandated so as to avoid any risk of indecency that could affect ones spirituality. During funerals it is okay to offer verbal condolescences and prayers to a member of the opposite sex, but please refrain from hugging or kissing them.[/i] Sis, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Me in the Grave |
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| amatullah |
| 05/26/03 at 12:56:40 |
| I came across this today and thought of this post: JUST AFTER DEATH HAS BEEN DETERMINED When the person is confirmed dead, family members or those who are present should : Close the eyes of the deceased. Um Salma reported that : " When her husband died, Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) closed his eyes" (Muslim). They should bind his lower jaw to his head so that it does not sag. They should cover all his body completely with a clean sheet. Aisha reported that : " Muslims covered the body of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H.) when he died" (Bukhari & Muslim). They should make Dua' (Supplicate) to Allah to forgive him. They should hasten to prepare the body for washing, shrouding and burial. Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) said: " You should hasten with his burial" (Bukhari & Muslim). They should pay his debts from his money, or if there is not enough, then from any family member or any relative, this matter is important since the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) encouraged Muslims to pay the debts of the deceased. NOTE: There is no Islamic teaching of putting the Quran under the pillow of the deceased. There is no Islamic teaching of asking junubs (Those who did not take a shower after sexual act), or menstruating women to leave the room of the deceased. There is no Islamic teaching of putting flowers, candles etc., in the deceased's room. B) MOURNING THE DEAD Mourning over the dead is allowed in Islam, but there is a great difference between what is allowed Islamically and the practice of some Muslims at the present time. Grief at the death of a beloved person is normal, and weeping for the dead is allowed in Islam. What is prohibited is to express grief by wailing ( Bewailing refers to mourning in a loud voice), shrieking, beating the chest and cheeks, tearing hair or clothes, breaking things or scratching faces or saying phrases that makes a Muslim lose faith. All of this is totally prohibited, and the deceased may feel pain by these actions, Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) said: "The deceased suffers when someone bewails loudly" (Bukhari & Muslim). Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) said : " Two things in people are Kufr (Ignorance ), one is to ridicule someone on his family genealogy, and the other is bewailing loudly the dead " (Muslim). Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) also said : " I detest a woman who cries out very loudly, or shaves her hair, or tears her clothes when a beloved one dies " (Bukhari & Muslim). Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) said :" He is not of us who beats his face, tears his clothes and bewails loudly when misfortune happens to him as was done before during the days of ignorance " (Bukhari & Muslim). Some people let their beard grow to show their sadness, then after several days they shave it. Others wear black clothes, or black ties. All of this has no basis in Islam. It is a Muslim's duty to advise gently those who do these things to stop doing so, since it is totally prohibited. No loss, however great, should lead a Muslim to sour his faith. They should however bear patiently and accept Allah's destiny. There is no objection to quiet weeping as Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) did when his son died and said : " It is a mercy that Allah made in the hearts of his servants" (Bukhari). Relatives of a deceased Muslim may mourn him for three days only, but a widow may mourn her husband four months and ten days. This is due to Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) who said : " It is prohibited for a woman who believes in Allah and the day of judgment to mourn any dead person more than three days except her husband four months and ten days " (Bukhari). This period is called the Edda (Waiting period) which is prescribed by Allah in the Quran (2 : 234). C) AL-GHUSUL ( WASHING THE DEAD MUSLIM ) When a Muslim dies, it is the responsibility of his family or other Muslims to wash him according to the Islamic rites of washing the deceased. Two or three persons may perform the washing. The person(s) who may wash the deceased should : Be a trustworthy, and honest adult Muslim(s). Know the Islamic way of washing the dead and be able to carry out the washing. Not make any comment on the body of the deceased. NOTE: If the deceased is a male, then ONLY males should wash him. If the deceased is a female, then ONLY females should wash her. For a married person, the spouse may perform the washing. For a child, either males or females may do the washing. PLACE OF WASHING : The deceased's body should be washed in a clean, secluded, and private place where clean water and soap are available. Gloves or pieces of cloth are needed. The body of the deceased should be washed with water and, if available, lotus leaves, or camphor (To be used in the final wash). The washing should be done three or five, or any more odd number of times if necessary. STEPS OF WASHING : The body of the deceased should be placed on a table or alike, the deceased's clothes should be removed , and the body should be covered with a sheet of cloth. The head and the upper body should be raised slightly to insure the washing water with exudations from the body flows down and does not run back to the body. The Aura (Private parts) of the deceased should be covered with a piece of cloth (The Aura of a male is from the belly button to the knee in the presence of males, for the female is the same in the presence of females). The washer should start washing by saying:" Bismil - lah "," In the name of Allah ". The washer winds a piece of cloth around his hand, and with this he cleans away any impurities from the body using water. Then he should dispose of this piece. The washer should take another piece of cloth around his hand, press lightly the stomach of the deceased so as so to expel, if possible, any remnants from it, and then wash the body of all impurities using water. Then he should dispose this piece of cloth. The washer should take another piece of cloth around his hand (May use gloves), and wash the covered private parts, then dispose of this piece of cloth. The washer should perform Wudu (Ablution) on the deceased without inserting the water in the nose and in the mouth. The washer should clean the body with water and soap (If available), starting from the head (hair, face and beard {Men}), then the upper right side of the body then the left side, after that the lower right side then the lower left. In the case of a female, her hair should be loosened, washed, combed, and be braided in three braids, and placed behind her back. The washing should be done three times, or five times, or seven times, as needed, providing that after washing the head, wash the right side before the left, and the upper parts before the lower ones. In the last wash, the washer may use camphor, or some perfume with the water. After that the body should be dried with clean towel. Then the body should be totally covered with a white sheet. Get ready to start the shrouding. SPECIAL NOTE : In case the deceased is a female in her menstrual period or have child birth bleeding, padding should be used to prevent blood from leaving the body. NOTE: It is recommended that those who performed the washing should take a bath . It is recommended that those who performed the washing should make Wudu. All of this is based on authentic Hadith that Um Atiyah narrated that: " When the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) died, he instructed us:' Wash her three times, or more than that if you feel it is necessary, with water and sidr(good smelling leaves), and then after the last wash apply some camphor to the body , then loosen her hair, wash it, comb it, and make it in three braids laid behind her back " (Bukhari & Muslim). NOTE: There is no Islamic teaching of reading the Quran during the Ghusul. There is no Islamic teaching of making special dthiker (Certain words to remember Allah) during the Ghusul. D) AL-KAFAN ( SHROUDING THE DEAD MUSLIM ) Shourding should start Just after washing the body of the deceased. It is recommended to use white sheets from inexpensive material. Extravagance is not recommended in the Kafan (Shroud). Aisha relates that : " When the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) died, he was shrouded in three white sheets from Yemen" (Bukhari & Muslim). THE KAFAN OF A MALE The Kafan of a male should consist of three white winding sheets about{7 x 7 feet}, clean and large enough to conceal the whole body, after having been perfumed with incense. Use 4 tie ropes, each 7 feet long ( Figure (1) ). The material of the sheet should not be silk, nor should any gold be used. STEPS OF SHROUDING : The winding sheets should be spread out one on the top of the other . The deceased, covered with a sheet, is lifted and laid on his back on the winding sheets. Some scent or perfume may be put on those parts of the body upon which one rests during prostration, that is the forehead, nose, hands, knees, and feet. If it is possible the deceased's left hand should be placed on his chest, then put his right hand on the left hand like the way in the Salat (Prayer). The edge of the top sheet is folded over the deceased right side, then the other edge over his left side. Then the second sheet should be folded the same way. The third and the largest sheet should be treated the same way. These sheets should be fastened with a piece of cloth {Tie ropes}, one above the head, another under the feet, and two around the body. |
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