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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| An original problem... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 04/26/03 at 19:35:36 |
| [slm] How you all doing? I am fine...alhumdulillah...even though theres so much problem in life. i am holding on...I know Allah is always here... I need some advice though sisters....i hope someone can give me good advice regarding the problem i am gonna post about. This problem of mine, kindda silly now that i think of it...but it bothers me a lot. its a common teenager's prob. In 2000, i was about 15 then, i went to over seas, to visit my family there, and i met someone at my brother's wedding. They came to our house a day before my brother's wedding. i am gonna short it out... i will call him M here. so this guy name M seemed very nice and quiet (i like quiet ppl). i kindda liked him a little...more like a crash...anyways his older sis was the one who came up to me and told me that he likes me a lot...i felt a thrilled...a gash of happiness within me...no one ever liked me before...not that i know of anyway. so i told her that i am not sure, although i always wanted to fall in love, to find true love. and that person got to have the best personalities and have to be very religous. i told her that and she was like yeah my brohter prays five time ( i am not sure about that)...and he never looks at any girl (thats very true though). ...by the way..he is only a year older than i am. so anyways...they stayed at my house four days...and then his family left...but he came back (they relate to us...distant cousin) cuz he was in his vacation. from then on he lived at my house for about 20 days... and one of those days he wrote me a letter asking if i have feelings for him...that letter was the sweetest thing sis!! it was such well written wonderful and my first love letter. :) i fell for it and i did have a bit feelings for him and i wrote back...may be i shouldn't have...cuz that started it all...more love letters were on the air! we wrote and we exchanged silent loving looks. So it was like we were totally in love! it was thrilling!..he would get me flowers and i would love it!! i loved those moments. i would write poetry about love and him... when he left for his home i was soo depress...i missed him. and i felt he was the only person i would ever love! i was made for him (my thought at that time) before coming back to America we (my mom, my oldest brother, and i) went to his house. over there we (me and him) made promise that we would write to each other, he gave me a number, and i would call him. i, that time accepted him as my future hubby (that how far things went) ...for almost a year and half we kept in thouch...i called him...cuz its less expensive to call from here then there. we would celebrate each others birthday party..our anniversary...anywasy things went good...but after a while i started to lay back a little...he would write five letters and i would wirte one..(maybe cuz of distace...but he was same) in the meantime...my family found out about us...they got MAD! They never would approve him for me...to them he was no good but an emotional, greedy for Amercian...immature boy...and they don't like his family ( i never did either his family i mean) his family are really greedy ppl, not him though. as time passed my feelings declined...but thats not what important...what important that i realized that this whole situation i was at is wrong...its a sin. I am most of the time more rational than emotional...but it took me three years to realize that what i did was emotional and not good...and i felt so bad... oneday i called him and told him that things are not gonna work out fine. one thing is my family and other is that i am not sure if i would able to go on like this...writing letter/calling...i was getting tired. he was surprised and asked me if i could wait for him...keep on waiting..i said i don't know and i hanged up say i will call another day...but i never called back since then...its been almost half an year i didn't contact...somehow i totally forgot him...thats so weird, rt? i feel so bad though. its not his fault...its all my fault...i am the one responsible for hurting him..i know he is hurt..and i don't know what to do now. i know for sure that he would never forget me...he is like on of a kind person who would rather give his life waiting for his girl...but why don't i love him anymore?? i want to call him again and tell him to forgive me, but i am scared to do that. in truth i don't know what to do! i am lost.. do u know what i mean? u may think this is a silly prob...maybe...but i am worning out thinking about it...it bothers me a lot...i can't even concentrate on my prayers and on my daily life... i hope u understand me...what should i do?? [wlm] :-) |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 04/27/03 at 01:07:12 |
| [slm] Sister you did the rite thing by stop calling. These things lead nowhere but hurt. And even if they do lead to marriage, (the process of it was unislamic). Well Sister love fades thats probably why you started forgetting him. You simply fell out of love with him. It is not only your fault, but it is his fault also. What happened was due to his own wrongdoing. If he had never started the love letters it would have never happened. the quote goes [i]The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. -- G. K. Chesterton [/i]. And your guilt is probably due to your ownwrongdoing of accepting his letters and responding to it. Also by moving on you did what was best for both of you. BEcaue the more you talked, the more it would be harder to forget, and the more it would hurt. you can ask him to forgive you but really sister how is that gonna make a difference. he will just try to convince you to try to make it work. how is that gonna change your or your familys feelings? The hurt will make him stronger and lets take it as a lesson learned. But you should definately ask for forgiveness to Allah (swt) because sister the only person who deserves this special love is your husband. You can pray to Allah (swt) to help him move on, and take his pain away and guide him to the straight path. That is the best thing you can do for him. You can also learn from this and never have a any sort of relationship with someone outside marriage. And Allah (swt) knows best. may Allah (swt) and you forgive me if I said anything wrong. all the best your sister ps There was a discussion we had a lil while ago that you could read Liking a guy that isnt Muslim http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa;action=display;num=1049773649 And plz also go through How much is too much http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa;action=display;num=1050695147 |
| 04/28/03 at 15:43:32 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 04/27/03 at 01:48:17 |
[wlm] Subhan'Allah see how you didn't even think of him!!!!! He probably got over it too, even if he didn't alhamdullilah you did :).... The whole lovey dovey stuff fades away!!!! As humans we do make mistakes but what makes us different than other creatures is our ability to rectify our wrong doing and insha'Allah you realize it!! May Allah(swt) make is easy for you and always protect you and please make du'a for yourself!! Your sister in Islam ayesha :) |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| Kathy |
| 04/27/03 at 10:39:05 |
| [slm] If you really want to help him over his hurt... make dua for him, especially a dua that he will find a wife that will be a comfort for him. |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 04/27/03 at 21:55:47 |
| [slm] O Thank you so much sisters! I cried reading you advice sisters. Thank you silver rose for understanding and also thank you sis Ayeshaz and Kathy. One more question though...well couple more i think... should i call him one for time and ask forgiveness? should i write one more letter...last one? i still need to tell him how i feel...how should i do that? what should i do? should i tell my family that i broke up? i know they would feel releive if i tell them that theres no more connection bettween us... O yes, i did pray to Allah for fogiveness... But what else would u advice me to say sis Kathy? Is there a special prayer for repentence? Thank you all so much again...May Allah (swt) Bless each one of you for these kind advice, ameen. i am so glad to come in this website...how wonderful you all are. [wlm] |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 04/27/03 at 21:57:33 |
| [quote author=Kathy link=board=sis;num=1051396537;start=0#3 date=04/27/03 at 10:39:05] [slm] If you really want to help him over his hurt... make dua for him, especially a dua that he will find a wife that will be a comfort for him.[/quote] What kind of dua please? i am sorry to bother you sis... [wlm] |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| Kathy |
| 04/29/03 at 08:49:29 |
| [wlm] How about this... it comes from different sources. [i]Oh Allah! You alone do we worship and pray exclusively to You and bow before You alone and we hasten eagerly towards You. O Allah, You have power and I have none. You know all and I know not. You are The Knower of all that is hidden. If, in Your knowledge it is good for _____, his faith and his temporal and religious life, then ordain for him a good righteous wife that he may dwell in tranquility and put a love and mercy between their hearts. May they be wedded and their purity further increased. May they be a source of joy for each other and their children be righteous. Oh Allah, grant me your love, grant me that I love those who love you; grant me, that I might do the deeds that win your love. Make your love dearer to me than the love of myself, my family and wealth. Oh Allah, perfect our light for us and forgive us. Oh Allah, please answer my prayers. You are always near, responsive. There is no ilah except Allah the Magnificent, The Forbearing. There is no ilah except Allah Lord of the Magnificent Throne. There is no ilah except Allah Lord of the Heavens, Lord of the Earth, and Lord of the Noble Throne. [/i] |
| 04/29/03 at 08:50:06 |
| Kathy |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| Maliha |
| 04/29/03 at 08:57:15 |
| [slm] welcome to the board sis :) may we all benefit from each other... i just wanted to take a moment and caution you *against* contacting him "one last time". He doesn't have to know how you feel, it will only regenerate the cycle you are trying so hard to break. Just make a lot of duah for him and yourself, for strength and mercy. Repeat the Master Istighfaar a lot... “O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am your servant and I abide by your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil which I have committed. I acknowledge your favor upon me and I acknowledge my sin, so forgive me, for verily none can forgive except You.” “Whomsoever says this at night, and dies in the morning, it will save him from Jahannam. Whosoever says this in the morning, and dies that night, he will be saved from Jahannam.” May Allah give you strength and Imaan to stay away from sins and live a righteous life. May He bestow you with a good spouse who will be a garment of protection for your soul and you to his (Amin). Sis, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| 04/29/03 at 08:59:24 |
| Maliha |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| orbit |
| 04/30/03 at 17:08:33 |
| [slm] Beautifull Dua... Oh Allah! You alone do we worship and pray exclusively to You and bow before You alone and we hasten eagerly towards You. O Allah, You have power and I have none. You know all and I know not. You are The Knower of all that is hidden. If, in Your knowledge it is good for _____, his faith and his temporal and religious life, then ordain for him a good righteous wife that he may dwell in tranquility and put a love and mercy between their hearts. May they be wedded and their purity further increased. May they be a source of joy for each other and their children be righteous. Oh Allah, grant me your love, grant me that I love those who love you; grant me, that I might do the deeds that win your love. Make your love dearer to me than the love of myself, my family and wealth. Oh Allah, perfect our light for us and forgive us. Oh Allah, please answer my prayers. You are always near, responsive. There is no ilah except Allah the Magnificent, The Forbearing. There is no ilah except Allah Lord of the Magnificent Throne. There is no ilah except Allah Lord of the Heavens, Lord of the Earth, and Lord of the Noble Throne. [slm] |
| 04/30/03 at 17:11:53 |
| orbit |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| Danyala |
| 04/30/03 at 17:49:34 |
| [slm] orbit, do you have the arabic for that please? Jazkallah. [wlm] :-* |
| Re: An original problem... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 04/30/03 at 21:47:12 |
| [slm] thank you sis mysitc and brother orbit... inshallah i will pray those duazz... Welcome to this site Orbit. :) :) have some drink... [] [] [] [] [] May you benefit by us and we benefit from you. |
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