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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Forgiveness? |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/02/03 at 23:27:24 |
| I did something not intentional and it bothered my aunt. She in retalliation was very mean and rude and was awfuland down right cruel. I know I should forgive her. I do, sort of. I don't care if I ever see her, I hope I don't anyway. I don't wish her any ill will but she is not someone I would want in my life or around me. I was shocked how vendictive and mean she could be. Can you forgive someone but not want to be around them anymore? I think what makes me also mad was I allowed her to treat me badly. Very badly. I finally had to kick her out of my home cause I was so uncomfortable in my own home. The tension was awful. She lived in my home rent free for 4 months and treated me badly and disrespectfully. But she had somewhere to go and was not out on the street. |
| Re: Forgiveness? |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 05/03/03 at 02:28:21 |
| [slm] Alhumduilah! Thats a very good that you forgive her. May Allah (swt) reward you. Really sister I dont see why its wrong if you dont want to hang around her. As we should try to hang around the people who help us become better in deen. Its nice if you see her once in a while and be an example of a good role model tho and also because family ties are very important in Islam. :-* and Allah (swt) knows best your sister. |
| 05/03/03 at 18:30:20 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
| Re: Forgiveness? |
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| mr-bean |
| 05/03/03 at 16:40:48 |
| [slm] ...that sounds kinda bad....you can't just kick your aunt out...no matter how much of a potatohead she is...blood ties are invioable islamically and i guess from a common sense point of view.... just my 2 cents....i hope that never happens to me... |
| Re: Forgiveness? |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/05/03 at 17:36:09 |
| Mr. Bean I did not just kick her out. I called her sister and asked if she could stay with her and she said yes. So she had somewhere to go. I would of never just kicked her out. This aunt is older and she stayed in my home 4 months She was rude, disrespectful and took over my household. She was very very mean. The tension was so thick in my home you could cut it with a knife. I would like to add I have medical and other issues and I am a younger niece. Instead of being loving and supportive she was mean, degrading, critical and just down right rude for someone being in anothers home living rent and utility free. She had somewhere to go. If someone is treating you badly how would I have better done this? I am very open to suggestions. Actually this is the second relative in the last 8 months to be in need and come only to cause problems My husband says no more. But how do you think I could of better handled it? I do feel bad I did it but it had to be done. When I went out to shop or do things I was so uncomfortable in my own home I dreaded coming home. Really I did. |
| Re: Forgiveness? |
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| Kareema_Abdul-Khab |
| 05/10/03 at 17:40:54 |
| Salaams, Maybe you could set some basic standards of how your family is run & explain that youwould like your guest to enrich the family atmosphere, and not deter from it, setting up basic guidelines of behaviors, chores, and making very clear that it is a must for the person to treat everyone in your household respectfully, and vice versa? You may even want to put it in writing, living with roomates coming from a very different lifestyle and point of view has enlivened the issue for me. Further, will the person be required to seek employment, help the kids out with homework, have a limited goal in which you would like to seem them have a place of their own by, etc.,etc., etc. Some people may get offended at these questions, so be very polite and insistent, try to get all the important ground rules set in the first few days. Also, if these are relatives you've never actually met before, try visiting or having them visit before they actually move in, try to get a read of them from other relatives who know them that you trust.s Be VERY clear on the way you do things, the goals you have for the house and the atmosphere, and be sure that they know what will be expected of them in all aspects, having their friends visit them, privacy for the family, etc. Maybe plan to rotate amongst willing relatives to take the burden of adjustment, living costs and such from the shoulders of just one family? What seems so simple is really very complex, even if you are relatives. Don't give up on all of your relatives in need and keep tweaking your system and make du'a to Allah to bring your hearts together in love and compatibility, Ameen. |
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