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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Psychotic? |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/07/03 at 22:03:53 |
| I guess I'm a coward at heart. I get scared, discouraged, often very sad for a prolonged time period, without end, and rarely with reason. I underestimate myself, and when presented with an opportunity, I always second-guess myself, knowing someone out there deserves this chance more than I do. Above and beyond that, the other person could and probably would do a better job than I can and will do. I am presented with more opportunities than most people, Al ham du lillah. But I have difficulty coping with the direct bearing of these opportunities as well as with the inherent responsibilities. I am constantly overwhelied and overworked, even though my results in every aspect of my life show otherwise. Translation: people who are so stressed out usually have worldly/non-wordly achievements that are visible; I have none. The biggest opportunity I have been given is that of being born Muslim. I feel unworthy of this opportunity, but that is a another discussion, at large. I have reasoned with myself that I have no right to determine the nature of this opportunity (i.e. whether or not I am deserving), but often the feeling resurges. I do not believe that this problem can be resolved externally. Let me translate that: I simply refuse to see a shrink. However, the problems have an external effect on me. In other words, I have some minor (not major, Al ham du lillah) health problems. They have potential to become more serious, given my extremely high stress levels, but that is a peripheral issue. I believe in Allah and in the Prophet (on whom be peace) as the last Messenger of Allah, and I have no problems realizing the utmost importance of obediance to Allah. However, I never feel the need to rise up to a challenge. I have a very non-competitive nature, a knack for self-beration, and a displaced conscience. I have never struggled to do well in school, like others. I do well without trying (another undeserved opportunity). I prepare for tests, assignments, presentations in a very half-***ed fashion. I can see signs in me that this is how I am preparing for the Akhira as well. Some people will have the best of both worlds, others will enjoy either the Akhira or the Dunya...and then there are people like me, who will have neither. Because I'm certainly not happy in my current state of affairs, and I am doing nothing to prepare for brighter days. I read a lot about the religion. I know nothing, but I read, discuss, seek good company. I'll change for a while, will start praying 5 times a day, will start reading, understanding, and memorising passages of the Qur'an, will begin to appreciate the lives of the Sahabiyya (rma), will begin to have a steady, non-stop conversation with Allah. Then I just simply stop. Stop the extra Ibada, and leave the precious company. Once again, I have been blessed with amazing people who surround me. I don't know what causes it, it's not a loss of hope, or a change of weather, or anything substantial. My mother says to do the acts even if my heart is not in it. She says to pray even if I have no concentration. To recite the Qur'an (especially Surah Yaseen) even if I just speaking the words. At least that way Allah knows I am making an effort. I know I am in a dangerous state of mind, but I don't know what to do. |
| Re: Psychotic? |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 05/07/03 at 23:09:20 |
asslamu alykum :) Subhan'Allah, I was listening to a shaykh yesterday and he was talking about depression. And one of things he emphasized was that our Prophet Muhammad (peace and prayers upon him) was never depressed. And we follow his sunnah insha'Allah. One of the other things he pointed out was how when we have extreme high or lows, we go in this state of depression.. and I have always noticed that when i am extremely happy, having a great time with my friends, just being loud and laughing a lot.. I always always always go in this state of sorrow shortly after.. Its hard to describe, so in essence the Shaykh was saying that avoid being too HIGH or too Low..Just stay in the middle, moderation with everything, even ibadaat.. Be consistent!!! Insha'Allah coming back to your post, I really am not worthy of giving any naseeha but after reading it.. I feel that you are an extremely bright person and I guess its just shaytaan bothering ya!! Please ask Allah(swt) to keep your heart firm and perhaps go on a retreat or rihla..insha'Allah it will have a huge impact on you constantly surround yourself with the company of righteous individuals.. It always protects you :).. Insha'Allah you have the ability the change your state of being, please ask Allah(swt) to guide you and help you!!! May Allah(swt) make is easy for you :) wasslamu alykum |
| Re: Psychotic? |
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| sista |
| 05/08/03 at 06:38:04 |
| [slm] Bro/sis Anon, Been there, done that, got the grubby T-shirt :-[ And no its [i]not[/i] psychosis! It happens. Now more frequently than before owing to societal habits etc...a society that replaces the Muslim's rejection of worldly things, love of jihad and sense of high destiny with over-satiation, distraction with worldly things (from food and clothes to "education" and careers etc) and a sense of man as some meaningless puppet in the hands of Blind Providence...it's bound to make the Muslim inward-looking and dissatisfied. Note the order - (i) material [i]needs[/i] ie a Muslim must go out into non-Muslim systems with teachings anathema to his/her own to gain qualifications and work (ii) increasing difficulties in finding time to pray properly, keep learning the deen, keep remembering Allah (iii) increased anxiety and distraction, sometimes poor memory (iv) Shaitan's whispers become deadlier - fear of poverty at this stage (even if you've money coming out of your ears!) (v) viewing the deen as a hindrance to one's "greater need" - ie getting money to put food on the table etc... (vi) a terrible, slow forgetting of Islamic teachings... After this, memories of our deen sometimes come back like some mournful reminder of what we once were...but our heads are so full of rubbish that we can't hear its plaintive call - [i]there is still a way back[/i]...instead we keep crying and fail to see the beauty that was with us all along, and can still be if only we take that first step... Br/Sr Anon, life is full of challenges and we need to be prepared for whatever it throws at us...but sometimes we spend so long preparing for the [i]really[/i] terrible challenges (or what we imagine to be really terrible) that we forget the "smaller" ones that are more likely to come our way... Snowball effect...boom! We've got a big challenge on our hands... ...and it's more insidious because these kinds of problems are invariably to do with [i]inner[/i] struggle... Strategy to adopt: 1) don't look for inspiration in order to act properly, rather action (of tongue and limbs) will bring inspiration to the heart, inshallah. 2) if doing extra good deeds is hard, then stay away from sin...especially major sin like abandoning prayer, being unkind to parents (if this applies) etc 3) [i]Don't[/i] compare yourself to others! Otherwise vanity or bitterness will overtake you...everyone has something they can do better than everyone else, but sometimes it takes time to find it. I know I haven't found mine yet... ;) The rest [i]will[/i] start to fall into place inshallah...but you have to keep at these two things for some time first - kind of like running...once you break that 10 minute barrier, go for it Christie! How do I know it will work? Because Allah says so: “Do not abandon invocation because you do not feel the presence of Allah therein. For your distraction from invoking Him is worse than your distraction while invoking Him. It might be that He will lift you out of remembrance with distraction to remembrance with vigilance, and from remembrance with vigilance to one with Presence, and from remembrance with Presence to a remembrance which has in it nothing other than Him Who is remembered: “And that is not difficult for Allah.”[14:20] “ First you will be skeptical, then maybe you will feel fear as you leave your current mindset behind...but when you stand before a rickety old bridge on a stormy night you feel [i]terrified[/i]...but there's no question of going back. [i]Do[/i] it akhi/ukhti! And my duas are with you. [wlm] |
| 05/08/03 at 06:46:01 |
| sista |
| Re: Psychotic? |
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| sista |
| 05/08/03 at 06:43:12 |
| [slm] Check out http://maliha.blogspot.com/ (Tuesday, April 22, 2003 post) Sis Maliha can put things much better than I can! [wlm] |
| Re: Psychotic? |
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| jannah |
| 05/09/03 at 11:35:49 |
| [slm] FYI for everyone: When anonymous people post they specify which forum and what the subject line is. |
| 05/09/03 at 11:36:12 |
| jannah |
| Re: Psychotic? |
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| se7en |
| 05/09/03 at 14:48:41 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, You can't keep hitting rock bottom if you're anchored to something on shore. I remember hearing a shaykh talking about how it is so easy to get caught up in the tumultous feelings and ups and downs of our inner state, and his advice was.. don't preoccupy yourself with the inner discourse going on inside of you, but go quickly to action. Consistent salah will go *a long way* to helping you make sense of everything going on inside of you. I totally agree with sista: [quote]1) don't look for inspiration in order to act properly, rather action (of tongue and limbs) will bring inspiration to the heart, inshallah. [/quote] My advice is not to lose yourself in self hate.. but to immerse yourself in spiritual pursuits, and work on re-connecting your heart with Allah, through the actions He has prescribed for us. "And whoever keeps his duty to Allah, Allah will make a way out for him and provide for him from where he knows not. And anyone who sincerely trusts in Allah, He suffices him." -- Qur'an 65:3 wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah |
| 05/09/03 at 15:12:29 |
| se7en |
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