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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| feeling sorry for myself |
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| EMILY |
| 05/13/03 at 23:19:26 |
| [color=Maroon][/color] Salaam Alykum, Well my dear brothers and sisters I have been feeling very sorry for myself the last few weeks. :'( I am a re-vert, single mother for three young children. The reason I am feeling sorry for myself is I feel like there is no brother in his right mind that will want to marry me. The Imam from my local masjid tell me to be patient that someone Insha ALLAH will want to. I know I know I'm whining. It's just so hard for me, I work full time I don't drive (because I don't want too) :o, I get so lonely. My family does not help with with my kids so I never really get a brake from them. I know that there are people on this message board with bigger problems then mine, I just needed to get it off my chest. Salaam to all Emily |
| Re: feeling sorry for myself |
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| Kathy |
| 05/14/03 at 08:22:41 |
| [slm] I understand how you feel. When I first got divorced it threw me for a loop. I figured I would never marry again. There were many things about me... like appearance, age, and other "stuff" that made me feel like no man would find me worthy of marriage. Subhanna Allah, I thought of the hadith about the best reason a man should marry for. A Muslim told me about a Masjid and Dawah Center in the city I was living in. I began to go and improve my deen. And that is what my hubby found "attractive" in me. And believe it or not I found myself refusing offers. [i]( ;)ha ha and being refused!)[/i] "With every difficulty there is relief." I wish then that I had relied on those words more heavily. I would not have had such a pity party! Looking back the 'waiting time' between the marriages was actually rather short. Alhumdullillah. |
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| Maliha |
| 05/14/03 at 12:59:49 |
| [slm] awwww Sis Emily don't feel sorry for yourself :( May Allah grant you a good spouse that would be the cooling waters of your eyes:) I was just listening to Imam Siraj Wahaj's khutba on "The Blessings of our health and free time", Click[url=http://www.jannah.com/cgi-bin/serve.pl?f=sw62]Here[/url] . It really made me reflect. Subhana Allah Allah grants us with so much, so many blessings that we completely take for granted, and in our human nature we tend to yearn for what we don't have. Okay, I am not belittling your struggle, or *hard* situation, but I am just trying to say it's not *All* that bad. After all, Allah blessed you with 3 wonderful children (some women can't have babies :( ), you have a home, a job, food to eat, health, youth, limbs, etc. the list goes on... When you are feeling down, reflect on what Allah *has* given you, give thanks for it, be grateful, and Allah will shower you with more. (sorry, i am not saying you are ungrateful either...) I hope you get the gist of this message...There is a hadith (i only heard it in passing in a lecture) that if you have shelter, food, and security in one day, then you have the WHOLE world with you. Meaning that there are sooo many people out there suffering, broken homes, have no sense of security, hungry children, maimed mothers, fathers...etc When I begin to reflect on the state of the world, and the lavish (in contrast) position i am in, I can't help crying because of the many blessings Allah constantly showers me with, despite my ungratefulness, disobedience and lowly state of heart. Use the little extra time you have, (although i can imagine how hard it is with a full time job and kids), to work on *your* heart, and state of self. Take the kids to a community center/baby sitter.. something.. at least once a week for *your* time. Where do you live by the way? You can IM me if you want, maybe if you are close by we could help :) Well, I don't know what else to say...except sometimes in Allah's All Encompassing Wisdom He doesn't give us what we *want* but what we *need*, and maybe what you need right now is just some space for you :) Inshaallah, May Allah grant you what your heart desires, and please be patient and don't think negatively, cuz that's just from Shaytaan... Take care sis, Maliha [wlm] |
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| paula |
| 05/14/03 at 13:47:10 |
| [slm][size=2][font=Verdana][color=Navy] Emily.... this is another name I think we need to post on the beautiful girl names thread. [quote]awwww Sis Emily don't feel sorry for yourself May Allah grant you a good spouse that would be the cooling waters of your eyes [/quote]..... Ameen I have such appreciation for our sisters here.... just listen to them... Subhan Allah This is a hard one Sister Emily ... you know what I've come to believe... but it's such a hard one to keep a handle on. I cannot do it myself but praying daily. I truly believe when we succumb to Allah(swt) & allow him to ordaine what he may..... "That he always replaces things with what is better for us & truly more enjoyable" ... but it's the succumbing that is sooo hard. :'( The letting go and letting him guide our life. You're a beautiful Muslim woman & a precious mother of three precious children, I cannot help but believe he will truly take care... Insha Allah... Allahu Alam. Try to enjoy your every moment, to relax and let him take care. Remember to praise and thank him for all your blessings. We're all struggling in this world, we're all fighting our humanistic tendencies. & btw: make time for YOU even if small moments(quality vs quantity) ... you give & give to your children but you need to replish that within yourself so that it doesn't become depleted... It's not selfish... it's reality... Allahu Alam[/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
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| paula |
| 05/14/03 at 20:39:28 |
| [slm] [size=2][font=book antiqua][color=black] [u]I thought to share this poem with you & all our Mothers of Madina:[/u][/color][color=purple] [center] MY MOTHER KEPT A GARDEN -- Author Unknown My Mother kept a garden, a garden of the heart, She planted all the good things that gave my life it's start. She turned me to the sunshine and encouraged me to dream, Fostering and nurturing the seeds of self-esteem... And when the winds and rain came, she protected me enough- But not too much because she knew I'd need to stand up strong and tough. Her constant good example always taught me right from wrong- Markers for my pathway that will last a lifetime long. I am my Mother's garden. I am her legacy- And I hope today she feels the love reflected back from me --- Insha Allah ---[/center] [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
| Re: feeling sorry for myself |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/15/03 at 13:03:53 |
| Hi, this is Caraj I raised my two sons 14 of the 18 yrs by myself. I can certainly relate. I would very much like to talk to you via email and be a friend and be here if you need to vent to or need someone who understands. I am on the road currently and this public pc won't let me check private messages. Shows me I have messages but won't let me get to them. Please ask Kathy or Jannah or Bhaloo for my private email address. Kathy, Jannah or Bhaloo you have my consent to give this one sister my hotmail address. I believe I know how you feel and what you are going through. Please feel free to contact me. Been there.... done that. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I care and I am here for you. Caraj |
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| BroHanif |
| 05/15/03 at 18:59:07 |
| Salaams, I'm sorry to hear about your loneliness, I pray to Allah to ease your pain. I'm sure the sisters on this board can hook up with you and provide some sort of network or keep in touch with you. The world is a small place. If theres owt I can help with let me know. Salaams, Hanif |
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| ahmeth |
| 05/16/03 at 19:32:48 |
| [quote author=EMILY link=board=madrasa;num=1052878766;start=0#0 date=05/13/03 at 23:19:26][color=Maroon][/color] Salaam Alykum, Well my dear brothers and sisters I have been feeling very sorry for myself the last few weeks. :'( I know that there are people on this message board with bigger problems then mine, Salaam to all Emily[/quote] [slm] Sister... Its not my issue to say anythink about your sorry... I just want say I feel with you sorry...I self have another sorry (not marriage problems) But it shine same, its a pain... Insha_Allah may Allah swt help you soon. I'll pray 4 you and Insha_Allah HE accept my dua... Your ajeez brother in Islam.. [wlm] |
| Re: feeling sorry for myself |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/17/03 at 01:47:38 |
| Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah :) Sometimes, these thoughts filled my mind too. Though, ALlah did not bless me with the same tests, but He has given me some tests that helped me to understand what you are going through. Here are just some of my thoughts, and what helped me cope..., I am still struggling and if it helps, then...alhamdulillah :) Sometimes, I asked myself, if all I wanted to do is to draw closer to Him, why does He make it difficult then? why does He push away something which He has promised to fill half of my deen? why does He put me in a position that keeps me reminded of His blessings of marriage, when I am not in a position to taste its sweetness? But alhamdulillah, there's an ayah in Al-Fatihah, that helps console me. When we say: " To You, we worship, and To You we seek for aid" (Al-Fatihah:5) Allah will reply: " I will give whatever my servants asks from me" And the next ayah reads: "Guide us the straight way" (Al Fatihah:6) And that helps me see, that one of most important thing, in Allah's eyes, is that we ask Him for guidance. And that is the greatest gift that He can give anyone.. which He has thus given us, mashaALlah... and continually gives us. And one of the duas which someone taught me, is to ask Allah, for guidance, let it not be us to decree our own fate, even if its within a blink of an eye, or a time, shorter than that. [i]wa laa takkilna ilaa anfusina tarfata 'ainin[/i] For we would never fail with ALlah's guidance, we would never lose out, with His guidance in our lives. And that helps me appreciate istikharah and helps put me at peace, with the turnout of each event. If Allah feels that we would be OK, and would still be guided without a husband, then, inshaAllah, we'll be alright. This would only make us stronger, as we try to find our way living in this world alone, struggling for Him. InshaAllah, He would help make it easier for other things... And one way of recognising this, is the ability to see His other blessings that He has graciously given us. And one tip that the Prophet has taught us, is to look at those below us.. those who received "less" than us. For when we are thankful and is in redha (at peace) with Allah, Allah will give us more. And that is His promise. What also helps me, is evaluating myself. Maybe, I have not been steadfast in my ibaadah, maybe my akhlaq is still tarnished, maybe, I have not done enough helping others... and if we want a good spouse who is close to Allah and the ummah, shoudn't we polish ourselves too? Maybe, Allah is giving us more time, for us to develop ourselves first, by being strong while we're still single. So that when we become wives and mothers (or have more children), we are in a better position to bring them up. Maybe, Allah wants us to be that beautiful gem, only to be recognised by that rare jeweller. And that takes time. Maybe, Allah wants us to feel lonely, for us to get to know and treasure His presence as well as His gift when He finally bestows us. For, we are never really truly Alone, when we are in His path, and He is always with those Patient Ones. [center][i]Fasbir Sabran Jameela - Therefore do thou hold Patience,- a Patience of beautiful (contentment). [/i] Suraj Al-Maarij 70:5[/center] Allahua'lam, and Allah knows Best indeed. |
| Re: feeling sorry for myself |
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| EMILY |
| 05/17/03 at 13:04:57 |
| Thank you everyone for your support, it really means a lot to me. Well getting the kids ready for the weekend to stay with their dad. I hope all of you have a nice weekend. [] I'm going to go drink a few of these. :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* |
| Re: feeling sorry for myself |
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| EMILY |
| 05/20/03 at 23:11:31 |
| Wow, that was fast! I had been chating on this web site for a while now but was not thinkg I would meet anyone or didn't even know if I wanted to meet someone on-line. Well I had been talking to this one brother for about a month. Then we met each other at a resturant. I still was not sure, then last weekend he took me to his friends house and I meet some of his friends wifes. They were helping learn Arabic. He said to me no matter what happens between us that he will always be my brother and will help me grow stronger in deen. I'll keep you all posted on what's to come but it looks good! Wasalaam. |
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