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| eight true funny stories! |
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| nouha |
| 05/18/03 at 20:37:05 |
| [slm]...just for a laugh i recieved this via email....lol..... Number One Story of 2002 > > I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the > poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she > caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the > ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter > into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation > happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in > order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter > into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with > pride. > > Number Two Story of 2002 > Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to > steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it > out of > the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, > they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out > that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that > activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at > Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run. > > Number Three Story of 2002 > > A true story out of San Francisco: > A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch > and wrote . . . " This is a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." > While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began > to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the > police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of > America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few > minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read > it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest > light in the harbor . . . told him that she could not accept his stickup > note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that > he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip, or go back > to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, " OK "and > left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back > at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign . He probably > couldn't read it anyway. > > > Number four Story of 2002 > > A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that > measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later > received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of > payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days > later, he received a letter from the police that contained another > picture . . . this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. > Another sign ( though this guy might be onto something worth thinking > about ! ) > > > Number Five Story of 2002 > > A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all > of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a > bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter > on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the > cashier refused and said . . . " I don't believe you are over 21." The > robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because > she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's > license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it > over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the > Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store withloot. The > cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the > robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours > later. > This guy definitely needs a sign ! > > Idiot Number Story of 2002 > > A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving > revolvers. The first one shouted . . . " Nobody move!" When his > partner moved . . . the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't > need a sign, he probably figured it out himself. > > Idiot Number Story of 2002 > > Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided > that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab > some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over > his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be > thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store > window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape ( > The store window is made of Lexan by GE). Oh, that smarts . Give him his > sign. > Number Eight Story of 2002 > > Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man > walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a > gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he > couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered > onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The > man, frustrate`, walked away. Sign please. > > Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote. |
| Re: eight true funny stories! |
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| readagain |
| 05/18/03 at 22:36:50 |
| [slm] :-) I think u forgot the first part of the email where it says soemthign like (paraphrased) " There are a lot of stupid people in this world and you never know when you will come across with one and you are not prepared so its better for rest of the world that they put a sign "I am Stupid" next time u see one, just hand them the sign" (I totally killed it AND possibly sounded mean..but i rem it had some kinda prologue to it adn then the stories would follow that" ::) Oh well..... i thought it was funny :-* |
| Re: eight true funny stories! |
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| theOriginal |
| 05/19/03 at 09:18:14 |
| [slm] Sounds like the Darwin Awards. Awarded to people who did something stupid and died, thus removing their genes from the human gene pool, thus increasing our species' chance of survival. [url=officialdarwinawards.com]officialdarwinawards.com[/url] waytogo. Wasalaam. |
| 05/19/03 at 09:28:28 |
| theOriginal |
| Re: eight true funny stories! |
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| Yasmeena |
| 05/22/03 at 15:06:52 |
| [slm] Just for laughs is right. :D :D I printed this off just before logging off last night and took it to bed for some light reading. Numbers 5,6,&7 had me laughing so hard I almost woke up my 12 year old, Khalida. :-[ They are definately funny stories. It is so hard to find clean humor, except here of course. The non-Muslim world seem awash with off-color jokes and stories that something like this post is really refreshing! :) :) Yasmeena [wlm] |
| Re: eight true funny stories! |
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| sabeena |
| 05/23/03 at 04:52:57 |
| :D :D :D that was funny. read this: How to give a cat a pill... 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for vet to make a housecall. |
| Re: eight true funny stories! |
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| theOriginal |
| 05/23/03 at 08:44:36 |
| [slm] Was never much of a cat person. I would like to add a 'Thank God' after reading that post. Prefer dogs, but only the big ones, and only from far away. Come to think of it, I'm not much of a dog person. After thinking about it a 3rd time, I realize that I'm not much of an animal person. I bought my brother (when he was 4) 2 goldfishes, under the assumption that they would die within a month. One of them lived a whole TWO years, and it only died because I accidentally overfed it. And then to make it up to him, I had to buy him a gerbal, which ran away (thank goodness...it was so scary.) Wasalaam. |
| Re: eight true funny stories! |
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| Nistar |
| 05/23/03 at 10:03:15 |
| [slm] Now *that* was funny! Albeit a little cruel (though, the human continuously gets it in the end). Solly (Solomon) sleeps at the end of my bed, and this morning we lazed around after prayers. I stretched -- he stretched, he yawned -- I yawned...and then he fell asleep hugging my arm with all four paws while I rubbed his belly. Subhan'Allah -- so cute! :-* Peace, Nistar |
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