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Telling ur parents

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Telling ur parents
Chris
05/23/03 at 20:41:21
salaam alikum

How do u tell your parents that you have become Muslim?  I don't know how they'll take it and how I should convince tham that its the right path for me.
Thanks
Chris
Re: Telling ur parents
AbdulJalil
05/23/03 at 22:59:57
Assalamu Alaikum

Perhaps you could leave an Islamic book for them to find it, and then you could see what kind of reaction they have towards Islam before you tell them. They might not even read the book, it might just create a reaction, and you will see if it is positive or negative.

But still, the reaction might not be very telling, because it might be impersonal, as compared to when you, your son, tell them you are actually Muslim.

This is just an option for you to consider.



May Allah(swt) guide you.

05/23/03 at 23:04:01
AbdulJalil
Re: Telling ur parents
a_Silver_Rose
05/23/03 at 23:23:41
[slm]

[i][color=Purple]Advice For New Muslims by Mona

Given that I have been having major problems with my parents regarding my reversion, the following advice is particularly suitable for other new muslims having problems with their non-muslim family members:

(1) It is very helpful and comforting to have a few muslim friends nearby in whom you can confide, ask questions of, and spend time with during the formative and often tumultuous initial period as a new muslim. Born muslims are generally honored and pleased to help you improve your faith by showing you the details that help you become a better muslim.

(2) Before you decide to announce your reversion to loved ones who are non-muslim, make sure you are ready for their response, whether it is pleasant or horrible. Being ready means many things: understanding the basics of practicing your faith, understanding the reasons behind actions demanded of you by Islam, and being able to reconcile unfortunate world events that are attributed to muslims with your own understanding of Islam and its inherent goodness, logic, and beauty.

(3) As hypocritical as it may be, many open-minded people cease to be open-minded when difficult issues such as religious conversion "hit home." People who are ordinarily rational, educated, and worldly unfortunately can swing 180 degrees when a person they love converts to a religion they do not appreciate or understand. It may be in your best interest, and in theirs, to not discuss your reversion to Islam until a year or two has passed and you feel comfortable in your faith. At that point, it would be obvious to them that Islam has not made you a worse or lesser person, and has in fact (hopefully!) noticeably improved you!

(4) Most importantly, remember that the best teaching is by example. If you want to help others overcome the stereotypes bound to Islam and lessen discrimination against muslims, be a model muslim! Remember to be tolerant, patient, giving, helpful, and peaceful with those around you, be they muslim or not. Be open to questions regarding your new faith, but do not feel compelled to answer questions to which you do not (yet) know the answers. Get involved in your ummah, mind your prayer, and with time, everything will become easier for you.

Written by Mona August 5, 1998

Please drop Mona a line. Her e-mail address is: mona@physchem.ox.ac.uk
[/color][/i]

http://www.beconvinced.com/Newmuslims/advice.htm
Re: Telling ur parents
Musafir
05/24/03 at 04:36:56
[slm]

There could only be one and only one solution that was brought by Prophet  [saw] as a GUIDE to mankind - The Holy Quran -  if you study the Sirat of Prophet Muhammed  [saw] you'd see that most of the Sahaba have converted to Islam under the Light of Holy Quran and still in Quran Allah say again and again to prophet Muhammed  [saw]  to give poeple Dawaa via Allah's sign i.e. Holy Quran and today almost 95% + conversion to Islam is based on the personal reading of Holy Quran -

for this you your self have to prepare to face them and asnwer few questions -

You could present your parents with a Holy Quran with English translation. and gift is on their Anniversary & INshallah they will get Hidayat to turn to Right path .

My prayers are with you - Inshallah you will suceed in reverting them to Islam  .


...............m.u.s.a.f.i.r.................

His Hope


The ruins of my victory lay bare under heavens
The grief of loneliness spread out like a calamity
The cracks in my heart have opened up
For the rain of mercy is delayed for decades
A drop from heaven can quench the thirst
As my prayers pour out of tongue,
While my head lay at His Feet
The river of tears surge as
My hope rise to its pinnacle
For the Merciful One has purified me
And His Eternal Love has flooded my soul
The prayer was answered with a rain of His mercy
For the acceptance of prayer resides
In the height of one’s hope

---------------...m.u.s.a.f.i.r......................
Re: Telling ur parents
Mujahideen
05/24/03 at 04:53:32
[slm]
When I converted I actually told my parents ahead of time. I have had absolutely no problems with my parents and family. They have been very supportive and helpful. My mother was actually going to come to the Masjid when I took my Shahadda after Jumma prayer but something happened and she could not make it.

I think its important not to expect a negative response, the vast majority of my friends who convert have very positive reactions from their parents. Yes there are some Muslims who experience very difficult reactions from their parents and family however these are the exception and not the rule. Many Muslims tend to become fixated on these negative instances and believe they are the norm – I don’t really know why but it seems to play into the persecution complex many of them seem to have. We like to think that the state of the Muslims is due to everyone but ourselves (insert Jews, Freemasons, America, Israel, etc) and certainly not because we are negligent in practicing our Deen.

In our community negative reactions are defiantly not the norm, and trust me this is not due to any proactive work being done in terms of Dawa’ on behalf of the Muslims. However if it does occur its important to react appropriately – don’t take it personally, continue to act as a Muslim should, don’t cut off ties with them always keep your lines of communication open. In some cases they have an initial knee jerk reaction to the situation and will come around rather quickly and realize its not really a big deal, especially after they may have some of their previously held conception of Islam and Muslims dispelled by good Dawa’ from you and your friends. I tend to be pretty picky in allowing other Muslims to interact with my family, there are a lot of Muslims out there who have basically no clue when it comes to Dawa’ (despite all their good intentions) so it helps to keep the bad ones away. I have had too many experiences where lots of Dawa work was ruined by some guy who has no clue about the Deen nor Dawa’.

If you expect a very hostile response from your family you may want to elect to prepare them for it over time. Speak with them about what you have been learning about Islam, drop little hints, try to discuss issues you feel they might object to – it may soften the blow.

Also the advise of having some Brothers around you to draw support from is a good idea. Try to find another convert while we all come to Islam through different paths we also have many shared experiences and you may benefit from their previous experience in this area.

InshAllah Aza’ wa Jal Allah will facilitate what is best for you in this life and the hereafter.
[wlm]
Re: Telling ur parents
Yasmeena
05/24/03 at 12:55:46
[slm] Chris,

You have received some good advise from others on the board.  I had been given advice along the same lines.

I waited until my mother asked me which church I had joined that had make such remarkable changes in my life.  Mom is a Christian and has belonged to the same church denomination since she was 14, she's now 71.

Mom was totally unprepared for my response.  Boy, is that an UNDERSTATMENT!!  She actually sat there and cried!  She asked me, "Why can't my kids just accept the Bible and let it go at that"?  

She calmed down and actually started LISTENING as I told her how as a Muslim I believe in one God Allah ta 'ala who has no partners and needs none.  I explained my faith in Islam and that Islam literally means total submission to Allah ta 'ala alone and that I LIVE my faith better than most "born-again" Christians I know.  I let her know that as a Muslim I believe in all of God's teachings and revelations to mankind and believe that Jesus (pbuh) was a prophet sent by Allah ta 'ala like all the prophets (pbut) before him AND that Muhammad (pbuh) was the last prophet sent to lead up back to right worship.  I have since bought booklets for her to read and sent her posts from this board.

Insha Allah she will come to accept my choice and come to believe in and embrace the teachings Islam as well.

Yasmeena

[wlm]
Re: Telling ur parents
salaampeaceshalom
05/24/03 at 15:40:59
[slm]

There's really good advice on this board which I think u should take into consideration.  One of my friends is in a similar situation as u right now.  Her family have found her prayer mat and also some islamic books, but nobody's asked her straight out and neither has she said yet that she's reverted.  Whenever she gets the opportunity she brings up a discussion in which she can mention something about Islaam and how Muslims are really meant to behave, etc.

 At the moment there's too much going on in her family for her to come right out and tell them, so she's biding her time.  If u feel u want to tell them straight away, I think u should go for it, and explain why u chose to become Muslim, especially because of the current world situation.  Otherwise if u don't feel ready, then maybe wait for a bit, discuss some things with them about Islaam, maybe even mention something about your Muslim friends, or drop some stuff into a conversation that u can relate to Islaam in whatever way.  Maybe in a discussion u can explain some of the beliefs and compare them to the beliefs of other religions, ak them if they knew that, and what they think of it, etc? I think it would be cool if they actually did see a change in how u now behave and see things, like sis Yasmeena's mum did, which made her ask which church her daughter had joined!  That way if u embody all the good qualities that a Muslim possess's, then they'll see just how beautiful Islaam really is when put in to practise and performed properly.

 Anyways hope it all goes well.  Let us know what happens whenever u do deicde to tell them

 wa'salaam
Re: Telling ur parents
Chris
05/24/03 at 18:55:11
Anyway I can talk to ur friend and share notes?
Chris


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