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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How did you break the news? |
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| Caraj |
| 06/02/03 at 01:03:33 |
| I was wondering if some converts would be kind enough to share their story of how they broke the news to their famlies that they accepted Islam and became Muslim. How they reacted and how you responded to such reactions? For example I know how my family would respond. Most likely like saying, you were raised in the way that is right, :o why would you change that. I wouldn't know how to respond. A few of my friends who know my family as well as me think the stork dropped me off at the wrong door as I come from a very critical and judge 'mental' ;D family who truly believe THEY are rght. I have always tried to be open minded and open hearted and learn others views, feelings and ways. |
| 06/07/03 at 12:21:02 |
| Caraj |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Taalibatul_ilm |
| 06/02/03 at 10:04:14 |
| Hi there Cara, I think it depends on the family. Each person knows their own family best. I think it was easy for me because I was so far away, I could hide it from them. I dropped hints (big ones, like how I fasted in Ramadhan) etc., then I told them when my mother made some comment about me not being a Muslim but following their "customs". I couldn't let that go without telling her the truth. She was surprised, but has come to accept it, even defend Islam to her friends. Make a lot of supplication (called dua' in Arabic) and God willing, it will be easy for you. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| UmmWafi |
| 06/02/03 at 11:12:18 |
| Salaam Cara Uhhh I am not a revert lol, but just wanna share sumthin'. I have a Muslim friend whose family is rather strict and particular abt even the smallest of all stuff. For 33 years he pandered to them and suffer things in silence. Then, he opted for truth. There was a lot of grief and pain...but he said it was worth every thing. Reactions of each individual differs..but truth always prevail. Hugs. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Ameeraana |
| 06/02/03 at 19:51:23 |
| [slm] My sisters just both said I was crazy, then one day we were over at my parents' house eating and I told them and my mother said, "Now you will lose 75% of your freedom". My father just started laughing and then grabbed a towel, and said "Girls, (to my three neices, aged 6,3,2) this is your auntie Toshiko in 5 yrs" and wrapped the towel on his head. Then, he said, "Girls, this is your Auntie Toshiko's cat in 5 years" and wrapped the towel around his cat's head. LOL That was about it. They don't argue with me about it or anything. About a month later I started wearing hijab and they just kinda laughed at first cuz it was wierd, but they don't object at all. Well, I live with my sis right now until I move to UAE hopefully beginning of next year, but she will kid around and say stuff like, "Hey, you forgot to take your towel off" and stuff like that. I take my neice, her daughter to the masjiid all the time and even bought her a cute abaya and shayla--with butterflies!! If you wanna see it, here it is: http://www.twomuslimgirls.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=23_28&products_id=564 Her friend who is the neighboor who is also non-Muslim wants one really bad now too!!! LOL She loves saying "Salaam Aleikum" and "Ma Salaama" and prays along with everyone--I was even guilty of starting to laugh during salaat -- we were all prostrating on the ground and then the Imam said "Allahu Akbar" and we all sat up and she was in front of me still down and popped her head up and started looking all around like, oops and got right up--it made me laugh so I had to start over. But its funny too because when she goes when only the Imam is saying "Allahu Akbar" -even though everyone else is silent you will always hear her little voice saying "Allahu Akbar" right afterwards. She still doesn't understand why I don't pray to Jesus, though. :) Ameera |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Nistar |
| 06/03/03 at 00:00:14 |
| [slm] I had spent the summer debating Islam with them -- attempting to change their views (my mom was a BIG fan of "Not without my Daughter" :'( ). Then when the school year started -- far, far away, I told them over the phone ::) It took another year of discussion -- and even more when I took on hijab. I made tonnes of dua'a! Now (although still non-Muslim), my mom orders in rennet-free cheeses at her IGA Deli -- and my dad wears a funky green kufi when he's at work (he's bald and works a lot in a freezer -- claims it keeps his head warm :D ). They keep their house halaal, for when I visit -- and my mom is all about hijab shopping sprees!!!! They attend da'wah sessions and masha'Allah, are very kind to the Muslim families in their housing complex. Dua'a, prayer and patience -- all three are needed when "breaking the news" Nistar. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Ameeraana |
| 06/03/03 at 20:52:54 |
| [slm] Ahhh Nistar!!! Mashallah!!! I must say you have some super cool parents!! :) Ameera |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| eleanor |
| 06/05/03 at 15:13:53 |
| [quote author=Nistar link=board=lighthouse;num=1054605512;start=0#4 date=06/03/03 at 00:00:14] I had spent the summer debating Islam with them -- attempting to change their views (my mom was a BIG fan of "Not without my Daughter" :'( ). [/quote] wow - do you and I have the same mother?? I have been dropping hints for *years* and my mother still thinks I fast Ramadan "out of respect" for my husband ::) She knows I won't eat pork, drink alcohol and even once when my mother was visiting me with her friend and I started a big Islam debate then the friend started laughing and said "oh Eleanor will be coming home with a scarf on her head soon!". I mean she could *get it* straight away and my mother, God help her, can't see it. I am working up the courage to tell her (and by default the rest of my family) soon INSHA ALLAH - all make dua for me and all the reverts of the world :) :) :) :) Seriously though my family is the BEST and I don't think they will treat me bad when they find out INSHA ALLAH |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Angelic |
| 06/12/03 at 06:56:36 |
| Assalamu Alaykum Maybe the sisters can help me because I am only newly revert and am very afraid to tell my Mother. A couple of months ago I sent her a website article which compared the Bible to the Quran on certain issues and I made the comment that the Quran seemed more compassionate. It was a way to see how she would react. Although my Mother doesn't read the Bible and has her own religious ideas, her comment was that she knew all she needed to know about Islam and she was not interested and told me to stop pursuing it. I do not know now how to tell her at all. My Mother is getting old now, she is about 73years old. I hear her reply in my head "that's not how I brought you up"....it is her way all the time and I know she will not accept it. Please help me if you can. Love Katrina |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Nabila |
| 06/12/03 at 07:46:49 |
| [slm] Sister, I really dont know what to say. How would your mother react if you told her you were Muslim? Very badly? What if once you told her, your behaviour became kinder and compassionate, and you followed the command of Allaah to look after your aged parents, no matter what their faith to the letter? Maybe then she would see that Islam isnt necessarily a bad influence on a person... Sorry I havent been much help, Im not a revert, so I dont have any experience. Maybe someone who did have to deal carefully with their family could be of more help? :) ma asalaamah and take care |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| widadld |
| 06/23/03 at 08:31:56 |
| As salaamu'aleikum I am the only Muslim in my family. This is what I told my children and husband and sent to my brothers who live in other states: I have found the truth about God after searching 50 years. In March of this year I became a Muslim. I believe in the teachings of Islam. What will this mean to our relationship as family? I will always love you and pray that one day God will show you the truth. I will love you even if you disapprove or become angry. I will love you even if you do not talk to me again. I will always love you as my family. I will always pray for you. As a Muslim, what do I believe? I do not believe in the trinity (In Islam we say that this is associating partners to God) I believe there is only one God and as a Muslim I call him Allah. I believe that Allah chose Muhammad to be His Prophet and he gave Mohammed the truth to tell all of mankind. I believe there are angels who always do what ever Allah tells them to do. I believe what Christians call the Holy Ghost is the Angel Gabriel, Allah's chosen angel to bring messages to chosen humans (Prophets) to tell them what Allah wants mankind to know. I believe that Jesus was a great Prophet. Mary his mother was chosen by God to give Jesus birth without a father. Just as God made Adam with out a mother or father and He made Eve without a mother. God said "So be it" and it was. I believe that Jesus was born of the virgin Mary. That by Allah's will he performed many miracles in God's name. I believe he was a prophet to the Jewish people in a small location in the middle east. I believe that most of the messages that Jesus gave the people were not written in his lifetime and that later much of what he taught was distorted by Paul and the Pauline movement over 70 years after Jesus no longer walked this earth. I believe that Jesus did not die on the cross but was taken up to heaven by Allah's will. I believe Allah will send him again to this earth before Judgement Day. I believe that over 1400 years ago, Allah chose Mohammed, a truthful and honest person to be His next and Last great Prophet. I believe the Angel Gabriel at Allah's command gave the Qur’an to Mohammed and this Qur’an is Allah's truth to all mankind. I believe that God judges each of us on our deeds, good and bad and they are recorded in a book in heaven that is kept by God's chosen angles. I believe that when we die we stay in our grave until the Judgement Day. I believe that if we ask God to forgive us and do our best to live our lives doing as He commands that we will go to heaven. If we do not do what he commands, we will go to Hell. I believe there is a devil-Satan and that Satan will be cast into Hell forever after Judgement. I believe there is only one god, Allah and saying Jesus is also God or one of His personalities is sin. Also saying the Holy Ghost is God or one of His personalities is sin. I believe that anyone saying God-Allah has partners is in grave danger of going to Hell forever and only Allah can judge and only Allah knows our hearts and intentions. Idols: Danger of certain pictures and animal and people figurines I believe that having pictures and objects of people and animals displayed in my home is wrong because it can invite worship and thoughts on these objects and places me in danger of disobeying Allah. I have placed all my family pictures in albums. None are on the walls I believe in Hijab (head covering) and wearing abeya (looks like a neck to feet choir robe) I wear these garments so that I will obey God-Allah. I wear these garments because I want all to know I am a Muslim. The garments are my badge of honor just as my police uniform and badge were my honor as a police officer. I wear these garments as my statement that I believe in modesty, truth, the justice of Allah and because I want people to accept me for who I am and not what I may look like. I believe in praying as Allah instructed Prophet Muhammad to teach us. My prayers are pleasing Allah and no human being. I pray at least 5 times a day. I say the prayers in Arabic (the surah meaning chapters of the Quran) that I have learned so far. I believe in Ramadan. This is a sacred month to all Muslims who believe in Islam. I will fast during the month of Ramadan. This year it starts on November 27. Each night I will break my fast and enjoy a delicious meal. I will pray many extra prayers this month and try to read the entire Qur’an. I will try to give as much to the poor and hungry as I can this month, All of you know I have always given to charity (s). When I fast and pray I will ask God's forgiveness and say many praises to Him for his love and Mercy. I will celebrate when the month of Ramadan is over. The celebration is called Eid ul Fitir. I will give gifts and try to make contact with all of you during this time because you all are my family and I love you. You probably want to know about how I feel about Christian holidays. This is what I believe. I will not celebrate them. I will give gifts to all of you when I feel the urge or want to and when I have the money. In Islam I do not have to wait for any special day. I know that you love me and the holidays were always very special times for us as family. Continue your celebrations if this is what you feel is right. I am not one to judge you, only love you. I know you will say what about gifts to Mom, grandma or Sister? Right? When a person buys a gift for a family member it is because they love them. They want to give a gift that is pleasing to the family member receiving a gift. I know all of you have enjoyed giving me gifts. I would not want to take that from you and Islam does not deny me the acceptance of gifts in keeping with my beliefs. These are gifts that would be very pleasing to me: A donation to one of my favorite charities: A domestic Violence Shelter, A child crisis nursery, Family Support Group, Inc. a group I founded that helps spouses and their children when their police officer husband/wife is killed while doing their police duties. Also you could buy a bag of groceries for a homeless person-family or buy a meal for a homeless person when you see them begging food on the street. One of the five most important beliefs of a Muslim is to give to charity. If you would like to give me a personal gift, I love pictures of landscapes (please no humans or animals). I would love to receive a hijab (very large scarf) I will most happily accept any gifts at any time other than the Christian holidays. When you see me I will be dressed in my "garments" With family I am allowed to take them off. When I visit I will not drink or eat anything made with or of alcohol or pork. If you wonder what I will eat, just ask me and I will be most happy to tell you. You do not have to feel that you cannot eat these food/drink items. I believe them to be harmful and Allah-God has forbidden them. Your choice is your choice and not for me to judge. Only Allah-God judges. Please call me collect, write to me or email me. I would be most happy to hear from my family. If you feel you must send me Christian verses, articles etc. to try and dissuade me, I promise I will read them if you promise you will read the articles and verses about Islam that I send back. :) Smiles! With great love for all of you, Mom, grandma and Sis ************************************* |
| NS |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Nomi |
| 06/25/03 at 13:24:47 |
| [slm] MashAllah sister widad that was gr8 dawah work right after your conversion, may Allah be with you, bless you (all of you), ameen. Asim Zafar. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Caraj |
| 06/25/03 at 13:36:57 |
| Widadld WOW!!!!!! Thank you so much, You truly have a gift and know how to explain things in a factual and loving manor. I am here looking at the screen reading and just saying WOW Thank you so much for sharing this. Salaam, Caraj |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Yasmeena |
| 06/30/03 at 21:21:33 |
| [slm] :-) I broke the news to part of my family VERY slowly. I told my mother when we were visiting one of my sisters when she was in the hospital. Not the best of places or times but it just slipped out that day. Mom's reaction was to get all teary eyed and asked, "Why can't my kids just believe in the bible and let it go at that. One of my sisters is an agnostic and none of my siblings set foot in a church. That was 3 months ago. Two weeks ago we were visiting Mom in Everett and she asked me questions about Islam. THAT was the opening I had been waiting for. We talked about faith, Allah, haram foods (she had made a salad with bacon in it), Allah, my da'wah work, Allah, etc. My husband was sitting close by listening closely to our conversation. When we got home, HE started asking questions!! I have a husband who has not converted like I did, YET! Da'wah begins at home, according to an Imam I checked with after my conversion. I haven't told anyone else in the family but I imagine they have been told by Mom. My sister-in-law was VERY uneasy around me and no one has shared an off-color joke in my presence for months. I have been getting a lot of "patriotic" type e-mails from my sisters though. I'm rambling now :P. I hope this helps. Yasmeena [wlm] |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Nomi |
| 06/30/03 at 22:31:42 |
| [slm] [quote author=Yasmeena link=board=lighthouse;num=1054605512;start=0#12 date=06/30/03 at 21:21:33] I'm rambling now [/quote] rambling ? |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| timbuktu |
| 07/03/03 at 13:09:40 |
| [slm] that was great, sister widald this is not copyright, i hope. :) coz i intend to send this to revert friends or others who may benefit. unless you you refuse permission. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Halima |
| 07/04/03 at 04:51:01 |
| Alhamdu Lillilah Ya Allah for Sis Widadld. What you have written down is so beautiful and inspiring. You make us born Muslims realize we have had it soo easy and that we take a lots of things about our religion and our lives for granted. May Allah Bless you and all of us. May Allah help Sis Caraj through the final huddle, Ameen. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Caraj |
| 07/04/03 at 18:00:16 |
| [quote author=Nomi link=board=lighthouse;num=1054605512;start=0#13 date=06/30/03 at 22:31:42][slm] rambling ? [/quote] Nomi, that is an American slang for talking and talking. Thank you all for this info and sharing your experiences. It has help for when the time comes. Widadld you sure have a way with words and they sure show that they come from your heart. |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| UmmZaid |
| 07/06/03 at 01:50:41 |
| [slm] If it helps at all, I wrote an article some years ago about how to talk to your family. Not exactly what to say, but how and when to say it, how to approach it, etc. http://www.modernmuslima.com/family.htm |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| muahmed |
| 07/06/03 at 15:19:16 |
| [slm] ;-) [quote author=azizah link=board=lighthouse;num=1054605512;start=15#16 date=07/04/03 at 18:00:16] Nomi, that is an American slang for talking and talking. [/quote] Slang ??? Thats a proper english word in british and american english! |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| brother |
| 07/14/03 at 19:32:05 |
| MashAllah Allahu Akbar! may Allah bless you and may Allah give you the highest level in Jannah InshAllah. ;-) |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| tryharder |
| 08/24/03 at 05:19:15 |
| [slm] I am still in the process .... I took it step by step and adjusted my "talk" according to who i was talking to. I knew it would be hardest on my parents, but very hard for all of them because of some other history in my life (kinda along the lines of "Not Without My Daughter", except I dont have any kids ... ) I actually converted a little over 2 years ago, but didnt actually tell anyone in my family until fairly recently. They did, however, know of my interest. I didnt hide my literature and stuff. But I think they thought it was just a phase (albeit a REALLY LONG one!!!) I told my youngest bro (23 y.o.) first. I knew he would be the most easy going about it. I told him the very basics of how and why and answered his questions. My favorite part was he asked me if im gonna wear a scarf on my head. I told him I probably will, but wasnt sure when. He said, "OK, but you know this means no sex before marraige, right???" :D ::) THAT is a (protective) brother's reaction for you!!!! It was sweet. Next was my mom!! :o THAT was a scary conversation. Not because I am afraid of my mom, but I knew that it would hurt her so much. She is Greek Orthodox and SOOOO deep into it. I kinda just had to come out and say it. She was not really surprised, but was hurt. But I explained to her that I do not want it to be something that seperates us, and that I want to be honest with her. I also told her that I know I cannot hide things from her. And that I cannot pretend to be something I am not. She agreed and said its pointless to try to fool anyone, because you cant fool God. (She would be such a good Muslimah!!!!) I told her that I know it hurts her because I am going against what she taught me growing up, but that this is what I can honestly say that I believe in for myself, and that I dont want to hurt her in any way. We talked some more and straightened some things out. I know she has a hard time still, but as she said, it's my life to live and her issues with my choices are HER issues. (I LOVE my mom!!!!) THEN -- this was the fun part -- I told her that of and when the time comes for me to get married again, that she and my dad would have a big say in it. I explained to her that there is no dating, etc. She was happy about that part!!!!! ;D Next was my oldest brother -- the "Thinker". I sent him an email, because he and I have a way of getting into very emotionally charged discussions and I wanted to be able to say everything without all the emotion. We are in the middle of an online (email) discussion. The email I am working on now as a reply to him is 56 K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has lots of questions. When I told him, he told me that he admires that i told him, that it took a lot of "guts". He also said that since he is Christian and I am Muslim, one of us is right and one of us has been deceived. His new mission is to figure out which is which! I am trying to do my best to present Islam in the best light thru my actions and words. And I am praying for the right things to say to him. And I have given him some links of good resources. All I know is that this "conversation" is going to last a VERY long time. But my deepest desire is that he (and the rest of my family) will see what I saw!!! so, its 3 down, 2 more to go -- my dad and one more brother. My dad is not going to be fun. There was a "Muslim" co-worker of his that fed him all this bogus info about Islam. (I think he was NOI or something!!) My dad invited him to dinner at our home and he told my dad that he is not allowed to enter the home of a Christian because of Islam :o :o :o :o :o. When I told my dad that he had been GROSSLY misinformed, it was VERY difficult to convince him that I knew what I was talking about!!! SOOOOO, this one is going to get a little heated. I will probably take the letter approach with him also. And my other brother -- i dont think he will care. so, this is my story ......... |
| Re: How did you break the news? |
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| Nomi |
| 08/25/03 at 13:03:52 |
| [slm] [quote author=tryharder link=board=lighthouse;num=1054605512;start=15#20 date=08/24/03 at 05:19:15]His new mission is to figure out which is which! I am trying to do my best to present Islam in the best light thru my actions and words. And I am praying for the right things to say to him.[/quote] Good luck to you sis and hey i'm of the age of your youngest bro :) (approx. :P ) Thanks for sharing your story. May Allah be with you, ameen. [slm] A brother in islaam. |
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