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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Prom Season |
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| Kathy |
| 06/04/03 at 16:34:36 |
| [slm] If you were a parent would you allow your daughter/son to go? Would you give them a choice? Why? [code]PROM OFFERS PARENTS A CULTURE CLASS Michelle Guido, San Jose Mercury News, 5/28/03 http://www.bayarea.com/mld/cctimes/living/5958658.htm Fatima Haque is smart, popular and the student body president at San Jose High Academy -- but she may skip her senior prom. For her, it wouldn't be much fun. As a practicing Muslim, Fatima is forbidden to date or dance in mixed company. Her predicament is increasingly common in the Bay Area, where immigrants and children of immigrants can find the prom season particularly vexing because of the added stress to respect cultural or religious values. The prom is supposed to be one of the fondest high school memories, where seniors share one last magical goodbye. But issues of dating, staying out late and shelling out hundreds of dollars for dresses, tuxedos and limousines can be uncharted waters for many families unaccustomed to the tradition of the prom. "It's a difficult balance for her because she must weigh our beliefs and religion against this American rite of passage," said Fatima's father, Faisal Haque, a design engineer for Cisco Systems and a native of Pakistan. "The concept of dating is not something that is part of Islam, but we understand there's a difference between attending a prom and going with a date." Fatima's parents have left the decision up to her... "A lot of people at school want me to go, but I went to homecoming, and it felt really weird," said Fatima, 18, a student in the school's International Baccalaureate Program. She plans to attend UC Berkeley in the fall... [/code] |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| UmmHurrairah |
| 06/09/03 at 11:00:48 |
| [slm] Since everyone is still sleeping here.. and it's almost 10 AM...I find myself posting everywhere. Mm... me needs to get a life. :P I'm starting to get addicted to this posting stuff.. especially the topic about Ice cream in the International House of Kabob..I'm good at talking about halal coconut popsicles.. lol. Mm..sometimes I think this is like a get away place...the map for Madinah would be so cool if it were real, in 3-d that is. I could bike to the Bebzi stand .. hehe and the International Kabob would be in walking distance I think.. that's some imaginative thinking for ya. Sorry going back to the topic....ermm... Anyways, I wonder why no one responded to this? It's a good thought provoking question! If I were a parent... I would *not* let my daughter go. Lol...it's funny considering I'm a muslim youth and prom is not too far away from me now. On the other hand, my mother is allowing me to go and she said that I should because it will be a good time spent with my girlfriends. It's not really what I have in mind.. mixing with boys, dancing, blah blah blah... I think Fatima's parents are just like mine. More liberal...by giving her a choice. It's not right...there should be limits. I guess if you were put into the situation and you decide to go... Life gives you lemons..make lemonade ... as they say! Sometimes you're put into situations that you don't want to be in... and you have to make the best out of it. Just my tuppens..that's my posting for today, I'll be back later, me thinks! Take care, stay true, :) [wlm] :-) |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 06/09/03 at 12:12:22 |
| [slm] My parents are pretty liberal like that too. They would have let me go to my prom. But I didn’t want to go. I read an article couple of years ago about prom… I sort of forgot most of what it said…but I remember that I read its haram to go prom…therefore I didn’t go. Some of my muslim friends went though… I don’t really see the point of it…spending like about $500 and for only a night! [wlm] |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| Adi28 |
| 06/09/03 at 13:11:45 |
| -- [slm] Well in my house stuff like prom were forbbidden ....it wasnt even "can i go" you already knew the answer. now im not saying i resent that, i understand it, but like i would have liked to make the decison on my own ya know? so im gonna give my childern the option if they want to go or not....but if they do decied to go...no way am im i gonna be shelling out 500 dollars of my own money ...thats like supporting what their doing and i dont want to be that liberal ....but being strict is not the way to go at all becasue thern your childern do it anyways behind your back. [wlm] |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| nouha |
| 06/09/03 at 14:05:07 |
| [slm] hmmm...adi thats pretty interesting.... i would never give my children the right to choose.. a NO is a NO... and inshallah ill try my best to teach them why.... i remember there was a fictional story i read about proms and muslims... the whole point of the story was that after you get all decked out for the prom whatever... you open the door to leave... and the Angel of Death is standing rigth in front of you.... then what happens... the point of the story shouldnt just apply to prom but its a reminder of things we all do and that any moment in our lives, we can die... and to die like that is just oooh sooo scary....!!! heres the thing.. here in albany... i remember doing our first female only fashion show party the day of the prom... this fashion show was called ANTI-PROM fashion show... alhumdulilah lots of girls came and didnt go to the prom.... if u can find good alternatives to the prom...then do it!! wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| nouha |
| 06/09/03 at 14:09:01 |
| [slm] i forgot to mention something.. i remember the monday after prom weekend... everyone came back talking about what they did.... sex, drugs, drink, oh and more sex..oh by the way..this was at the PROM place let alone the hotel and stuff they stayed at..... after overhearing these sad stories .... how can i give my future children the right to choose to go to prom...like i said NO is NO...!!! i dont see it as being strict... i see it as being a parent.... Allahu Alim wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 06/09/03 at 14:59:26 |
[slm] The anti-prom fashion show is such a beautiful idea!!!! wohh going to the school prom ??? I mean i understand how many sisters feel pressured , i knew one sr who went with her hubby but gimme a break there are better alternatives out there people!! |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| jannah |
| 06/09/03 at 16:01:06 |
| [quote] The anti-prom fashion show is such a beautiful idea!!!! [/quote] [wlm] I recommend the sisters of every community try to establish something like this.. Find out when the senior/junior proms are and have something on the same day where the girls can get get dressed up and have some fun amongst themselves. You have to provide an alternative. Prom talk is huge in high school. There is such peer pressure on who's bringing whom, who's going to do 'it' with whom, what ur going to wear, etc etc. When girls are asked 'oh what are you wearing' they can say oh i'm going to a fashion show/gala and i'm wearing this and that. When we had ours even some of the girls' nonMuslim friends even came and enjoyed themselves. We can't expect our youth to live devoid of alternatives. How can we just say, 'u can't do that, that's haram and u can't do that and u can't do this', etc. What does Islam become except anti-anything fun and harsh and cold... Girls like getting dressed up and looking nice.. and we can have an environment where they can do that so we should. BTW don't expect not to get alot of flak from community members who think you yourself are doing something haram by having an anti-prom. |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| Somaira |
| 06/09/03 at 17:16:20 |
| Assalamualaikum, check out the below article - sounds like fun no? I must admit, I wish they'd had such a "Muslim Prom" when I was graduating... Somaira At Muslim Prom, It's a Girls-Only Night June 9, 2003 By PATRICIA LEIGH BROWN FREMONT, Calif., June 7 - The trappings of a typical high school prom were all there: the strobe lights, the garlands, the crepe pineapple centerpieces and even a tiara for the queen. In fact, Fatima Haque's prom tonight had practically everything one might expect on one of a teenage girl's most important nights. Except boys. Ms. Haque and her friends may have helped initiate a new American ritual: the all-girl Muslim prom. It is a spirited response to religious and cultural beliefs that forbid dating, dancing with or touching boys or appearing without a hijab, the Islamic head scarf. While Ms. Haque and her Muslim friends do most things other teenagers do - shopping for shoes at Macy's, watching <object.title class="Movie" idsrc="nyt_ttl" value="279420">"The Matrix Reloaded"</object.title> at the mall or ordering Jumbo Jack burgers and curly fries at Jack in the Box - an essential ingredient of the American prom, boys, is off limits. So they decided to do something about it. "A lot of Muslim girls don't go to prom," said Ms. Haque, 18, who removed her hijab and shawl at the prom to reveal an ethereal silvery gown. "So while the other girls are getting ready for their prom, the Muslim girls are getting ready for our prom, so we won't feel left out." The rented room at a community center here was filled with the sounds of the rapper 50 Cent, Arabic pop music, Britney Spears and about two dozen girls, including some non-Muslim friends. But when the sun went down, the music stopped temporarily, the silken gowns disappeared beneath full-length robes, and the Muslims in the room faced toward Mecca to pray. Then it was time for spaghetti and lasagna. It is perhaps a new version of having it all: embracing the American prom culture of high heels, mascara and adrenaline while being true to a Muslim identity. "These young women are being very creative, finding a way to continue being Muslim in the American context," said Jane I. Smith, a professor of Islamic studies at the Hartford Seminary in Connecticut. "Before, young Muslims may have stuck with the traditions of their parents or rejected them totally to become completely Americanized. Now, they're blending them." Non-Muslim students at San Jose High Academy, where Ms. Haque is president of the student body, went to the school's coed prom last month - renting cars or limousines, dining at the Sheraton, going to breakfast at Denny's and, for some, drinking. Ms. Haque, meanwhile, was on her turquoise cellphone with the smiley faces organizing the prom. She posted an announcement on Bay Area Muslim Youth, a Yahoo news group scanned by young people throughout the San Francisco Bay area, home to one of the country's largest and most active Muslim communities. "We got so close, we wanted to hang," said Fatin Alhadi, 17, a friend, explaining the farewell-to-high-school celebration, which involved cooking, shopping and decorating the room, rented with a loan from Ms. Haque's parents. "It's an excuse to dress and put iakeup on. Everyone has so much fun at the prom." The sense of anticipation was palpable at Ms. Haque's house this afternoon, including an occasional "Relax, mom!" For Ms. Haque and her friends, the Muslim prom - like any prom - meant getting your eyebrows shaped at the last minute and ransacking mother's jewelry box. It was a time to forget about the clock, to look in the mirror and see a glamorous woman instead of a teenager. To be radiant. Ms. Haque and her Muslim girlfriends dwell in a world of exquisite subtlety in which modesty is the underlying principle. Though she wears a hijab, Ms. Alhadi recently dyed her black hair auburn. "Everyone asks me why, because nobody sees it," she said. "But I like to look at myself." Ms. Haque, who will attend the University of California at Berkeley in the fall, is one of a growing number of young Muslim women who have adopted the covering their mothers rejected. Islamic dress, worn after puberty, often accompanies a commitment not to date or to engage in activities where genders intermingle. Her parents immigrated from Pakistan, and her mother, Shazia, who has a master's degree in economics, does not wear the hijab. Ms. Haque's decision to cover herself, which she made in her freshman year, was nuanced and thoughtful. "I noticed a big difference in the way guys talked," she said. "They were afraid. I guess they had more respect. You walked down the street and you didn't feel guys staring at you. You felt a lot more confident." Her parents were surprised but said it was her decision. Ms. Haque faced some taunting after the terror attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. "They call you terrorist, or raghead because high school students are immature," she said. But she and her friends say Muslim boys, who are not distinguished by their dress, may have a tougher time in American society. "The scarf draws the line," said Ms. Alhadi, the daughter of a Singaporean mother and Indonesian father. "It's already a shield. Without it everything comes to you and you have to fight it yourself." Ms. Haque is enrolled in the academically elite International Baccalaureate program at San Jose High Academy, a public school where, as her friend Morgan Parker, 17, put it, "the jocks are the nerds." But the social pressures on Muslims, especially in less-cloistered settings, can be intense. "I felt left out, big time," said Saira Lara, 17, a senior at Gunn High School in Palo Alto, of her school's prom. But she gets a vicarious taste of dating by talking with her non-Muslim friends. "The drama that goes on!" Ms. Lara said, looking dazzling at the Muslim prom in a flowing maroon gown. "The Valentine's Day without a phone call or a box of chocolates!" Imran Khan, 17, a senior at Los Altos High School, admitted that his school's prom was not easy. "When I told my friends I wasn't going, they all said, `Are you crazy?' " he said in a telephone interview. "Prom is a you-have-to-go kind of thing. Obviously if all your friends are going and you're not, you're going to feel something. That day I was, `Oh man, my friends are having fun and I'm not.' But I don't regret not going." Most of Mr. Khan's school friends are not Muslim, and his Muslim friends are scattered across the Bay area. "A lot of times it's difficult," he said. "We guys blend in so you can't tell we're Muslim. We're not supposed to touch the opposite gender. My friends who are girls understand, but when other girls want to hug you or shake your hand, it's hard. I don't want them to think I'm a jerk or something." Adeel Iqbal, 18, a senior at Bellarmine College Preparatory, a boys' Catholic school in San Jose, went stag to his coed senior prom. Mr. Iqbal decided to go in his official capacity as student body president as well as a representative of his Muslim beliefs. "Every day we're bombarded with images of sex and partying and getting drunk, in music and on TV, so of course there's a curiosity," he said. "When you see your own peers engaging in these activities, it's kind of weird. It takes a lot of strength to not participate. But that's how I've been raised. When your peers see you're different in a positive way, they respect it." Nearly all parents of adolescents worry about the pressures of sex, drugs and alcohol, but the anxiety is especially acute in Muslim families who strictly adhere to traditional Islamic dress and gender separation. Many Muslim parents disapprove of what they see as an excessively secularized and liberalized American culture, and are deeply concerned that young Muslims, especially girls, not be put in compromising situations. Ms. Haque's father, Faisal, a design engineer at Cisco Systems, said that the pressure to conform was "very significant." It is the subject of frequent family discussions. "It's difficult at best," Mr. Haque said. "It takes a lot of self-control. I have a lot of respect for these kids." The Haques supported their daughter's decision to organize the Muslim prom. "You have to live in this country," Mr. Haque said. "In order to function, the children have to adapt. Prom is a rite of passage. You don't want them to feel like they don't belong." Ms. Haque would like the Muslim prom to become an annual event. "My goal is an elegant ballroom with a three-course dinner - no paper plates - women waiters and a hundred girls," she said. Tonight, the prom room was filled with promise as the young women whirled around the dance floor, strobe lights blinking. "Show off whatever you've got!" Ms. Lara exhorted the throng, sounding like a D.J. "Come on, guys. This is the most magical night of your life!" http://www.nytimes.com/2003/06/09/national/09PROM.html?ex=1056175133&ei=1&en=df648b3445e58a0f |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| UmmHurrairah |
| 06/09/03 at 18:33:54 |
| [slm] Umm...Hi Somaira, my coconut popsicle buddy! ;) Thanks for posting the article. It got me thinking about the alternative prom for muslim girls. Welll......to me.. it sounds weird. I mean, dancing to Britney Spears! Ehhhhhh......frightening. -shudders- I've gone to an Islamic school and for our graduation we had a party...rented a banquet, dressed up, danced to arabic music, had dinner, prayed...danced. I guess that's going off topic a little bit.. about the music being played, is it appropriate or is it not? Don't get me wrong.. I can't seem to let go of Santana.. Oye Como Va.. (don't think I spelled that right) but um.. I don't think down the line Santana is gonna do me any good.. Maybe I should become a bedouin... :-[ Just my thoughts.. :-) [wlm] >^o.o^< |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| nouha |
| 06/09/03 at 19:02:28 |
| [slm] the music issue is so contraversial... some ppl will say its ok if its just women... some will say no its haram altogether... i think there was a similar thread about this exact topic... someone brought up the idea of a fashion show and then the issue of music came up....ill try to look for it inshallah....(or maybe jannah/seven can :) ) wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: Prom Season |
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| Adi28 |
| 06/10/03 at 00:26:38 |
| [slm] WOW the idea of a muslim prom sounds really cool ...and now that i think about it i realize that im still young and the idea of having kids of my own is really strange to me still so the idea of having to raise them is even more scary. after ready peoples post i realized that i got a lot to learn abouit rasiing kids luckily i still got like 10 years before i got to really think about all that stuff . but i have changed my mind about the whole prom thinng to scary about all the bad stuff that dose go on....i forgot what high school was really like ...and imagine whats its gonna be like 20-30 years from now.....SCARY stuff man.....i think instead i will let my childern have an awsome halal party at the house,rent them limos, etc...but IN the house haha man that would be soo cool. [wlm] |
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