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| Family Prob what should i do as a grandson |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/17/03 at 22:38:04 |
| I am a a boy of 18. well ma mom and dad does not get along with ma grandma. And it is not because he does not want but ma grand ma keeps on saying bad things about ma parents and tells everyone lies that ma parents insulted her when it is not true. Ma grandma leaves with his daughter. His daughter got divorced so she stays with ma grandma. Once ma grandama accussed me of stealing which was false. What should i do help me i am confused in anger. She even kept fitna in my studies(ma Grandama)and ma relatives think ma family is bad . What should i do to get out happiness back.I am the oldest son in ma family. Help Plz. I prayed for our happiness to return but Allah never heard me plzz help. Guide me |
| Re: Family Prob what should i do as a grandson |
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| Nomi |
| 06/18/03 at 07:55:33 |
| [slm] Brother first of all i would like to share with you that Allah listens to all of us, our prayers are answered in one of the following ways 1] Allah blesses us with what we asked 2] Allah delays it for some reason and thats for our own good 3] Allah doesn't grant us the thing that we ask for, for trial purpose and instead HE the Almighty will reward/increase our Rank in jannah and in the afterlife when we'll realize that how gr8 this reward was then we'll wish that it would have been better if none of our prayers were answered for and this alternate reward were given to us. Now coming back to your problem. Brother i dont want to down you further but we just have to live with somethings as their solution is out of our hands, i mean she is your grandma and people in their old age are very hard to change, from my experience i know that many old aged people just dont accept the change even if its for good. One thing they'll always tell you is that "even my experience is more than ur age!!". Having said that, we should respect them at every cost, let me give you my example... My grandfather died at the age of 105 and he spent his last few months on bed, wasn't even able to go to the wahsroom and all the stuff was provided to him there on his bed by my Uncle, myself and my elder bro, all three of us took turns to sleep in his room at night to help him with urination etc (he needed that 8-10 times every night). Sometimes he scolded us / me for no reason and although we/i dint even say a word back but at times i thought "why does he do that?... what for?". Now that he is here no more i feel bad for even thinking that way !!!. So bro keep praying to Allah, stand firm in this trial and be good to her, i know its hard but still... just talk to her about different things (not her attitude), say sweet words to her and Allah will soften her heart inshAllah I think i wasn't of much help, may be someone else can reply to your post in a better way [slm] Asim Zafar |
| 06/18/03 at 08:30:44 |
| Nomi |
| Re: Family Prob what should i do as a grandson |
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| chiq |
| 06/18/03 at 11:58:54 |
| [slm] My grandma was jus the same (may Allah have mercy on her)…along with my aunts, uncles, etc etc etc :( Slander, backbiting, not speaking for months on end, shouting, screaming, even physical fighting sometimes… Yep, things can get vicious in families…takes a master of diplomacy to keep the peace even for a day sometimes…and I’m not a master of diplomacy ;) But I’ve learned to draw a line between my elders and the elderly…as br Asim rightly said, the elderly are just not able to think with the openness of a young person. Hardly surprising, since they are outwardly declining, not growing. The loss of youthful beauty, the physical inability to do things they used to do – takes its toll on them. Gets them down. So they often become bitter and hang on to what they feel they [i]have[/i] got – experience, authority, the right to boss everyone around etc etc etc. And sometimes that combines with senility – they literally lose their mind so that the person who’s shouting obscenities at you is not actually your grandmother, or aunt, or father any more… I used to care for old people once…cleaning their mess, listening for hours to incoherent mumblings – I learned to love them anyway. It’s a matter of realizing how vulnerable and weak they are, then using your own strength to care for them. As for the ones who [i]know[/i] what they’re doing…well I learned from sharing a room with my lil sista that if I leave one book out of place on the desk, she’ll leave ten on the floor and complain about the imaginary twenty that I’ve strewn over her bed ;D In order to keep her tidy, I’ve got to be [i]extra[/i] tidy…see what I’m trying to say? Br Anon, sometimes you just have to see that people are often not much better than children, so, like children, they need to be handled with care. But since they’re [i]not[/i] children, you don’t have to worry too much about explaining right and wrong to them explicitly – just take things with a pinch of salt, know that they don’t know better, show them what’s right through example rather than tell them, charm them with your smile. And if they don’t change because of your kindness to them, well then, their loss. It hurts, but there’s a limit to such unhappiness. Don’t expect too much. A person’s lucky if he gets even a quarter of what he wants in life, see? [i]Very[/i] lucky. There’s [i]always[/i] something to complain about, but there’s [i]always[/i] something to be happy about as well. You just have to know where to look so that, when your time comes to leave this earth, you won’t regret a thing. My duas go out to you… [wlm] ****************************** [i]The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel the evil one with that which is better, then verily, he between whom and you there was enmity will become as though close friends.[/i] [Quran 41: 34] [i]Ibn Mas'ud relates that the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "Shall I tell you of those whom the Fire is forbidden to touch? It is forbidden to touch every accessible, easy, soft, gentle one." (Tirmidhi)[/i] |
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